SO asking for a picture en femme?

[Rebecca Watson]

Hi all,

Yesterday, I Skyped with my wife. It was a bit of a surprising conversation, as up until now she's been dead-set against crossdressing (so we largely settled into a don't-ask-don't-tell kind of situation). Recently, however, she's become increasingly curious.

Yesterday, she asked if I dress up like Michelle Obama, a mermaid, or one of an assortment of other female characters. She asked if I was going to dress up like a woman after we finished Skyping. She then asked me to send her a pic.

I'm not sure what to think about this. I'm a bit worried about the "one way" nature of sending her a pic.

Can anyone offer some insight as to what's going on here?

- Becky

[linda allen]

You Skyped with your wife? Do the two of you not live together and see each other daily?

You have to examine your marriage to decide what to do. My wife was recently out of town for two weeks and sent me photos daily. If she had asked for one of me dressed (she wouldn't), I would have sent one, but I know it's a stable marriage of over thirty one years and any photo would be just for her to have while we are apart.

If there's any chance there's a problem in your marriage, I wouldn't send the photo. There could be a motive.

I think it would be better to let her see you dressed in person. And don't overdo it. Dress like a normal woman your age going shopping or out to a nice restaurant. Or going to work in an office job.

[Rebecca Watson]

You Skyped with your wife? Do the two of you not live together and see each other daily?

Oh, allow me to explain. I moved to Canada for work reasons, while my wife is overseas staying with her relatives and looking after our children. Our marriage is certainly not a cardboard cut-out, but we're still happily married and love each other in our own unique way.

- Becky

[Allison Chaynes]

You Skyped with your wife? Do the two of you not live together and see each other daily?

If there's any chance there's a problem in your marriage, I wouldn't send the photo. There could be a motive.


My thoughts EXACTLY!

[Jenniferathome]

Maybe she just wants to get used to the idea. A picture is less intimidating than a live performance. She knows you dress so now some curiosity is bubbling up. Maybe for her it wasn't DADT but you both settled there out of mutual confusion. Who knows? I think asking the question to her is a great start. "Honey, why the sudden interest in my cross dressing?"

[Princess Grandpa]

Some forks in the road are harder than others. Sending this picture could be a step towards bringing you two closer together or it could be evidence in a custody battle. Only you know your relationship. I have a tendency towards paranoia. If Julie and I were on DADT, and she out of the blue wanted pictures/evidence, i don't know how i would respond. Jennifer offers good advice. A little communication about why the sudden interest doesn't seem so far out of line. Good luck

Hug
Rita

[Chari]

Rebecca, Please be very cautious as to what you send thru electronic devices, as it will be "out there" for everyone to see - unless you have no problem with that! Best to ask her why she wants a pic. Keep your marriage happy by communicating and answering honestly.

[Jana]

Becky,

It's difficult to offer something meaningful without knowing anything about her personality and the mood of your relationship. However, I will try. Your brief description leads me to believe she's more of a type A personality. Is this accurate? If it is, to ask for a picture is a way of verifying (1) what you did after the conversation, and (2) that you kept your word about not dressing as a character. I agree with you about it being one-sided. It totally is and works (for her) like a peephole or caller ID, in the sense that she can take a peek at what you do and still remain uncommitted about it. It denies you the chance to present (and represent) yourself and also gauge her reaction. Albeit more difficult, I feel a meeting in person is fairer to both sides.

My two cents.

[Tracii G]

I thought I was happily married too until the poo hit the fan.
Women don't do anything with out a plan.
Not saying anything is up but I wouldn't send her a pic.

[Kate Simmons]

That answer can only come from her my friend.:)

[suchacutie]

Communication is important here. The words you related to us concerning her queries about how you dress do not sound positive, I must admit. How long will it be before you and she are physically together? I might propose showing her a physical picture in her presence, but this gives you control of the picture.

This may just be my paranoia, but the conversation was just odd enough to raise "red flags" for me.

[Stephanie47]

I will agree with those who suggest caution. There is no way a photo once released can be retrieved. If it was me, I'd make sure I was wearing one of my prettiest dresses, high heels, wig and have my head turned AWAY from the camera. And, against a neutral background. That way there is a basis for 'plausible deniabilityl."

[Sissy_Michelle]

Some forks in the road are harder than others. Sending this picture could be a step towards bringing you two closer together or it could be evidence in a custody battle. Only you know your relationship. I have a tendency towards paranoia.

Hug
Rita

As soon as I read down to this part, I thought the same thing. How often do you see each other? When was the last time you made a surprise visit to her? Better you get a camera and do your own time stamped research on her before you give information that she needs for her lawyer. If she hasn't seen you dressed up, then taking pictures of her with her date while you're dressed up should be easy.

I don't mean to upset you or cause issues. I just wish to plant a seed. I know a few Soldiers that I told them not to tell their wife / SO, when they were returning home for R&R leave. Only to return to deployment asking about lawyers and divorce advice.

[Lorileah]

Lions and tigers and bears....Oh my. Do you all check under your bed every night too? Why does this raise red flags. They are not having marriage problems according to the OP. They are separated because of work (thank gawd they have work). As far as I know it still isn't illegal to dress on clothing of the opposite sex (although the OP didn't say where overseas the wife is, unless it is a very backwards country I don't see that she can use it as a lever unless the OP lets her...You have to stand up when blackmail happens and throw it right back). Geeeez. So many here whine about wives who don't accept and then when one seems to you all throw the boogie man in the mix. (I love the statement women don't do things without a reason....how about maybe she has had time to realize that it isn't that big a deal and wants to start easing into it????:idontknow:


What a bunch of chicken littles we have here. no wonder you all have issues with your spouses....you fear and accuse them of everything (maybe because you look in a mirror when you look at your spouse? You hide stuff from her so she MUST be hiding stuff from you...Right????)

[meganmartin]

Becky,

It maybe that she is trying to picture it in her head and is a little curious.
Early on my wife told me when she found out that i am a good looking guy but would make an ugly woman.
I asked if she wanted to see a picture; she was really surprised.

Megan

[Debra Russell]

Lorileah, thank you ...right on --- send the pic it will open conversation - she is curious - show her, you won't be evaporated by the electronic device police......................Debra

[Rebecca Watson]

I think asking the question to her is a great start. "Honey, why the sudden interest in my cross dressing?"

This seems to be a sensible approach. If she's still interested in receiving a pic next time we Skype, I'll ask this. Thanks!


Sending this picture could be a step towards bringing you two closer together or it could be evidence in a custody battle.

I find it hard to believe that she'd be collecting evidence; it would be completely out of character (and she's had unrestricted access to other forms of "evidence" for years now). Moreover, it didn't seem like a planned question; she was laughing, and some of her questions seemed like she was joking around, e.g. asking if I dress up like a mermaid. In any case, I wholly love and trust my wife.

It seems like it was a genuine burst of curiosity. Nevertheless, I'm approaching this point-of-no-return with a bit of apprehension.

- Becky

[DebbieL]

It sounds like your wife may be curious. She may have started doing some research and read some good books lately. Some women get really upset at first because they are only looking at the down side. Then they read a bit more and learn about sissy training, cuckholding and other options in books and start to see the up side. She might want to get you a maids dress and have you clean the house. You might suggest some books you have enjoyed. Women often enjoy stories more than pictures.

If she wanted to hurt you or blackmail you, she would have done it by now.

[Chickhe]

Sitting around the computer with cousins drinking perhaps?... I wouldn't send pictures, the questions seem a bit disrespectful...like she is laughing at you. ...I donno, I think I would ask why unless you want to show up for a visit at her relatives place and see a large 8x10 hanging on their wall of you dressed up...

[Julie Bender]

Honey just follow her lead. She is taking baby steps and in the right direction too.be strong and patient my friend.
Sounds to me like she is really really working this out!

[kimdl93]

Neither of us is a mind reader. DADT isn't necessarily a permanent thing. Sometimes it takes a while for a wife or SO to process this part of the relationship, and a growing curiosity is understandable. It may be a positive sign that she's expressing an interest in seeing you en femme. As for worry about her motives or the one-way nature of sending the pic, this is an opportunity for you to demonstrate that you trust and have confidence in your wife. You certainly look fine, so that shouldn't hold you back, either.

[Beverley Sims]

If you cant send a picture of yourself to your wife why have you got one on the internet?
Help satisfy her curiosity give her a nice picture of yourself.
It seems you trust us here more than your wife. :)

[linda allen]

Lions and tigers and bears....Oh my. Do you all check under your bed every night too? Why does this raise red flags. They are not having marriage problems according to the OP. They are separated because of work (thank gawd they have work). As far as I know it still isn't illegal to dress on clothing of the opposite sex (although the OP didn't say where overseas the wife is, unless it is a very backwards country I don't see that she can use it as a lever unless the OP lets her...You have to stand up when blackmail happens and throw it right back). Geeeez. So many here whine about wives who don't accept and then when one seems to you all throw the boogie man in the mix. (I love the statement women don't do things without a reason....how about maybe she has had time to realize that it isn't that big a deal and wants to start easing into it????:idontknow:


What a bunch of chicken littles we have here. no wonder you all have issues with your spouses....you fear and accuse them of everything (maybe because you look in a mirror when you look at your spouse? You hide stuff from her so she MUST be hiding stuff from you...Right????)

The OP asked for advice and people gave it to her. Now you are chastizing everyone who gave advice that you don't personally agree with. If there is to be open and honest discussion on this forum, members have to feel free to speak their minds without being ridiculed, especially by a moderator. :thumbsdn:

Personally, I stand by my advice. It can be a cold, cruel world out there. Only Rebecca knows her relationship with her wife and even then, there could easily be things going on that she doesn't know about.

She asked for advice and got it. Now she needs to evaluate that advice and make her decision.

[Rebecca Watson]

...this is an opportunity for you to demonstrate that you trust and have confidence in your wife.

Indeed it is!! But I think I've now decided to double-check next time we chat to make sure she definitely understands what she asked for.


If you cant send a picture of yourself to your wife why have you got one on the internet?
Help satisfy her curiosity give her a nice picture of yourself.
It seems you trust us here more than your wife. :)

*giggle* I've got more than one! I suspect I'm not the only one here who posts things that they're not so open about back home.


The OP asked for advice and people gave it to her. Now you are chastizing everyone who gave advice that you don't personally agree with. If there is to be open and honest discussion on this forum, members have to feel free to speak their minds without being ridiculed, especially by a moderator. :thumbsdn:

Personally, I stand by my advice. It can be a cold, cruel world out there. Only Rebecca knows her relationship with her wife and even then, there could easily be things going on that she doesn't know about.

She asked for advice and got it. Now she needs to evaluate that advice and make her decision.

And thank you for this advice. It's akin to advising someone to wear a life jacket when boating; it might not apply, but if it did, it would make a drastic difference. There's a number of people who have been seriously burned on this forum, so it's a possibility in general, and being a child of divorced parents, I know how hard it is for all involved. Nevertheless, my wife has never given me a reason to mistrust her.

- Becky

[linda allen]

You're welcome.

[Lexi_83]

Maybe she just wants to get used to the idea. A picture is less intimidating than a live performance. She knows you dress so now some curiosity is bubbling up. Maybe for her it wasn't DADT but you both settled there out of mutual confusion. Who knows? I think asking the question to her is a great start. "Honey, why the sudden interest in my cross dressing?"This sounds like really great advice.

I had a GF who used to keep a picture of me en femme on her bulletin board at work (she was a Pharmacist and had other pictures of friends and family as well). She would ask her male co-workers if they thought I was attractive. But we weren't married and this was part of our relationship from the start.

[Rebecca Watson]

Here's an update. I spoke to my wife about this today, and she's quite certain that she does not want a photo. In fact, I think she's forgotten that she even asked, so it looks like a bubble of curiosity at the time.

Nevertheless, it's still a significant improvement to our previous situation. I can actually talk to her about this.

- Becky

[Julie Gaum]

Much as I would like to agree with those saying "go for it" I do see a red flag not yet addressed by Rebecca. Overseas with relatives, right? I would have less of a concern if the spouse and children were alone but how accepting are the relatives? Do your children know and are accepting? What are the chances that these relatives might sway her? Unanswered questions to this point but have you already asked yourself these same questions?
Julie

[Connie.Marie]

Glad to hear that it's working out Becky... Keep us posted..

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Becky, I've seen the DA-DT thing come and go right now it's back on.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Hmmm. I'm going to buck the trend here. I think you missed an opportunity to show your wife the other side of you. I'm sure you could have come up with a photo that was not incriminating, say, a photo with your head cropped out, or fuzzed out, or a photo at a distance where your face wasn't clear enough to be used in a court of law.

Easy for me to say. I swing back and forth somtimes with cover stories answering questions truthfully.

[laurie01]

Send her your very favorite photo. One that you look really cute and totally passable. Just send her one. If she wants to see another photo, then just let her know the next time you both see each other she can. She would probably get interested on how you learned your skills and it could make her more accepting to your CDing.

[Princess Grandpa]

In the end, should she again want it, I don't see how the request could really be denied. I can't think of nothing I could say to explain not sending it.

Hug
Rita

[Tracii G]

Well seems she does not want one after all so end of the issue.
Lori every woman I have ever known sets a plan before they do something so I stand firm on what I said.LOL

[Rebecca Watson]

Much as I would like to agree with those saying "go for it" I do see a red flag not yet addressed by Rebecca. Overseas with relatives, right? I would have less of a concern if the spouse and children were alone but how accepting are the relatives? Do your children know and are accepting? What are the chances that these relatives might sway her? Unanswered questions to this point but have you already asked yourself these same questions?
Julie

Yes, overseas with relatives. My oldest child hasn't even started school yet, so they're much too young to understand.

I think about these issues a lot. My wife and I are from very different backgrounds (I don't want to get too specific here); my wife is from a more "traditional" background (transgenderism is largely unheard of). However, allowing their daughter to marry a foreigner means that my wife's family are more accepting than the majority. Curiously, my wife's family are generally more accepting than my wife herself. There's also a language barrier, since they don't speak English. It's unclear to me what their opinions might be---too many hidden variables.

- Becky

[Lacyfem]

You really sound like you have it under control and know for yourself what the right thing to do is. Much like all of us you ask for advice and then do what you want to do anyway. At least I do. Enjoy your femside and dressing and hopefully your wife will come to love you as much as woman as she does a man.


Indeed it is!! But I think I've now decided to double-check next time we chat to make sure she definitely understands what she asked for.



*giggle* I've got more than one! I suspect I'm not the only one here who posts things that they're not so open about back home.



And thank you for this advice. It's akin to advising someone to wear a life jacket when boating; it might not apply, but if it did, it would make a drastic difference. There's a number of people who have been seriously burned on this forum, so it's a possibility in general, and being a child of divorced parents, I know how hard it is for all involved. Nevertheless, my wife has never given me a reason to mistrust her.

- Becky