Not ready for my neighbors to see me.

[Sandieland]

Last Sunday night I dressed out to go to a local club to see a drag show. However, I just moved into a large apartment complex and no one here knows about my cross dressing and, not knowing how many of them would react, I'm not sure I would want them to know. Anyway, I put my girly sandals in a bag along with a few cosmetics, threw on an extra large shirt over my other clothes (I was wearing a nice pair of ladies pants instead of a skirt) and put on a baseball cap to make a fast run to my car. Coming back late that night wasn't a problem as everyone was asleep in the building. My question is: Do any of you have the same problem... and how do you handle it? Especially if you're wearing a skirt.

[Alice Torn]

With at least four teens in the house next door, I dare not go out dressed! I did several yrs ago, at night, and i think i was seen, as that family will not say hello, nor seem to acknowledge my existence! When i do go, like you, i cover with a large shirt, wear drab pants over my dress or skirt, put on sunglasses and a hat, and wear guy shoes. Even then, i am paranoid, and body language may give me away. I have a feeling they suspect, or know, though, as they all have nothing to do to me, even when i offered to help with the car.

[AllieSF]

That is pretty much the same process I went through for a couple of years when my grown son lived with me. It worked for me.

[kimdl93]

I don't know if you have a problem other than your own apprehensions. You're new there. No one has any set ideas or expectations of you. Isn't it a good time to start being yourself.

[Beverley Sims]

I have had a sister that looks amazingly like me for as long as I remember.
I never associate with her at all, she comes and goes and so do I.
I make it a policy not to meet her so there is never any social intercourse.
Had a couple of neighbours who met her tell me how nice she is.
Must meet her one day. :)

[linda allen]

I don't know if you have a problem other than your own apprehensions. You're new there. No one has any set ideas or expectations of you. Isn't it a good time to start being yourself.

I agree with Kim. If you let them know (or if they see it) from the beginning, you won't have to try to hide your dressing later.

If you're hiding for other reasons, well every situation is different. Some live in apartments, some live in single family homes, etc. You'll have to figure out what works best for you. Some folks change in their car, some in public restrooms, some rent a hotel room.

[Majella St Gerard]

I used to care, not anymore. What are they gonna do? Tell my mother on me. I'm a grown man.

[Kate Simmons]

I don't go out as often as I used to but when I do I take my stuff with me in a bag and get ready over at the club. The reason is that my Gransons are here now and I don't want to unduly expose them to any of this. I also de-constuct myself prior to returning as I never know if they would be going to the bathroom in the wee hours of the morning or my Son may be having a lady friend over. He knows about me but our understanding is to keep things low profile.

Years ago when I first came out it was unavoidable that once my neighbors across the street had company in their yard, I just waved and off I went in the car. Never heard anything about it.:)

[Chickhe]

When I lived in an apartment building, I was too scared to do it, but if I had the chance all over again, I would in a heartbeat. Apartments are by nature a great place. Especially a large one. People come and go and nobody really gets to know their neighbors that well. If you do a decent job, nobody will recognize you. If you don't like to chat in the elevator, you can always use the stairs. People there only know what you tell them, so like someone else said, just have a sister live with you. When I lived in an apartment, I think I saw one neighbor twice in 6 months and none of the other ones ever.

[Sandieland]

Thanks ladies. I would love to simply "be myself"... however, many in my building are older. It's a very conservative building (owners and management) and although it might not be an issue, I have to consider that the generation of older tenants might not be so open minded. If I was better off financially I would take the chance and do as I please. However, I do still live in some fear of rumors, etc. that might cause the management not to renew my lease later on, and I can't afford to move. Paranoid? Yes.

[Farrah]

I think, since you're new to the apartment complex, this would be the time they should see you. Letting them see you now, shows them you have nothing to hide, nor are you ashamed of who you are! I wish I would've done that when I moved into my first apartment.

[Jennifer Kelly]

I have the same problem, except I've lived in the same place for eight years. I only just started dressing again a few months ago. I won't lie when I say this is a big obstacle to me going out en femme. I wish I had a garage that was accessible from inside my house. Then I could just get dressed and get in the car. But I don't. My car is in a carport directly under my apt and I would have to walk down the stairs and past three neighbors' houses in full view of all to get to my car. And since I've lived here so long the neighbors all know me, even if I don't talk to most of them (especially the crazy bipolar lady on the other end of my building). My roommate has been here about a year so the neighbors know that two guys live here. My roomie's girlfriend comes over a lot, but she's a short skinny Chinese girl who looks nothing like me (I'm a tall blonde white guy) so I can't play it off that way. And my roomie and his gf don't know about my dressing anyway, so there's another obstacle. No, I think my first time out is going to be something like Hamburger Mary's. Long Beach is a two hour drive, give or take. So I'd just get a hotel room for the night and use that to get dressed. Then go home in guy mode the next morning.

[Nikki A.]

When I used to go to church on Sunday mornings I used to get dressed and do my makeup & then wear a loose shirt and a loose pair of sweats over my dress to get to my car. I would later pull over somewhere and finish dressing.
After a while, I got tired of the nonsense especially since there was never anyone out that early on a Sunday morning. After that I just got dressed and walked to my car. Since I got home after it got dark (I would usually visit friends after) I just usually went home dressed. Lots of times I would even walk the dogs like that, if anyone questioned me (and no one ever did) I would say it was a friend of mine who took them out. From a distance, in the dark how would they know it was me. Lots of times people see what they expect to see.

[Jackiefl]

I used to be nervous about leaving my home dressed years ago. I got to thinking one day i'm not breaking any laws or hurting any one so things changed! I now leave my home dressed all hours of the day or night alone or with my wife. I still say hi to my neighbors and no one has said a thing to us good or bad. I think it could age or i'd like to think i'm just owning up to who i am.

[Stephanie47]

Buy an extra large pair of sweat pants and tuck your dress or skirt into it. Remove sweat pants when in the car. Torso can be hidden in the same manner with a zippered sweat shirt. Sneakers to the car, then heels. Wig tucked into the hoodie.

[sharonlb]

I would throw my shoes and purse in a large bag, and I would wear a male jacket or sweater over my clothes. I would always wear pants going out. When I wanted to wear a skirt I would throw it in the bag. I got pretty good putting on my skirt over my pants while sitting in a car. I had a lot of practice.

You will find out most people don't notice, or if they do they don't care. Even with me trying to hide my crossdressing around my apartment complex I found out a lot of people knew what I was doing. They never asked me about it.

As an added note, after I said the heck with it and started leaving my apartment crossdressed some of my neighbors didn't realize it was me. They thought Sharon was my girlfriend. This just goes back to what I mentioned earlier, most people don't either notice or care.

[Aly Cat]

For me, i dont really care what others think of me so if i was single, id dress the part and be proud of it. I do however care what family thinks and being married with small kids, im fortunate enough for things to have evolved into a DADT relationship. I would not so boldly go out in front of the family. Their emotions mean more to me than potential neighbors.

[lingerieLiz]

The neighbor girls were the first to know about me. They moved long ago and I am friends with their parents. Wife knows for sure and is still friendly. I don't hide anymore.

If I were you I would do as I choose. Not much they can do and if they don't like you then don't worry about it.

[AmyGaleRT]

I'm in an apartment complex, and I don't really know my neighbors. I'm sure they've seen me walking to the car in my finery. I've never gotten any indications of disapproval. And to think I used to be so worried! I guess I've just gotten over caring what they think.

- Amy

[linda allen]

Buy an extra large pair of sweat pants and tuck your dress or skirt into it. Remove sweat pants when in the car. Torso can be hidden in the same manner with a zippered sweat shirt. Sneakers to the car, then heels. Wig tucked into the hoodie.

That wouldn't work well in the south in the summer time when it's 90 degrees outside. The wig would get pretty messed up by the hoodie so you might as well carry it in a bag and put it on in the car.

[Lynn Marie]

It's an apartment! For the most part, a transient community. Who are you afraid of there? If anyone notices you at all, the worst thing they may assume is that you're gay, that would be a step up. Does it really matter what what anyone there thinks? If the apartment tenants will be voting for you for public office or supplying your paycheck, then by all means dress for their approval. Otherwise make yourself happy!

[Princess Grandpa]

If it were me, I would just not hide it. Unless I were concerned about my safety, i wouldnt move in if that were the case, I would just be me from the Start. Those that are cool with it I would get to know those who aren't I wouldn't.

If it weren't for my home based business and my daughter, I think I would be ok if my neighbors saw me. We all have our own comfort levels.

Hug
Rita

[pedalpusher]

Go with what makes ya comfortable sweetie and be yourself! Have that confidence. I have reached a point now "it is what it is" as they say LOL! BE YOU