Came out to my mom...

[Jenny CD]

Cristi reminded of me of when I came out to my mom with her thread about her father finding out.
Honestly, I got arrested for DUI. STUPID! I spent several days in jail simply because I didn't want to burden anyone with my problem. I did the crime... Well, I had a lot of time to think. She found out where I was and bailed me out, even though I didn't want her to. I decided to tell her about my dressing. I thought my mom was a very liberal person, as am I. She at first didn't seem surprised. Then, when I was trying to explain things to her she got angry and said something like "I could accept it if you were gay, but not this!" I was stunned. Since then, we haven't talked about it. I know she doesn't want to, well fine. But, the way that I see it... I am who I am and that's all. Nothing special, just me. I guess I just thought that because we have so many gay relatives she would be more accepting of me. Guess not. We don't have much of a relationship anymore. My loss... I shoulda kept my little secret to myself and my small circle of friends. I suppose what I'm trying to convey is if and when you decide to come out, think it through. Think it through.
Kinda rambling, but I've got 10,000 thoughts in my mind and I'm trying to condense them into one.
Lastly, no matter what I still love my mother and I know she still loves me.

[Leona]

I guess I have a different attitude about it. Technically, I only came out twice. First time was to me, and second time was to my wife. The fact that these events happened at exactly the same time is irrelevant.

I debated how to come out to my friends and family. I talked to my wife about it. She didn't have any suggestions, she didn't know what to expect, but she didn't think anybody would care.

So one day I just started talking about it on Facebook (primary way I keep track of my friends) as if you should already know I'm a CD. The only negative reaction I got was from a friend who thought my boobs were too big for my body type. I have this really close girl friend who helped me shop for a bra, and she's offered me some of her wigs (cancer patient) because she doesn't want to wear them again. I may have lost some friends, but not that I would have noticed. Which means I apparently picked a good group of friends. :)

As for family, most of them lined up with my mom when our relationship broke down over unrelated issues (she's still the abusive controlling b***** she was when I was growing up, and at my age I don't have to take that anymore). I know I have at least one brother who will strongly object to it (he had an issue with me wearing a sarong--men's wear--around his daughters and out of my bedroom, and he'd already mentioned I should keep my "fetish" to myself), but when he learns more about it, he'll be accepting of ME, but will still say it makes people think I'm gay. Not that I care if people think I'm gay, mind you.

I hope you manage to work things out with your mom. I've always had the attitude that parents are in their adult kids' lives because of a conscious decision made by the adult kid. We always have the option to cut them off. And for kids like me whose mothers are dominant, overbearing, and controlling, that option may be necessary.

Likewise, especially for those of us with gender issues, we don't owe our mothers anything for bringing us into this world. I sure in the hell didn't ask to be born, and have spent a considerable amount of time wishing I could simply roll time back to before that point and then change the conception and let one of the other sperms have a shot at life. I'm sure I'll get a lot of flack for that, but so what. :)

I can relate to the DWI charge, though. I did my time, too, and then immediately created a whole series of procedures to prevent it from ever happening again. :)

[MysticLady]

Lastly, no matter what I still love my mother and I know she still loves me.

Hi Jenny
I'm sorry about things w/ your Mother. Remember, A mother is a woman also w/ feelings and emotions. She may be taking it hard since your her son and now, you would like to be her daughter(once in while, maybe. I don't know what your feelings are on the matter). Anyway, why don't you sit down and write her a letter explaining your feelings about this and about her. I'm sure she'll appreciated it.

[Julie Gaum]

Jenny, after carefully reading your post it, IMO, appeared pretty obvious. You indicated that your mom had eventually accepted her gay relatives. Reason? Probably through having known them for years without seeing any horns or tails, and through TV news that sometimes covers a gay or TS story --- she believes she "understands" what gay means. On the other hand, not likely having ever been exposed to a CD before --- she does not understand. Ignorance usually breeds contempt and ridicule --- that's human nature.
Maybe someday she will be willing to hear you out with an open mind, or maybe not. Your mistake, understandably, was to equate her acceptance (probably only partial as she only has a partial understanding of what makes gays tick) of gays with the very diverse, and difficult to understand, CD community.
Julie

[kimdl93]

The problem isn't in coming out, but with your mothers attitude. And maybe that wasn't the best time...right after being bailed out. It seems to have been entirely impulsive, unplanned and not thought through.

You haven't mentioned how long it has been since this happens, but my guess is that time heals all wounds and that if there is genuine love, there can be reconciliation.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Jenny, I came out to my mom many, many, many years ago (yes, I'm that old) and in those days it was harder then rock to explain. No internet, no web no other means of information except through the library. She of course knew about my "thing" because she had made mention that her lingerie was not folded the way she had it and her stockings were lined up differently. She asked me not to dress when she was home and I tried, I really did but eventually that didn't last. She came home early one day and saw me dressed totally in her clothes. We sat down together (me still fully dressed) and had a long talk about this. We came to a compromise and it worked well because she helped me become her "daughter" every now and again. I guess I was very fortunate in that my mom overcame her negativity.

Molly

[Beverley Sims]

It is an odd reaction about being gay and okay.

[Stevie]

That is odd that she is ok with you being gay but not if you are a cd. Seems like a common reaction that I don't understand. Feel like we committed a major crime or something. Hopefully she settles down and think about how hard it was for you to tell her this and talk to you.

[lynnef]

I believe it's been mentioned here before, that Gays/Lesbians are easier to accept for most people, as they generally look/dress the same as their assigned sex, while we (MTF (especially) / FTM) have ours out in the open where it's visible. (and thus harder to ignore)

[TeresaCD]

We are all of us, at some point, afraid of the unknown.
You are still you, Jenny.
Hang in there, girl