Classic Overcompensation 101

[Anne2345]

Like probably the rest of y'all, I am guilty of stupidly committing various acts of overcompensation in my life to keep the gender authorities and lynch mobs at bay and off my case.

Little did I know at the time, though, that lynch mobs were generally a creation of my own fear and imagination, which meant that the pressure to look, act, and even smell like a dude was on!!

And because I couldn't (at least in my own overly paranoid and fearful mind) take any chances that I might accidently slip and present to the world even the smallest little smidgeon of femaleness, I actively engaged in the deceptive art and science of gross overcompensation.

In so doing, I did basically all of the typical things that the rest of you MtFs have done - I talked like a man, I laughed at and made stupid jokes that I never really understood or cared about like a man with the fellas (because, well, they were the fellas, and that's what fellas were expected to do), I played sports overly-aggressive, and so on and so forth.

But there is one thing, one crazy thing, that I learned early on to do, that I did for the sole and exclusive purpose of proving to the world that I was a SUPER CRAZY ASS MANLY MAN OF STEEL who was so completely FREAKISH in "his" total jacked-up MANHOOD that even an army of ninjas would run to their mommies rather than take on my maleness. What is that one crazy thing I did to trick the world as if I were the amazing, great magician David Copperfield himself?

I ate hot peppers. Plain and simple. I ate lots and lots of hot peppers.

That's what I stupidly and insanely did. But I did not just eat hot peppers, mind you. What I'm talking about is eating truly hot peppers waaaay before it was "in" to do so. I'm also talking about consuming insane amounts of hot peppers throughout my 25 year or so career of eating hot peppers.

I mean, I was so determined to prove my manhood through pepper eating that I was always that one dude who would eat anything, and would not back down from any challenge. In fact, I was the fool at carnivals, fairs, and festivals that you would always see winning the hot pepper eating contests, as you gazed in curiosity and wondered aloud how it was even possible to do such a thing.

But not only did I join and compete in hot pepper eating contests, I actively trained for them. A couple of glasses of milk, 30 to 40 raw habaneros in one sitting, followed by more milk, and I was THE MAN!!! I have even "manned" up and taken the ghost challenge straight up without breaking a sweat. Ok, I did break a sweat on the ghost, but that shit was legitimately hot, but I digress.

Still, anywhere, anytime, I was ready for a throw down. And I would never, ever give in to an opponent no matter how bad it hurt, how bad it burned, or how much it made me sick afterwards. Because, you see, I was a man, and men don't back down from nothin'!! Especially "men" that are hiding a really, really big secret, and believe (however incorrectly so) they need to hide that secret at all costs.

Now that I am much more comfortable in my own skin, however, and more accepting of who I really am, my stomach lining is pleased to report that I have since recognized the insanity of my ways, and that I have retired from hot pepper eating contests and challenges.

So that's the craziest (and dumbest) example of overcompensation I have on my rather long list of manning-up behavior. What's your's?

[Angela Campbell]

I am not sure I overcompensated to any degree like that. In fact I think I failed miserably at attempting to be a boy at all. I was never quite accepted in the male world. I was smaller than they were, not as strong, had absolutely no interest in competition, and dressed much better than they did. Instead of trying extra hard to have a macho image I kind of did a retreat from the world and became a loner.

But then again I do love hot peppers, never did any contest with them though.

[Kelly DeWinter]

"...........I have on my rather long list of manning-up behavior. What's your's?"

I voted Republican once .:rave:

[DebbieL]

When I was growing up, the violence was VERY real. I was hospitalized almost 50 times over 6 years, not including a spinal injury that could have left me crippled or dead (Gym teacher popped my back so I could breathe again). To be fair, many of the hospital trips were due to asthma attacks made so severe I needed the emergency room & a 2 week hospital stay as a result of emotional reactions to the violence.

I have a couple. When I turned 15, the choir teacher heard me yelling at some kids who had decided to try to shut me out (because I wouldn't conform and won a Bible Argument with their youth pastor). She "invited" me to audition for choir (or spend the rest of May in detention). She found out that I was a Bass, with a 3 octave range (Not bad for 15 years old). Singing Bass meant I could "Sound" like a "man". So I sang in lots of Choirs, including my Church Choir, School Choir, and All City Choir, even All State Choir.

I then leveraged my Bass voice to go to a school, Loretto Heights College, with 900 women and 25 men (they needed boys for the Choir & Theater). In theater, I learned how to look and act more like a man, but even there I was tagged as a "Sissy".

I told friends that I went to Loretto Heights because I had a really good change of getting laid, but in reality, all I REALLY wanted was to be one of the girls without fear of getting beat up. As it was, I was injured a few times by other boys on the stage crew.

The other really dumb thing I did to be "macho" was buy a motorcycle. I bought a KZ-1300 Kawasaki motorcycle with a 1300 CC engine - AS MY FIRST (and Last) Bike. Fortunately, I took the motorcycle safety course and high sided on the little 350cc practice bike used in the course. After skidding out several times the following spring, I realized that I should not ride a motorcycle, especially one that big.

I did keep the black leather jacket though. And wore it with my black leather skirts and thigh-high boots ;-)

[StephanieC]

Wow. Wow.

I have nothing to match that. I had upper lip fuzz. And I bought a cute little cherry red Yamaha 350 motorcycle. Hmmm...I wonder if that was a clue.

[Shapeshiffter]

I eat jalapenos every day. I like them.

[KellyJameson]

I became completely invisible to people who I had relationships with.

Everything down to the most minute detail was fabricated to hide my true identity of female.

They were having a relationship with someone who did not exist.

I was the perfect mirror that would reflect back to others what they wanted to see so that I could hide my true gender from them.

I controlled others by not allowing them to see me to keep my true identity alive inside me.

The problem is when you do this you stop existing for yourself as well.

My body was here but I had checked out because I always was playing a role for others.

An actor with no self.

I was eating my own version of hot peppers.

Transitioning is no longer living as an invisible person but lifelong habits die hard

[melissakozak]

Bodybuilding show...yes...a bodybuilding show...

[kimdl93]

Defensive end and gym rat. Topped out at just shy of 270. Now I have two bad knees, two bad shoulders and a bad hip. The yet brain showing damage isn't!

[LeaP]

Anne, you are a nut.

I had to give it a little thought to distinguish things that were overcompensation versus things that were merely, ummmm, dumb, like eating hot peppers in contests.

The best I can come up with is probably my time at farrier school. Yep - horseshoeing. Big old bunkhouse at a ranch full of dudes and pounding on an anvil all day. I gained an awesome appreciation for just how much I did not want to be a farrier!

[I Am Paula]

During my second marriage I vowed to be a GUY. I really thought the real guys would consider me a real guy if I went partridge hunting with them . So, here's me looking like Niles Crane dressed as Elmer Fudd, out in a field, acting macho, while trying not to step on anything yicky. Up ahead, a partridge. Shoot it! Hell no, I threw a rock near it so it would fly away to safety.
I also bought an itchy scratchy wool plaid shirt to blend in. Felt like a 50/50 wool/fire ant blend.

[groove67]

I guess i am another who never did much maning up. I was always a loner did not like sports and refuse to throw a ball as i throw like a girl and always did. I liked reading, writing and loved watching soap operas, always though the women where so beautiful and wanted to be one of them. Guess looking back have no idea how i ever got married as really had no interest in women to speak off and thought guys where pigs the way they talked and acted. Guess some thoughts there have changed lol.

[steph1964]

Joining the Army, then becoming a police officer. I love spicy food so all the talk about pepper eating is making me hungry.

[I Am Paula]

Groove 67- I resemble that. I've thrown like a girl all my life. I look like a praying mantis trying to wipe its butt.

[miss robyn]

This made me laugh cause I just think about how much overcompensate.

I'm in the military and I'm also a mechanic, so being manly is a must.

For me, I know if the day comes and I do decide to transition, so many people are going to have their mind-blown and think its a prank.

Anything that can be considered fem, I stay away from it, don't mention it. I don't want people to put any fem word with my name...

But I'll be changing that here in the next months.

[bas1985]

Eating hot peppers: done

Body building: done (with scant results...)

I think that for me over compensation was to build a solid shell to hide my feelings.

When I was a child I cried a lot, cartoons moved me, also innocent cartoons like Hanna & Barbera,
especially some Japanese anime made me cry (Candy Candy, for example, or Heidi).

Later I did not cry anymore, also in occasions where also a man is authorized to cry.

But this is only a mask, which only revealed my strangeness. People apparently saw an
over rationalistic individual, and this saved me as a man but it was also my prison, because
I always thought of myself as a caring and emphatic individual.

[Angela Campbell]

This got me to thinking. Yes we all overcompensated to a degree trying to be male to hide our true selves, but do we sometimes do the same trying to be female? I find myself looking for any hint of masculinity in my presentation and doing all I can to cover it up. Since my body was ruined by a male puberty and my social skills and mannerisms were shaped by the societal pressures of being born with male parts, it causes me to try to cover that up. I have to do this much more so than a genetic woman will. There is a fear to allow any hint of what I was born as.

So, by overcompensating my femininity, am I creating a new false identity that is also not my true self? How do I know? I have never known who my true self is so am I just creating another illusion? Am I just digging another hole in a different direction? Is it possible to ever just be me? Is there a Me?

[Darla]

Um.... Does doing a lot of drinking and drugs count? As a teenager I did everything to stave off emotions and feelings and although I tried sports I always failed miserably as a being a rough and tumble boy. I disliked conflict, loved art, had really intense friendships with other boys (but not in that way) and was depressed and scared to death of girls. But boy oh boy did I want to be one. Oh and sports - I failed at that. Try being 125 lbs and play lacrosse. I was a punching bag for so many other boys. In fact bullying was something I dealt with all my childhood. I think boys recognize when you're not one of them or a "sissy". Hate that term.

Welding, shop class, home repair, tools - anything handy and I could cover up the female inside. But girls use tools too! That's what I'm trying to teach my daughter. So there is upside to acting manly sometimes, but I've just learned to take the skills and not assign a gender to the behavior. House painting or construction doesn't do wonders for your nails though.

Darla

[Andy66]

You know what they say, Miss Anne...
Life is like a jar of hot peppers. What you do today will come back and burn your butt tomorrow. :heehee:

[melissaK]

Your postulate is hysterical . . . uber hot pepper eating is overcompensation for gender caused insecurities and perpetuating denial of your condition! ROFLMAO.

I haven't concluded any of my past life was done to overcompensate and prove my maleness . . . When I got banned from the girls playground in 3rd grade, I didn't fit in any boy activities, and I didn't want to. I was far more the "loner" kid ever after. And it never really changed. Most every activity I did, was a solo individual activity, and even then there was some girl at my elbow doing it with me, meaning they weren't macho activities.

But back to your hysterical postulate, in that humorous vein, let me get all arm-chair psycologisty on you, and let's think about this pepper eating problem of yours.

Now besides getting you macho Brownie points (yes deliberately oxymorinic choice of ways to measure maledom accolades), Ghost pepper eating, that would also get you a lot of attention too, wouldn't it?

And classically younger sibs act out more to get attention. Your sister is older than you isn't she? Just sayin . . . ;^)

And to me, eating uber hot peppers, that would be a version of self-immolation, trying to set yourself on fire in an attempt at suicide, which act I've heard is a cry for attention. . . . . just sayin. :^)

And since you run like a marathoner, you burn up lots of attention per mile and you need more all the time, right? . . . . just sayin . . . ;^)

And finally, you are a Princess aren't you???? . . . just sayin! ;^)

Well I think I'll get out of this arm-chair now . . . ;^)

[JohnH]

She found out that I was a Bass, with a 3 octave range (Not bad for 15 years old). Singing Bass meant I could "Sound" like a "man". So I sang in lots of Choirs, including my Church Choir, School Choir, and All City Choir, even All State Choir.

I like to sing bass in choirs. It's fun to sit next to masculine looking men who sing tenor and baritone, and sing bass while looking somewhat like a genetic woman!

Johanna

[noeleena]

Hi,

Thats all very interesting , Many here use terms or words to explain them selfs as to being male, thats were i would have to say thats compleatly over my head. And to compensate to make you look better in other males eye's or be thought of as toughor hard men.

To be seen as a male,

What does that really mean i dont know because i dont relate with that or understand the real implicasions of that,

i did do things though it was not to make myself be different form what i allways have been. i think the nearest i can see is join the Army & we'll make a man out of you. hmmm...... i was with the Navy. a non combatent yet we were in front leading the way. i was with the Band & had i gone through all my training i would have been a Medic, so there would be no thought there of trying to be... a male ...in any way shape or form. soft & careing is more my nature.

As i'v tryed to see the meaning of feminine as it pertains to myself a struggle iv allways had seems to be pretty pointless because i never tryed to be other than i have allways been & am as others know with thier interactions with me.

My Prowess came in a strength of being good at gymastics though i had doughts about what i could do i was or had to be pushed into doing more, i knew i could i just allways thought others were far better than i, & they should do the moves, yet they could not so was left up to two of us to compeat. my competitiveness was nill, pretty much in all i did,

& to tell the truth i would have made a pretty sorry looking male as you's have reffered to. one thing i have picked up was the one upmanship. all ways has to be one better, or who's the stronger. yet was there ever a you see a lack in an other & help them with out you owe me .

Heres a ? .

As i said a bit about myself how would you see myself as a wimp certinaly not with in your idear of male you talk about doing things to show what a real man is or about, who really has the strengh , you were out to prove you were a man yet why could you not just show who you really were, i never tryed to be other than i am yes i hid if you like by my non expressing of myself though i did not do that very well , it was seen, i was shut down i know that because of abuse & other details ,

So the ? , who really had or has the real strengh, after all. the all out one who has to prove ...this... manhood or the wimp who is female under duress its not the body strengh its the strengh of the mind,

Thank you, for your insights to a man under a different setting,

...noeleena...

[STACY B]

Overcompensated ,,,That's an understatement for me ,, Don't get me started ,,lol,,, I haven't even healed up from most of it !!

[Angela Campbell]

Stacy it is just so much more fun when you get started......

[STACY B]

Stacy it is just so much more fun when you get started......

Grew up on a commercial fishing boat my father had for 55 years !
2 Years in the Bearing sea , For another company
Repoed cars 1 year ,, Own Bizz

Repoed construction equipment an hauled it for 10 years another company

Drank enough Booze to kill 100 Elephants ,, That's just a tid bit !!
No Hot pepper ,,,YUK !! Half Gallon of Vodka a day ,,, :devil::devil::devil:

[Leah Lynn]

I did the military thing; volunteering to go to "Nam. Got into a clandestine unit, Qualified as a salvage diver (until nitrogen narcosis ended that), jump qualified, even rode with a motorcycle gang. Yup, had to prove there was testosterone flowing!

Now I think about all those wasted years.

Leah

[I Am Paula]

I almost forgot. my 'biker' look. Cowboy boots, jeans , H-D t shirt, vest, and bandana. I looked manly with a capitol M. Then when the Toronto gay villiage came to life, I quickly saw that a majority of gay men dressed just like that. Drats...foiled again!

[CarleyR]

In the business world, male executives are expected to be serious, abrupt, sure of themselves. In fitting into that model, I think I took away some of my ability to act differently. I don't have the flexibility, smiles, or openness that a woman should have.

[GroovyChristy]

I never really tried to be "manly." I just kept to myself and hardly talked to anyone all through middle and high school. Unfortunately I didn't foresee the depression and loneliness that would cause. Not to mention the social ineptitude - I still have a hard time talking to new people. Sure, I had a few friends, but few that were very good. I still deal with the depression but I am proud of my femininity.

[ErinSassyPants]

This got me to thinking. Yes we all overcompensated to a degree trying to be male to hide our true selves, but do we sometimes do the same trying to be female? I find myself looking for any hint of masculinity in my presentation and doing all I can to cover it up. Since my body was ruined by a male puberty and my social skills and mannerisms were shaped by the societal pressures of being born with male parts, it causes me to try to cover that up. I have to do this much more so than a genetic woman will. There is a fear to allow any hint of what I was born as.

So, by overcompensating my femininity, am I creating a new false identity that is also not my true self? How do I know? I have never known who my true self is so am I just creating another illusion? Am I just digging another hole in a different direction? Is it possible to ever just be me? Is there a Me?

This is one of the most insightful thought provoking things I've read since I've been here.

Thank you.

[Debglam]

I cut that rope.

Retired military, former boxer, yada yada yada. . . Now I do, say, and act like "I" like now, in my middle path world. I no longer hide my interests no matter how "girly" they may be considered. I love being asked about makeup and the nuances of tearing down a V-8 Ford, sometimes by the same person. :) I think a number of the people that I am not out to as trans think I'm gay. So what? It is actually kind of funny watching the wheels turn as they try to figure me out. :heehee: I'm also getting more and more active in lobbying for transgender causes and laws. Bottom line is it is great to be at a point where you don't give a sh*t what the other guy thinks! In fact, the more you are out in the trans community, you start wondering more about guys obviously overcompensating than someone acting comfortable in their own skin. Hmmmmm, just WHAT are they overcompensating for????? :daydreaming:

As to the peppers. . . the next day is the killer!

Deb

[Badtranny]

I did lots of things that were considered 'extreme' to try and prove my place with the boys. (hockey, aggressive skating, mountain biking) But I think the most extreme thing was racing motocross. I started doing it to prove my manhood, but quickly found out that I truly loved the sport. It's a great way to learn about yourself and really learn to manage fear. Motocross to the uninitiated looks crazy and dangerous but it really isn't a daredevil sport at all. In fact, in the years near the end and after I had come out as gay, I actually became a better rider because I wasn't trying to prove myself with aggressive risks anymore. I was able to relax and respect the sport for what it is, a science.

Someday in a couple of years after my physical transformation is complete and totally healed, I think I'll get another bike and start hitting the track again. This time I won't have anything left to prove except to myself.

[Sarah Beth]

I have been wondering myself recently about others and how many of us overcompesated either now or in the past. This has come up with me because I a couple of days ago I ran into someone from way back past who gave me a jolt and a reminder of what I used to be like.

I started dressing when I was 13 and did it for about three years. During that time I had my first bi encounter. I was becoming increasingly worried about someone finding out and I had always been considered somewhat of a geeky, wimpy sort of kid. One day at school an couple of older guys were picking on me and I just sort of snapped. I was screaming at them that I was a "fag" and got into a fight with them. I won't go in the details of the aftermath of all that story.

After that day I became as "macho" in my mind as I could become. I bought a motocycle a week later, started drinking and smoking and if anyone looked at me funny the fight was on. I woiuld do anything, practically take any dare just to prove how much of a "man" I was.

Over the next eight years I did so many crazy things that it's lucky I survived it all. I race motorcyles and dragstsers both on and off the track. I boozed, was with any woman I could get, and got into fights at the drop of a hat. I went from cowboy boots and hats, to long hair and sandles and back again. The whole I was never comfortable with myself. Or what I was doing.

I stopped a lot of that when I got married (39 years ago). She had known me for five years when we got married and her parents were not in favor of it because they knew my past history. After being married a couple of years when my wife was pregnant with our first we had a long talk and I decided I had to make some changes if I wanted to stay married. It was about a week later when I dressed again for the first time in almost 10 years. I am not sure why I did it then I just all of sudden was in some of my wife's things and it felt somewhat right to me.

After that at times I would catch myself doing something to try to overcompensate and try to fight it off. After I came out to my wife and then she finally got comfortable enough with it for it to be ok with her I rarely felt the need to try to justify anything to anyone.

When I was in graduate school I did a project where we developed a method for counseling of gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual persons. I learned a lot from that project about myself as well as others. I just wish I could apply more of what I learned doing that to me.

Ok so I said more here than I intended but I needed to get that off my mind and this seemed like a good place to do it.

[Xrys]

I had to think back. I didn't to anything too crazy, but did perpetuate some stereotypes. I got in belching contests with other boys in middle school. I sang bass in the highschool show choir. I took the same gym class as all the football players, i had to get permission from the coach since i wasn't on the team. I wore jeans, a black tshirt and combat boots all through high school. Joined the airforce and volenteered for a combat communication unit. Even now, iam a security guard at a construction company and have to wonder if i was overcompensating when i applied. Now, i am looking for a job that i can transition with.

[CassandraSmith]

I did various white knuckle sports like motocross, whitewater kayaking, mountain biking and even choose guitar over piano/keyboards despite being very naturally gifted on the piano. I gave up in my early twenties though unless you consider computer programming a masculine activity. Possibly my aversion to cooking might also be some sort of fear of being found out? Interesting question.

[Memzy]

Hot peppers. They make me cry, yet I love curry.

Uhh. I grew a soul patch once, when I was trying to do the super cool manly man thing. It only took like. a year to grow. And it wasn't even that much. I felt so silly with it, that seemed to be the only facial hair I was able to grow excessively.