Do you own yourself?

[Anne2345]

LeaP submitted a really good thread about owning her growing and now noticeable breasts ("You have to own them") a few days back. After reading her post, that got me thinking. So you can blame all that follows here on Lea. It's all her fault, I tell you!! It really is!! But I digress (as I am wont to do).

Anyways, I really like the concept of ownage in general. Everything we change about our appearance, behavior, and mannerisms may invite unwanted or uncomfortable attention and scrutiny. Especially as TSs.

It is often times difficult, though, to "own" something we have changed about ourselves in the beginning or initial stages of the change. At least for me, it can be. This stuff, after all, ain't easy. And my emotions sometimes run the full gamut, seemingly out of control, supercharged, as if my brain is caught in some bizarre cloud of fairies flitting all around chaotically inside my head.

For example, fear fairies can scare the crap out of me and make me afraid of my own stupid shadow. Excitement fairies make everything all cool as shit and stuff! Angry fairies cause me to spit in babies' faces then laugh maniacally as they cry their poor li'l broken baby hearts out. Paranoia fairies conjure up crazy ass conspiracy theories. Love fairies bring out the best in me. And then there is the WTF fairy, who usually is hanging around somewhere, even if the ******* is way off in the background.

Of course, I can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, and it would all be on Lea, because this is her fault, after all. But I won't do that to y'all. At least, not this time. And besides, I love Lea too much to cause the forum to be so angry at her for causing me to submit this OP.

Still, regardless of all those fairies running ramrod and chaotically around, once you truly own something, I mean really, really own it, it becomes a positively magnificent and liberating experience.

To own yourself in such a manner is to just be. When one can just be, one just is. And such a state of mind, where conscious thought no longer mucks it all up, the fairies are all corralled up and under control, and the change has evolved into the new norm, it is a glorious thing.

One day at a time, one step at a time, and through hard work and some dumb luck, perhaps one day I will truly own myself as I so desperately desire. But this, of course, it what we all strive for here.

Oh, and btw, before I forget, did I mention that this post is all Lea's fault? :heehee:

[stefan37]

Ok blame it on Lea. But to answer your post. We have to own what we are doing. It gives us credibility. The hardest part for me was to accept myself. Once I was able to that. The decision to start hrt and commit to transition was easy. The hard part was letting go with my wife and striving to keep our relationship solid. Now that we are room mates and our relationship is platonic, divorce imminent (need to workout terms) I have a freedom to move forward without obstacle or the baggage that comes with having a spouse. In my professional life, I let those that need to know what I am doing and the reasons for it. The success I have experienced these last 12 months are a direct result of my decision to start hrt and transition. I own what I am doing. I have no other choice.

I own every part of this journey, The guilt from breaking up a very loving marriage and the hurt I have caused someone very dear to me. The physical and mental changes I have experienced. And whatever fallout occurs after I go public with my name change.

Other than the loss of my marriage with my wife which is very painful, the realization I may not walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding or have the first dance as her father. The rest has relatively positive and confirms for me this is the right thing for me.

I have made many friends I may not otherwise have met and they have enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined.

So Yes I own this and all it entails.

[AllieSF]

Two good posts so far. Sometimes we own something from the beginning with no trials and tribulations. Other times, we only get to own something after we have gone through those trials and tribulations. As Stefan says, you get to own that great moment in life and from thereafter, as well as everything that you did to get there, both the good stuff and the bad.

In answer to your question, yes, I can say that I now own myself with some minor trials and tribulations, with all the good and the bad. Prior to "now" I probably owned myself in other ways and probably never realized it, because owning yourself is something that people normally never even think about and much less talk about. For me, getting older, or better stated getting more mature and experienced in all the vagaries of life, I can now realize how important those few short and simple words really are.

[Frances]

Owning yourself sometimes comes can be very costly. It can require removing yourself from relationships, and dealing with the guilt in the aftermath. It can also mean becoming a pariah in some circles. At the very least, it means taking responsability for one's life and no longer say "she/he won't let me..."

[MysticLady]

For example, fear fairies can scare the crap out of me and make me afraid of my own stupid shadow. Excitement fairies make everything all cool as shit and stuff! Angry fairies cause me to spit in babies' faces then laugh maniacally as they cry their poor li'l broken baby hearts out. Paranoia fairies conjure up crazy ass conspiracy theories. Love fairies bring out the best in me. And then there is the WTF fairy, who usually is hanging around somewhere, even if the ******* is way off in the background.

Spray some Black Flag in your ear. That'll kill em:heehee:. I remember you saying that you were a squirrel once. What happen to them "furry tail" days?:)

[Angela Campbell]

I don't own myself.....but I am making payments.

[AllieSF]

Great reply Almost. I "almost" wrote that the bank and I own me.

[LeaP]

1 - It's YOUR thread. You own it!

2 - Whatever fairies are haunting you are those you attract. Own that!

3 - Watch out for experiences that are "positively magnificent and liberating" ... they have a way of being precursors to crises around the bend!

My fault? Humph! I've been accused of worse things by better people!

[Serana]

I think this kind of thing is what I refer to as "common knowledge/sense", because it's the same as us taking responsibility for everything we say and do.

By owning oneself, is to (in my opinion) understand and appreciate yourself for being exactly that, yourself. It is indeed liberating for those that have this sudden epiphany at some point in their life, and it makes it so much easier to get on with your life and smile through all the bad.

However, it doesn't stop people from having the "fairies/emotions" that follow them around, and cause whatever strange feelings we feel emotionally, but it makes them easier to cope with, especially the hurtful ones. It makes life a bit more bearable, and it encourages us to finish following the goals that we set up for ourselves.

However, owning oneself is, in some ways, like attaining a fair chunk of wisdom and understanding about ourselves. It's about becoming calm, and appreciative of the world around us, even if it may not appreciate us.

Or at least, that's my two cents on the matter anyway.

I'm pretty sure everybody goes through this understanding of how we own our lives at one point or another in their life.


Great reply Almost. I "almost" wrote that the bank and I own me.

Where's the like button? +1 button? Thumbs up button?

[KellyJameson]

Every moment of your life the world has taught you to reject yourself so it becomes a habit after awhile.

Self acceptance and transitioning go hand in hand because each creates the other.

Your mind has been pummeled by being expected to live unnaturally and being taught that this unnatural way of living is "natural"

We live in a world that unknowingly distorts our known reality so teaches us the opposite of what we know to be true.

Fear is that tension between you and everyone else as to what is and is not true.

Fear is that question "Am I going into mental illness or coming out of it ?"

Fear is that question " Who will hurt me for trying to become me and how will they hurt me"

My own experience with this is that my mind far more than my body is what has been changed.

I feel like I have been deconstructed and put back together again and I'm just as uneasy in society as I always have been but for different reasons but I now have an easy relationship with my own body so I'm more at ease inside myself as my body/mind connection

The dissonance that feels like a tension between my mind and my body is almost completely gone and I feel at one with myself so my mind has been quiet for the first time in my life.

I think I would fight the whole world before I would lose this again.

I have watched this willingness to fight grow inside me as I have moved forward and tasted this quietness which for me feels like sanity because the noise was making and keeping me insane.

I had it as a child and now I have it back and no one is taking it from me again.

For me transitioning takes you into internal quiet that I hope is eternal because I have lived long enough without it.

The quiet opens the mind to emotion because you are now living in the moment so you are more aware of everything around you because the dissonance is gone.

All my senses seem more acute, where I hardly noticed or used them before.

[SuzanneBender]

I agree that everything happing in my life is not only Lea's fault, but also yours Anne. Had you taken care of those darn fairies they wouldn't have infected the rest of us. Luckily the spitting on babies fairy hasn't stopped by my place yet.


I own every part of this journey, The guilt from breaking up a very loving marriage and the hurt I have caused someone very dear to me. The physical and mental changes I have experienced. And whatever fallout occurs after I go public with my name change.

Stefan I completely agree with you that we own both the good and the bad in our journey. I don't blame hurting those I love on being a trans-woman. I blame it my being afraid early on to accept who I am and face the challenges that come with it. I also look at it as a lesson. A lesson that I refuse to repeat in the future especially now that I know Raid will kill fairies.

[Lynnmorgan451]

ownership...hmm..like pride? to own my breasts i guess would be to have pride in them, keep my chin up, shoulders back, and let my nipples lead me to my destiny! lol

[MysticLady]

We live in a world that unknowingly distorts our known reality so teaches us the opposite of what we know to be true.


Yes Kelly, I so agree with this. Too me, I'll never be good enough for the world. If I was, it would just chew me up, suck whatever it can from me and then, spit me out like a the seed of a fruit.



Oh, and btw, before I forget, did I mention that this post is all Lea's fault? :heehee:

There you go again Anne, you're not owning yourself. Stop it.:hugs:


1 - It's YOUR thread. You own it!


..................................:yt:

[LeaP]

I agree that everything happing in my life is not only Lea's fault...

I think I'm going to start charging y'all! Thousand bucks a head in advance of each guilt-ridden, induced fault implantation.

[Angela Campbell]

I can hardly pay for being myself how the hell can I afford that?

[PretzelGirl]

Sounds like self-slavery to me. Maybe I will settle for owning what I do. But the bacon eating is your fault! :whistling:

[Anne2345]

Sounds like self-slavery to me. Maybe I will settle for owning what I do. But the bacon eating is your fault! :whistling:

I totally love bacon!!! So I will happily own that!!

Mmmmmm . . . . Bacon!!

And since y'all insist, I'll own all the other stuff, too. Besides, I can't afford the rates Lea charges . . . .

[Barbara Ella]

I totally support the ideas of ownership of what we do to achieve what we want, and accept all the negatives i live with, and the positives I am feeling also.

But as far as owning myself. I want to fall back on the old saying that if you love it and set it free, if it loves you, it will return. So I will paraphrase a bit. I own the actions I have taken, good and bad. These actions get me to where I feel like myself. But, while I think i can know myself, i do not feel I can own myself, myself is my spirit. If/when I get to that point where myself is as close to complete as it can ever get, I hope I would be willing to let myself go, that is, out into the world. And if myself returned to me and said all is well, we could be happy together, and would be partners, and I really would not own myself, but finally be equals.

OK, maybe one too many tonight.

Barbara

[MysticLady]

I totally love bacon!!! So I will happily own that!!
Mmmmmm . . . . Bacon!!


There you go, when ever you have a down time, just eat bacon. I love the thick stuff from the butcher. As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to make me a Big BLT for lunch. Would anyone like to join me? :heehee:

[vikki2020]

Nice post! Oh,yeah-- for me, it's the key. You have to own it, and not look back. And, when you DO own it, people recognize that. And bacon sure the hell makes everything better!

[Angela Campbell]

Bacon makes everything better...except for cholesterol

[MysticLady]

Where's Anne the Squirrel? Collecting acorns maybe?:hugs:

[TeresaCD]

I've watched more experienced girls, and seen that they are, some of them, very comfortable in their skin.
A bit like you are saying.
They say 'who cares what others think', but I think it's deeper than that, in that they have nothing to prove.
I can feel aspects of that in my life, as I become more confident, and at ease with myself..
To 'normalise' TG, to ourselves and to the outside world, that's where we are going..

[Contessa]

In my mind I own myself. But everywhere else he(my former male self) still owns me. I find it hard to get those who me as him can't release him for me. I can't let that change who I really am I will forever more be Contessa Marie there is no more him. Need I say more.


Tess

[Angela Campbell]

My former male persona never did own me. He was there to protect me until I was ready to be on my own. He is the only man other than my son I will ever love.

[docrobbysherry]

I'll be honest, Anne, your post about fairies has me fairy confused.

However, to be fair, I'll re-read it tomorrow to see if it makes more sense.

If it does, tho, I'm fairy likely to need therapy. And, I'm fairy sure it will be all YOUR FAIRY'S FAULT!

[MysticLady]

Fairy, Fairy interesting Doc, I believe I understand the concept fairy well. She is fairy sure that she has fairies in her head. I'm starting too get fairy concerned for Anne.:heehee: And all this time I thought she was just squirrely.

[GBJoker]

I will always own fully anything I do or say. Really. Go to my profile and pick a random previous post, and I'll back whatever I said til the day I die. Mother Nature has blessed me with the ability to apparently think far faster than a normal human, and thus, I'm able to follow the Confucian ideal of thinking twice before speaking or acting very easily.

Slightly OT but, this caught my eye...

almostalady: You post intrigues me greatly. After careful consideration, I feel the exact opposite. I refuse to let my male self protect me, and I absolutely despise him. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think what's going on with you is cool and all, but... Eh, I'm just saying, I find it extremely interesting. I also feel in the Force a possible thread idea around that as well...

[rachael.davis]

I had to deal with a blood pressure problem in early spring long story but I basicly had a small rupture which twinged every now and then blow out & create a massive hernia - no voluntary surgery to correct it until the BP was lower.
The first medication I took was ok for about twelve hours, and I suddenly reacted (less than 1% of all users may experience). Basicly I was spasming to the point that I couldn't move well.
When things calmed down the next day I went to my doctor, discussed the medication, he suggested staying on it for a week at a lower dosage, I said no, he said something and I replied
My Life
My Choice
My Body

It was a very liberating Zen moment for me

[MysticLady]

I will always own fully anything I do or say. Really. Go to my profile and pick a random previous post, and I'll back whatever I said til the day I die.

There's really no need too prove yourself kiddo, based on our discussions, I believe what you say. Some may call that a fault in me but, I think otherwise.



When things calmed down the next day I went to my doctor, discussed the medication, he suggested staying on it for a week at a lower dosage, I said no, he said something and I replied
My Life
My Choice
My Body

It was a very liberating Zen moment for me

Good Job Rachel, Who knows your body and yourself better than "you".

[Cindy J Angel]

Own my self no and yes aver body we meet and enter ask with owns us for a min or two. Own my path to what aver I can get to is mine and I will take what I can get. like to day was going out to run and I run as Cindy Kind of smoking hot and I own that too. it started to rain. I had a lot of things to do today some I could as Cindy and some I should not. well I was going to change. and got so depress that I told my self do I went to undress and said NO. One day I am going to b outed have been once a long time ago. when I was not to good at dressing/blending. This outfit dos not bland OK I like to b seen so what and I do own that. I did go to a story that the lady there c me as male all the time well today she met Cindy no problem yet and I will own that when it comes up if it dose. The biggest thing that I have figured out is own what u are doing when u are doing it. and people will talk to u not behind u got a good compliment to day. so what I said to my self just was reinforced to me one more time. It has taken a long time for me to get here not easy at all. So as of now I own TWO Me's Cindy witch wants out and Howie that went Cindy out too. love Cindy

[Carlene]

No, I suppose I do not own myself entirely. Society owns a part of me, in that I live some quantity of my life according to rules and values held to be just and reasonable. I wish this could be different but I do not wish to lose the relationships I have with family. I could live with the alienation of all other people (many with regret, though) but not my family.

Carlene.....:daydreaming: