It's a slow road to acceptance

[Diversity]

I thought I'd take a moment and write to all those CD'rs who have come out to their wives or partners, or who are thinking about doing so. It's been 11 months since I came out of the proverbial closet. My wife didn't (doesn't still) understand, but has been accepting in the way that she doesn't want to see it, or be around it. At least that is how it began.
Since then, and many converstations later, my wife has suggested that I if I need the time, to just let her know and she won't disturb me if I 'go in the other room'. She told me to take the time I need when the urges get too strong.
Now moving forward, a month ago, she wanted to go browsing in a mall which she had never been to. I took her there and we spent the day together, looking through all the stores. She was feeling low and a bit down on herself, as she does not look quite as good as she used to. So when she wanted to go home, I insisted she try things on and buy some new clothes. In the end, we bought several outfits for her and two pairs of shoes.
She then turned to me and said that I should get something. I told her I did not need anything and we did not have the money at this time, but perhaps another time. She asked me what I would like and I told her a satin night gown to wear to bed, would really make me happy.
A bit taken back, she said, well I am not going there. You'll have to do this.
The next day, my wife went to the mall to try on an item she had put on hold which we knew about. She returned with her outfit, and out of the blue said to me that she looked at some night gowns for me, but did not know my size. She then said they were on sale and that if I really wanted to get one or two that I should go and she would be fine with it!
I went the next day and bought two which were not lacey or fancy, but still fine with me. Over the past few weeks, I have been sleeping in them and my wife has not said anything negative. I just love the feel of these night gowns!!!
Lastly, last night, my wife said that I might wish to consider a longer one (like down to my ankles) so that I could tuck the excess of the gown between my legs to keep from sweating and having my legs stick together when it gets hot. I smiled....
There is hope!
Di

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you for sharing. Hugs & Best Wishes !

[DanaGirl]

Nice story, I always like reading about partners that grow to accept our other side. It really sounds like she is coming around to the idea and may one day come to enjoy that us CD's have a lot to offer. what woman wouldn't want a guy that enjoys shopping with her and browsing for makeup?

[Ellie52]

Diversity - what a lovely post. After some enlightening PMs from some very special people I am trying to look at my CD'ing from my wifes side. We should all do this. I think I was very selfish in my desire to dress and my wife has been (and still is) very understanding. It was brought to my attention the difficult situation we place our SO's in. When they married us they didnt bargain to have to share the bed or closet with a feminine version of their husband, and this must be very hard. It is the same with any addiction that lines must be set and you work within the boundaries that both are comfortable with. The trouble with addictions of course is the more you do it the more you want it. So you may find you start to push the boundaries. This is fine if you discuss it with your wife and she is accepting, but take care and ask yourself how she must be feeling to see her Manly husband in stockings and suspenders. My SO understands that I have a desire to dress and my moods reflect it (I need to dress every couple of weeks or so for a couple of hours then revert back to male mode). She is OK with this as that is where I am very lucky. What you have stated shows a similar case to mine so enjoy what you have but stay within the parameters you have set and let your SO move them not you. Its great she is letting you wear nighties to bed, I sometimes do the same, but my SO doesnt really like it (even though she bought me a red chemise for xmas last year), but she doesnt mind me wearing satin PJ's. The important thing is you have to look at it from your wifes side and dont be selfish.
ps if you wear satin to bed get satin sheets as well...It is an awesome feeling...Good luck Ellie

[ArleneRaquel]

Ellie,
An excellent post, thank you.

[jillleanne]

Good story. Just remember to keep her higher up on the 'female chain' in the home, and go slowly and hopefully she will see that she remains the primary woman in the home, just like before. The pink fog is powerful to someone that just comes out and gets any sort of acceptance and sometimes we forget our roles and the spouse. It sounds like you have control over this. Best wishes in the future, and remember, telling her you love her for no reason at all, is powerful medicine.

[Lynn Marie]

Congratulations, you sure must be doing something right.

[Princess Grandpa]

Happy for you Diversity. I hope it is the first of many signs of true acceptance. It could be that now that some time has passed, she sees your not gay or leaving her she is able to see how your still her husband, even if sometimes your a little softer.

With all the sad stories we sometimes have, it makes my heart smile to see things going well too.

Hug
Rita

[Beverley Sims]

I think it is still a slower road than you realize.
If you push it too far even now you will take two steps back.

[shawnsheila]

Yay! Good to hear this :) I hope you guys continue to make progress... remember to always make her feel special and do things for her first to let her know she is still very beautiful. She will appreciate it :)

[Ceri Anne]

Your on a great path. As everyone always points out, take small steps and you will eventually arrive

[Jaylyn]

When I read stories like this I want to hug my wife. She is so supported and helps me when the urges hit. We have even made love when I was dressed. She said I am still her man that she married but just a kinder more understanding guy and not so macho. She even exclaimed I am more compassionate and understanding of people since I started showing my feminine side . She's all for it continuing.
Sounds like yours Diversity is gradually coming around also.

[Diversity]

Thank you all for your replies. As many of you suggested (to take things slowly, stay within boundaries, and continue to tell her that I love her), I want you to know that I have always and will continue to do this. I fully agree that it is of paramount importance in order to keep my wife as happy as I can and to make sure she does not feel threatened in any way. Sounds like we are all on the same page, and it great to know that you are all there to share things with. Thank you!
Di

[Tina B.]

Diversity, Well played madam! To often someone tells the wife, and she excepts the idea of looking at it, they then push to fast and hard to make up for lost time, and scare the heck out of a women, but as you have shown patience and understanding, can win the day!
Happy dreams!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Di, I think that you are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel & it's not just a train coming the other way.

It sounds like the beginning of a wonderful time , just remember that the ball is in her court now don't
overwhelm her with CDing let her lead.

[Diversity]

Thank you, Tina B. and Blue Orchid. I appreciate your replies and you are both right about not pushing too hard and overwhelm her. I am going to take things very slowly and tell myself to just enjoy this journey....
Thanks again.
Kind regards,
Di

[suzanne]

I think, in the cases where the SO doesn't immediately react by filing for divorce or otherwise try to ruin the CDer's life, acceptance proceeds at the speed at which her fears are put to rest. The first two are the usual, obvious ones: Are you gay?, Do you want to transition? But there are others, too which are less clearly articulated which may or may not come into play? Like
"I want a MAN because I'm not a lesbian."
"Are you going to turn out like those drag queens on RuPaul's show?"
"Are you going to get hurt going out in public?"
"Are you going to be an embarrassment in front of family and friends?"
"Are you prettier or more feminine than her when dressed?"
Maybe there are more, perhaps I am over thinking it. But in my wife's case, it has taken her time to realize that whatever her fears were, it took time to realize that a cross dresser husband is not the horror show she originally thought, and may even make a better life partner. All it takes is time and patience.

[Diversity]

Hi Suzanne,
You are right in your thinking that all it takes is time and patience, and I would add one other note, and that is also a mutual understanding of one another.
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.
Di