Why I crossdress...

[anneob2002]

I've always been curious why I do it and why I feel the need to do it on occasion.

I started when I was about 5. I don't remember putting it on but my earliest memory of CDing was wearing my grandmother's slip.

FYI - I was not raised in a typical mother/father home. I came from a broken home and always missed having a mom. She was not a part of my life. My father was here and there.

The slip I was wearing, well, it felt so good. Against my penis, on my skin. It felt GOOD. I remember this occurring a few times. Then nothing until I was about 15.

My father had a new gf and I was living with them. She was very busty. I stole a bra, put it on and stuffed it with t shirts. I through on a tight shirt and oh man - I was in heaven. I couldn't get enough of how it felt. Yes - I 'enjoyed' myself greatly while dressed. This would happen quite a few times for the next couple of years. Then nothing until I was about 25.

Along the way, I had gf's. A couple were nicely well endowed. LOVED that. I loved it. Breasts are so comforting and womanly and feel so incredible. You could put me in the category as having an obsession I think.

Anyways, donning my own breasts was really an incredible and 'exciting' event. I really would enjoy myself. And when done enjoying myself? Strip it all off in almost disgust with myself.

In my late twenties, I bought some silicone breasts forms, a slip and a ridiculously blonde wig. Oh, I had some serious fun with that stuff. I would have fun, stay dressed, wake on in the middle of the night to caress my breasts, fall asleep, wake in the morning and have fun again. I wouldn't do it everyday even though now I lived on my own but the urge to have a full blown dress up session would build and then I just had to do it.

I'm not a great looking guy, I've almost always had a gf and at that, I'd say always done well for myself with pretty girls and nice bodies.

I've always seen myself as a lesbian CDer if you will but there has been more than one occasion where with aid of the internet I can fool a guy into thinking me a gg and 'helping' them. I have found that to be a very exciting experience. I have 0 desire to hug or kiss a guy but since I have always had an oral fixation, maybe something else with a guy under the right circumstances - although I doubt it would ever happen.

I'd love to have a lesbian experience while dressed. Oh yes I would!

All that said, sometimes I still NEED to CD. It fulfills something in me. I just don't know what.

My CDing has a definite kink/sexual side to it. It helps me release and give me a sense of relief after the urge hits me or builds up.

Can any of you say it has been similar to your experience? Reading through a bunch of posts and threads so far, I have seen a lack of that part of the CDing experience. I don't feel like a woman. I feel like a guy, but I like to become that busty, sexy woman at times for the pleasure it offers - maybe for the comfort it brings too.

Anyways, I tried not to get too off color since that seems not to be the purpose of this forum but it is a large part of my CDing. I apologize if I went too far and welcome responses in PM if that is more appropriate.


I'm still searching for the why of my crossdressing.


Cue the Leonard Nimoy In Search Of theme music.....

[Beverley Sims]

I do not think you are any more unusual than the rest of us.
We all have a few subtle differences, that is all.

[Debra Russell]

I am sure this hits a cord in all of us.........................Debra

[Joanne108]

I crossdress because I enjoy transforming myself from a guy to a reasonable facsimile of a woman. I enjoy being dressed afterwards as well. My favorite part is when I done with my makeup and I look in the mirror and see if I look better than the last time.

[Sister Rachel]

Hmm .. I too come from a "broken home" .. my mother and father divorced in 1960, when I was 3. Divorce was a big deal and a scandal back then, in provincial England anyway. More unusual still was that after a few weeks it was decided that I should stay with my dad, rather than my mum .. I suppose the reasoning was that my paternal grandparents ( my paternal grandmother actually took on my care ) were middle/ upper middle class ( my paternal grandfather was a newspaper editor who had been on the Gestapo's list of 1000 to capture/ imprison/ kill when the Nazi invasion of Britain came about), whereas my mother's family were, maybe "upper" ( educated) working class .. my maternal grandad was a hotel waiter at the start of WW2, but by the end he was a naval engineer officer. .. ..

Anyway, I digress .. I have read a theory that among male crossdressers there's a high percentage of people who were separated very early from their mothers ..

[NicoleScott]

You are unique but not unusual - the differences are in the details. It sounds like you have a fixation for breasts (and it doesn't really meet the definition of a fetish, but let's not argue that here). Many of us have fixations and fetishes, and for me the desire to do full blown dressup sessions enhances the pleasures that my fetishes evoke.
The forum doesn't allow explicit sexual references, but since dressing has a sexual aspect for many of us, it seems to be allowed in general terms. Of course, every time the topic of the sexual excitement aspect of crossdressing comes up, some people are compelled to declare that it's NOT sexual for them, instead of moving on to another thread.
As to why we CD? Lots of theories, but none of us know.

[anneob2002]

Good point. You are all really correct. We all have this similar activity and came to it by many means and differing reasons.

I can certainly see how for some it is not sexual and for some there are stronger facets of varying degrees related to such.

Brenda - it would be interesting if that question had been put to people who CD. I would bet on a high percentage as a guess.

Interesting, all of it is.

Hmm..did I just turn into Yoda???

Feel free it PM about any of this too. Most of my PM's so far are from mods where I broke a rule or two!

My regards to the mods. They do keep a tight leash on this place. I suppose that is why so many of you feel so comfortable here. It really seems to be a safe haven. I hope to someday gain access to the GM forum and anything that may have to offer.

[Wildaboutheels]

SOP for almost ALL CDers. Or was at some point. I can point you to threads. Few will deny it.

A handy and/or willing female every time the "urge" strikes... Sure that would be great.

Nice dream. Unfortunately, life seldom works out that way except in the first few months of "most" Relationships.

So... if or when a female is NOT handy? There is no difference/anything wrong in WATCHING porn, LOOKING at magazines or "utilizing" various women's clothing items to "get there".

Is it???

And "dressing", like porn or magazines is a VISUAL exercise/trait that most all men are afflicted with and very few GGs. [for their own good]. Which accounts for why there are so few FtM CDers. Their VISION does not create conflicts/problems for females like it does males.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Anne, I've been dressing for almost 66yrs. , It's just who I am and it's what I do.

[anneob2002]

Wild - good point about the visual part of it. I think that's why a camera or mirror or computer are usually nearby.

Must be that base gm visual stimulation part of me kicking in.

I just wonder why me and not someone else. What was the trigger.... I doubt there will ever be a satisfactory answer to that Q

[heatherdress]

Maybe your basic question "Why?" is what life is all about. Why am I who I am? Why am I in this life? Why do I feel, and think and do? Why.......?

I think it is the searching, and the awareness, and the growth that results from our searches that is more important than finding an elusive answer. Maybe there is comfort it realizing that we seek to understand who we are and what we do.

But why you crossdress, or why I crossdress, or why we all crossdress - we will never know. I hope and believe that God does, and knows why we are the way we are and why we do the things we do.

Keep searching Anne, as we all do, but have confidence and faith and joy. Live your life to the fullest - being you.

[deebra]

Because it feels great to transform myself into a gorgeous sexy woman that I'm not, plus all the girly clothes.

[AmyGaleRT]

Anne, it's not that unusual! For me it was mostly nightgowns at first. I loved wearing them, sleeping in them, and, yes, "enjoying" myself while wearing them, too. ;) Then I tried putting on a dress for the first time in awhile, and discovered that I didn't feel aroused...I felt happy and "right." Since then, I've developed a better sense of myself as a woman, including the belief that my soul is actually part female. And I've developed a presentation that allows me to feel comfortable going out en femme and, insofar as possible, being a lady.

So yes, I was like that, but I kind of grew past it in the end. This may happen to you as well. Or it may not, and that's OK, too. There are approximately as many reasons why we crossdress, and as many things we get out of it, as there are crossdressers. :)

- Amy

[Tina B.]

Wow, you started young, I didn't start until I was 6 years old, my belief is if you started before the awakening of sexual understanding, before you get any ideas of "female privilege" ( I think this is a male concept, not necessary believed by women)
There is a good chance, wait for it, -----wait for it, ----- YOU WHRE BORN THAT WAY ---

[Diversity]

There are some similarities which ring a chord with my own feelings and why I cross dress. Gotta admit it - CD'ing is fun, exciting, and relaxing, all in one, depending upon the mindset, at the time. Just know, you are not alone in your feelings. Thank you for posting this thread. Good luck to you and enjoy your journey
Di

[RebeccaLynne]

I've always been curious why I do it and why I feel the need to do it on occasion.

Not daily? What's wrong with you? :heehee:


I started when I was about 5. I don't remember putting it on but my earliest memory of CDing was wearing my grandmother's slip.

I was four, trying on my guy friend's sister's clothes... he and I, enjoying it tremendously, not even knowing anything about sex...we just liked being girly.


My father had a new gf and I was living with them. She was very busty. I stole a bra, put it on and stuffed it with t shirts. I through on a tight shirt and oh man - I was in heaven. I couldn't get enough of how it felt. Yes - I 'enjoyed' myself greatly while dressed. This would happen quite a few times for the next couple of years. Then nothing until I was about 25.

Along the way, I had gf's. A couple were nicely well endowed. LOVED that. I loved it. Breasts are so comforting and womanly and feel so incredible. You could put me in the category as having an obsession I think.

Anyways, donning my own breasts was really an incredible and 'exciting' event. I really would enjoy myself. And when done enjoying myself? Strip it all off in almost disgust with myself.

Big titties are a total turn-on... "fun bags", I've heard them called. My GF is straight, yet is enamoured with a well-endowed porn actress by the name of Dannie Ashe (spelling? I don't know, fer sure..., it's her kink, although I can certainly appreciate the attributes in question).

What I don't understand is the "disgust" post-orgasmic revulsion... we like women, we wanna be like them, we orgasm... isn't that enough to be content? It is for me, and I don't want to change out of my lingerie... ever!


You are unique but not unusual - the differences are in the details. It sounds like you have a fixation for breasts (and it doesn't really meet the definition of a fetish, but let's not argue that here). Many of us have fixations and fetishes, and for me the desire to do full blown dressup sessions enhances the pleasures that my fetishes evoke.
The forum doesn't allow explicit sexual references, but since dressing has a sexual aspect for many of us, it seems to be allowed in general terms. Of course, every time the topic of the sexual excitement aspect of crossdressing comes up, some people are compelled to declare that it's NOT sexual for them, instead of moving on to another thread.
As to why we CD? Lots of theories, but none of us know.

Nicole, I hear you. Please allow me to elaborate on my thoughts on crossdressing...

Women are gorgeous, beautiful, alluring, and sexually attractive. We're guys, and like trout in a mountain lake, we take the bait. Hooked down the throat, and it's just a matter of time 'til we're landed.

We (as guys) seek to emulate that which we find attractive, inasmuch as some of us (myself included) feel that we should have been born girls.

Like my GF, I adore ample bosoms. My fantasy is to fondle theirs, as they fondle mine... OK, reality check... mine are silicone, not the real deal. They work for me, but don't seem to satisfy her. She's way too obsessed with the real thing... and she calls ME kinky?...

Her attraction for breasts ends there, as she claims she's not a lesbian, and wouldn't dream of anything beyond that... I think she's in denial. I think two girls together is totally hot, and I'd like to participate... a threesome fantasy fulfilled? Even better if I'm enfemme... now that's hot! :daydreaming:



So... if or when a female is NOT handy? There is no difference/anything wrong in WATCHING porn, LOOKING at magazines or "utilizing" various women's clothing items to "get there".

Wild, I agree... the destination is in getting there, however it's accomplished...


And "dressing", like porn or magazines is a VISUAL exercise/trait that most all men are afflicted with and very few GGs. [for their own good]. Which accounts for why there are so few FtM CDers. Their VISION does not create conflicts/problems for females like it does males.

As a MTF CD'er, I must admit to a visual turn-on; TBS, I think FTM individuals are totally under-represented on this site. I don't believe they consider themselves crossdressers; I think they're a whole lot deeper than that in terms of their perception of self. I honestly don't know where they congregate, but I hope they've found a place to call home. I just don't know that CD.com is a place of refuge and solace for them, as the focus seems to be on MTF as opposed to FTM. :2c:

[anneob2002]

Rebecca Lynne, you said "I adore ample bosoms. My fantasy is to fondle theirs, as they fondle mine..."

Oh yea, I get that fantasy. That's a prime one for me!

I'll tell ya this, if I can ever work that one out - who gives a heck about the why!

[lisa_cd]

Such an amazing thread...I love reading everyone's thoughts...makes me feel like am looking through a window at myself...
I started around 7 years old...mom's underwear...then my sister's underwear, and then on and on...there have been pauses, some longer then others, but the desire never, ever goes away. Cross-dressing used to feel like a fetish to me...completely sexual...I derived sexual pleasure from dressing, but now, as I'm older, it's more like a part of me, shopping, make-up, heels, hose...all of it...It makes me feel like I am able to lead the life of a woman, and still be the guy I am...it's just amazing....

[Confucius]

In the stages of cross-dressing the initial programming is done during early childhood. I believe it is usually some form of "over-valuing" of the female. You may have thought that girls have it better in life than boys. Or, you may have thought that society prefers girls over boys. Or, you may thought that females were more virtuous, better persons, smarter, and prettier, than males. Any form of over-valuing of females. In my case, my mother would tell us stories about how badly she wanted a daughter. Then she had a boy. On her second pregnancy she was sure it would be a girl. She even both baby clothes for a girl. Unfortunately she had another boy (me). Several years later she was pregnant again. On her third try, she gave birth to a daughter. It was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up spoiled and privileged. I grew up thinking that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl.

As a young boy I used to play dress-up and my sister and we would try on some of my mother's clothes. I remember it was good fun for me, but there was nothing sexual. However by the time I was five years old, by parents discouraged me from playing dress-up anymore. So I stopped until puberty. Once the testosterone started flowing then just touching some female clothing would give me a thrill. So at the age of 13 I first experimented with cross-dressing. I felt such a rush of dopamine, and neurotransmitters. My brain was hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. The neurotransmitters were producing sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding. It affected the reward centers of my brain, and I was immediately addicted.

[SophieKitty]

I have no idea why I do it. All I know is that I'm equally happy being a man :)

[TheMissus]

Anne, you sound like my husband! (Are you sure you're not him??:)

Anyway, he came for a broken home too, but the other way around. His father was the missing parent. Therapy has pointed to this having A LOT to do with my H's initial CD as he started young like you. It's actually common for young boys to try on their mothers or sisters clothing - what separates a CD from other men is factors currently unknown (I personally suspect the family dynamic and hormones are at play) but puberty essentially seals this as a lifelong 'compulsion'.

This is for CD like yourself and my H. He never feels like a woman either. I have no idea how gender CD are formed and I'd guess they are just born that way.

Anyway, you're hardly alone here but as someone pointed out, the sexual aspect of dressing is mostly ignored here as I think there's a larger ratio of gender dressers on this site. Doesn't mean I'm not learning anything of use here though as it's been quite helpful..and everyone is very nice :)

[TheMissus]

Confucius, my H definitely overvalued his mother as his father was essentially a mean loser and resented having children. My H shunned anything in himself similar to his father and instead turned to his mother as a role model.

Fairly simple when you think of it but even my H couldn't piece it together until therapy. Now, he clearly remembers getting comfort as a child from his mothers clothing, AND some other more traumatic moments where his mother dressed him in his sisters clothing in public which he says really seemed to seal the 'kink' side for him.

Funny how small moments can become something so big.

[JamieTG]

Anne, like you I was about 5 when I started. I read something that made sense as to "why". It said that it was completely normal for all little boys to be curious and try on something that would be considered feminine. For most, there is no connection or excitement and they have no desire to do it again. But with us, the first time we try something on, something clicks in our brains and we feel excitement and enjoy the experience. And of course we want to do it again. It becomes compulsive. So if all little boys try something on but only a small percentage continue it, then I do think is something in the way our brains are wired. I know for me it only took one time and I was hooked for life.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Anne, you probably felt a source of comfort and security when you first wore you grandmother's slip. As adults, sometimes we reach for those feelings of love and security in order to be aroused (or better said, those feelings of love and security are arousing.)

It is surprising how many TVFs are from broken homes, or grew up in situations where there was abuse (I am included in the latter.) Not all, but a surprising number.

[ninadiva]

'In the stages of cross-dressing the initial programming is done during early childhood. I believe it is usually some form of "over-valuing" of the female. You may have thought that girls have it better in life than boys. Or, you may have thought that society prefers girls over boys. Or, you may thought that females were more virtuous, better persons, smarter, and prettier, than males. Any form of over-valuing of females. In my case, my mother would tell us stories about how badly she wanted a daughter. Then she had a boy. On her second pregnancy she was sure it would be a girl. She even both baby clothes for a girl. Unfortunately she had another boy (me). Several years later she was pregnant again. On her third try, she gave birth to a daughter. It was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up spoiled and privileged. I grew up thinking that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl.

As a young boy I used to play dress-up and my sister and we would try on some of my mother's clothes. I remember it was good fun for me, but there was nothing sexual. However by the time I was five years old, by parents discouraged me from playing dress-up anymore. So I stopped until puberty. Once the testosterone started flowing then just touching some female clothing would give me a thrill. So at the age of 13 I first experimented with cross-dressing. I felt such a rush of dopamine, and neurotransmitters. My brain was hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. The neurotransmitters were producing sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding. It affected the reward centers of my brain, and I was immediately addicted.'

This sounds so like my experience, the brain chemicals are real ! Endorphines RULE.

[Tawne]

Thanks for sharing your experience Anne, yes the slip feels really nice on doesn't it. The thing is you can buy guy clothes that are made of similar silky materials too that feel the same, problem is you get called a queer wearing them. To go and buy a silk shirt would probably cost me over $100, and that just covers my top half, where I can just buy a slip for $50 that covers everything, I'll take options 2 thanks!

But back more on topic, I crossdress because women's clothes look and feel sexy, so why not do it yourself. You need to ask yourself the question, what turns you on more, seeing a naked woman, or one dressed in sexy clothes?

[cg2002bolt]

I recall when I was 12 started to try on my mothers pantyhose panties etc. Started to realize I liked the feeling and the way I looked when I saw myself so whenever I got the chance I dressed. Now I felt happy it felt right. So since then I have been doing it ever since, slowly acquiring things over the years. And I fell sexy and free when im Stephanie and its a side of me that I love and want to express more and more so im trying to learn about makeup and better wigs. Which will be gathered soon to :)