Confused ramblings

[Ellie52]

Girls, I am getting really confused. Up until I confessed to my wife 2 yrs ago I was happy putting on an occasional skirt for an hour. Then everything changed and I now am allowed to wear pretty much what I want with strict conditions.
1) My son who is a tradesman is not at home or likely to return.
2) Not in bed
3) Always be careful and dont (as is my want) to take things to excess.or put any family members in jeapardy.
Anyway we are lucky and have security cameras outside our house and proximity alerts on the driveway and front porch. So if someone comes to the house we are forewarned. This was a security feature not a xdress requirement.
So 3 weeks ago, i joined this fantastic forum and since then I have met so many kind and beautiful people (yes you are one of them TeresaCD) who have made comments that make me wish to venture further than my bedroom closet or tv (pardon the pun) room. This poses a problem as it contravenes rule number 3. I am happy at present being Eloise with my wifes approval and help, and I dont want to endanger that by crossing a BIG line. I could never again tell lies (by omission) to my wife as she has invested a lot of time and patience in Eloise. Sitting in your lounge room with the security of cameras and warning devices is ok but I think if I stepped out of that safety and into the dangerous world Id just collapse.
I have two huge fears
1) I overstep the bounds with my wife who has given so much
2) I loose the respect of my son.
I couldnt forgive myself if I did either of these two things.
I find as Eloise I have a narcissitic streak that means I cannot walk past a mirror, or any reflective surface without looking or pampering myself. I apply so much lipstick that I glue my lips together. How would I cope in the outside world?
So back to being confused. I am at a loss where to go from here. My wife gave me a great holiday in a hotel recently and I ventured out onto the balcony. This was a huge hit for me and Id love to expand on it, but to what cost. I dont think I am selfish enough risk all I have for that one small thing.
Any comments however harsh would be greatly appreciated. I know we are all friends but you can speak freely and I wont go all girly and start crying. Honest criticism is fair criticism.
If you are still reading this I hope ive made sense. Thanks for listening. I love you all. Ellie
ps whats better, a glass half full or half empty?

[Lynn Marie]

Your safest outing would be to an LGBT club in another town far enough away that meeting someone who recognizes either of you will be minimized. Go together as girlfriends. Plan the outing together or let her plan one. Her presence will validate you and increase your safety. Absolutely don't do this without telling her beforehand. You're a team, a pair.

[Rachelakld]

Well if your not in politics or otherwise having your face plastered all over the country, and live a quiet life, how would dressing up and shopping in a town an hour or so away, put you family or job in jeopardy.

I myself, have through redundancy, ended back at the bottom of my career path, kids are so heavily educated in PC and tolerance for other life styles that they are OK with it and Wife and girls often steal my clothes and makeup - but all prefer me to go beyond there range of their normal friends (about 15 minutes drive or more).
I do live in a very open society, where different is more normal than being normal.

[Rebecca W.]

Hi Eloise,

I agree that finding a town far from where you live would be a good start to go out in public. You have a very understanding wife and she should be involved in all of your thoughts about going out in public. You have a very classy style and you would blend in nicely at a formal event.
I hope that you will be able to show the public how beautiful you are as a woman.


Take Care and Best Wishes on your new adventure.


Rebecca

[Erica Marie]

Sweetie. Crossdressing must be an alternative word for confused. Trust me I am more confused every day and thats no lie. I started dressing at a young age and through many stages of purging, loosing relationships and learning more about myself I am teetering on a tg status. I too am kinda stuck but at my own will or should I say unwillingness to come out. I dont have a wife or so to worry about. But I do have two young adult children that I worry about. Also most of our local comunity is rather on the closed minded side so it is very difficult to just come out. A few weeks ago I was out for the first time and it has been eating me up wondering how and when I can go again. You are lucky to have the acceptance of your wife.
Take it slow and Im sure things will work out for you. Maybe an option that your wife would agree on would be going to a conference where you can be among other cd/tg friends. It would also ease the anxiety of going out for the first time.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Eloise, It seams that the more that we get the more we want , That's just human nature.

[Ellie52]

Blue orchid - I think youve hit the nail on the head. I need to accept the limits I have and be happy with them rather than try to expand them and spoil what I already have. I know my wife would never agree to escorting or even allowing me to go out in public - shes not that accepting.We went on holiday to Tasmania (3000kms away from Perth Aus) and I was allowed to dress as I liked as long as I didnt go outside. This was a huge allowance from my wife and I didnt spoil it by trying to get her let me walk outside. (A bridge too far). On another occasion we did the full rocky horror picture show at a friends house for halloween and I went as riff raff (with the space costume at the end of the movie). stockings, short gold tunic and high heels. Even though our friends saw us and we won best costume (she was magenta in the same costume) I had too take the shoes off and put trackie pants on for the walk home. I tried hard to get her to let me walk home in the high heels (5") but she wasnt having any of it. So as you say human nature says we are never satisfied with what we have until we loose it. I have no intention of spoiling what I have and my glass is half full not half empty. Please keep the comments coming, I may find a way to change her mind..love Ellie

[meganmartin]

Eloise,

What you have described is very natural. As someone else stated take a vacation to a neigboring town so there is no confilict. Maybe if your wife is ok with hanging out with you dressed that you both make it a planned event every month for every other month to go to another city and you compromise give me a whole day as a girl and the other day I will be your husband.

Always offer compromise and show appreciation for her acceptance.

[kimdl93]

First you need to talk to your wife about your growing interest. It's not just getting out, really, but about expanding your life experience en femme. Then reconsider rule number 3. The fear of endangering yourself or family is, base on the collective experience here, common but greatly exaggerated.

As for your son, I understand your concern. My sons learned about my CDing in the worst possible way...from a very angry and vindictive ex wife. But we worked through it and I would judge that our relationship is better than ever. No it wasn't easy. At some point, I assume he'll move out and start a life on his own, so you'll have a greater degree of freedom. And if you are deliberately or inadvertently outed one day, treat him as an adult and talk it through. Above all else keep trying if at first he reacts badly.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Eloise,

Yes, you are going through what many of us have done. A taste of the candy and we want more! Your wife has a lot to take in and adjust to. If I have any advice, such as it is, it would be to take it slow -- and always show her how much you love and appreciate her. It took forty years for my wife and I to get to where we are at (yes, I dress fully around the house; yes, the girls go out together). One thing from my experience. She now realizes that I am much more myself, and more relaxed,when I have Claire time -- and that is better for both of us.

[Chari]

Great advice from all previous posts! Can only add "continue communicating with your wife and go slow"! Sometimes talking out issues will give a compatible solution for all concerned. You have come this far and you seem to be comfortable and confident with all your choices. As for the "glass of water" - IMO it doesn't matter when you are thirsty!

[Beverley Sims]

Eloise,
Just stay cool and don't let the pink fog blur your vision or thinking.
You will get there treading carefully along a rocky road. :)

[TeresaCD]

Half full, definitely.
I would think it unlikely you'd be recognisable en femme - most of us aren't
Unless we are heard, or seen with an SO.
Tread carefully, yes, as what you have is special.
As said, a social, support group may be a way to venture out in a safe, anonymous way.
Make the best of what you have, definitely
My rules look a lot like yours, except I get to go out (conditionally)
And add nothing permanent to the list..

[Jenniferathome]

Why would you have to "risk" anything? You can go out and return before any family member comes home. You could dress outside of the home and change before coming home. I think the fears you have are truly in your head. As long as your wife is cool with going out, go out! It's not that big a deal, really. We cross dressers build up these walls in our own minds.

By the way, when you do go out, first scout your venue. How are the women dressed at the time of day when you plan to go out? IF you want to blend in as best as possible, pay attention to what real women wear, how they act, etc. Remember, it's in your head.

[linda allen]

Eloise, I am in much the same situation as you except my grown children ar 500 miles away. I really like your idea of the cameras and proximity alarms. My wife and I were sitting home watching TV one day and the dorbell rang. It was my wife's sister and her boyfriend who also live 500 miles away. She let them in while I did a quick change.

I also have neighbors, one in particular who tend to drop in at inopportune times when I'm alone. At least an alarm would give me an extra minute or two to "deconstruct".

As for going out, you've been given some good suggestions - out of town, dress somewhere after you leave the house, etc.

I started a thread this morning about selecting a home bassed partially on crossdressing. I wouldn't expect someone to move so she could get out more easily, but consider your home. Is your car in a garage? Do you have tinted windows? Those can get you out and back. The real risk is, you control who is around when you go out, but not when you come back. I've always been afraid that my neighbor will be waiting in the driveway for me to return home and since I live near the end of a dead end street, I don't have the option of just driving by and coming back later.

I suppose the bottom line though is, your wife has been great by giving you the freedom you have. Be really careful not to go past the line and lose that freedom. Consider if you can push the boundaries and by how much.

Best of luck.

[Julie Bender]

Makes sense absolutely.
KEEP to your set boundaries.
Talk to you lovely so and then get a room again. Get a cheap little room over night with a jacuzzi.
Paint your nails but wear boy trunks out with a girl pair of flip flops down to the spa. It's baby steps and keeps to your agreement. There are other discrete ways to explore your boundaries without crossing too.
But believe me the fear is in your so's thoughts too.
Humans fear the unknown more than anything!
Take baby steps *hugs*
Your GG friend!

[Lacyfem]

Wow, I think it's great you're wife accepts your dressing as I've still not had the courage to tell my wife. I know what you mean when you want more which is to go out and be accepted as a woman as I've done it a few times when wife is out of town and it's quite exciting to have that freedom. It sounds like the wife accepts but does not approve so would like it kept a secret so she's given you rules. Perhaps in time the rules will broaden a little and if you push too fast you could spoil what is a good thing for you right now. I accept the restrictions I have on my dressing because I wish to keep my family and to not be selfish and disrupt what is a good thing. You perhaps need more input from those here who are married and have wives who have accepted and encouraged their dressing as I've found singles see our relationships quite differently than marrieds do. Though many were married there is a reason they are single now and it seems you want to keep your marraige. Best of luck as you are quite an attractive woman and can see why you stop and look when you go by a mirror. I do the same!

[Jon7]

I tell my wife about my concerns and desires and then give her time to process what I have said. We talk at a later time, express our concerns, then agree on a compromise. I always remind myself that I am no longer the same person that she married and I respect her wishes when it comes to dressing. But she also understands that I have my needs also and is willing to give things a try. Give your wife some time to process and deal. She has shown that she is willing to try to understand you and your needs.

[Ellie52]

Thanks to everyone for very constructive replies. My wife says she would love to do another hotel stay but this time in a suite ($1000 per night). I suggested we have it as my xmas present as I bought her a $4700 art deco diamond bracelet for Xmas. (explanation nessesary - My wife saw this bracelet in a jewelers and said it was her lottery dream to own it. The store had to close down so I bargained it down to $2700, she is ecstatic but isnt getting it till xmas).
So Back to the hotel stay - She has agreed to this as my xmas present but I want to try and include a makeover in the day spa. The last time we stayed for my birthday my SO had a massage there so I could maybe try for a special double package. She gets a massage and I get a makeover. Not sure how im going to broach the idea though. I may even try for a drink in the bar. It all depends on how I explain my desires. She is very loving and supportive and Ill take it slow. Plenty of time till Xmas.. keep my fingers crossed.. Ellie