My queer-ness is showing!

[AshleyW]

It's only been a few months since I accepted I was trans and started cross-dressing properly. Almost immediately I noticed a whole bunch of areas besides dress where I had been forcing myself to conform to the masculine gender norm. Things I say, how I walk, talk, sit, etc. I determined I would start just being myself in those areas, too. The result, I suppose, is that even in guy mode I now come across as a lot more feminine than I used to.

Last Friday I was making small talk with a co-worker (a straight male) and he asked me casually, "So, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?" It was the first time in my life that someone has made it explicitly clear they're uncertain what my orientation is. (For the record, I'm straight). I smiled and said, "Nope, no boyfriend, no girlfriend!" Which, you know, didn't really clarify things.

At first I was quite pleased by this. I liked the fact that someone had noticed my "queer-ness," even if they misunderstood its exact nature. I told myself I would rather people think I was gay than think I was cisgender.

However it slowly dawned on me that perhaps everyone I work with thinks I'm gay. And the more I thought about it, the more it started to bother me. I'm honestly not even sure why. I really really hope it's not due to some latent homophobia buried somewhere deep in my psyche. (I'm ashamed to admit that I used to be a homophobe back in my days as a fundamentalist Christian, though that feels like a different lifetime now). I will have to take some time to think about what this means.

I had set myself the goal of showing up to work with my nails painted before the end of the summer; now I'm no longer 100% sure I want to do this. I probably still will, but we'll see.

[Angela Campbell]

Well it seems to be something that shows. I have actually been asked while in boy mode if I was a lesbian...I have been told I have a girly face...I just stopped caring what people think about me anymore.

[Kate Simmons]

Maybe your friend was just being PC and wanted to cover all bases.:)

[kimdl93]

why did you choose wearing painted nails to work as a goal? are you eventually hoping to be more openly transgendered?

[Jenny CD]

I have a co-worker that is lesbian. She and I talk about our lifestyles quite often. She, her gf and I even went out together and had a blast. She asked me if I was straight, bi, or gay. I just smiled. She finds it 'cute' when guys (possibly tranny chasers) hit on me, and then I shoot them down... Her words. Anyway, like someone told me in another thread, just be yourself and accept who you (we) are. Have fun with it. By the way, I used to belong to a fundamentalist Christian church too. I know where you are coming from.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Straight, gay, bi-, whatever. Be happy being YOU and leave the labels for bottles of wine.


Seems that people aren't happy unless they can squeeze another person into a neatly labeled box. Why is that?

[whowhatwhen]

Don't you just love leading questions?
:)

My brother keeps trying that sort of thing but that just means he'll be the last to know anything.

[LilSissyStevie]

Sounds like the story of my life (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ2X2_ts5Kw).

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Don't you just love leading questions?
:)

My brother keeps trying that sort of thing but that just means he'll be the last to know anything.

I just love those questions like "have you stopped beating your wife?"

In the end you need to answer just like you did. Don't satisfy them with an answer that they want.

[Princess Grandpa]

Like you I came from a fundamentalist set of beliefs. I managed to she'd them some 25 years ago. The early training holds tight.
I go out regularly with my nails polished. I always remove before returning home. Here lately I have been shopping from the women's side of the aisle for my every day clothes. I just assume those who see me believe me to be gay. Why is it easier to have people believe I'm gay as opposed to a crossdresser. *must consider this more*

No matter what, be happy with who you are

Hug
Rita

[Jenny CD]

Why is it easier to have people believe I'm gay as opposed to a crossdresser. *must consider this more*

No matter what, be happy with who you are

Hug


Rita

Reminds me of how my mother would accept me being gay but not CD, or transgendered. Weird.

[Tracii G]

A lot of people assume I'm gay so I let them think what they want.I never give them a solid answer to that question because if the right guy comes along they will think they were right all along.
Never dress 100% guy anyway so people always wonder I'm sure.
I like being different and found most people just really don't care what you are.

[Jenny CD]

A lot of people assume I'm gay so I let them think what they want.I never give them a solid answer to that question because if the right guy comes along they will think they were right all along.
Never dress 100% guy anyway so people always wonder I'm sure.
I like being different and found most people just really don't care what you are.
Absolutley correct Traci. Most people just don't care. If you live a city, people might look at you funny and say something to a friend later, but who cares? They won't recognize you a week later.

[Leah Lynn]

The guys I work with aren't too sure about me. It's fun to keep them guessing.

Leah

[Rebecca Watson]

However it slowly dawned on me that perhaps everyone I work with thinks I'm gay. And the more I thought about it, the more it started to bother me. I'm honestly not even sure why.

My guess: There's a misunderstanding both about yourself and about homosexuality in general; you feel you'd like to correct it, but (a) you shouldn't need to and (b) it's pointless because there's a common viewpoint in society that atypical behaviour implies homosexuality. "I [paint my nails] because I like to and nothing more" doesn't seem to make sense to muggles.

However, asking if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't in itself imply that he thinks you're gay; e.g. he could simply be gay-friendly. Do you remember the movie Love, Actually where the boy tells his father that he's in love, and the father asks "And what does she - he - feel about you?"?

- Becky

PS. I wear coloured nail polish to work from time to time (including right now, with blue and shiny nail polish; although currently it's the weekend and nobody else is here). It did get pointed out (more than I expected): one lady asked if I had matching toenails; one lady explained why she doesn't paint her nails anymore and gave some tips on how to maintain painted nails; and one lady pointed out that she and I had matching fingernails. No bad experiences, however.

[Tracii G]

I would wear clear polish on my nails at work and no one said anything.
One of the office girls did say you have really well manicured nails for a guy ever think of a color other than clear? I said I save that for the weekends.
She smiled and said I do that too.

[Angela Campbell]

The guys I work with aren't too sure about me. It's fun to keep them guessing.

Leah

Oh geez, I'm not even sure about me!

[Tracii G]

I think some I worked with thought I was gay because I never chased after the women in the office.

[Jorja]

Now what you should have done when asked if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, tiffany, is said no boy or girl friend. Then ask if he would like a date and drop a business card with the phone number of a local escort service on it. If asked if it is your number say no, I thought you were hard up to get a date. End of prying questions.

[mikiSJ]

...I have actually been asked while in boy mode if I was a lesbian...I have been told I have a girly face...

How long did your smile last after that comment.

I remember back when I was 18 and sitting with two GFs (1 romantic) and they both remarked I would make a great girl. After figuring out they didn't know about my CDing, I wore a smile for a bit.

[AshleyW]

Thanks for helping me think through this everyone! I guess I should just be myself and not worry what people think. :)



why did you choose wearing painted nails to work as a goal? are you eventually hoping to be more openly transgendered?
It's a nubmer of things. Mostly I want to reach the point in my life where I'm sufficiently out of the closet\open enough to paint my nails without having to think about when I'll have to remove it. Also it's about being confident enough to not be embarassed by it.



Sounds like the story of my life.
Oh man that was the best thing I clicked on all day!

[Beverley Sims]

I think I would say that you are straight and do not weird out your workmates.
Employment is a useful past time. :)