Gender therapy appt. revelation....

[melissakozak]

So today, while discussing my transgender life, my therapist point blank said, "If your life circumstances were different, you would probably be on HRT." After a long pause, from me, of course, I said, "I just don't know." I have been seeing her for one year now, and it's become obvious to her and me that my needs are way beyond just dressing up.

Therapy sure is revealing......

[steftoday]

Yep, Melissa, it is.

[xcdmargo]

I think sometimes we need them to say "How could you not know" how could we not know what we need and should to be doing.

margo

[Angela Campbell]

I think it is a standard question. I was asked if my situation was different....the things I am so afraid of...would you have the srs surgery? This is a way for him to feel out how you really see things without the filter of all the things that block your decision.

[I Am Paula]

Just my two cents. About SRS, 'I don't know' is a reasonable answer. About HRT, if you don't say 'YES' give it to me now or I'll chew a hole in your door, I'm THAT desperate', then you probably don't need it.
We're all different, but I think HRT is a make it or break it last straw.

[Leona]

Indeed, I was reading an FAQ on the subject that said that HRT is given in diagnosing GD. If it has the calming/relaxing effect, then it's continued. If not, then you don't need it. I'm curious enough about it, though, because I definitely feel like if my life circumstances had been different, I'd have started transitioning when I was 18-22.

[StephanieC]

I can certainly help us to see things we could not or would not recognize.

Good luck!

[kimdl93]

So Melissa, does this revelation lead you to consider any changes in the path you're on?

[melissaK]

I'm not clear.
1) Did therapist suggest HT? or Did you raise HT?
2) What life circumstances need to be different?
3) How did you feel about that comment? Do you agree??
4) You don't say much, your needs exceed what? a hot dress . . . ? How do they exceed? (if you've said in other threads or posts my apologizes for my laziness)

I do get TgirlCeleste's comment. And I pretty much agree. And I think you oughta be happy about the fact you aren't chewing holes in doors . . . . seriously happy. (is that possible or am I in oxymoron speak? its late, I could be stating the impossible)

[STACY B]

Just my two cents. About SRS, 'I don't know' is a reasonable answer. About HRT, if you don't say 'YES' give it to me now or I'll chew a hole in your door, I'm THAT desperate', then you probably don't need it.
We're all different, but I think HRT is a make it or break it last straw.

Sorry But I have to use your statement to make my point also ,,lol,,, You RIGHT on the H.R.T that's for sure ,,100% ,, I was trying to stay calm at the therapist an not Blow a Fuse ,, I just acted like it will all come in time ,, But inside I was about to Blow Up !!

So I just patently waited an acted all cool an it came an it was all over with ,, But the letter an the Doctor visit was the worst thing I have ever waited for !! Took FOREVER ,, But I guess good things are worth waiting for .

As for the surgery ,, That will come after the meds come in to play I guess ,, I myself don't give it much thought being so happy with the other right now .

[Marleena]

Yes I found it revealing too Melissa. Therapy brought back the past that I had buried so well. The interesting part is that most of the people that need HRT question it and carefully decide. Then there are the ones that want it as a designer drug just for boobs and just to try and look girlie.

[stefan37]

If you want to have boobs and look girly, use forms. HRT does things to us chemically that would not otherwise happen. Physical changes are a crapshoot and what breast growth most of us get is lost by our large chests. The mental benefits and subtle rewiring of our brains is the greatest benefit I am receiving from HRT.

[melissakozak]

Thank you for the responses. If my life was different, I would probably start HRT, BUT, and it is a big BUT, it would create a host of problems for me....BUT my counselor agrees that I am most likely TS, so am I compromising my future or just delaying an inevitable process? Yes, without the filter of realities of my male life, I would probably go down the road, but my GD, so far, hasn't gotten me to any sort of point of no return....

[Angela Campbell]

I hope it never does get to that point for you.

[melissakozak]

I am hoping that as well, and I told my counselor I actually like the 'male' person I have become even though I wished things were far, far different...

[mikiSJ]

"If things were different...?"

That is for me, and apparently a lot of us, the real question.

"If things were different...?"

[melissakozak]

Married with a 3 1/2 year old and a medical professional....in a conservative area....

[JohnH]

The mental benefits and subtle rewiring of our brains is the greatest benefit I am receiving from HRT.

Same here.

My wife even says I have adopted feminine gestures and movements even though I have not made any effort to move like a genetic woman.

Johanna

[Jorja]

so am I compromising my future or just delaying an inevitable process?

As long as you are not feeling that burning need/desire/I have to do it I can't get it out of my head/it is taking over my life, feelings to be a woman, you should be all right. As long as what you are doing to control the GD is working, you should be ok.

[ReineD]

....BUT my counselor agrees that I am most likely TS, so am I compromising my future or just delaying an inevitable process?

When you're ready, you'll know. There won't be so many questions.

Beware of therapists who lead you. You should be coming to your own conclusions.

In past posts you mentioned two-spirit and bigendered. Like Jorja says, there's nothing wrong with living a gender fluid life until such time as all your questions and doubts are removed.

[Badtranny]

My wife even says I have adopted feminine gestures and movements even though I have not made any effort to move like a genetic woman.

WHAT!?

The hormones are making you act like a girl? Is that what you're saying? Because you know that's impossible right?

[Marleena]

@ Misty, Johanna is having remarkable results that the rest of us can only hope for.:)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'd be careful about ANY idea that begins.."if things were different...." or "if my circumstances were different..."
Nothing good will come of it. It is a recipe for conflict in your life


to mistys point..
..when I started HRT my wrists started flouncing around uncontrollably, it was very embarrassing...I also started twirling my hair around while chewing and popping bubblegum looking up at the sky...I also found that I was often skipping instead of walking.
ummmmmmmm........

[LeaP]

Kaitlyn, living in the here and now has been one of the hardest things I've had to learn, bar none. Probably worth its own thread.

[Anne2345]

to mistys point..
..when I started HRT my wrists started flouncing around uncontrollably, it was very embarrassing...I also started twirling my hair around while chewing and popping bubblegum looking up at the sky...I also found that I was often skipping instead of walking.
ummmmmmmm........


That was a total spit-take LMFAO read!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Barbara Ella]

You have heard from far wiser girls than me. You will absolutely know it when you need it. Yes, compromises do hurt, and often just delay the inevitable, which makes the hurt even deeper I fear.

Key point is that you are at peace with what you have right now. I truly wish that for you and for all here.

Barbara

[JohnH]

WHAT!?

The hormones are making you act like a girl? Is that what you're saying? Because you know that's impossible right?

Melissa,

I tended to have feminine movements even before the hormones. It is not like I was some really macho man (except for my voice!) and I suddenly turned into a dainty lady! :)

If you look closely a male brushes the hair from his eyes if he has long hair with his fingers bent. A genetic woman on the other hand holds the fingers straight, which I do.

Johanna

[melissakozak]

Well, I have managed to keep my GD under some control, but is "control" compromise and is my male life just a matter of convenience at this point????

[Jorja]

This is where the hard part comes into play. We can tell you about our experiences. We can give you advice. That is all we can do. You are the only one that can determine if control is a compromise and you are the only one that can determine if your male life is just a matter of convenience for you.

[Angela Campbell]

Having to look like a man at times is damned inconvenient thank you very much. I do it for now because I have no choice.Once I have completed the preparations I will not have to do it anymore. But for now I need the employment so I will go slow for them. (we are working out a solution so it is only temporary)

[melissakozak]

MelissaK,

I didn't bring up HRT. My therapist did. She plainly stated that she believes I would probably pursue HRT if my life circumstances were different. As for the clothing bit; she knows I am only crossdressing as a bridge to my inner identity. Clothes honestly don't do much for me. No, I am not chewing holes in doors about this. The burning issue for me right now is that I would like to be able to present as a woman to those who are close to me as well, not just my close LGBT friends. A lot of people know but the DADT policy sucks for me. My entire family knows about me and so do most of my closest friends, but 'knowing' and 'tolerating' is not acceptance. I am fortunate enough to have one close female friend who will go out with me.

There is so much fear and trepidation surrounding trans issues it is not even funny. First, there is our own fear. Second, there is our family's fear. Then there is fear of fear itself. I have arrived at a point of self acceptance, and that is key for me. My counselor and I are working out the ins and outs as to how I am living this double life. So far, it IS working. So far, I am content. So far, no HRT because I believe HRT is a step in the direction of living permanently in girl mode. Not feeling that much GD to go down that road. She says I need to get out more and do more as Melissa and get a lot more RLE, and I agree, so that is what I am doing. I can get more experiences without starting HRT and living full time. Granted, living part time and full time are two entirely different experiences; I know that.

[Marleena]

Melissa I think you're in a great place. It's working for you and you are dealing with it in an intelligent, informed way. If you don't need to transition it's best not to. I wish I didn't need to start the process but my brain wouldn't shut down. I started HRT to be able to function more than anything else. My wife watched me melting down and was in agreement. If I needed to go further with this I would not transition in place that's for sure. I'm sort of trapped due to financial issues and it's not fun.

An intolerant family would not help you during transition that's for sure. Best of luck.:)