Had Meeting with the Chief

[steph1964]

Yesterday I met with the chief, and the assistant chief of the Patrol Operations Bureau. We talked for over 40 minutes and they were very supportive, in fact I was told that they wanted me to leave the meeting knowing that I have their full support and that they will take care of me.

At the beginning of the meeting the chief asked if I had any problems so far with other employees and I told him that everyone has been supportive. I started by giving them an overview of my life, that I have been struggling with this since I was 4 and that it got to the point that it was affecting my health. The chief told me that he gets stressed with finance and family issues and couldn't begin to comprehend what I have been through. He asked me what would be the perfect situation for me at work and I explained that I would like to present as a female at work, giving time for the department to take whatever steps they needed. He said that they have already talked to the city legal and spent the last 6 weeks learning about this and were ready whenever I was. He said that I could switch tomorrow if I want.

I am currently assigned as a patrol sergeant but I have supervised many specialty details in the past. We discussed assignments and he told me that they could find me a posistion out of patrol if I were more comfortable with that and I explained that I did not want to be hidden somewhere, so it would need to be a propper assignment where I was still interacting with people. We both agreed that there are more issues to address if I stayed in patrol but he said that if I chose to stay as a patrol sergeant he would make it work. He did mention possible training for other employees but we didn't discuss that in detail. Another thing that was mentioned was the media. They told me that it is likely that once this comes out, someone will want to talk to me. They said that I just need to decide if I want to talk to anyone or keep this personal and they would support me either way.

During the meeting they told me of a friend that they had at work who had committed suicide. (They both moved to my department from Phoenix PD.) He was a former marine and a very well repected officer who was gay, but couldn't come to terms with it. They said that a very good person was lost because he didn't feel accepted. They both gave me their personal cell phone numbers and told me to call them anytime, day or night, if I have any problems.

Now it is up to me to decide what to do. The chief told me there is no rush on my part but they are ready whenever I am. I couldn't have dreamed of a better meeting!

[kimdl93]

steph, this is wonderful. I know you've been through months of turmoil, but it seems that in the end, things are working out remarkably well on a professional level. I hope all other aspects of your transition can go as well.

[Farrah]

Congratulations!! I am so happy for you. You seem to be happy as well. I wish you nothing but the best!!..MMMMuah!

[Marleena]

That is a wonderful story of acceptance from your chief there Steph. You couldn't ask for better support than what they are giving you!:)

[Princess Grandpa]

Such am amazing story! I am so happy for you Steph!
Hug
Rita

[I Am Paula]

Each story like this makes it just that much easier for the next person. Thank you.

[Angela Campbell]

It should be this way everywhere. I am glad it is for you.

[Jorja]

Do realize that it is not always going to be a smooth ride even with all of the support you have. There is always someone that needs to make a big stink about it. If you are going to do it, be strong, consistent, confidant, and continue to to the job to the best of your abilities. You have most of the people around you on your side, keep them there. Good Luck!

[steftoday]

I hope things continue to go well for you as you move forward. A great big shout out to your department for their support, too.

[MssHyde]

its because your so darn cute they couldn't be mean to you..

seriously I'm happy for you.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Wow, Wonderful news, always remember you have our support here. Wishing you the best, Big huggs.

[StephanieC]

Wonderful news!

[Julie Gaum]

Steph, thinking about your past posts and your comments that you were about to retire or was it going to another city? Either way this great news would indicate, if I interpret it correctly, that you could stay there with a fitting assignment. What do you plan to do long term? As far as the media is concerned: much as we all would like to champion our cause when the opportunity presents itself, IMO I would suggest to avoid all interviews or other publicity while you remain with this police department. Though your bosses support you fully there remains the city officials and the general public with plenty of people ready and willing to complain, ridicule and be generally hateful towards all those who support you. And there is usually a political opposition group to the Mayor's party looking for any way to take over. Although I don't know your town I can make this suggestion assuming, probably correctly, that the people there are typical of our country with all the good and bad that goes with it. So hold off publicity, if you must do it at all, until you have left the area.
Congrats and a happy life ahead.
Julie

[steph1964]

Thank you everyone


Each story like this makes it just that much easier for the next person. Thank you.

I hope that is the case.


Do realize that it is not always going to be a smooth ride even with all of the support you have. There is always someone that needs to make a big stink about it. If you are going to do it, be strong, consistent, confidant, and continue to to the job to the best of your abilities. You have most of the people around you on your side, keep them there. Good Luck!

I am already aware of some on the department who are very unhappy that I came out, but they are also unhappy that we allow gays to be police officers. They caused a big stink two years ago when the chief authorized officers to march in the Pride Parade. He also acknowledged that he may get some flack but this is a minority and he said that he would handle it. I know that this will not be easy but I have thought about it a lot and feel that I need to do it for a variety of reasons.


Steph, thinking about your past posts and your comments that you were about to retire or was it going to another city? Either way this great news would indicate, if I interpret it correctly, that you could stay there with a fitting assignment. What do you plan to do long term? As far as the media is concerned: much as we all would like to champion our cause when the opportunity presents itself, IMO I would suggest to avoid all interviews or other publicity while you remain with this police department. Though your bosses support you fully there remains the city officials and the general public with plenty of people ready and willing to complain, ridicule and be generally hateful towards all those who support you. And there is usually a political opposition group to the Mayor's party looking for any way to take over. Although I don't know your town I can make this suggestion assuming, probably correctly, that the people there are typical of our country with all the good and bad that goes with it. So hold off publicity, if you must do it at all, until you have left the area.
Congrats and a happy life ahead.
Julie

Even if all goes well, I have to retire next year. The only way I would be able to stay is if I could find a civilian position. Long term I hope to be able to work in the geology field, I just got my degree. As far as the media is concerned, I don't intend to talk to them. I have delt with them a lot in my career and they care more about sensationalizing the story than getting it right.

[stacycoral]

Miss Stephanie, I am so happy for you girl, what great news for you, we will all be waiting for more information from you, hugs girlfriend.

[jaye_cd]

That is awesome news Stephanie!

[Michelle I]

Wow Stephanie I am so impressed by your Chief and assistant Chief, very supportive. I am retired law enforcement and do not think I would have had anywhere near that support. Also I am very impressed and proud of you, you rock girl.

[Leona]

And here I was thinking you could become a professional t-girl giving speeches and writing books and stuff. :)

It's awesome you're getting the support from them, and I have to admit, somewhat surprising from a traditionally conservative line of work. It's probably because YOU are amazing that they have to support you. :)

[Stephanie-L]

Good for you, and it give me hope that an area as conservative as the Phoenix area, and a job which tends to attract conservative types, and you got that kind of support. I also have had great support from management in my job, and have had very few issues. Be prepared for a lot of your casual friendships to change with the folks you work with. I have been much more accepted by the women, and the guys, while not hostile, are not sure how to deal with me, so they are a little more distant. All of the folks who know me are making an effort to use my correct name and pronouns, but they often slip. I try to be understanding, they have known me for many years, and only the last 4 months as Stephanie, but it can hurt a bit at times. Since you have a built in career change coming up, that may be helpful in separating your new self from your old. As to the comments about dealing with the media, whichever way you feel comfortable. If you don't want to talk to them, fine, but if you do, consider the fact that you are projecting a positive image of us, and hopefully helping the next gal who comes along. Also, don't forget that you are already kind of a public figure, if you go public, you will be a well known figure, and there are crazies out there, as you are well aware. I work in a large hospital, over 2500 people work there, before I came out, I probably knew about 100 to say hi too, maybe half of them knew my name. Now probably half the people who work in the hospital know who I am, I constantly get "Hi Stephanie", "Good morning Stephanie" while walking down the hall, from people I have no clue about. Be prepared to become very visible, even if you don't do anything to try to be. I have tried to be very low key about my transition, but I am very noticeable. The attention has been all friendly and positive, but it can get a little worrisome. BTW, there are several law firms that handle workplace issues for T-folk, not only if you have a problem, but helping the employer deal with the issues involved as well. You might suggest to your Chief that those kind of specialists are out there if he feels a need to consult them. Good luck to you and let us know how things work out....................Stephanie (from AZ, now in TX)

[Leah Lynn]

Fantastic news, girl! I'm hoping for the best for you, and may the detractors be few and insignificant>

Leah

[nicolecdgal]

I am so proud of you Stephanie! For the others on this forum...Stephanie and I work for the same department and we met through this website. I am nowhere near where Stephanie is right now on the TG continuum. She is a very strong person and I will be supporting her all the way. Police work in general has a masculine quality about it unlike almost all other career fields which makes her story so compelling. I am not " out" to anyone at work as I am only dealing with issues with my marriage at this point as my wife is very closed minded about this topic. I commend Stephanie's wife for her support as well as I'm sure Stephanie would not be where she is now without that unconditional love and support. I hope some day to be as strong as you girl!!!!

[steph1964]

Thank you Stephanie for all the good information. I have also found that I have suddenly become much more accepted by the women and I am still presenting as male. I have worked with some of them for several years and although I always though I got along well with them, they suddenly include me in their conversations and just talk to me differently. One told me that since I came out I am a lot friendlier but I don't think that I have changed at all; it just feels like they treat me differently.

Thank you Nicole...You are correct that I wouldn't be where I am without Angie's support but I also wouldn't be there without the support you have given me along the way. Since the first PM you sent me which freaked me out on 8/23/11 (yes I still have it) we have texted several times a week, usually several times a day. First by just knowing that I wasn't the only one on the department, to the many times we have unloaded on each other, you have always been there for me and for that I am eternally grateful.

[AnneB1nderful]

Congratulations Stephanie! I'm in the beginning stages of transition also and started work as Anne in May. We are also pretty close to the same age and dealing with the loss of a long-term marriage. I'm hardly on this site anymore because I'm so busy with work and friends. But, I hope to be on this site more and be able to follow your transition progress and support each other.

[Raychel]

Truly an awesome story, I am soooooo glad things are going well for you. :thumbsup:

[Claire Cook]

Stephanie,

It's not often that I tear up after reading posts here, but your story has definitely done that -- joyful tears indeed. Who would have expected this, in the conservative Phoenix area of all places? Would that this story could be a model for how the workplace deals with transitioning. And it's wonderful that you had Nicole.

All best wishes with the new career -- I've had a fantasy about being a geologist in Arizona!

[Sarah V]

Sounds like you are off to a very good start on the right foot with your employer. Best of continued luck for you.