New Roommate

[DanaGirl]

I recently had a friend of mine move in with me (she lost her house and needed a place to stay). I've know her forever but she doesn't know about the crossdressing so I am not going to be able to really dress up while she is living here. It has only been a couple weeks and already I find myself missing it, it's bad enough I cant shave my legs because its summer now I cant practice my makeup or anything. I'm thinking about telling her but I'm not sure that's a good idea, maybe ill just have to wait thing out before I can get dressed again. on the bright side I've been on a diet and lost like 10lbs so maybe by the time she moves out ill be a sexy bitch lol.

anyway just thought id vent to you girls about my problem.

[Lorileah]

just tell her, get it over with. What if she stays a year? Are you willing to hide all that time? It is your house, she doesn't have to see it but you should not give it up. Who knows it could open up a whole new world for both of you.

[pedalpusher]

just tell her, get it over with. What if she stays a year? Are you willing to hide all that time? It is your house, she doesn't have to see it but you should not give it up. Who knows it could open up a whole new world for both of you.

Dana,

I agree with this....she may end up sharing things with you....

[mikiSJ]

It is your house and while I appreciate you helping your friend your needs are also important.

Either arrange to get your friend another place to live or open up to her. You'll quickly find out what type of friend she is (hopefully, a very good friend)!

[Sabrina133]

So why don't you tell her ... Its your house and you certainly the right to do in it what you please? Are you afraid she'll tell others or that she'll judge. Given that you are giving her a place to live, she should certainly not judge. If she's uncomfortable with it, she can certainly leave.

[Tracii G]

She is going to snoop when you aren't home so just tell her.

[Chickhe]

No no....don't tell her. Show her. She doesn't need to know your inner feelings, just do it. My favorite would be Halloween, but that's a long way off... so maybe bring her to watch a drag show or something and just tell her you think its cool how that can do it so well... see how receptive she is. But, whatever you do, do it from a positive point of view...that its interesting, it doesn't phase you, its just something wild and crazy to do. Show her a fun time and you will overcome the preconceptions she might have. Keep away from emotional baggage you have from a lifetime of hiding...just do it, have fun. I think what scares people, is thinking you are unstable, scared, ashamed etc... make it about just clothes having fun and I guarantee its as cool as wearing a cosplay outfit. As for all the other stuff, shaving, waxing ...nails... just do it, you don't have to tell her why just that you enjoy it.

[Tracii G]

Chickhe has a good point don't tell her all the whys about why you do it just tell her its fun and you enjoy it.
She will know you are still a guy but have the confidence to step out of the box and enjoy something most guys would be afraid to do.

[Sandieland]

Dana, you said you would be "a sexy bitch" when you lose more weight. Well, take off the word "bitch" and save the word "sexy", because that's what you are. As to who you would "out" yourself to... only you can guess how your friend would react. Maybe you could use an "end run" - open your computer, find a news article, website, etc. showing crossdressers, and as you are viewing it, bring up the subject to your friend: "You know, this is interesting. What do you think? Think I would look good dressed as a female?". Who knows, she might jump right in and volunteer to do a make over for fun - and if she is positive about this... then break the news.

[Lorileah]

She is going to snoop when you aren't home so just tell her.

:yt: That is SOOOO true.

[kimdl93]

I agree with Lori. Its nice that you're providing her a place to stay and if she's close enough to share a place with you for a while, she's close enough to be trusted with that information. You're not imposing on her, quite the contrary, and I'm sure she appreciates that you're accommodating her (literally). She can be accommodating as well.

[Jamiegirl1]

you should tell her and go on living your life the way you want to......you will be miserable if you can't dress!

[Beverley Sims]

It is frustrating sometimes when your dressing activities are curtailed by having company around.
I think of the friendship I engender in the process and dressing is a small sacrifice.

[Julie Bender]

Well I am a gg but I think I am bias lol
However I agree with lorileah. Though I don't know your roomate's life style or personality.
This is hard for you *hugs* you may be better off just being straight foreword with her. She has been your friend for years.
I hope you get closer. The besty experience is awesome

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I have to agree with everyone here. It'll come out somehow especially if she snoops while you're away. I'd bet room mates are tempted to snoop anyway. Plus you're doing her a favor of having a place to stay. My only concern would be the fact that you might get outed to others. Here's a what if-----What if you got into an argument and she held the threat of outing you? Sometimes the best of friends can break a friend relationship and the results will have repercussions. Make sure she doesn't have any pictures of you dressed! Maybe I'm being too paranoid for you but you never know.

Cheryl Ann

[Farrah]

Its your home. I say just tell her. She either live with it or leave.

[VAWyman]

A true friend is someone who knows all about you, and it doesn't matter.
A true love is someone who puts you on a pedestal, and when you fall, they're there to catch you.

[AllieSF]

Yeah, this sounds just like those periodic "Tell your SO and damn the consequences" recommendations you see here every so often. Everyone's situation is different and no one here is in your shoes. Only you can guess what might happen if you tell her. You have to weigh the risks with its potential benefits and non-benefits. I agree that telling her will at least get your secret activities out in the open to a house mate. However, if she takes it badly, or even well, and then tells others, the cat is more than out of the bag with no hope of getting it back in. You are a great person to help a friend out that way. Sometimes friendship is so important that we are willing to sacrifice a little of our freedom to help out others. I commend you for this. Chose wisely and good luck.

[Kimberly Kael]

The middle ground here is to start exploring whether or not she's likely to be open-minded about it. I suspect taking her to a drag show is a little overt, but perhaps a sympathetic movie? Something like Kinky Boots would provide an opportunity to talk about the subject without making it personal. At least then you could make a more informed decision about how to proceed.

[DanaGirl]

well she knows I wear woman's underwear I have for years, but she doesn't have a clue about the bras, makeup skirts and heels. I am thinking of telling her but I am just afraid she will think I am weird or something

[kimdl93]

Ok so wearing anything but panties is weird'? Seriously, it sounds like the horses are out of the barn. It's not a big step from knowing you wear panties to guessing that you do more than that. She's already adjusted her opinion of you based on the earlier information,so why not just sit down and talk with her.

[Princess Grandpa]

Before you come out to her you have to evaluate and be prepared for the worst possible outcome and be prepared to accept them. It could be you tell her and it opens up a whole new aspect to your friendship. I'm cynical. I would assume once she knows she will tell someone. It's too good of a story not to share.

It's your home. You should be comfortable in your own home. Your kind enough to help her when she needs you and she should be able to respect your right to be yourself in your own home.

If you were able to come out t her and be who you are, your life would be much better. If the repercussions of things going poorly are more than you ca cope with you need to put a lock on your door and stay in your room until she leaves. I hope you will keep us advised of what you do. I would love to read in a couple days how you have a new bestie. I would understand if I heard you decided to keep your secret. I fear to read "everyone knows! My life is ruined" which of course it wouldn't be. But might feel that way at first.

Hug
Rita

[Tracii G]

Its your home and if she can't deal with it she can look for another place.
I hate to sound like a bitch but thats how I feel about it.
I will not lets others run my life.

[Aly Cat]

I say for the next few weeks, just hint at it by making comments like....those shoes are really cute or i love that skirt/dress. After a few weeks of comments, shell either think you are hitting on her and trying to make moves or shell get an idea of you crossdressing. After a few weeks of that, just casually bring it up like...so i got a pair of shoes like yours because i loved them so much/would you mind if i tried on that skirt you wore a while back(assuming you two are similar in size) so that i csn see how it looks. I was thinking about getting something similar. It opens it up for conversation with low pressure. Shell already be wondering whats up and then youll be able to talk about it.

[Leah Lynn]

Dana, Have you established a time frame for this stay? I remember having a friend "stay a little while" when he and the SO split up. Several months later, I was ready to kill him just to be rid of him. I finally had to throw him out, and a great friendship was ruined. He helped himself to my (drab) clothes, ate my food, drank my beer, ran up my phone bill and thought I was being the @$$hole. Not to mention that I couldn't dress around him, as he was a major homophobe, and cd's to him were "homo's in dresses".

I doubt that your friend will turn out like that, but soon it will seem like she's imposing. Unless she's cool with you dressing.

Leah

Okay, looking back on it, it really wasn't THAT great a friendship to begin with.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Dana, What do you have to loose it could be great .

[Madeline80]

She already knows you cd. Go a step at a time, like let her see you with painted toenails or an obvious ladies' top. Build your comfort level with her. If she has known about your undies for years, with no repurcussions, she can probably be trusted.

[Kandy Barr]

In my case people close to me knew more than I thought and one way or another found me out (and I really thought I was careful). My true friends who learned of my cding have been, to my surprise, very accepting, to the point of telling me it doesn't change our friendship in the least, and it hasn't. Those are my true friends and I have several. The rest who stand in judgment don't matter, they are not really friends. Imho, unless you are very very part time and super secretive, sooner or later those close to you are going to find out, at least in my case they have. Take this for what it is, my opinion and experience, but if your friend stays with for any length of time odds are she'll find out one way or another, so the question is do you want her to find out by chance, or by you telling her? Just food for thought Dana, whatever you do I wish you a peaceful resolution and happy ending!

[Sometimes Steffi]

I agree with everyone else. What's the worst that could happen? She'd move out!!!

[Princess Grandpa]

I agree with everyone else. What's the worst that could happen? She'd move out!!!

Is that really the worst that could happen? I realize I lean towards paranoid, but I can quickly think of several scenarios much worse than that.

[heatherdress]

I agree totally with Allie. don't see how we can tell Dana what to do without knowing much about the roommate. Is she open-minded, talkative, trustworthy, understanding, etc?

There is no risk in putting CDing on hold, especially if the roommate's stay is temporary.

Leah's advise about roommates is most valuable. I had a roommate, taken in out of kindness who never left, never contributed, and proved difficult to live with. Boundaries and payment contributions are essential and a move out date must be clearly identified.

[Jaylyn]

Let her know that what you do in your own house is your secret and ask her to abide by those rules. Helping her out shows that you care about others she should be grateful and keep your secret. Who knows she may see another side of all cd's and be very considerate to you, maybe even have fun and help you out.

[Leona]

well she knows I wear woman's underwear I have for years, but she doesn't have a clue about the bras, makeup skirts and heels. I am thinking of telling her but I am just afraid she will think I am weird or something

You are weird. By definition. We're all outliers. We're not normal, therefore we're weird. So why worry about it if she thinks that? It's true!

Compatibility is the issue here, and you're in the dominant position. But don't abuse the position. But she's not an SO, so the issues that come up with THAT aren't going to come up. Sure, some, maybe, like the bit about you threatening her femininity, but you're not asking her to be seen in public as your girlfriend when you're en femme. You're only wanting the freedom to continue dressing up in your own home.

If it were me, I'd tell her about it, see how she reacts, then do it, and see what she does. I'm with niki and her paranoia, there are a lot of crazy things she might do. But if she's my friend, I've already vetted her against hate crimes and the like, so she wouldn't have even stepped in my door if I thought there was a serious risk she'd do something terrible to me after seeing my closet.r fri

And all you're demanding of her is that she not be an ass about it. That's a reasonable demand to make when in the dominant position. She doesn't have to like it, and she doesn't have to be comfortable with it, and those things may strain your friendship, and that'll be for you to figure out how it affects your friendship. But she does have to tolerate it, because it's your house and you live your lifestyle. As far as you're concerned, she has to tolerate what you wear the same way she has to tolerate you not filling the ice trays or only running the dishwasher when it's full or whatever.

If you care about the friendship, take a compassionate approach and make sure she's comfortable. If you care about the friendship, but you'd rather lose it than have her judge you wrongly for liking dresses, then you need to push it somehow.

But it's your home, there's no logical reason you should restrict yourself in your own home. If you do restrict yourself, then you give her control over the home. And then it's not yours anymore.

If it were me, like I said, I'd do or die and she can go eff herself if she doesn't like my choice of clothing. But I'd already know before she moved into my spare bedroom how she felt about it.

[DanaGirl]

Thanks for all the advise, your probably right I suppose if she knows I wear panties, she easily may suspect and accept that I wear more then just panties. Its just that letting anyone know about my crossdressing is a bit hard to do I suppose, the only one that completely knows is my girlfriend and sure , she took it great and has been completely supportive but that not the reaction everyone will have about something like this. I have known this friend for like 13 years and we are very close and im pretty sure she wouldn't freak out about the crossdressing , but im not sure things wouldn't change if I told her, and I don't really want what we have to change If you know what I mean.

[Chickhe]

...you don't want anything to change....so don't tell her anything, just find a reason to dress and show her how fun you are. ...suppose you were watching something on TV, like RuPaul's drag race for example, and you said something like 'those guys are incredible, if it wasn't for the fact that I would be the most ugly female on the planet, I would do it!' ...and there you now have placed a challenge on her and you can judge her reaction. If all goes well, she will say, 'you would be surprised how good you can look,...' you say...no impossible, she says yes...you say no...yes no....l'll prove it, lets go shopping! If it doesn't go that way, you can still go buy some stuff and let her see it....just say you were thinking about it and your going to try it (don't tell anyone). ...she might jump on board or say you are crazy...but, then go for it anyway as a crazy guy stunt. Be 100% positive and matter of fact...you want to appear confident and calm.

[kimdl93]

... I have known this friend for like 13 years and we are very close and im pretty sure she wouldn't freak out about the crossdressing , but im not sure things wouldn't change if I told her, and I don't really want what we have to change If you know what I mean.

You can be assured that things will change, and who is to say whether the change will be for the better or worse.

I was surprised, and perhaps I missed the fact that your girlfriend knows and accepts. So maybe before coming out to this friend you should talk with your GF about it....and explain the reason you would like to. Just a matter of courtesy.

[avant1465]

Of course she's going to think that you are "weird".... but... SO WHAT????? It's your turf... and, if she doesn't like it, she can LEAVE..... There's no good reason for YOU to compromise YOUR life... on behalf of someone for whom YOU are making a sacrifice!!!!! Please come back on... and tell us that you TOLD HER that you C/D..... and that THAT's some of who you are.... AND that she darn well better be (or, GET) comfortable with it... 'cuz it's "the way things are" around your home....

Good luck...

[DanaGirl]

I think I'm going to just keep my little secret for a little bit and kind of try to feel the situation out a bit. At the same time I'm not going to hide my wigs or dresses or any of that stuff. My girl stuff is in my room which she isn't supposed to go into and I keep the door shut. We will see how things play out and see how long she is going to live here.
What is really weird is that I've had 33 years to dress up and only half ass enjoyed how it made me feel due to shame or whatever, then in the last 6 months I've really embraced my girl time and now I have to shelve it for a bit. Maybe I'm just rambling but I thought I share my feeling with you girls, most of you probably know how im feeling.

Ill try to keep you girls informed about the situation and how I'm feeling about the lack of dress up time.

[AllieSF]

I think that you have made the correct decision. Congratulations. I also understand about finally getting there, only to have to put it away for awhile. Hopefully, it will be a very short while. In the meantime you may find ways to be yourself without being real obvious to your roommate. Good luck.

[wilt575]

well she knows I wear woman's underwear I have for years, but she doesn't have a clue about the bras, makeup skirts and heels. I am thinking of telling her but I am just afraid she will think I am weird or something

If she knows you wear womens underwear and to me that would include bras and accepts that with out question. Why would she consider the outer clothing weird or something, just leave a few things out in the open on your bed or in the laundry and see if she comments. Years ago I wore fem jeans, slacks and other casual outerwear etc. My girlfriend thought it was weird that I didn't wear panties and suggsted I try bras etc. Which I followed up on, then wonder why I didn't do it sooner.

[suzanne]

You have already done something that true friends do for each other. You took her in when she needed you. If she really is a true friend, she will have no hesitation about accepting your lifestyle. She already knows and accepts part of the story. You really should complete the picture. Who knows? You might gain a shopping partner, or better!

[Kimberly Kael]

If she knows you wear womens underwear and to me that would include bras and accepts that with out question.

A lot of people draw pretty strong distinctions between the two. Wearing panties can be interpreted as rebellious, or a private fashion statement, or even reflect a fondness for softer materials. Wearing a bra, on the other hand? A lot of women will immediately wonder why and the answers are a lot more complicated. I've hard many other women observe that if they didn't need the support they wouldn't wear them at all, and I have to admit that it's often a relief to get home after a full day and shed mine.


Why would she consider the outer clothing weird or something, just leave a few things out in the open on your bed or in the laundry and see if she comments.

Outer clothing carries its own implications, and raises the specter of being seen with you wearing them. That's a non-issue with underwear but a whole new subject as soon as "what would other people think" enters the equation. It doesn't matter if you go out dressed or not, the question springs to mind and complicates things.

[DanaGirl]

If she knows you wear womens underwear and to me that would include bras and accepts that with out question. Why would she consider the outer clothing weird or something

Well she is aware that I wear panties, not bras like Kimberly said there is a leap from one to the other. She thinks I wear regular panties (conservative non pink lacy thongs with bows) because the material is lighter and breathes better (which is true, I mean god dammit could that make a pair of men's underwear without it having a yard of material and a 2 inch thick waistband?). This is the reason I have given her anyway, and ok she is pretty smart and she probably doesn't 100% bye that story but having doubts and knowing for a fact that I love the aforementioned pink lacy thong, well that my friend is a horse of a different color. Oh and lets not talk about the liking makeup and heels.

[Leona]

That reason might collapse when/if she discovers they make men's underwear in bikini brief styles. They're just like panties, but they have room for the jewels. Hanes has a line, Fruit of the Loom, etc.

[heatherdress]

Dana - Even though I was very careful, my houseguest discovered that I crossdressed. She claimed to have figured it out, but I think she snooped and made her way into a locked spare room. Even though she was very accepting, there were problems. Good luck.

[DanaGirl]

Well... if my friend gets snoopy and finds my stuff I guess ill deal with it at that point. I guess at least at that point the cat is out of the bag so maybe it wouldn't be that bad if it went down that way.

[donnalee]

I've always been very accepting about how people chose to present themselves, even before I had a clue that I might be trans-gendered. Only if they chose to tell me would I even acknowledge it and even then would assume that it was in confidence and keep it to myself (not mine to talk to others about without expressed permission).
I still believe it's the right thing to do, so this, perhaps, may be how to begin your discussion with your friend. Once you've established what she believes, then maybe you can move the discussion onward. Of course, she could always lie, but you've been friends for long enough to make a judgement call on that.

[DanaGirl]

Ive known this girl for a long time, we dated like 10 years ago so she knows im a bit of a freak in the bedroom. I've been thinking, and I really don't think she would care a lot about me crossdressing and may actually think its cool and wanna do my makeup or something like that. I think the big reason I'm hesitant to mention anything to her is because I don't know if I want to open up this side of myself to her (if that makes any sense). We have what we have as friends and I just don't know if I wanna risk changing what we have.