How does crossdressing affect your life?

[JuliaC]

I hate my obsession with crossdressing because I am scared it is going to affect my life too much

[Leona]

It makes me more attractive to girls I want to be attractive to (being married that's not a big benefit, but it applies to my wife as well).

It makes me more open to other people's lifestyles and less inclined to judge them for what they do, which means I have more friends than I would otherwise have (it's the whacko jesus fundies I have trouble being friends with).

It adds an element of excitement and wonder to my life that wasn't there before.

It helps me to feel more secure as a person to be able to express myself completely (need to play my bass more, though).

In short, it's nothing but a positive influence on my life.

[Lynn Marie]

Out of 37 comments, 16 have been started by you! Looks like you may be setting a new record for the most threads started in the least amount of time. If you hate the obsession of crossdressing, why don't you quit? Crossdressing is just another hobby with me. I'm far too old to allow any of my hobbies to affect my life in any negative way.

[suzy1]

It’s the icing on the cake of life for me Julia.

If however it’s so horrible for you then I am sorry for you. It’s possible to get over most obsessions if that is what it is to you.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Julia did you know some men used to take on the personer of a woman yes they dressed all the time i wonder , they must have been very good to even look like a woman would have been very hard in those days,

okay i was told about this from a lovely woman iv known over 3 years with in our Renaissance group. she & i belive many others from our 250 members may have thought the same thing about myself. why ...

Was i trying to be other than who i am. well i dressed & dress in our garb im a Chatelaine Lady of the Castle by night & a wench for dutys in the kitchen by day, i do have other garb as well. any way

what they thought was i was male takeing on a female role, well my friend talked with me for well over an hour & she said your not male are you you are a woman a real one not just dressing in female , i said im female just a few things different. yet had i just dressed & taken on the persona of a woman from those times i would have been accepted any way to have the courage to take that on now remember i meet with them many times . so whats this to do with you.

What im saying is im a dresser though dont do this all the time, would be nice to as for me its ...home... yes it can take over your life if you let it i could go over to the U K theres a place there that quite a few just live like we do except they are doing it every day year after year, no power just how they lived 5- 600 years ago.

I have a life with family with our groups so i need to be there for them so its a matter of make time for those things that are importaint dont let one thing control you to the point of only one part of your life so you dont have time for other areas of your real life you need to live,

...noeleena...

[Mollyanne]

I have been crossdressing all my life (50 some odd years now) and have finally come to accept the fact that i am wired just a bit different. I also have come to look at a woman's perspective w/regard to relationships and vulnerable situations along with other less tangible situations. I can truly appreciate to a large degree there concerns, not being a woman (oh how i wish i were) i can't totally ally my meslf with there thoughts and feelings. But being a crossdresser has given me some insight and that initself has been a positive thing for me.

Molly

[Kate Simmons]

Enhances it mostly to the point of not thinking of myself as either male or female just a person. In that respect it puts me in touch with all of the feelings and qualities of both aspects. I can therefore express myself either way whenever I choose to do so.:)

[lisagurl]

it confuses me, then again i regulary stress myself out anyways

[candydawn75]

I agree if you hate it just stop.

Also I second Leona. It has been nothing but a positive for me. It has made me be more honest with myself about the way I look, feel, and dress. Again Leona said it perfectly!

[CarlaWestin]

I hate my obsession with crossdressing because I am scared it is going to affect my life too much
I'm with Maggie on this. Maybe you need to find another 'obsession' that doesn't affect your otherwise stress free life.

[Daisy41]

Crossdressing is absolutely going to affect your life. Anything you do will affect your life. It actually has hlped me understand the female body so much more. I notice all the different shapes of women, notice their natural complexion, and I take notice of the high standards set by women in entertainment. It has no different kind of impact than my love for hiking, running, or computers.

[kimdl93]

Any obsessive behavior can be harmful, not because there is anything wrong with collecting action figures, rock climbing or cross dressing. The problem comes from allowing any behavior to cause you to lose social connections, financial setbacks or other harm. If you feel so compelled, seek help to deal with obsessive compulsive behavior.

Otherwise, relax. Don't let imagined problems or irrational fears of what might be keep you from enjoying your life.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Julia, At such a young age you have a whole life time to figure out where you want to go.

[deebra]

Julia I'm pretty sure I know what's going on with you. You're drawn to CDing just like the rest of us because womens clothes are the one and maybe the only way of having that incrediable exciting, sexy and gratifying feeling of being a pretty, sexy, desirable women. When you dress a feeling comes over you that is oh so wonderful. You're just 19 which is still young and have not been seasoned with all the worldly experiences of an older adult so you're ashamed of wearing girl clothes when you're suppose to be manly. CDing is also a new experience you're getting into and it's looked down on and not accepted by society. Nobody wants to be looked down on but the pleasure it brings won't let you let it go. Most members know we are born with the need to CD and nothing will make it go away, if society was up to speed and it was accepted no different than wearing a blue or green shirt then you wouldn't be torminented with this guilt. There is nothing illegal about a male wearing female clothes, if it were women would be locked up for all the male clothes they wear. So quit beating yourself up, it's perfectly O.K. to CD, and it's fun. If you will accept this continue to CD and you will become more comfortable and accepting of this extra pleasure that we have over other males that aren't CDs. You are blessed to have been able to start CDing at this early age, with hormones or just perfecting your feminine look you have the time to become more of a woman than most that start late and don't worry about getting married, that can wait, enjoy this period of freedom to enjoy your new found pleasure.

[Cheryl T]

It's part of me. It's not a burden, it's a release. It releases me to express things that I couldn't any other way without feeling awkward, odd, out of place. Yes, I know that sounds strange, but it's the truth.
Since I came out fully to my lovely wife we have become so much closer. We share things we never would have otherwise. I'm more open to her and understand her more as she understands me more.
For many years I felt burdened with this until I accepted myself. From that moment on I became free!

[lisagurl]

i can get overwelmed by it at times, but theres this inner voice that drives me nuts saying you are a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Princess Grandpa]

If it were a matter of "just quit" wouldn't the vast majority of is have done so long ago? Would the majority of us have dealt with a lifetime of shame and guilt if we could just quit.

Obsessive behaviors are usually problematic Julia. I know therapy isn't cheap, but there may be resources available to you. There have to be crisis hotlines in your area. They can likely refer you to free or low cost help. Find a support group or something.

In my uneducated opinion, your core issue is not cross dressing, but the self loathing you feel as a result of it. If your able to embrace this part of yourself, you will find it easier to control it rather than it controlling you. If you spend your life hating this, your effectively hating yourself and will never be able to lead a fulfilling happy life. You can give the impression that you are a happy confident individual, but when your lying in bed at night with just your thoughts for company...

If you can get a grip on this now you will avoid a lifetime of heartache.

Hug
Rita

P.S. you're future love life will be much more fulfilling and secure if this is addressed earlier rather than later. Yes the pool of prospective mates is diminished by the number of women who can't or won't accept this. But you won't spend 20 years lying to someone you care about only to wind up losing her because you didn't make sure she was truly right for you.

[Sabrina133]

Its who i am - it allows me to express a side of me that i very much enjoy. How has it affected my life? Well the stress of dressing and presenting as a woman caused me to make a very serious change in my career. It also caused me to loose a job and start fresh in a new city. I lost an SO and I found a new one. Yes, my desire to dress and present have casued me significant heartache but in just about every case, the outcome of the crisis put me in a better place.

Bree

[linda allen]

I hate my obsession with crossdressing because I am scared it is going to affect my life too much

The answer is simple - Quit dressing or get control of it. It's all in your mind and it's something you can control if you want to. For example, if I'm dressed, but have things I need or want to do that I can't do while dressed, I take my feminine things off and put them away, then dress as a male and do those things.

Take control of your life.



If it were a matter of "just quit" wouldn't the vast majority of is have done so long ago? Would the majority of us have dealt with a lifetime of shame and guilt if we could just quit. You can "just quit" if you put your mind to it. If dressing causes you shame and guilt, you have the choice between the shame and guilt or quitting. If dressing doesn't cause you shame and guilt and if it doesn't harm anyone (spouse, children, family, etc.) there's no harm in doing it so you're free to do it if you want to.

[Tina B.]

I'm confused, I've been a member hear for years, and for years I've read day after day, almost everyone saying it is something you cant give up, no matter how hard you try or want to, and then when a young person comes along and says they are having trouble dealing with it, the first advice is just quit?
Most of us don't come to terms with what we are until after thirty or latter, and if we could have a lot of us would have quit before that age.
I was very unhappy during my twenties, wanting to be "normal" and almost let the anger and depression ruin my life, but then I figured out I liked me to much to give up on me, and live would be so much easier if I quit fighting it. It still too time, but I got my head on right, and have had a pretty good life after that.

[MysticLady]

I hate my obsession with crossdressing because I am scared it is going to affect my life too much

Well, it really hasn't affected me at all, Now, the wife is going bonkers over it:heehee:. That's about it, nothing major:heehee:

[Jenniferathome]

I hate my obsession with crossdressing because I am scared it is going to affect my life too much

It doesn't. It is a part of my life but nothing that prevents me from doing all the things I want to do. Any "obsession" is not good. For me the answer is simple: don't allow it to control you.

[Chickhe]

News flash! It has already affected your life! The obsession part (at least in my experience) causes you all sorts of other social issues. The best thing to do, is to get rid of the obsession.

Keeping it a secret, is a separate mostly a practical issue. You might not want other people to change their relationship with you, but on some level it is good to let this part of you out in an enjoyable way. You need to teach yourself that CDing is more common than you think and there is nothing wrong with it. There are a lot of famous people who do it. You need to learn self respect and to feel self confidence. Once you do that, there is a huge benefit and I guarantee other parts of your life will improve too.

[Princess Grandpa]

You can "just quit" if you put your mind to it. If dressing causes you shame and guilt, you have the choice between the shame and guilt or quitting. If dressing doesn't cause you shame and guilt and if it doesn't harm anyone (spouse, children, family, etc.) there's no harm in doing it so you're free to do it if you want to.[/QUOTE]

Yeah I don't know about that. I spent years trying to suppress the desire. Only after I accepted this part of me did that shame go away. Yes I could suppress the urge and choose not to dress. I suspect there ate many here who could testify that is where the real heartache comes from.

I guess I'm a little confused. I am constantly reading how this is part of us. I have experienced the horrors of trying to suppress my needs and the joys of fulfilling them. If one can "just quit" what's with all the threads about there not being a cure because there is nothing wrong with us? While I agree that's true, I can't reconcile how bot statements can be true. It's either an addiction like any other drug and with treatment we can be "cured" or its part of our being and the only way to quit would be at great personal risk to health and well being.

Hug
Rita.


News flash! It has already affected your life! The obsession part (at least in my experience) causes you all sorts of other social issues. The best thing to do, is to get rid of the obsession.

Keeping it a secret, is a separate mostly a practical issue. You might not want other people to change their relationship with you, but on some level it is good to let this part of you out in an enjoyable way. You need to teach yourself that CDing is more common than you think and there is nothing wrong with it. There are a lot of famous people who do it. You need to learn self respect and to feel self confidence. Once you do that, there is a huge benefit and I guarantee other parts of your life will improve too.

It doesn't. It is a part of my life but nothing that prevents me from doing all the things I want to do. Any "obsession" is not good. For me the answer is simple: don't allow it to control you.

(No clue how to do multiple quotes)

These two ladies nailed it. You have to learn to accept maybe even embrace who you are or you face a sad time ahead.

Hug
Rita

[Stevie]

After reading this I realize that everything you do affects your life good or bad. We all think differently and respond to the same questions differently too. You have to do what is right for you and at the same time be mindful of others.

[Beverley Sims]

I may have had limited choices but I have enjoyed life.
All I can say it may have been different.
How? I do not know.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

If you don't like the way that your crossdressing obsession will affect your life you have some choices to make.

1---You'll need to talk to a professional to resolve the issue and not with us here.
2---Simply stop
3---Accept this as part of yourself and don't try to fight it.

Ask most of the members here. We've decided to live with it, make the most of it, and accept ourselves the way we are, and enjoy all there is. We all live with our feelings on a broad spectrum. For instance, I have on my one-piece floral bathing suit and capri jeans waiting for my wife to come home for time in the pool. I'll wash the dishes first. I'm not wearing a wig unless I want to get fully dressed and somewhat formal. It is what it is for me. I have realized my comfort zone to be who I am.

It doesn't easily go away and there are no black and white solutions, but many shades of gray. Just be WHO you are!

Cheryl Ann