Lose desire when I think about my girlfriend?

[Swamphen]

Hey there everyone.... I am always sooooo willing ro crossdress, and go all out! But then think about my girlfriend and near purge... is this normal? How do I stay consistant?

[Andy66]

Hello, Swamphen. Welcome to the forums. Im afraid I dont really understand. Why does thinking of your girlfriend make you want to purge?

[Swamphen]

It makez me feel guilty, like I should be ashamed... she wants someone manly, but I'm in love with her and that might ruin her love for me....

[Andy66]

You know, there are alot of CDs who are really manly sometimes, like at work, but can show their softer side when its appropriate too. You dont have to be all one way or the other.

Did you talk to your girlfriend about this, or are you kind of assuming she wont like your feminine side?

[candydawn75]

I totally agree with Andy. You don't have to be one way all the time. I CD and still hunt, fish, love football, etc. However my wife loves the softer side too. In fact I think (and so does she) CD has made me a better more well rounded husband and father.

[deebra]

When the time is right during conversation tell her a thought popped in your head, you were wondering what it would feel like to wear a pair of soft, sexy female panties, would she be O.K. if you tried a pair of hers on. If she says sure then tell her they feel great and don't take them off. Then the next time you see her tell her they felt so good you went out and bought some of your own. Later on take it a little further.

[Andy66]

Before this thread gets all convoluted, Swamphen, this is what I was trying to get at. SHOULD you feel guilty? Are guilt and fear the most constructive reactions? Is there a real danger of the loss of your relationship? Cant it be talked out? IF CDing turns out to be a deal breaker, do you still want to be in that relationship? I hope it works out well for you.

[IleneK]

I'm sorry, I respectfully have to disagree with Deebra.

Yes, you should tell your girlfriend. Honesty And Communication are really important in any relationship. If you want to cross dress, tell her. Don't give her mixed messages. I am GG and my spouse is TS. One thing for sure is I do not want her wearing my undergarments. Your girlfriend may be okay with CD but may want rules like don't wear my clothes, and this approach may make her defensive about what is hers and not address CD.
Be honest. Communicate your interest or desire to CD.

It sounds like you do not want this to be a secret between the two of you. You want honesty in a relationship. Then be honest. Tell her why you have the need to CD. Tell her how long you have felt this way and how long you have been CDing Tell her it does not make you less of a man, tell her you love her.

Most women do not like being lied to, they do not like deception or secrecy (unless you are hiding that you are buying them jewelry).

I may be outspoken because I am new to the forum, and it is not my intention to hurt anybody's feelings, so I apologies to Deebra, but do think about if the reason you want to tell your girlfriend is because you want an honest relationship with her, then be honest.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with IleneK but from a different angle. I was one (of many) CDer who thought that my attraction and desire for my wife-to-be would trump my desire to CD. I was wrong, and when it surfaced it ended the marriage (regardless of whether the cause was the deception or the crossdressing or both. That's another topic). So my message to swamphen is to not be fooled into thinking your attraction to your girl will make the CDing go away permanently. It might temporarily but not for good.

In defense of Deebra, there's nothing incompatible with being honest but easing into it.

[kimdl93]

From a legal, psychological and moral standpoint, CDing is nothing you need or should feel guilty about. That guilt and shame are the problem. Needless self doubt and diminished self esteem can plague you in other aspects of your life...and damage your relationships if you cling to those mistaken beliefs. You don't need to be ashamed...let that go.

As for present or future relationships, sure some women may not want to be associated with a transgender partner. Some, including many of the women who have partners on this site, have accepted, accommodated and in some cases enthusiastically supported their CD/TG partner. I think the two keys are the quality of your personality, or character as well as the open-mindedness of a prospective partner.

[Beverley Sims]

In these instances do not purge, but it is normal to want to suspend dressing when you have other interests.

[shawnsheila]

If I could take it all back, I would have let my wife know about my CDing before, I hid it from her and it cause many problems in our marriage when my wife found my stash of clothing. Thankfully we have worked through the worst of it but I can tell my wife is kind of resentful towards me for not letting her know earlier and give her the choice to decide if she wants to deal with it prior to our marriage. My advice would be to be honest and upfront about it as it is not just your life it will impact especially if you want to share your life with her, even if it risks your happiness. I regret very few things in my life but this is one of them I do. I hope this helps a bit.

Now from the purging standpoint, do not do it. I always regret purging after the fact and miss the shoes/clothes/hair I had acquired prior to the purge... I have purged 3 times in my life and that was more then enough (getting rid of old clothes you don't like/don't fit or are out of style does not count either ;) ) Bottom line, I have always regretted it after I purged.

[deebra]

IleneK, thanks for the courtesy and no offence taken and I appreciate what you said and see your point about wearing someone elses clothes. This was just a way to feel her out as to wheather she might be accepting without loosing the woman he loves which might have happened if he told her he was a CD. That said we all know she needs to be told; better sooner than later because it's there to stay. My thinking was if he just told her she could freak out and end it breaking his heart, belittle him as being perverted or tell the world. If she didn't want him wearing her panties she could always give him a pair and tell him to keep them or lets go shopping and we'll buy you some. With all this advice hope he lets us know how it turns out.