Finally did it

[Nigella]

I have been out and about for at least 5 years now, during that time I don't think I have ever took much notice of the sly comments, looks or everything else that Joe Public throws our way. As is my usual practice, each to their own, they have no impact on me, so let it go and get on with things.

Not today :Angry3:

Went to town today, looking rough as I have a few days growth due to having electrolysis, hence the reason for being in town. Thought I would stop by the market and pick up some meat for a Bar B Que.

Picked the first lot, moved up the counter to pick the next, anyways the person serving me followed, but before packing my second lot, decided to comment to his colleagues, I knew it was about me as they both turned around and looked directly at me and smirked.

Normally this would not bother me, but it was the directness their amusement that for once got to me. Well no more to do, told them what they could do with their meat and walked off.

A little disappointed as I am normally bigger that this, but I guess there are times when limits are reached and you have to react.

[Angela Campbell]

Being polite is something that some just have forgotten unfortunately.

[Sheren Kelly]

Well no more to do, told them what they could do with their meat and walked off.
A little disappointed as I am normally bigger that this, but I guess there are times when limits are reached and you have to react.

I would have done the same. If they don't treat me with respect, they don't get my business. I only hope management was aware that they lost a sale due to the immaturity of their staff.

[Rianna Humble]

Sorry you had to go through this, Nigella. Whilst I admire your normal attitude, I think that you did the right thing here. The people in the market know that loss of custom is not a good idea, so you have brought the message home to them in the simplest possible terms that they can understand. There is nothing unladylike in this. My late mother was one of the meekest, most mildly spoken people you could hope to meet, but if she felt people were behaving badly to someone or trying to do her down, she would tell them in no uncertain terms where to get off.

I just hope that you found some reasonable meat for the barbecue in another part of the market.

[kimdl93]

None of us is perfect. Sure, the higher course of action would have been to dismiss this insult and walk away. But sometimes things get to us...anyone...that we might normally be able to let go. You had one of those moment. And they can go (expletive deleted) themselves.

[Marleena]

Well Nigella I don't blame you one bit. Every one of us deserves respect. You ran in to a couple of jerks.

[Raychel]

Sorry you went thru this Nigella, Some people can be so rude,
Rude of the person of the person that was serving you,
and rude of the co-workers to go along with that person.

They needed to be put in their place, :thumbsup:

[Sandra]

All I can say is it's good job I wasn't with you know what I'm like :gg: but I have got a bit better :p

[JoanneB]

The problem with "common courtesy" is that it aint so common anymore.Should have punched them in the eyes and told them to put the meat on their black eye!

[Nigella]

I must admit, it felt good, having said that, a little common courtesy is all I ask for, what they think, say or do is up to them, but it is plain rude to do it to someones face.

[Wildaboutheels]

Have you shopped in this store before? Maybe he was a new and/or probably clueless employee?

You might feel even better if you talk directly with the store manager next time you are in town and/or leave a hand written note for him or her? An email is a "record" of it of course but you would not actually know that the manager read it. You would actually be doing the store and the employee in question a favor by reporting his bad behavior especially if you have been happy shopping there in the past.

[Jorja]

Some days it sucks to be us. It is a real shame that those that feel they need to humiliate, make snide remarks, attack us, and even kill us, can't wake up one morning with an arse on top of their neck. They would have to go outside and actually interface with 10,000 different people to get that butt to disappear. I am sure that would stop all of their rude behavior. Until then, continue doing what your doing Nigella. One day we will be as normal in society as they seem to be.

[mikiSJ]

I haven't been out dressed long enough to run into the problem you had, but I am simply tired of bad service and I am inclined to take my issues up with management. If there is no consequences for bad actions they will continue.

I am not always sure the manager/supervisors gives a damn, but at least I made my point.

[Leah Lynn]

I only hope management was aware that they lost a sale due to the immaturity of their staff.


In this town the manager would likely say, "Good! We don't need their lot in here, anyway!"

You can't fix stupid!

Leah

[Jason+]

Nigella,

I am not sure that being bigger also means quietly taking someone's abuse at all. They should count themselves lucky you didn't help them complete your thoughts on where the meat should go. Professionalism and discretion shouldn't be optional. (I expect being pointed out to co-workers and friends, it comes with being me on my terms and even so most of the time when it happens they aren't that direct and belligerent about it.)

[KellyJameson]

You are a human being with certain inalienable rights that they violated by the experience they subjected you to. A form of cruelty based on your external appearance.

Would society tolerate someone doing this to Stephen Hawking because of how he appears or talks?

Being transsexual is the expression of the deepest aspects of our persons. It is not a choice but a necessity, no different than breathing.

Their behavior was punishment for your existence. They treated you as a monster so a non human "other" who is less than human, so less than them

Racism and sexism is based on seeing others as inferior and much violence has come out of this.

This is what genocide is based on and there are many who would destroy anyone who is different from them because they make their world less pleasant to live in.

These people are evil. There is no other word in my opinion that captures it better.

[xcdmargo]

I think at some point we all have to say enough is enough. It seems like that's only way some morons will get the point.
I'm all for being patient and understanding but there's no way I would pay money to be insulted.

margo

[Rianna Humble]

you know what I'm like :gg: but I have got a bit better :p

Is that better as in more proficient? :heehee:

:hiding:

[Nigella]

You know it wasn't about the service, but suffice to say I shan't use that particular market stall again. As I said earlier, I can usually ignore those who feel they have to show their thoughts/feelings without consideration to those they are showing contempt for.

Generally I find that complaining to anyone in authority is only momentary. It would be a rare occurrence for the individual to be reprimanded or even made to apologise, so anything said to you would be meaningless. I show my contempt for them by no longer using their services.

Rianna, you should have seen Sandra when I very first went out dressed, all them years ago, I had Sandra on one side, our daughter on the other, acting like a pair of bodyguards. In fact our daughter said "Dad, if anyone says anything I'll deck em" Do you know what, she bloody well meant it as well.

[Launa]

Have you shopped in this store before? Maybe he was a new and/or probably clueless employee?

You might feel even better if you talk directly with the store manager next time you are in town and/or leave a hand written note for him or her? An email is a "record" of it of course but you would not actually know that the manager read it. You would actually be doing the store and the employee in question a favor by reporting his bad behavior especially if you have been happy shopping there in the past.

If you feel up to talking with the manager then I say do it!! Go in with a hand written letter in case he or she is not there, ask to speak with him or her and see what they say. If its positive feedback you get back then great! You have made some progress. If they are not there at the time for you to talk to then leave the hand written note for them.

After you meet with them or not follow up 2 days later with an email to the manager and CC the "head HR department" of the chain store thanking them for their understanding and corrective actions. You can send the email with a read receipt if you want to. If they send the "read receipt" response back when they open it, great you'll know their reading it.

If you roughly do it like this then the "head chain" might follow up with that manager to see if they "did anything or not" and how fast he or she "acted" to rectify this bad behavior.


I haven't been out dressed long enough to run into the problem you had, but I am simply tired of bad service and I am inclined to take my issues up with management. If there is no consequences for bad actions they will continue.

I am not always sure the manager/supervisors gives a damn, but at least I made my point.

Sometimes the store managers don't give a damn but sometimes they do!

On top of that you might be surprised that maybe a person in charge of HR in this large grocery chain store is several states away, sitting at desk on the 16th floor of a building and an email like what happened here comes across their screen and they have no personal relationships with the redneck people working in that particular store....

They sometimes will do an investigation/follow ups on things like this and store managers hate it when the big bosses start poking around looking at what is going on from a few hundred miles away. We all might be surprised!

Nigella, I know its easy for me to call the shots when it didn't happen to me.


Cheers

[Nigella]

Just to clarify, this is not about bad service, more respect. I understand what you are all saying about contacting this person or that person, but lets put the record straight, this was a market stall, for all I know the person serving me may have been the owner, who cares, I said my piece, made my statement by walking away and will reinforce it by not using that market stall again.

I have been on the other side of the table when dealing with "discrimination", more often than not it is a lip service to the complainant when told "something will be done".

Most run of the mill high street chains do have policies that deal with issues such as this, it is rare that you will find it happen in a "named" store, the publicity alone will not sit well with the shareholders. I have made complaints before, direct to the manager, received the obligatory apology, but never have I had the "offender" spoke to about their behaviour in front of me, that would IMHO be bad management practice. I have to accept the manager at their word that such a thing is not condoned and that the employee will be "dealt with".

[kimdl93]

From a management perspective, there's nothing more frustrating than employees treating customers with disrespect, unless its customers treating other customers with disrespect. Of course we can have policies and training, but in the end, you can train away stupidity...but with proper documentation you can fire stupid people.

[Sandra]

Is that better as in more proficient? :heehee:

:hiding:

Oh yes lol ...................

[Serana]

Standing up for oneself is certainly nothing to be disappointed in yourself about.

I'd say there was a similar situation with myself, in where, just perhaps by the most sheer coincidence ever, I was clocked by some... not so polite kids from a school. Now I've seen them time and time again, and I got these comments from them, and most of the time I let it slide, ignore them and get on with it (they're both taller than me anyway D: ). On the odd occasion, I'd actually grown fed up with it, and I approached them while they were following me in a car to a street with a dead-end.

Normally, I'd have walked off and been "meh" about it and not cared, but this time I just turned around, and started to walk towards them. At this point they very quickly reverse to the other end of the street.

The "moral" of this story is; cowards always act in groups, and this will never change. By walking away and confronting them you did the right thing to show you have emotions and a personality and that they're disrespecting a human being.

Sadly, this may never change anything, but it's good to be vigilant, and not a vigilante.

[Barbara Ella]

Absolutely nothing wrong with finally reaching one's limit of good behavior and tolerance, and achieving the "stuff it" level. Hope you rebound back to your usual tolerant self, at least for awhile...lol

Barbara

[Di]

All I can say is it's good job I wasn't with you know what I'm like :gg: but I have got a bit better :p

OMGoodness I am the same way.....I pretty much can take anything but someone be rude to someone I care about.....look out.:devil:

Good on you Nigella:thumbsup::hugs::love: