My wife's comment on mascara!

[Trishpdxcd2]

Last night I was getting out of the shower and my wife said,"it looks like you have mascara on." Well I did dress the night before and maybe I missed cleaning up completely. I do have naturally long lashes. I am very closeted at home and laughed it off and she said, "you're not crossdressing on me are you?" She said it in a laughing tone as if it to be inconceivable.

It is interesting though. I shave my chest and even mentioned that I would enjoy shaving my legs sometime(actually dying to shave my legs). I have told her I am just not into body hair these days. She is smart and I wonder if she will start to put two and two together...

[Beth Wilde]

To be perfectly honest, it sounds like she already has.....

[kimdl93]

I think she may starting to. So, are you willing to leave this up to chance?

[Beverley Sims]

I agree with both Beth and Kim.
It is getting closer to talk time if you haven't already been sprung.

[giuseppina]

Maybe it's time to have The Talk before she asks too many more insightful questions.

[Stephanie47]

Your bio page says you're 56. At least when you joined. I am speculating you've been married to a mature older woman for some period of time. I think she has given you a strong hint that she knows you're cross dressing or at least using makeup. A mature woman has had a lot of experience applying and removing makeup. My wife made a comment to me many years ago that she had seen a hint of green eye shadow that I had missed when cleaning up. Once a woman suspects something, she is going to look harder. As to shaving body hair except for the legs. My local TV station indicated a survey indicated many women (assuming younger women) prefer their men to have a clean shaven body. Ask her if she wants you totally clean shaven. To not be into hair and not shaven your legs may be a contradiction to her. Another hint you're a cross dresser.

Portland is a more liberal city. I'm sure she is accustomed to encountering alternative lifestyles; gays, lesbians, transgenders.

I'd be prepared for the "talk."

[Alice B]

She has and it just waiting for you to open the discussion.

[Sandieland]

I haven't been married in a long, long time. However, I always found it next to impossible to hide something from my SO. So, if anyone is finding their crossdressing episodes to be expanding more and more - taking on more and more importance - then one should start planning as to how to have the "talk". If you continue crossdressing, it will be found out eventually anyway. My wife once found a pair of panties under the car seat (I had taken them off and put on men's briefs before coming home one day and got a little slip-shod in accounting for all my wardrobe). There was no good way to explain this...either I was fooling around with another woman or ??

[Eryn]

She at least suspects and has left a door open for discussion.

"Dear, something you asked me yesterday has been bothering me and I'd like to talk about it..."

[Tracii G]

Sounds like she knows might as well bite the bullet and tell her.

[reb.femme]

Yep, I'm going with the consensus here and suggesting that your wife suspects something. This was her opening gambit and I would be prepared for her next move too.

My wife had found I hadn't returned her dressing gown to the right place and that various other items had moved. I thought I was meticulous in my planning and deviousness :devil: but even the alleged perfect crime is rarely so.

I came out fully in April last year. Looks like another bust may be on the cards. :heehee:

Reb


ing

[heatherdress]

She is your wife. She is smart. She sees you with mascara. You shave your chest. She uses the word "crossdressing" in her comments. Do you really wonder if she "will start to put 2 and 2 together?"

Trish - she must have added things up a long time ago. She appears to be OK with the way things are. Maybe you should let things be. Maybe you should follow-up her question with a disclosure. Maybe you should drop a few more hints. You know her best

How well do you two communicate? If you dress regularly, do you need to or want to go further? Do you want or need her approval or acceptance? Do you think confiding in her will help your relationship or challenge it at this point in life? Is she open minded?

Will there be family issues? I suspect you know the answers.

Maybe it is best to keep playing it safe if she already knows and if you are OK dressing regularly alone. Maybe it is best to take a big risk and admit or demonstrate or confide your crossdressing. You know what is best. Good luck.

[VAWyman]

That's how my wife started to question. Things were "out of place" when she returned from shopping or an evening with her friends. When I finally outed myself to her (actually she found out rather accidentally, but that a different story), it did not go well but we still continue to have occasional discussions on the topic. She is not ready to accept it at all yet. Do I regret telling her??? Sometimes I do, other times I don't. It's really a mixed bag of junk right now. But we have gotten to the point where we can discuss it without her dissolving into tears and yelling at me, so I guess we are making progress... slowly.

So Trish, I would agree with others on this thread. Yes, you should tell her (she probably suspects), but pick your time carefully and expect the worst. I didn't choose a good and I expected a little better reaction than I got. It hurt both of us in the long run, but you do need to be open about it. Praying that it goes well for you.

[stephNE]

I don't think mascara completely washes off. I think when I dress and use mascara, it must permanently stain the lashes and last for a few days after.

[Sami]

I get mine tinted once a month no one except me seems to notice :) oh also I might have fessed up at that point and said yes see how it went and if it turned to custard make out you were just teasing her :)

[Jacqueline Winona]

She is certainly suspicious. But she very well may be the type that really doesn't want to believe you are and therefore may be hoping you dissuade her of her "concerns" (for lack of a better term.) You know here better than us obviously, so think long and hard about what you do next. Is she likely to wholeheartedly accept this part of you? Is she likely to kick you to the curb with no further discussion? More likely, she is somewhere in between, and that is a tough place for you.

[AmyGaleRT]

Oh, once, before Sabrina found out about me, she saw me after I'd done an inadequate eye-makeup-removal job and said, "Are you wearing eyeliner?" Of course, I denied it. :)

- Amy

[Princess Grandpa]

Anxious to hear how you handle this and how it plays out for you.

Wishing all the best for you!
Hug
Rita

[Jana]

Seems like it's time to open up to her, don't you think?

[Ellie52]

Trish - She knows, shes giving you the opening to tell her - SO Tell her - Dont keep us guessing we need part 2.

Ps Love the stockings in the Avatar...Ellie

[Jolene Robertson]

Hi Trish,
Just had to reply to this as it hits soooo close to home.
First "yep I bet she knows"
Your story sounds like how mine came about. My wife just kept putting 2 and 2 together and it kept coming up 4. So one night she asked pretty much the same question. And I had to finally admit it to her, of course the usual questions (do you want to be with a man, do you want to be a woman, etc.). She was cool with everything and things have been better than ever between us. But that is just how it went for us.
You know your wife better than any of us so you have to make that call, just be careful. I really did not know how things would turn out and no one does till after the fact, and like it is said so often "once the genie is out of the bottle you cant put it back in".
Good luck and PLEASE keep us posted.

Hugs
Jolene

[noeleena]

Hi.

Youv been sussed admit it dont think you can outsmart us it wont work . hideing is worse than just say oh that yes i use a bit of makeup just forgot to take it off .... can you.....

...noeleena...

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Trish, Wives are a lot smarter than we want to believe sometimes.

[linda allen]

If you crossdressing is limited to a bra and panties when you wife is out of town and you have a good hiding place, you may get away with it for a while, but if you're at the point where you're using mascara at home, time is getting short for you.

Your choices are; Scale your dressing back, tell her about it, or wait for her to catch you or figure it out.

Telling her about it is probably the best choice for most of us.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Oh, she's connected the dots alright. Shaving your chest hair set off the first level alarm, but it's not enough for her to confront you on it. Asking about shaving your legs, second level alarm. Caught with mascara, klaxxon is blaring. She asked you a direct question, are you wearing mascara. You may not have lied in your response, but you weren't truthful either. Then she asked if you were crossdressing. She even used the correct term. And you lied again. She definately knows.

I found out from my wife that she recognized all kinds of signals that I didn't even know I was giving off. She either ignored them, or pretended they didn't mean anything.

She's going to keep askng more questions, and your going to keep lying until you get caught big time.

Right now, it's the lies that will be more damaging in the long run, not the crossdressing, but only you can guess at your wife's reaction.

[Yvonne York]

Yes, she knows. So it is time to open up - good luck. Many GGs are very supportive and help our transition.

[Annaliese2010]

I think she knows and is fine with it. GG women know everything. Of course! They have vision we shall never possess. A sort of 6th sense, maybe even 7, 8 or 9. Our challenge is to decode their signals. Words are important of course for their explicit meaning. But they also serve as a conduit for the deeper sense, tone or emotion they carry which is much more important than mere words in a loving relationship. You're in luck, I think, by the playful attitude she seems to convey.

I wouldn't make an issue of it. I would advise against having a heavy serious 'discussion' about a problem that may not exist, yet might be invented if you insist. But what a drag, how boring is that? Life's a dance. A theatre of romance. Just play it by ear. Reveal yourself gradually in small little ways over time. Tune in to how she reacts. Have fun with it.

It's not all about YOU. Your NEEDS. Because I believe when two people are married it's about WE, or US. When true love exists, or is at least reached for, there's a melding, a melting, and real conflict will never arise. Each adjusts to the other in a fair minded sensitive way. Implicit to true love is the maxim or oath: Primum non nocere.


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[Trishpdxcd2]

Hi,

Thanks for all the input. I think my wife was just making a joke as if it was inconceivable to her that I crossdress, though it is hard to tell. But I think if she puts two and two together then she does and it will lead to a discussion. If she asks me if I crossdress and is serious, well that would be the tipping point. I always appreciate the input ant will keep you posted.

[linda allen]

Last night I was getting out of the shower and my wife said,"it looks like you have mascara on." Well I did dress the night before and maybe I missed cleaning up completely. I do have naturally long lashes. I am very closeted at home and laughed it off and she said, "you're not crossdressing on me are you?" .........

You missed a great chance to ease into the crossdressing discussion. It's hard to think that quickly, and I missed several similar opportunities, but eventually I made one and went on from there.

So in hindsight when she said, "you're not crossdressing on me are you?" , you could have said "Why, would that bother you?" or "Don't you think I would look good dressed as a woman?"

Her reaction would have been the key to which way the discussion went after that. Or if it just stopped altogether.

But really, you can't expect to share a house with someone and get away with this forever. Your time will come. Best to have it on your terms and be ready for it.

[Geraldine_Whyman]

Hi Trish,

so, where is the situation at this point?

NB: My wife would never accept me to crossdress : she has ever said it (she said that because I wear pantyhoses -not only in winter- and shave my legs... as a crossdresser should do in her mind... and in reality).

[KatieV]

Trish,

IMO you're legs are to way too good to not be clean shaven. If you need a nudge I'm giving you one now. Warning - once you've started there's no turning back, girl!

[Gloriamontrose]

It does come off BUT when you apply it it gets between the lashes on the lid itself and that it difficult to remove with eye make up pads - near impossible with the waterproof stuff. Another point is that maskara gathers in the corner of the eyes, next to the bridge of the nose as a thin thread like streak. Most women will recogize this straight away as it's part of the eye make up removal process. Wife used to be a beautician.... told me all about it.

Gloria.

[DebbieL]

She knows, she wants you to know she knows, and at the same time doesn't want to threaten you, or your masculinity by coming right out with it. It sounds like she really does want to talk to you about it, and you'd better consider getting honest with her, so she doesn't start putting two and two together and coming up with 5 or 25.

If you let her know you are ready to talk, and are willing to answer any questions she wants to ask as honestly as possible, she will at least get past some of those incorrect assumptions, like whether you are attracted to men, want to seduce men, want to have sex with other women, or are going out in public as a woman.

At the same time, it creates the opportunity to explore this together. Perhaps she'd like to take you shopping with her, help you pick out some nice outfits, and maybe even go out to lunch with her new "sister" or "girl friend".

You've obviously taken care of your figure, are not excessively muscular, and have very nice legs. There's a good chance that she has known for quite a while, and may have even been attracted to you because you WEREN'T the macho type.

She might even suggest that instead of shaving your legs, that you get them waxed. This will mean she doesn't have to deal with a prickly pear cactus if you decide not to shave for a few days.

She may have other surprises in store for you, many of which I suspect you would ultimately enjoy, even though it might take a while to adjust at first.

[Tracii G]

Thats where your male mind is having a brain fart saying "I think" she said it as a joke.
Her mind is totally different and she sees the little things that give you away.
You should tell her if she asks again.Maybe say well if I was would that be a problem? That way you can gauge her response to the whole idea.
She did use the correct term CDing and not OMG you are a perv.