What is it about the nails

[Princess Grandpa]

I don't remember when or how we introduced my wearing panties into our bedroom. I really enjoyed the tactile sensation as did Julie. I really don't understand how it is I could be wearing them and not understand I was a cross dresser. Except my only "knowledge" about you ladies were the stereotypes I grew up hearing.

A little over a month ago I asked Julie to paint my nails. As soon as I saw them something clicked inside. I knew I was a crossdresser. I didn't understand how that was possible since I'm not attracted to guys and I sure don't want to change my sex. I just figured I was too broken to even be a proper cross dresser.

I didn't care about any of that. All I knew was I looked at my nails and felt happy. Fortunately I am enough of a man to be able to listen to my feelings and accept myself.

Julie reminded me of a time many years ago. Not sure if we were married quite yet or not. We were all of 19 years old an in our first apartment. I fell asleep on the couch. While I was napping Julie got bored and painted my nails. When I awoke, I freaked out! Reacted way out of proportion and had her immediately remove it. I can only assume whatever it triggered the other day, it triggered all those years ago. Only then I wasn't mature enough to understand and accept.

Flash back even further. I'm a young boy. Not really sure how old but Mom had a nail appointment and Dad had a tennis tournament. Who do you think had to take the kids? As mom and my two sisters got manicures my brother and I sat and cooled our heels. I guess Mom saw me paying attention or something because she asked if we boys wanted one. Did I ever! But of course we are boys so we passed. Mom encouraged us explaining "lots of men get it done. They just use clear polish". That was all I needed to hear.

When we returned home my sisters lined up to show dad their nails. Once they were told how beautiful they were I presented my nails. Dad reacted as many children of the fifties might. In no uncertain terms he let me know that this was not acceptable behavior from his son. A fight ensued between mom and dad. "How could you turn him int a fag like that"! Or some such crap.

Today as I sit here with my painted nails smiling inside and out I wish I could just go back and give him a big pink middle finger. For years after I became an adult we did not speak. Not long ago we reconnected on a very superficial level. His boat is in a slip in Wilmington. Each time I sit down in Hamburger Mary's it occurs to me he could come in here. His extreme anger like mine could be over compensation. But I digress.

Hug
Rita

[Kate Simmons]

Often times the ones who protest the loudest about something have the deepest feelings for it PG.:)

[Jen60]

I sympathize completely. I had a step-mother who was constantly telling me what "men" did and did not do, and to be like my father, who was a "man." My dad would have been the last one to pass judgment, but it was HER prejudices which ruled our house. Anything I felt, I had to keep to myself. It wasn't until I married that I was able to talk to anyone about my feelings and worries. Thanks for sharing with us.

Jennifer

[Tracii G]

There is that old axiom "if you crossdress you must be gay or like guys". I never agreed with that concept but have had plenty of people ask me if I was gay.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Your reaction, and that of your father are typical. We men are fed a lot of BS about "What men are expected to be"

It's just as wrong as "A woman's place is barefoot and in the kitchen!"

There are tendencies within the genders, but the overlap is much greater than the differences between the averages. That, and gender is not binary, nor is it all biology.

[Sabrina133]

Hey Rita,

Wow, that could be from my own book of experiences. I think long painted nails are, like beautifully styled hair, a blatant outward manifestation of your feminine side. Due to the fact that i work in drab, i can't have long painted finger nails. I usually schedule a mani and pedi on Friday afternoons so i can get my nails painted as well. When working, I will usually keep my fingers highly buffed and shiny without polish while my toes are magnificently painted in either red, coral or some other shade of pink. Am always saddened when on Sunday night, i remove the polish.

Hugs,
Bree

[4mymichelle]

Hi Rita,

Wonderful story :) Thank you for sharing it. We each have something that gives us good feelings. I can understand yours being nicely painted nails. After seeing them I know why you are so happy, Julie does a fantastic job! A real work of art. Another thing about our nails is that we can see them ourselves at anytime without having to use a mirror. Instant happiness :)

Hugs,
Michelle

[kimdl93]

Wow, that went a direction I had not expected. But I get your drift. Nails...hair pre-Beatles ...were markers for feminine...less conspicuous that clothes, but still markers. And particularly to an earlier, far less enlightened generation viewed all differences as deviance.

I know I got grief for other things...like how I walked or threw a ball...and for being good with babies. And I hid all that to avoid the ridicule.

Still, it's not good for you or your father to be at odds. Maybe it's a void that can't be bridged and maybe he could never understand, but in reality, you have grown. Maybe he has, maybe he hasn't.

[Princess Grandpa]

There is that old axiom "if you crossdress you must be gay or like guys". I never agreed with that concept but have had plenty of people ask me if I was gay.

I have been understanding and accepting of alternative life styles for a long time. However, I believed all those stereotypes. I just didn't know what I didn't know.

Hug

[Julie Bender]

Rita I love you baby but you are over thinking this .even then when your mom hooked you up you felt it. It's why we girls polish our nails.
It's a feel good activity. Just the act of doing it feels good and seeing it done makes it all better!
Put it this way. All our lives all of us even super models feel they are not pretty enough. We do things to compensate that.
For me the nails get pretty and when I need a bigger boost my hair gets drastically changed. It just fun and feels good to see pretty polish on your hands! And it's great when it matches your pretty panties! And I also agree with mymichelle! So true!
I would also like to add.
Men started it lol wigs and makeup were worn only by men and if women so much as wore I liner they were tramps and *****s!
We're not the ones that are wrong. Man dresses were called robes lol
When and why did it reverse itself? Woman's lib started that ball rolling.

Just sayin lol it's a crazy mixed up world ya know!?!

[Princess Grandpa]

Wow, that went a direction I had not expected. But I get your drift. Nails...hair pre-Beatles ...were markers for feminine...less conspicuous that clothes, but still markers. And particularly to an earlier, far less enlightened generation viewed all differences as deviance.

I know I got grief for other things...like how I walked or threw a ball...and for being good with babies. And I hid all that to avoid the ridicule.

Still, it's not good for you or your father to be at odds. Maybe it's a void that can't be bridged and maybe he could never understand, but in reality, you have grown. Maybe he has, maybe he hasn't.

Thank you for that thought. We actually have reconnected albeit it on a superficial level. Julie and I believe he bas similar inclinations. We also doubt he would ever be able to come to terms with this. (Who am I to judge another. My opinion though). He lives on his boat not far from Hamburger Mary's in Long Beach. Each time we are there it occurs to me he could drop in. I'm sure if I had not come to terms with myself I could see dropping in their when the urge got too strong. Go mock the freaks to keep from being one. It would make for an interesting encounter. lol

[Beverley Sims]

Families divide over the silliest and miniscule things in life.
Maybe one day......

[ArleneRaquel]

I have a picture of myself, circa 1951-'52 with two older female cousins. The picture taken at Halloween has me in lipstick and I'm crying my eyes out in protest, in the pic I'm dressed girly. Just a few years later I would dream of living my life as a female. We do protest too much (sometimes) that things that we really long for.