What do others assume about you?

[Sandieland]

Aside from occasional curious stares, when you are out and dressed and interact with strangers, what do they seem to assume about you? If at a bar do men (gay or otherwise) who discover you are a crossdresser assume you're easy and/or promiscuous? Do they indicate you are odd, unbalanced or over-sexed? I seem to attract men at bars (even CD/TG bars) who automatically assume I'm trolling for a roll in the hay...something very far from the truth. Have any of you experienced the same thing...and how do you handle it?

[reb.femme]

I can't really say, save for the look of horror on one guys face. Like he'd seen the Devil Incarnate. :devil:

My support group meets in a pub and there is one huge guy, a regular, who is seriously curious and wants to talk to us. He has small interactions, but holds back in the main. Grand assumption coming up :heehee: ......I assume this to be more about the way he will be perceived by his peers in the pub.

Reb

[ArleneRaquel]

I know that my next door assumes that I am gay and that surely that I will be going to h+ll. After a very short period of time of being nice he is back ro his old dark ways. Last Thursday at my optical appointments the 4 ladies who worked there were very nice and the compliments flowed, my assumption is that they see me as gay. My eye exam went well and I was enfemme all the way.. A gentleman who, at times drives me shopping, not the BF, just a neighbor, likeely things the same. Strangers that I pass, on the street, smile if they are female, and generally ignore me if they are make. I attend bars very rarely unless I'm on a date, usually with the boyfriend.

[Sabrina133]

Hi Sandie,

Great question. My CDing history is long and varied - well ok, maybe not as long as some other girls in here. When i started going out publicly - meaning going to bars and clubs, it was with the intention of hooking up so i enjoyed the attention and experience. I would usually go to gay bars or bars and clubs that had a strong CD clientele so that the males knew what they were getting when one would ask me for a dance and perhaps a bit more. As i got older, or should I say more experience about life, i started just going out with the intention of just having a good time. It wasn't just about sex anymore. I wanted to meet someone whith whom i could potentially live the rest of my life. I thought i'd found that someone but it turned out to be not the case. That was in what i will call my middle experience. Well anyway, i've since met my SO who I hope will be my life's partner. When we go out as two women, we go to both straight and gay venues. We will often attract both male and female attention (as you've probably surmised, I am Bi and so is my partner/SO). We continue to be happy at the fact that we do attract attention and are asked to dance or for a date but as we are now happily monogamous, that is as far as it goes. Most people who dont know us simply assume we are a lesbian couple and not much else is said. Its been an interesting evolution from a 25 year old bi cross dresser who loved anything in a pair of trousers to being a 30 something bi TG girl who'se happily proud to be with an amazingly beautiful woman. We haven't retired to the fuzzy slippers and flannel nightgowns yet, but thats ok too.

So what do they assume about us, we really dont care. If they want to assume we are a gay couple, thats fine. If they assume am gay and she's not, thats fine too. If they read me and realize am a guy in a tight skirt and therefore am a weirdo, thats fine too.

Bree

[Lorileah]

I seem to attract men at bars (even CD/TG bars) who automatically assume I'm trolling for a roll in the hay...something very far from the truth.

CD drag bars are notorious for both sides ( the CDs and the chasers) who are looking for hook ups. Usually a quickie somewhere. Think of it as shooting fish in a barrel.

A simple "no thank you I have a lot more class than that" works for me. Also not gong to this type establishment saves a lot of grief. Regular Gay bars you won't get hit on as much because...well they like men. Mixed bars are even better.

[Wildaboutheels]

I don't do bars, as I don't drink at all, even wine. Never had any interest in it.

I do have EXTENSIVE experience out and about in the RW "dressed" and in no way, shape or form, trying to "pass". I have no clue what they are thinking or MIGHT assume about me because I can't read minds and even IF I could, I wouldn't. It's not important to me what the public thinks. I don't dress for them or their approval. I have gotten my fair share of compliments, and have had more than a few ASK to take a picture of me or with me. I always oblige. I don't care where they MIGHT end up. When we are out in public EVERYONE is fair game.

I treat people "right" when I am out in public no matter what clothes I am wearing... which is WHY I have never had anything even remotely close to a problem with anyone.

Inevitably, sooner or later, there will be teenage females...

If and ONLY if in a group, some may TRY to be "annoying" but it's relatively easy to turn the tables on them with just a bit of imagination and hopefully cure them of their narrow mindedness.

If WE don't take the time and make the effort to educate JD public, it ain't gonna happen.

[Kate Simmons]

How I handle it kind of depends on how cute the guy is Hon.:battingeyelashes::)

[xdressed]

Not come across any common assumptions at all from people who I've spoken with while out en femme. Only question that commonly comes up is 'are you a crossdresser or trans'? Although that only ever comes up after I've opened my mouth, as I've passed a few times before as well (but some times I definitely haven't lol)

[Tracii G]

For me generally nothing happens when I'm out enfemme.
A GF and I went to a regular club several times and the bar tender said they didn't get many lesbian couples in there.She was nice to us and we didn't take her comment the wrong way.
I have been asked to dance so I did, nothing more than that was asked of me.
Got hit on at a place called The Pub I think is a chain of old Scottish pubs.He came over to me and asked my name and small chit chat ensued.
He was nice looking and around 30 or so but I told him I was waiting on a GF to arrive.
He said it was nice meeting you and hope to see you here in the future.I said nice to meet you as well.

[Sabrina133]

The fact that the bartender thought you were a lesbian couple is a great compliment. I always feel great when that happens to me.

[Lynn Marie]

I've generated a little interest a few times especially now that I'm more willing to talk to strangers. If propositioned these days, I graciously decline with a cute little shrug and "I'm sorry, I'm just not that kind of girl".

[AllieSF]

My experiences are similar to Wild's. I don't think that I have ever really been hit on, maybe because I am uglier than I think! I get the looks and sometimes stares, which I normally return with a long smiling look and that generally cures them for the moment. I talk with everyone, whether they are ready for it or not. As Wild, no punches, kicks nor slaps yet. I can make a guess at what they are thinking before, and can make even a better guess after talking with them for 30 minutes. But, in the end, only they know what they are thinking. I do know that most have enjoyed the conversation as much or more than I did.

[kimdl93]

In my experience, gay men do not assume that I'm either anything. I have never had a gay man hit on me, and I think as a rule gay males are attracted to men, not men dressed as women. Oddly, I have attracted attention from women, but nothing to imply that they made any assumptions about promiscuity.

[Rogina B]

I enjoy the mainstream establishments and enjoy having "typical" conversations with both sexes. I am not afraid to mention my wife and daughter in any conversation,so that "curbs their enthusiasm" as needed.People remember me,and I enjoy that. It isn't like that at a "pickup spot".

[Melissa Rose]

I have no idea since I have never asked anyone what their assumptions about me were nor have they told me. It would be speculation on my part if all I had were their external actions or reactions to go by. I failed my mind reading class in college. I used to think I could accurately tell if I got read, but now I think I really don't know for sure. I know I get read some or all of the time, but I'm do not know what others assume when it happens.

[Beth Wilde]

If my partner and I are out dressed, I can only assume they think we are a T-Girl couple...... We are 6ft 5in and 6ft 9in in heels and we hold hands!

[noeleena]

Hi,

Been to two bars in the last 7 years, one in Austraila was invited by my friend & one in Christchurch, N Z again invited & with 5 others . no idear what im percived as, could be any number of ways, so if some one comes up to me they soon find out im an intersexed female, despite my looks, was married three grown up adults & 10 grandkids, & not interested in any relashonships, so that makes it simple .

With your ? i was wondering does this have any thing to do with how you are dressed, or present your self,

Because from what i gather many dresser's dress in a way to attract men & what i have & do see, so its no wonder dresser's attract attention ,

I attract attention just not in that way. its because of how i look & what i wear. not your normal day wear, its in period wear, olden day clothes , so a bit different,

...noeleena...

[Paula_56]

Most often when shoppinng at MAC or clothing stores the SA's think I am a transtioned transsexual. When I tell them I dresses once a month they are surprised, sometimes I get the sense they are more comfortsble with the idea of me being transexaul and living fulltime than a crossdresser.

[Rogina B]

I really believe there is truth to that,Paula. I notice that as well with some people. It is why I try to present as if there is no other option for me..what you see is what I am...no testosterone to power the mindset..

[Robbin_Sinclair]

I've seriously dressed in public while traveling by myself. Love staying in a hostel. They usually has young people but some older seasoned travelers. Usually they are accepting and often very interesting. Some might ask questions as tactfully as they can. Love train travel en fem. The railroad car may get crowded but, for some reason, nobody sits in my companion seat. Nice question.

[melissakozak]

Well, when out at the clubs with a barely there cover your backside dress, I seem to attract the kind of attention you describe. It gets a little old. I am not out looking for a hookup. I just happen to be fortunate enough to have a body that allows me to pull off this sort of thing. I prefer wearing pants, a nice top and flats...far easier to walk, less attention, etc. Just tell them thank you for the compliments, etc. and state the truth...not interested, period. It works except on the drunks. Oh my goodness, the drunk chaser....

[Angela Campbell]

In my experience, gay men do not assume that I'm either anything. I have never had a gay man hit on me, and I think as a rule gay males are attracted to men, not men dressed as women. Oddly, I have attracted attention from women, but nothing to imply that they made any assumptions about promiscuity.

Recently I went to a LGBT resort to meet with some of my sisters and was very uncomfortable with the attention from the men there. I did not want it and it seemed to be constant. I will likely not go there again. What did they assume about me? I do not know but it was wrong.

[linda allen]

.............. I think as a rule gay males are attracted to men, not men dressed as women. ...........

That's a common theme on the Jerry Springer TV show (where the general public gets its information on transexuals and crossdressers). The gay man is breaking up with his gay crossdresser or transexual partner because he wants a man, not a woman. If he wanted a woman, he wouldn't be gay.

As for bars, I think some of the negative stereotypes people have about gays, lesbials, and transexuals is that they are horny as hell and spend most of their time in bars looking for sex. The gay and lesbian people that I've dealt with through the years were not like that at all, they were just normal people who happened to have partners of the same sex.

I can no longer drink alcohol so that's one reason I stay away from bars, but I tired of the bar scene many, many years ago.

I've only been out dressed a few times and have not had any interaction with members of the public other than passing them on the street or having them hold a door open for me. My hope is that they assume I am a female just going about her daily affairs. It is pretty neat to have a man or group of men step off the sidewalk to let you pass or hold a door open for you.

[Beverley Sims]

For me it always depended on how I was dressed and the company I was keeping at the time.

[sherri]

Based on my own interactions, I've noticed or experienced the following:

Lesbians tend to "get it". They are by far the most understanding and accepting group, and they don't read into the situation, preferring to take me at face value -- in other words, as a feminine person.
By and large, gays, drag queens and transsexuals assume I'm not serious about my gender identity, else I'd "go all the way". Very condescending and dismissive, and sometimes disdainful, but fortunately there are exceptions -- quite a few, actually.
Horn dogs assume I'm available for casual sex, and that I'll be receptive to their groping and crude suggestiveness. Chemistry doesn't seem to enter their minds. I'm quite sexual by nature so I'm open to that sort of thing, but with someone I just met, there would have to be a very powerful attraction, which is rare. And as I have aged and evolved, I am much less interested in sex without a relationship. Of course, that usually means no sex. :D
Disapproving attitudes from straight strangers suggest they view me as a deviant or pervert, and I guess by their definition I am. I don't encounter that very often though. Given the chance, I'll try to defuse that attitude, but if hostility is apparent, I remind myself that some people aren't happy unless they're passing judgment and I ignore them.

[Nikki A.]

I'm not a mind reader so I can't assume what others think of me.
I have been asked if I'm into men or women (women) and the people who know that I dress know that it is easier to ask me what ever else is on their mind than to assume. I do get asked questions and I do try to give a clear and honest answer.

Sherri I tend to disagree about lesbians though. Many at first are rather stand ofish and a bit snobby to us (we are competion to them). However as they get to know you and see you're not a wolf in sheep's clothing so to speak, they turn out to be great supporters and have given me some of my best complements.
Actually I find that it is the average married women (as long as it isn't your wife) that seem to "get" us and accept us. At least they feel for the work we need to do to look decent.

[Brooklyn]

Usually people think I'm a drag queen or a TS. I once overheard the cops taking bets on me. LGBT people sometimes want to get a picture together or dance, which I love. I always get propositioned - even by hetero couples. A little flirting is fun, and I don't judge, but tell chasers who won't let up that "I like girls". Some people think it's perfectly okay to grab my rear or breasts, a few weeks ago some guys lifted me into the air completely and tried to pull my wig off right on the dance floor. Drunk men can be terrifying. I've found it always best to go out with other CDers for safety.

[mikiSJ]

...maybe because I am uglier than I think!

Don't believe a word of what Allie just said. I have been with her three times and she isn't!!!!!

[mikiSJ]

I have only been overtly read once and that was by a cabbie in SF. It was actually a very pleasant experience with him asking if I wanted to called Mr. Mrs. Ms - we settled on Ms. Miki and had nice friendly 10 minute ride.

I hopeI handle the first adverse experience with aplomb and keep my Michael anger in check. Miki doesn't have anger issues, Michael does!

[sherri]

Sherri I tend to disagree about lesbians though. Many at first are rather stand ofish and a bit snobby to us (we are competion to them). However as they get to know you and see you're not a wolf in sheep's clothing so to speak, they turn out to be great supporters and have given me some of my best complements.
Actually I find that it is the average married women (as long as it isn't your wife) that seem to "get" us and accept us. At least they feel for the work we need to do to look decent.Sure, some lesbians are stand-offish, but I don't think it has much to do with competition. At any rate, my fav hangout is a lesbian bar and I've been going there for years, and based on my experiences I'll stand by my take.

As for married women, I have had some very pleasant encounters in stores and stuff, but then again, some of the most scathing evil eyes have also been from married women.

Mileage varies, I guess.

[heatherdress]

Sandie - I really don't know, or care, what strangers assume or think about me. Just let me be me and let me enjoy doing whatever I am doing. If you are constantly attracting assholes who think you are looking for sex with them, maybe you should go to different places or go to these bars with friends.