Is there a way to criticize without criticizing?

[Sandieland]

I hope the town folks don't come after me with torches blazing... but. I see so many pictures here of beautiful ladies, and everyone is very supportive of them - and that's a really good thing. But what happens when you see something in the picture that just screams to be corrected? Something that would improve the whole presentation? You see a wig a little crooked or worn too far down on the forehead. An outfit that accentuates manly shoulders instead of the opposite. A beautiful makeup job if only the beard was hidden better. Etc., Etc. So, the question is... do you not say anything when you feel it would really help that person - keeping quiet so as not to seem unsupportive? Or do you speak out and hope you don't grind this beautiful girl's fragile personae into the ground? In other words, is there any good way to criticize someone's presentation? And now, I'll be up in the windmill with Mr. F. Monster awaiting your arrival. lol

[linda allen]

If I see something I don't like and they haven't asked for comments, I let it slide. I'm not sure everyone is really trying to look like a female anyway so if they have the look they like, I don't want to hurt their feelings.

Ask me though, and I'll tell you.

[kimdl93]

Sandi, if you see room for improvement, just say it. A kindly phrased, but honest bit of criticism will generally be appreciated more than faint praise.

[Princess Grandpa]

Sometimes girls will ask for critique. Sometimes they just post pictures. I personally have no advice to offer anyone as I have NEVER payed attention to women's fashion but if I did I would use that as the guideline. If they ask for help I would offer suggestions. If they didn't I would point out something I thought they did well.

Mostly I just look and thinks"I wish. Could look that good. /giggle

It's a good question I look forward to reading other opinions
Hug
Rita

[Sandieland]

Hmmm... two different approaches. And that gives me an idea that didn't occur until now... why not simply send them a personal message or email instead of posting it on the open forum?

[marlenesexton]

If I see something I don't like and they haven't asked for comments, I let it slide. I'm not sure everyone is really trying to look like a female anyway so if they have the look they like, I don't want to hurt their feelings.

Ask me though, and I'll tell you.

I think that's generally good advise. If they aren't asking for tips or comments, I wouldn't give them. If they've asked, I'd still start with the good news and then reveal the bad, (Nice hair and makeup but that dress doesn't flatter your figure). I'd only break that rule if someone seems to be walking into trouble. For instance, "Here's my new look. I'm going out this weekend and I think I look great and am going to pass," and you see something badly amiss you might want to mention it. You know, like spinach in someone's teeth or a skirt tucked into pantyhose. Embarrassing but better to know than not.

[Jana]

I guess the worst kind of advice is the unsolicited kind. I try to offer pointers only when the OP specifically asks.

[Lexi_83]

Private messages?

I'd love makeup help, think most of us would!

[reb.femme]

I have occasionally given my opinion, but I prefer to 'keep my own counsel' in general. Or should that be, 'keep my big mouth shut'?

I mean well but I will never be considered a great loss to the diplomatic corp. :heehee:

Reb

[Sandieland]

When I mentioned letting the lady know through a private message or email was because being criticized in public (in the open forum) and in front of all your friends can hurt... even if it's done with all good intentions. Going private seems more what a friend would do.

[kimdl93]

I have to admit, I seldom offer make up or fashion advice. Some people, as Linda pointed out, are not trying to pass or blend...they just want to enjoy themselves and share that enjoyment. Of course, there are time when my reaction is OMG! But I quickly close rhos threads and move on!

[Cheryl T]

There is constructive criticism and destructive criticism.
I try for the former if someone asks for an opinion. Hopefully people remember that opinions are like ********...everybody has one.

[Jodi]

How to tell? It's called tact. Tact is the art of telling someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the trip.

Jodi

[Ms Mira]

Just start with a compliment and then maybe a little corrective note.

[Leona]

It's also worth keeping in mind that criticism need not be negative. When you tell a girl she's pretty, you're criticizing her looks.

People in general need to learn how to take criticism gracefully no matter how badly it's delivered. I'm reminded of the island in Erik the Viking that would sink if any drop of blood were spilled. Nobody there criticized each other, so they sang badly, dressed poorly, and had a very stagnant civilization.

I figure if someone reacts badly to my criticism, at least I did my part for king and country. :)

[Kate Simmons]

I will never offer suggestions or critique unless someone asks and then will only do it by PM. As I've said before, If I say someone looks nice, I mean it.:)

[Stark]

Over at Susan's Place, there are regular "Do I Pass?" threads that people can upload photos to and get feedback. Maybe there's threads like that here and I (newbie) haven't found them yet, but if not, maybe that's something someone would like to start?

The only caveat is that I notice over there that few people are willing to come out and say "no, you don't. Sorry, sweetie," even when it's blatant (IMHO) that the person doesn't pass. I would want the brutal truth, and most people seem to be cheerleading vs. critiquing. :/

[heatherdress]

If they want criticism, they ask for it. Why risk hurting someone's feelings or making them feel self-conscious unless they specifically ask for help?

[Eryn]

"Perhaps you might like to pair a lighter top with that skirt" is received a lot more readily than "That top is too dark!"

[celeste26]

If I had constructive criticism then my approach would be like this: "Some time ago when I had that problem I found this or that worked for me." Empathy is the feminine way and it defers the blame. If I had experienced that problem and still did not have my own solution I would say that too. Joining with them in their problem spreads the blame. Using I, me and we instead of you, you, you. This leaves the choice up to the one receiving the message and not making demands and eliminating choices. Of course if you are a fashion authority and dont care what others think one can do the reverse.

[Barbara Ella]

I don't do a lot of criticism....don't have a lot of experience to base anything on. But as with most, i know what I like when I see it. If something just doesn't work for me, it is just my like/dislike, and always phrase my response as a solution, or something different to try, not that what is there is wrong.

Barbara

[Leona]

Celeste: I hadn't realized it until you mentioned, but I often offer criticism that way. And for me it's not so much about spreading the blame around as it is about ensuring that there isn't blame, there is only discussion.

This post counts as doing that, in fact. :)

[ArleneRaquel]

I almost never criticize another CD'ers choice of clothing, makeup, hairstyle, and so, unless they ask for constructive criticism, which I will provide, in the softest of tones.

[Andy66]

I always offer unsolicited advice to ladies.
I also get slapped alot. :devil:

[Leona]

Andy66: You're well on your way on your journey of being a man. :)

[AmyGaleRT]

Sandie, if there were something seriously wrong with my presentation in one of my photos, I'd want to know about it. If you ever want to offer ME that criticism, I'd rather you say something...if you don't want to say it in public for fear of looking mean, PM me. That way I can do something about it, or at the very least be aware of it.

- Amy

[Asche]

My view: never offer any critique or suggestions unless your target has said in so many words that they welcome even negative feedback and/or suggestions. There are a certain number of people (here and elsewhere) who put down anyone who fails to live up to their idea of True Crossdressing(tm), and you are likely to get yourself seen as one of them no matter how "gentle" or well-meaning your critique.

Even if someone expressly invites criticism, I would urge extreme caution unless you know the person well. You don't know what look he/she is trying to achieve (yes, in some circles, torn stockings, visible garters, and half-exposed bra cups are the height of fashion), and you don't know what limitations he/she is dealing with. And you don't know what sort of c**p she/he has been getting, either recently or all his/her life.

Even compliments are risky--you might be complimenting someone for something (s)he is trying to hide or get rid of. And the new management fad of "sandwiching" criticism between phony compliments means the minute we hear a compliment, we start wondering, where's the dagger?

The same thing goes for any critique of women's appearence, for pretty much the same reasons, except that they live with the appearance-based put-downs 24/7.

[Sabrina133]

When I mentioned letting the lady know through a private message or email was because being criticized in public (in the open forum) and in front of all your friends can hurt... even if it's done with all good intentions. Going private seems more what a friend would do.

while i agree with most that if the person doesn't ask for advice/comments etc than probably better to let it be unsaid. However, even if they ask for comments, a PM would be much better served. One of the things I learned along time ago was that if you are going to pay someone a compliment, do it in public, if you are going to criticize, do it in private. I think thats great advice.

Bree

[Chickhe]

I offer advice generally only if the person asks for it, then its one or two items and only things they -can- change. There is no benefit in telling someone their face is the wrong shape, but if their wig is a bit messy...sure. Included in things someone can change is consideration for cost and what they said...a person might not have much money to spend, so its no use telling them to just go buy a new one... its respect. Just be respectful and it should be fine. ...you can always try to contact the person privately to not embarrass them.

[Beverley Sims]

First of all to answer the heading question.
Just be sarcastic. :)
Some do deserve it.
If someone asks for comment on their poor looks I do feel for them and suggest they correct their mistakes by doing "something".
Makeup tips ar generally ok as is a wrong wig style, I try to be constructive.
Some try poses in the photographic section and I do tell them that they do not work.
People post in good faith and I feel they need a good faith reply.
A couple of times some have presented "butt ugly", in their view they were used to the images, in this case I did send a PM and explained that the photos were not suitable for everyone's taste and suggested they change them.

You do have to be tactful and being honest at the same time requires a good handle on the English language occasionally.
Mine is not a prizewinner at any time. :)

[Sandieland]

A good point was made by many of you. Not everyone is trying to "pass". They simply enjoy the experience of wearing feminine clothes and makeup (wigs included). I think I would clarify my original question to say "when someone is almost perfect in their presentation and is trying to pass...but one or two little things stand out". The words "correction" or "suggestion" comes to mind rather than "criticism". But, even so, it is not something to be done haphazardly...or in full view of the entire community.

[Lacyfem]

Well with that last update you made you seem to consider yourself as having the ultimate taste level to correct someone who may be absolutely happy with the way they look. If advice on how someone looks is not solicited either in forum or privately I think advice should not be given. They've looked at the picture they've submitted and are happy with themselves unless they say "what do you think?". Then if advice is given hopefully it's delicately done so as not to be insulting.

[Jenniferathome]

If anyone asks, " What do you think?" I will write what I think. In my daily life, I do the same. I do it directly and without judgement. The issue on this forum, is that one can choose to read between the lines of any critique. "Your skirts is too short," means only that. "Blue eye shadow looks terrible," means only that. NOT, I hate you and you are a horrible person.

If someone only wants positive comments, don't ask for a comment because that's just crap.