Plain ol boring CDers

[Greenie]

Hello everyone.

I have been mostly a forum lurker the last couple of weeks. Posting here are there when I get a chance. I got a second job so I am a busy bee.

I wanted to start a dialogue (not a war!) about something that is concerning me a bit and hope I can get some feedback from you guys.

As most of you know, I joined the site when I discovered my BF of 6 years was a CD. I got a ton of support from you guys and really enjoyed the insight I received. I would go to Luca and say "you really need to join" everyone is so helpful.

So finally after a month or so of poking and prodding and telling him to join. He did. He saw how much great stuff I was getting here and then in turn bringing back to our relationship.

He joined and to no fault of anyone in particular didn't feel like this place was helping him.

In the first week he joined he saw a post about how CDers who didn't wear wigs or makeup didn't "try" hard enough to be feminine. I kept telling him that people didn't judge here and he would find a place. This sentiment was repeated in numerous ways throughout all parts of the forum.

He didn't feel "feminine" enough to be here. He likes to wear a skirt and a blouse sans makeup and walk around the house. He read thread after thread about shoes, and boobs and hair and makeup and try as he might, he still felt outside it all.

I guess what I want to know... Is there a place for him here? I feel like there are more of you that are like him than he thinks. And if you are more like him, do you feel like there is not a place for you either. Such an emphasis is placed on "pass- ability" and like it or not some "girls" judge others on here for not being like them. Or not being feminine enough.

He got the feeling that most of the men here actually want to BE women, while he just likes the clothes and the feelings. But I KNOW he is not alone.


So I guess this is both a place to respond, but also a place for you to hear another members plea. Lets stop creating a place where there is a "right and wrong" way to CD. Lets stop scaring away all of those forum lurkers who don't feel like they belong.




(mods: not sure where to post this. Hope this is okay. move it as you see fit please. )

[Vickie_CDTV]

There are a number of members here who like to wear women's clothing but otherwise present as men. (There really is something to be said for wearing a skirt as opposed to pants, regardless of gender.)

[AmyGaleRT]

Greenie, I don't judge CDs by what they do or don't do. I encourage those that are presenting well to get out and enjoy life, because I know that feeling and I want to spread it around. And, if someone wants my honest opinion of their presentation, I'll give it. But I know there are about as many ways to CD as there are CDs, and also that it can change over time. (It did for me!) I think CDs should be happy with themselves, no matter how they dress or whether they get out or not, and I think they should look on themselves as having been given a gift...they can appreciate things most men wouldn't even understand!

I hope that other sisters will feel the same way.

- Amy

[Wildaboutheels]

Welcome back Greenie. Have you ever looked at the bottom of any thread? It shows how many people are looking at the thread. How many members and how many guests. Right now it shows only you and I looking at the thread. It's not uncommon for threads [especially when new] to show members/guests at 1/3 or even 1/4 which to me indicates interest. I believe members show as guests when they are not logged in, but I don't know why members would come and not log in - can't post that way. I think lots of lurkers indicates lots of people who feel the same as your hubby.

And I fully agree with you. Many folks who water here don't seem to care about/consider the Newbies or how impressionable they might be. I doubt if they are going to change their ways however.

Sure does not hurt to ask though! Maybe a few might not even realize they A R E discriminating?

LATE EDIT: I just looked ... 8 members and o guests looking at this thread. Must be some kinda record!!!

[Tracii G]

I am glad you brought this up.
I get some grief for dressing in womens clothes and NOT wearing a wig or make up all the time or trying to be all out femme.
Get grief for dressing casual and not to the nines every time I go out.
I'm a casual dresser because I want to be and I don't feel the need to present fully enfemme all the time. I enjoy being a mix of both genders as to what I wear and how much make up I want to wear.
I get ma'am'd a lot in 50/50 mode.
I don't feel the need to present 100% all the time but I do enjoy going all out as much as I do 50/50 mode.

I think he has a place here.
Stacy B and I call it TG lite!!

[Rachelakld]

Relaxing at home most nights with wife and kids, normally skirt or legging and nice top, no makeup or wig (that's more for outings).

[Amy R Lynn]

While there are many who really do want to be women, there are still quite a few of us that enjoy being men too! I dress when I can and I really do enjoy it, but there are many more days where I don't feel like going through the routine. It takes a while to hone this ape into a proper lady. I present as my male self about 98% of the time.

From the short time that I have come to terms with this side of my life, I have found that we (cd'r) are all different. None of us have exactly the same ambitions when it comes to dressing. Some want to dress all the time, and others (much like me) keep it in the closet most of the time. There is a whole range of differences here.

I'm sorry to hear that your BF didn't feel like he belonged here. But that is ok too. He is always welcomed to come back if he has a question or needs some advice. The girls here are great at giving advice from many different angles!

He is a lucky man to have a lady who is willing to go the extra mile to understand what this is all about! Good for you!

[Jacqueline Winona]

Greenie. I can understand his feelings on that. Its really his call, as there is a lot of pressure (subtle and not so subtle) to get out to everyone, advance the cause, etc. And to do those things it usually But its hard to keep a topic going implies getting more and more feminine. He isn't the only one who just likes to dress once in a while and has no desire to be a woman or just focus on his femme side, though. But that can be hard to see sometimes as the topics you see every day don't always prove that.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I thought I wanted to mimic a female form. I thought I would eventually get around to actually getting makeup and a wig and trying to pass.
But I don't think so now. I am happy changing into a skirt when I get home. I've been out in the back yard a couple of times in skirt and t shirt since moving to the new place with the girlfriend, neighbours have seen me, no comments were made. The landlord and GF have seen me as well ( he's a friend, had told him about it beforehand ) and again, nobody made any big deal about it. For me that's enough for now, I would like to be able to go to work like that, and it might happen. Don't want to go out dressed as a female, just want the right to wear which items I want, without getting hassled about it. Seems like it might actually happen. Don't think of myself as a woman, just want to express some parts of my personality that others might think of as feminine, but I don't think of it as such.

[JBPerry]

Greenie,

I can understand how he feels.....Right now and even when I go home (after I get out of the military later this year) I don't concentrate on passing...I go out in women's clothes because to me they are more comfortable....I'm not planning on transitioning female at all....I just want to wear something more comfortable and to me that's wearing women's clothes

[ErinSassyPants]

Thank you for posting this! I am going to send the link to this discussion to my husband. He refers to himself as a bloke in a dress (Thank you Eddie Izzard) and he sometimes likes to wear girl clothes but he has no interest in make up or wigs. He has found a bit of interesting stuff here but nothing that has made him feel comfortable or like he's found his community.

I wonder if they would consider a forum specifically for men who have no interest in passing? If there was a spot for them maybe they would feel more comfortable starting and joining in on discussions.

It would be wonderful if everyone on the CD/TS continuum could feel welcome here. It would also be wonderful for the GGs who love them.

[AshleyScott]

Greenie, bonjour from France



He got the feeling that most of the men here actually want to BE women, while he just likes the clothes and the feelings. But I KNOW he is not alone.

He's certainly not alone. :)

I like to wear some female clothes because I like the look of those clothes on women. It's the appearence that I like, not the wanting to be a woman.

I have a rather muscular torso... not body builders type, but just well toned. So feminine tops don't look so good on me.

I don't have much hair, it's cut short and I don't do make-up - except I do like to paint my toe nails. I think I look ridiculous in a wig.

But as this toning comes from practising Yoga every day, I also have shapely legs and bottom (I think so and others, both male and female, have told me so). Most days I wear skirts, heels, feminine underwear and stockings, etc. I'm getting more comfortable wearing those in public - and I think some of the stares I get come from the fact that I cause confusion in the minds of those who blindly follow fashion. :heehee:

My wife and 2 daughters are not so keen on my dress sense. But my son, his girlfriend and other relatives and friends are quite happy to be seen with me in public.

I'm more cautious when children are around as they tend to be inquisitive and most adults don't quite know how to handle their questions. Of my 6 grandchildren, 2 aren't allowed to see me so dressed, 1 is too young to notice and the other 3 accept their grandfather's love without bias.

I've perfected my style of tucking, so wearing a bikini bottom at the public pool often gets me side glances - and always petit bisous (little kisses) from the female pool staff.

Airline hostesses are always polite - though some of the passengers could do with a lesson in good manners. And sailors on ferry lines sometimes whistle. :battingeyelashes:

When my appearence causes amusement or laughter, I'm pleased to have bought a little happiness into another's narrow minded life. :D

This forum is a good place and I've learned a lot about myself as a result... I see no right or wrong, just different perspective.

Thank you and your boy friend for the opportunity to share. :drink:

[Nyla F]

Hi Greenie,

When your BF posts does he receive positive comments? I think this is the most reliable measure of being accepted on this forum.

It took me a while to get comfortable enough to start posting here. There is a lot of talk of being feminine, going out dressed, or other things that are not part of my CDing. But eventually I learned there really is a wide spectrum of people here and you often see people at opposite ends of the spectrum be supportive of each other.

One thing you quickly learn on this forum is that there is a lot of confusion and difference of opinion on these labels we use to describe ourselves. It is also evident that there are a lot more types of crossdressers than we have labels for. So please don't get discouraged if throws a definition out there that doesn't fit you.

[Ellie52]

Greenie
I totally understand where your BF is coming from. I spent 35 years happy to wear an occasional skirt and blouse though this was done in secret. About 2 years ago I told my wife and she surprised me by saying it was OK. Things escalated once I bought the WIG...(The one in my Avatar).. I can still remember the day I bought it and tried it on. I know what people mean when they say they remember the day their lives changed. This was mine. i was so shocked how I looked in the mirror that I had to sit down. I had spent 35 years with Eloise trapped inside and I did'nt know but that one day she exploded out of the mirror (freaky - Stephen King stuff) and nothing has been the same since.
Now I want to say I DONT WANT TO BE A WOMAN, never have and I dont think I ever will. I love my wife and son far too much. What I do love is the feel and style of women's clothes and shoes, nothing in the men's department compares. I'm sure your BF would agree, wearing a skirt is so cool.
Now for the warning. Don't believe everything you read on this, or any forum, people here are so nice and polite but sometimes the advice is misguided. Up until 3 months ago I never thought about going walkabout (shopping trip) dressed as Ellie but after certain comments on this site I feel I could do it easily and I really wish to try - in fact its all i am thinking about at present. I know my wife would kill me if she found out Id gone out without her knowing about it, so anything I have to do has to be with her approval. i am ok with this.
Please be very careful, as once the genie is out the bottle it is very difficult to get it back inside. You may get your three wishes but they may not have the outcome you desire....Good luck for the future...Ellie

[Candice Mae]

Greenie,

MTF CDing has a very wide spectrum, from being a man in a dress to dressing completely to pass as a woman its all CDing. There is no wrong or correct way to CD, the purpose is to let us express our feminine sides. I think the hardest thing for a CD is to accept themselves for who they are. Because of society considering CD to be taboo. This can lead to a CD thinking that there is something wrong with him, when there is actually nothing wrong with him. After all its just clothes, and make up there's no harm in him wearing them.

It is true that the majority of active members here present completely as women when they dress, but there are a lot of members that are like your SO that don't post. Which is a shame, because it would be nice to get everyone's opinion on a topic rather then just the regulars. And even the regulars don't always dress to pass, even me. I just don't post about it, no one wants to see me in my PJ's with a messy wig and still a little bit of eyeliner that I didn't get off when I removed my make up earlier.

Just like the people they are every CD is different, we come from all over the world, all races, and religions.

Hopefully your SO will stick around and feel accepted.

[Ellie52]

Greenie,
no one wants to see me in my PJ's with a messy wig and still a little bit of eyeliner that I didn't get off when I removed my make up earlier. .

Candice
I would'nt mind. Post/Pic it and we'll see...Judge jury and executioner...Ellie:devil:

[Oddlee]

Nice - thank you, Ashley, for your response...

I thought AshleyScott's response was pretty accurate. For myself - as a male I'm slender with build. In femme, I have too broad shoulders and to narrow hips. Nonetheless, my daily clothing habit is en femme. I'm fortunate to be able to work at home, so clothing has little relevance to my work. I always think I look like a guy in a skirt and sweater (or a guy in a dress, for the more common expression). Doesn't matter, I'm comfortable this way.

This forum has helped me quite a bit (appreciation to all who have posted here) to just accept myself without explanation - I've been a cd for 50+ years, but only in the last 5 years or so have I come to just let it be, what I am, and move on...

Be well,
Lee

[noeleena]

Hi,

For what its worth.

Think about a female who is different, who is not feminine has no hair does not wear a wig or makeup yet is a dresser of a different times two in fact not your normal day/evening wear. does not look like a female too masculine in her facial features,

Passability that would be nothing more than a joke as far as im concerned , okay im an oddball do i fit in here, youd have to ask others here for that answer,

as far as dressing is concerned no i dont im not a dresser. as for trans again no ,, im not trans, a transvestic again no whats left, well im not a male or gay, so we are getting down to the bones now, not M to F or F to M only one detail left, Ill leave that open,

So some where along the line no i dont fit in i skirt around make comments here & there, how they are recived is any ones quess, i belive i have been given respect because of my age allmost 66 i think i have said a lot about myself nothing is made up its all true & can be backed up by many out side of this forum being well known by many 100's of 1000's of people why would i lie , i would soon be found out & made to account .

I try to fit in where i can though some times i can not answer in some places because of my background, & its no different on the many other forums im on. except one forum i can because those there are all women, so theres no exclusion there,

maybe i can fit in because i can bring a different perspective because of my difference so if i can be accepted here, im sure any one who is different can . i dont fit the normal in any way shape or form.

So Greenie ,

Bring your So in & to the other lurkers you may all think im weird nuts mad & insane , well the thing is if i were not i dought id be here,

Just for a laugh... if i put a sack over my head i would be passable so long as i have my army boots on. see i told you i was mad......

.........................no offence to any one here, ...................

...noeleena...

[Sandieland]

Although my ultimate goal is to "pass" in public, I really do spend most of my time partly dressed at home. The other night I went into the bathroom, fluffed up my hair and did a minimum makeup job with lipstick...just for fun. Oh, and slipped on some panties. After doing that I proceeded to watch TV for the rest of the evening... but it felt cool, even though I was only partly dressed. This sort of thing happens much more than trips outside.

[toniloraine]

Hi greenish I dress at home almost full time no makeup no wig usually just forms bra and comfortable girl clothes there are a lot of like that.

[CD_blue]

First off to just let you know I have read some of your posts and think your really valuable member here. Have enjoyed reading your post. :)

Anyhow I fall more in line with your BF than some others found here on this site. Granted I don't post very often but I visit/read at least once a day.

I must admit I kind of understand where he is coming from. I sometimes have wondered the same myself about belonging here but I wonder about that everywhere I go lol. I have along the way talked to some pretty cool people who are like myself.

He isn't alone though. Myself I don't plan on ever trying to pass, no interest in changing my voice, taking on a female name (though my real name can go either way), I don't change my stance/walk, I don't "hold" myself in feminine way, and I am perfectly happy being a man.

I am just a guy who likes some things our society has deemed as feminine. Nothing more and nothing else. :)

[Eryn]

Greenie, I think of being TG as a continuum. On one end are folks who occasionally wear women's items. On the other end are those who need to transition completely and become female.

Most of us live somewhere in the middle. We find a comfortable place in the continuum that meets our needs and those of our loved ones.

This forum provides a safe place to talk about ourselves and what we do. I happen to like to go out in publlc dressed and occasionally write about it. This does not mean that going out is for everyone. There are also sections in the forum where our TS members talk about their experiences. When they experience a milestone in their journeys I will join in congratulating them. That does not mean that their path is the one I should be on.

Occasionally a member will mistake the continuum for a competition. Remember that many of us are testosterone-impaired so we tend to be naturally competitive, even when femininity is concerned. It's a competition only if one chooses to compete.

Greenie, your SO is as welcome here as anyone else. If he feels that he is being treated badly I ask that he contact me via PM and I will do my best to correct the situation.

[daviolin]

I am very much like your BF. I usually wear 50% woman's clothes all the time. I never go out anymore in full dress. I just don't like to bother with it. I enjoy staying home when I fully dress. Its much easier. Anyway I don't dress to impress. I dress for my own sanity. I'm a clothes monster. Daviolin

[Deedee Skyblue]

I like the comments so far, and I like the fact that it is not a war. In response to certain comments:

Greenie: "In the first week he joined he saw a post about how CDers who didn't wear wigs or makeup didn't "try" hard enough to be feminine."

Wild: "Many folks who water here don't seem to care about/consider the Newbies or how impressionable they might be."

It's more than just the 'impressionable' Newbies who are affected by this. When I see posts like that (that say or imply that I, or someone else, isn't doing it right), it lessens my interest in being here as well.

Tell Luca there are others here who feel the same way he does. I love to wear certain female items (skirt, heels) while not attempting to present as a woman, also, stealth dress - wear as much visible clothing as possible that is female, while still presenting as a male. I don't want to wear forms (although I do have small moobs which I would hate to lose) and I don't want to learn to spend hours putting on makeup. I want to do the things that are comfortable to me, and which I enjoy.

The 'right way' to be yourself isn't the same for everyone; the only one who can say if you are 'doing it right' is you.

Deedee :

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Greenie, To each his own the only one that you have to please is yourself as for me
when I get dressed it's all or nothing,
I'm here to enjoy not to criticize if I can't say something positive then I'll just pass.

[Ressie]

One doesn't have to be like most of the CDs here to get something out of it. For example, being divorced and single, I have no interest in all the spouse related threads. I don't dress in public, so passing isn't my main goal either, but I may venture out some day.

I have found others here that are more like me, and there are some aspects of crossdressing that we all have in common, like girl's clothes!

[Raychel]

Hello Greenie.

I am sorry that you BF got that feeling from the forum.
I know that there are plenty of people on here that feel the same way he does.
There is the entire spectrum of people here, All great people with there own thing.
covering the whole range, from the person that just occasionally like to wear some lingerie
to people that are going thru surgery to become a woman.

basically it is what ever you feel way you feel most comfortable.
for me, It is all dressed up completely from the neck down.
I guess I have a thing for boobies, I always wear my breast forms.
or as my wife calls them my "spare parts" :heehee:
But unless I am going out. I almost never wear a wig. and have only had my
makeup done once, and that was by my wife for a Halloween Party.

I must say that the forum can be a lot to take in,
There are so many areas and so much information.
If he feels comfortable in dressing the way he does, then that is really
what is most important. Be happy and enjoy life.

[Greenie]

Wow! Thanks all for posting. I knew that more people like luca existed. I guess its just nice to post and ask about it. I know that being a part of this forum has helped our relationship more than most of you know. I also just have liked getting to know you gals/guys. I guess the sad truth is that luca got to see a lot of that competition side that was talked about. He never personally was victimized because the only pictures he had here were in full femme gear that I did with him and he looked really good. Hopefully I can show him this thread and tell him; "See people here are like you and there are plenty of great gals on here who wont judge you for not dressing to the nines."

I know that there is no correct way to cd. I tell him this all the time. Sometimes its the ocassional judgemental person on here that needs to be reminded that its not "their way or the highway" I guess my post was kinda to point a finger at them and yell "stop!"

[Raychel]

That is vey true, there is no right or wrong way. If you are happy and comfortable, then that is the
right way for you.

Print out the thread and leave it on the coffee table for him to read. :daydreaming:

[kimdl93]

I am sorry he felt a bit out of the main stream here. It's understandable, because although I believe this is a very accepting and open forum, there are a lot of us, regular participants who are more deeply involved in CDing, and very interested in fully expressing femininity.

And for the record, although I'm among those who actually want to be a woman...and live my life accordingly....I strongly object to any thread that states or implies that one 'must' present a certain way.

My advice to your SO, however, is like the advice I give anyone new here. Read selectively. Not every thread...not every opinion is relevant to you and your life. Remember, each of us, when we post an opinion or advice will inevitably be expressing a very personal perspective. Sift through the posts for those things useful and relevant to you.

[heatherdress]

Greenie - Thanks for your openness - your thoughts and comments. I am glad you are a member and I hope your SO feels welcome. He should. This site should be all about acceptance, not judgment. It should be about diversity, not exclusion. It should be about each member's uniqueness, not conformity. It should be about helping each other, not criticizing. It should be fun and entertaining and supportive. It is not perfect, and some threads and comments may be judgmental or challenging, but your SO should just ignore them and finds threads he enjoys or finds helpful.

[Seana Summer]

he just likes the clothes and the feelings. But I KNOW he is not alone.



Hi Greenie

Your Bf sounds like me!

[Kate Simmons]

My underlying message here has always been just be who you are and not this, that or the other thing according to someone else's standards. Only by doing that will we be happy. If we try to please everyone else, we will be a dismal failure. It's not about dismal, it's about being happy and that is what we should strive for. Critics are a dime a dozen it seems but true friends will stick by us no matter what. I think many of us here are made of that sterner stuff Greemie and just know that the both of you are loved and appreciated for being who you are very much. :)

[Terri Semes]

IMHO a cd'er can be a person that discreetly slips on a pair of his wife or gf's panties occasionally , up to a person that goes through full transition .But I think most of us fall somewhere in between and whatever preference we as individuals have should be our own and we should not be made to feel like we are in a a competitive sport .

[adrienner99]

It must be awful for a crossdressing site to actually intensify a crossdresser's lonelieness. But I have also found it difficult to connect with anyone who is exactly compatible with me....however, I still visit the site often just to learn whatever I can. We all have different levels of interest in crossdressing and there may be a few jerks on here. But you can express yourself here. You can talk about things you can't talk about elsewhere and I think most of us are very understanding....Most of us will never pass or be lovely but we can feel lovely and know that we are not alone...I love this site, even if ultimately it does have limitations....and maybe they are self-imposed, anyway. I think your BF should keep exploring himself and his own fem desires, and keep coming to the site or finding other CDs...and you are wonderful, btw..for supporting him.

[kathyw]

hi their imsort of like him i dont try makeup on i just wear a wig out side on my porch and lipstick a dress heels .

[Cheryl T]

Of course there is a place for him here. There is a place for everyone here...this is a community and needs input from everyone no matter what their particular interest is relating to CD.
Not everyone feels the need to dress completely, makeup, wig and all and go out in public. Not everyone feels the need to wear an entire outfit to satisfy their need. We are all different, yet the same and that's what's so wonderful about this forum.
You probably find more people talking about breastforms, wigs, makeup and such because they are the more vocal of the group. Many members may simply read the posts and not participate as much because that's who they are. Others post many, many times because they prefer to interact more. Personally, I love going out, I enjoy wearing my forms, wig and makeup and making myself look as much like other women as possible and being part of the world as a woman. In that vein I participate in many of the threads, while I'm sure that others may focus their interest in only one or two.

We gals come in a wide spectrum, just a the general population does. That diversity is what makes the world so interesting and makes us interesting as human beings.Tell him he's certainly welcome, give it time and he will find his place.

[Georgina]

I don't use make up or a wig that often. Now and again I like to do the full dress up to see how I look. I wear a skirt or dress every day after work, with all the underwear and shoes, but no make up. I do not wish to waste all that time for just around home. There is no right or wrong way to CD. That is up to the individual's freedom of choice.

[Beverley Sims]

Greenie,
Luca certainly has a place here.
People do not judge but if they are asked an opinion some will give an opinion.
This can be helpful, sometimes the critique can be quite damming to some who ask.
Always ask expecting the worst and you then learn by what is said.
As in the real female world there are some that are drop dead gorgeous, some so so and some that really need to look after themselves as well.
In the CD world the same applies, there are also those that do not want to look glamorous and just want to appear as men in dresses.
I do not aspire to this ideal as I like to emulate a woman as much as I can.
There is no such thing as a plain boring CD as all our aspirations are different.
Get Luca to ask more questions, make them interesting and appealing and her views are likely to change.
I like to get stuck into conversations now and then and derive great satisfaction if I have a stimulating discussion.

[suchacutie]

Hi! I think eeveryone here is in the same situation: since each of us is unique in our approach, most of the threads won' relate perfectly to who we are. I don't "fly pretty" but I've read most of the threads describing those experiences because I learn a lot from them. I'm bigendered so have no interest in transitioning, yet the experiences of those who do have given me a lot if insight.

It is our differences that have given me so much help and support, allowing me to be different and proud of it.

[Aylineira]

Just like every person is different from another, every crossdresser is different from the other as well. I am one who loves being in a suit and tie as much as being in a flattering dress. I just love looking good! I really wish I could snap my fingers and change genders in an instant. There are times in which I stay in male mode for long periods of time and times in which I become my feminine side for other longer periods of time. Your BF can feel at home here, personally I just want everybody to feel happy and express themselves any way they wish.

[luca]

Thank you all for the nice responses, I do want to clarify though that it's not necessarily because I feel ostracized or anything. I just feel a bit unable to relate here. Now it's worth noting that I'm just not good at having text based conversations, I'm much better at actually connecting in person. That being said, maybe Beverly is right. Maybe I just don't put in that effort and ask engaging questions enough to MAKE that space for myself. You are so kind I feel a little less alone, but don't worry. No one is picking on me :)

[Di]

I just feel a bit unable to relate here.
I totally get that:D


Now it's worth noting that I'm just not good at having text based conversations, I'm much better at actually connecting in person.

Same here I can get my thoughts through much better talking one on one.


You are so kind I feel a little less alone, but don't worry. No one is picking on me Glad to know that. To me it is about just you being YOU and knowing you are not alone and you are supported.

[Polka Dot]

Greenie and Luca,

Sounds like Luca is one of the lucky ones, with a great and understanding woman to support him! Many here do NOT have the support of their Significant Others. Often it is kept a deep, dark secret.
It sounds like he was in a good place at the start, basically he was comfortable with himself and knew how he wanted to dress. I am so sorry that reading threads on this forum has caused him to second-guess himself. In many cases, this can cause a shame spiral or depression. I know this all too well, as I have lived in that area most of my adult life.

Luca and I fall into mostly the same category, as I like to hang around in pretty skirts and dresses, maybe some thigh high stockings and heels occasionally. I never wear makeup, I tried a wig one time and it was itchy and hot. I have no desire to leave the house dressed up, or try and "pass". I am happy with both my boy parts and my girl parts. Together, they make me me.

I hope Greenie and Luca find a place here where they can find some useful information and maybe a few new friends.

[GroovyChristy]

Hey, Greenie. CDing is like eating a Reese's Cup. There's no wrong way. Tell Luca to jump into the threads and discuss whatever he wants. It's a nice community with room for everyone.

Edit: Hey, Luca! I didn't read the whole thread and did not realize you posted. Please don't feel alone. We are here to support you.

[Nancie64]

After reading this whole tread I can relate to you. When I first came to this site and than finally joined, I felt like a duck out of water. After many months and reading I did start to post and to start a few threads. You are not alone. I look at some of the avatars and want to burn all my clothes and than others make me try harder. I have gone out in public a few times and have had maybe a dozen makeovers, but that's just me. I have realized that everyone on here is different and each has her own little glitch. Some are not always nice in their comments but 99% are supportive. You are luck that your SO is on your side. My SO is trully supportive and I feel lucky. I'll read a thread and if I don't like it, I move to another. I love it here and you will to. Where else can you get support for free and take or leave whatever info you want to use.

[AmandaJean]

I can understand Luca's original concerns. After reading more and more of the threads on the forum, a theme becomes apparent, some girls describe CDing as a transition. You'll go from wearing panties, to dressing fully, to venturing out and then transitioning to a female. Some even venture to insinuate that this will happen to you too. If you don't believe it you're only fooling yourself.

After a while it's become a bit clearer, these girls are very enthusiastic about what they've discovered about themselves and want to share it with the world. That's wonderful, I'm very happy for them.

But not everyone feels the same or will travel that same path.

I can only speak for myself here, but my "interest" in dressing is an outlet for me to express and experience my feminine side. The part that for so long felt it had to be "hidden" from the world. Now I have a fun outlet for those feelings.

The unintuitive consequence is by expressing my feminine feelings I'm a better man to my wife, daughter, family and most of all, me.

The truth is I dress for me and me alone. It's something that completes me as a human being. I'm content with dressing at home and taking photos. In my mind it's a very self oriented and loving manner in which to treat myself.

I've no interest in going out in public, or in transitioning. Sorry to you girls on the "forefront" of the battle for acceptance, but this girl will not be out and about pushing the boundaries.

This forum does fulfill something wonderful, it's a living demonstration that I'm not alone or "weird" because I find it fun to dress in women's things. That in itself is amazing.

Thank you.
Amanda

[TeresaCD]

You know Greenie, I think each of us needs to work it out for ourselves, because we are all different.
Though we have many things in common, working out an expression of ourselves, and the balance, is very much an individual thing.
I'm glad he has you to support him.
And I am a man, who expresses himself as a woman sometimes.
I too love my wife and sons too much to do anything else.
Cross dresser, TG, I don't care really, just glad to be at peace.

[Wildaboutheels]

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?182671-This-thread-is-for-All-of-you-who-are-NOT...&highlight=

[RebeccaLynne]

Greenie, do you really think we're boring? We come in so may flavors, how could you possibly be bored? :heehee:


Some want to dress all the time, and others (much like me) keep it in the closet most of the time. There is a whole range of differences here.

I want to dress all the time, but don't 'cause the guys I work with would either tease me mercilessly or challenge me to a fight. Consequently, I dress at home, and I'm not afraid to answer the door... I don't go out, but I don't need to in order to be validated.


I'm sorry to hear that your BF didn't feel like he belonged here. But that is ok too. He is always welcomed to come back if he has a question or needs some advice. The girls here are great at giving advice from many different angles!

Luca's certainly a welcome participant, and her thoughts are every bit as valid as everyone else's...


It took me a while to get comfortable enough to start posting here. There is a lot of talk of being feminine, going out dressed, or other things that are not part of my CDing. But eventually I learned there really is a wide spectrum of people here and you often see people at opposite ends of the spectrum be supportive of each other.

Absolutely. We're all in this together. Being or feeling feminine, and going out crossdressed amongst the general population, are two separate areas of involvement. I'm "in-house", and like it that way. I don't need validation from society to like myself. I like being me.


Most of us live somewhere in the middle. We find a comfortable place in the continuum that meets our needs and those of our loved ones.

This forum provides a safe place to talk about ourselves and what we do. I happen to like to go out in publlc dressed and occasionally write about it. This does not mean that going out is for everyone. There are also sections in the forum where our TS members talk about their experiences. When they experience a milestone in their journeys I will join in congratulating them. That does not mean that their path is the one I should be on.

Occasionally a member will mistake the continuum for a competition. Remember that many of us are testosterone-impaired so we tend to be naturally competitive, even when femininity is concerned. It's a competition only if one chooses to compete.

Precisely. Eryn has it right: this is not a competition. Find what works for you, and find happiness therein.


One doesn't have to be like most of the CDs here to get something out of it. For example, being divorced and single, I have no interest in all the spouse related threads. I don't dress in public, so passing isn't my main goal either, but I may venture out some day.

I have found others here that are more like me, and there are some aspects of crossdressing that we all have in common, like girl's clothes!

I find myself perusing a vast myriad of posted threads, all quite informative and fascinating... my "girl" side is naturally inquisitive, and maybe drawn to the drama of it all... I like watching "Real Housewives", too!

Our commonality, the clothing... and all the related trappings of femininity... constitute a bonding experience... can I get a group hug? :hugs:


I know that there is no correct way to cd. I tell him this all the time. Sometimes its the ocassional judgemental person on here that needs to be reminded that its not "their way or the highway" I guess my post was kinda to point a finger at them and yell "stop!"

Greenie, I commend you. "Different strokes for different folks". Many varieties of crossdressing, all valid. None better than another, just a wide spectrum. Those who can't entertaintain another's viewpoint, and embrace it for what it is... yeah, I wish they'd just stop, or just go away...:straightface:


Greenie - Thanks for your openness - your thoughts and comments. I am glad you are a member and I hope your SO feels welcome. He should. This site should be all about acceptance, not judgment. It should be about diversity, not exclusion. It should be about each member's uniqueness, not conformity. It should be about helping each other, not criticizing. It should be fun and entertaining and supportive. It is not perfect, and some threads and comments may be judgmental or challenging, but your SO should just ignore them and finds threads he enjoys or finds helpful.

I like what Heather said... and agree completely! :thumbsup:


Of course there is a place for him here. There is a place for everyone here...this is a community and needs input from everyone no matter what their particular interest is relating to CD.

We gals come in a wide spectrum, just a the general population does. That diversity is what makes the world so interesting and makes us interesting as human beings.Tell him he's certainly welcome, give it time and he will find his place.

Cheryl has it right, IMHO. Our common bond of sisterhood as crossdressers, and the SO's, family members, friends, and supporters we cherish. Without a supportive environment, we'd likely wind up detached and alone in our old age, wondering "what if"...

Thank goodness we hava a place to congregate. :)


I can only speak for myself here, but my "interest" in dressing is an outlet for me to express and experience my feminine side. The part that for so long felt it had to be "hidden" from the world. Now I have a fun outlet for those feelings.

The unintuitive consequence is by expressing my feminine feelings I'm a better man to my wife, daughter, family and most of all, me.

The truth is I dress for me and me alone. It's something that completes me as a human being. I'm content with dressing at home and taking photos. In my mind it's a very self oriented and loving manner in which to treat myself.

I've no interest in going out in public, or in transitioning. Sorry to you girls on the "forefront" of the battle for acceptance, but this girl will not be out and about pushing the boundaries.

This forum does fulfill something wonderful, it's a living demonstration that I'm not alone or "weird" because I find it fun to dress in women's things. That in itself is amazing.

Thank you, Amanda. I completely agree. I don't mind being labeled as "weird"; I actually like it. It's just that when my GF includes "sick" or "icky" that I tell her we met on the Internet, and she can go back and find someone else if she so desires. So far she hasn't... must be my redeeming qualities! :D

[Amanda22]

Hi Greenie. I haven't read any of the previous 49 responses; I'm sure they're great and I hope they're helpful. If your SO comes back to the forum, there'll always be a predominance of supportive respondents along with a few who really aren't. It's the nature of an online forum, unfortunately. It's kind of humorous that although we're such a thin and oft misunderstood slice of the general population, us crossdressers often establish some sort of pecking order amongst ourselves. We compare those who dress only privately to those who dress publicly, those who present all-femme versus those who do the male/female mixture, and those who keep it a secret to those who share with their loved one(s). I've been told I bring "2.much.drama" in my posts and that events I recount for the benefit of the forum didn't really happen like I said they did. I'll swear off this forum at times like that and then come back a few months later. My wife laughs at me when I say, "I'm so mad and I'm never going back!" because she knows it's probably just a matter of days till I'm posting again.

Anyhow, please tell your SO to come back. I think we need more participants who don't do the full-femme thing and just want to do what they want. Although I try to "pass" as a female, there are days I want to throw on a dress and just go without the makeup and hair. I hope my rambling is of some help to you both.

[artofbalance]

I haven't read this to much detail, so I'm just throwing my .02 in without reading all the replies. I wear what I want, when I want. Sometimes i wear a skirt an an AC/DC tshirt. I don't always present as female, and don't care. If people on this board don't like it, I don't know. I never get into those kind of discussions. There are other reasons I don't say much on this board and don't join in the conversation or start any. Greenie, there are a lot of people like him, so I hope he doesn't get discouraged.

[giuseppina]

Hello Greenie and Luca

I lurked here for years before I joined.

There are some threads I don't comment on. Controversial subjects are a prime candidate for a "hands off" treatment. I've complained about a few things that are often acted upon by the mods, and I've also had a few posts deleted.

There are always pot stirrers in life. Some have a genuine and laudable purpose; others are just making trouble. I've learned to ignore the troublemakers. If they get too egregious, I complain hoping the mods agree.

I have no interest whatever in going out en femme. If I ever find a soulmate, she will have a lot of convincing to do to get me past the doorway of home, or past the property line if suitably private. For me, dressing is an escape from the mental health effects of a lifetime of unnecessary adverse events.

[Robin777]

Hi greenish I dress at home almost full time no makeup no wig usually just forms bra and comfortable girl clothes there are a lot of like that.

I also do the same thing but at night after work. I have done it that way for my whole adult life. I am thinking about getting a wig and makeup and occasionally wearing them and going out in public once or twice. I don't need the wig or makeup to think of myself as a woman.

I don't really have the time at night to go the whole nine yards. I can imagine what I would look like without the rest of package. So that makes me a lot like your BF.

[Susan.]

Luca, you are more of a mainstream CDer than most of the posting members here. Most of the CDers here are more out and more into crossdressing. Take any advice with a grain of salt.

Not only is everyone different, but we are all dynamic and ever changing. I used to be more mainstream and wore few clothes for relatively short intervals. As I got older I started to want and or need more. Though I never went out dressed, I got everything including the forms and wigs, etc. Since however, I purged and for the past year I have not dressed at all.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I can't prove it, but I think many of the CDs here haven't stepped out of the house. There may be many others just like you who aren't posting. You see a lot of posts that say, "went out for the first time", "went to MAC for the first time" or "finally got up the muffins to go shopping". Those kinds of threads may sound more exciting than "I put on my favorite dress and had a bottle of wine with my SO", but they're no more valid.

Did you post "I just like to put on a pretty dress and walk around the house. No forms, no make-up, and no wig. Anyone else like me?"

[Avrial]

Hello Luca and Greenie!

As you can see by my very low post count, I don't chime in often, like many of us "plain ol boring" CDers. Logged in just to say you're not alone.

The regulars are the ones really "into it", and understandably, they post more often. I have looked at other forums, and this is the best of them for people like us. There's less for us to talk about with those who fully dress, but when you do have the opportunity to contribute, please do.

[ThiHi]

Very understandable. While i'm pretty 'girly' just because of how I look and who I am, I'm not trying to 'pass'. I'm just wearing what I want to, which is usually Mary Janes, cute clothes, etc. I really don't care what side of the store I get them from, but it's usually the women's side, 'cause it's more fun there.

I pop in from time to time, check in, sometimes respond (but not often, as you can tell) Lots of ways to be who you are. ;-)

[AshleyW]

(I didn't read this whole thread 'cause it's looooong.)
As for me, I occasionally dress all the way (and enjoy doing so), but much more often I'll just put a skirt on or maybe some mascara and present as a feminine man rather than a woman.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Greenie/Luca:

I've felt the way you have. Sometimes I feel like a crossdressing underachiever here because of my particular habits. I've been turned off by more dogmatic and opinionated posters as well.

Would I like to look half as good dressed as many members, and be able to walk around in the real world with my heels, hose, dresses and skirts? Sure. I'd also like to be an adolescent, knowing what I know now and able to make different decisions. Neither will happen, so I'm content to be a plain old CD-albeit with specific fantasies-and am very happy I have been able to indulge them. And to do so without ruining my marriage or anything else in the process.

Please stick around. We need people like you on this forum.

Shibumi

[Imeni]

You know, not having read many of the other posts, I can't say for certain if any of it was what you were looking for but I hope somewhere in the sea of pink fog and posts, a small tidbit of something real hit home.

Each one of us here who post are different from each other. Some are crossdressers, some are GG's and many silent watchers of threads, like myself, keep in the background mostly because I feel that in my lifestyle, I feel almost like a poser. I don't go out as a female, nor does my mentality change while I do. I just really, really like dresses and all things associated with them. Sadly, my feet are stupid big and with my body shape I resemble more of a gorilla than a lady but does that stop me from enjoying my dress up sessions? Nope. I think that you need to realize that while you can find some answers on here, you should try a few selective posts and find some like minded people on the forums for a more personal appeal. Like makeup? Find some people on here to chat with for tips and stories. Looking for some guys who just like the dresses and the sensations behind it? I'm one of em, toss me a private message and I'll respond. Hell, you can even add me to facebook if that sort of thing tickles your fancy.

Just take things as they come, one step at a time, and even if you have to, send out an SOS to the others in this board who don't normally feel like they belong and set up an online group of friends to chat with. We don't bite. :)

[UNDERDRESSER]

Thank you all for the nice responses, I do want to clarify though that it's not necessarily because I feel ostracized or anything. I just feel a bit unable to relate here. Now it's worth noting that I'm just not good at having text based conversations, I'm much better at actually connecting in person. That being said, maybe Beverly is right. Maybe I just don't put in that effort and ask engaging questions enough to MAKE that space for myself. You are so kind I feel a little less alone, but don't worry. No one is picking on me :)Nice to know we haven't "driven" you away.

I think I identify closer to your viewpoint than many of the others, but nowhere near exactly. I find many of the threads on here somewhat...troubling? at times? I defend anyone’s right to be whatever they want, to behave however they want, if it doesn't cause harm to others, and to a certain point, without causing offence. Posts like the ones where someone talks about being attracted to males when "en femme" for instance. it bothers me because I feel people browsing here randomly might think all CDers are that way, and maybe because I wonder if I will feel that way? Sometimes it's very hard to analyse ones feelings and motivations, we all tend to suppress stuff we think others might not approve of, or things that our upbringing has made US disapproving off.

For myself, I like the feel of the fabrics, I like the look of how some items look on my body, I get a kick out the "forbidden" aspect, a thrill out of the idea of going outside wearing the clothes. I have a desire to be seen as sexy and desirable, in a physical, body displaying way, and it isn't generally thought of as a male aspect. Showing your body off, and trying to be seen as sexy, is tied up with the idea that we're "asking for it" Which opens up a whole other can of worms. Men who display that way are seen as inviting comment, and I admit, I’d take compliments from another man, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with someone who finds me attractive, male or female.

This "need" when considered with the rejection by current society of it being a male, or masculine aspect, is, I think, behind some CDers need to pass. As a woman "I can do this" whereas I can't do it as a male. I'm sure that some feel like this, just as I'm sure many have some other drives that no-one has figured out yet.

Anyway, like you, I think that most of the posts here don't apply to me, and I actively dislike some posts. But I do feel that reading some of them have helped me define what I'm not, which can be hard, but better for one in the long run.

"Know yourself"

[Wildaboutheels]

It's pretty ridiculous if one pauses to think about it. To insist that ALL CDers should dress and "present" and act in a certain way is to imply that ALL females should do the same. And if THEY don't? THEY are also dong it "wrong"?

[~Joanne~]

I think there is a place for him here hon. Yes, a lot of girls don't go "the whole nine yards" but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Passing certainly is at the fore front of this site, and while we try the best we can, for a lot of us, we will never pass but that doesn't mean that we don't have a place here even if other don't feel the same way. You sort through all the BS posts here and You'll still find a whole wealth of useful information that can be helpful. Of coarse though you really have to search them out.

Miss you bunches, Hugs

[RebeccaLynne]

It's pretty ridiculous if one pauses to think about it. To insist that ALL CDers should dress and "present" and act in a certain way is to imply that ALL females should do the same. And if THEY don't? THEY are also dong it "wrong"?

Wild, I think that crossdressers are as varied as snowflakes: no two are identical in every thought or action, yet we all share a common interest; we enjoy wearing clothes normally worn by the opposite sex.

I've read every post in this thread over the past couple of days. I've previously posted in it. I don't recall anyone advocating, or even implying, that "ALL CDers" should be restricted to a particular image, nor there being any connection to natal females in that regard.

Maybe I missed it, or overlooked it... could you clarify?

[MysticLady]

Hi greenish I dress at home almost full time no makeup no wig usually just forms bra and comfortable girl clothes there are a lot of like that.

:heehee:....It's Greenie, silly. I just found this funny. You're sweet Toniloraine.


Now it's worth noting that I'm just not good at having text based conversations, I'm much better at actually connecting in person.

Welcome to the Club, Luca. Just take things at your own pace. Don't post just because you feel you have too.


Wow! Thanks all for posting. I knew that more people like luca existed. I guess its just nice to post and ask about it.

Hi Greenie, like everyone says, I appreciate your involvement on this Forum. Insights from a GG's perspective are very interesting to me. BTW....I hope you don't mind or take offense, but your stage name reminds me of a song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgnOJXIvu6s

[Druscilla Supernovae]

He's not alone. I like wearing womens black clothes around the house but I don't plan on becoming a woman. I'm the only one who knows about my likes for womens clothing and I don't wear it out of the house unless there is some sought of costume party. I love wearing my skirts, boots, tutus, black tops, rubberwear, and wigs. But my main passion is pvc wear. I have an extensive collection of womens shiny pvc raincoats and very unique shiny womens boots. I just discovered shiny pvc ladies bloomers and my god are they comfy. I will sleep in a couple of my raincoats because pvc feels so good next to my skin. Hell, right now I'm laying on my swimming pool air mattress with the shiny side up and it is completely stuck to me. My dream is to one day find a woman who is into pvc and understands my liking for womens clothing and boots.

[MysticLady]

My dream is to one day find a woman who is into pvc and understands my liking for womens clothing and boots.

Hello Panamino and welcome to the forum. You may consider looking for a woman that's a plumber. The fact that some folks have a desire for plastic is interesting too me. Too each their own.

[Joanne f]

Hello Greenie,
how are you today, I can well understand how your boyfriend feels about this as unless that you feel like you are part of one of the little groups on here it feels like a lonely place and pointless on being on here but I can assure him that there are quite a few just like him but are inclined to be less verbal about things because of the way some say how you should be doing it can make you feel like you are letting the side down .
I differ from most if not all on here in that I think it is the ones that go out dressed like your boyfriend ( as a male in female clothes) that will eventually make it acceptable for all to wear what they like without trying to pass as a female for the simple reason the the general public are seeing what they are getting and until they learn how to trust them then they will start to trust all , so tell him not to feel alone but to feel proud of doing it his way and believe in that it is his kind that will help to make it more acceptable for all ( in my opinion) .
Have a nice day
JF

[GeorgeA]

Hi Greenie & Luca,
I have been unable to post a reply when this topic was current. I'm just trying to review all posts for the last couple of months and came upon this, very interesting topic.
I've been a crossdresser longer than many of the posters here been alive. When I first came to this forum I was ecstatic that I found others that share my passion for crossdressing. Soon however, I discovered that I'm in a minority, as most posters talked about being a woman or at least looking like one.
I don't want to do either. I'm just s "guy in a skirt" who dresses for his own satisfaction. I'm not interested in wigs, jewellery, make-up and such, so I skip those topic that do not interest me. Yet, in spite of being different than many posters here I find that I do belong here and feel among friends. We all have different reasons for crossdressing but have one important underlying unifying force. We all do it.
I have already commented about this in several of my previous posts. I don't want to repeat what I have said there, but if you want I could send you a PM (private message) with my views and comments.

[jenni_xx]

Greenie, this place is as diverse a place as they come. It's all well and good looking through posts, trying to find a connection, but the best thing for your SO to do is to create his own post and make a judgement based on the replies.

There is no right or wrong way to CD. Anyone who says otherwise (which I suspect is no one), is wrong. Nothing is scaring the forum lurkers away other than themselves. The only reason they don't post is because they either do not want to, or don't feel confident enough to do so. Only themselves can change that.

[Steph_CD_62]

When I joined this site a couple days ago I didn't know if I would "fit" in with everyone else. It seems that most here go out in public and fully dress as a woman most of the time.
I do not go out in public, and I can't ever see myself trying to pass as a woman.
I do not wear make up or a wig.

But I have been welcomed with open arms by everyone.
I am glad I joined this site.

[Chickhe]

The way I look at it...crossdressing is an activity. Many people do it. Some people do it becaue they want to be woman, most people do it...because....umm...to tell the truth....they just don't know. Others do it because they feel relaxed, because they just like the clothes, other because they like the challenge of being totally passable, it goes on and on.... and everyone started someplace, so having crappy makeup or style is normal at first. At first I never really felt like I fit in, I still don't... I think it is because there is such a diverse range of people who do it. You will find a few who you click with and the others...you just learn to respect them.

[PaulaQ]

It seems that most here go out in public and fully dress as a woman most of the time.


Not true - it's a relative minority that do all that stuff, in my opinion. The photos can (not unreasonably) lead you to think someone's that way all the time. Most aren't, best I can tell.

Oh, and welcome. :)

[Brenda Freeman]

Hi Greenie,
For years I was only interested in wearing womens lingerie and clothes when I could, loved the look and feel. When I turned 50 I suddenly devloped the need, to buy a wig and try make up and dress up completely. I have no idea why but it was sudden and I even had anxiety attacks thinking about it. Midlife crisis I guess. By the way I did not know about this forum then. I do know we are all on different journeys many started where Luca is and may be perfectly happy there I was for a very long time and I still drift from high need to low need regarding my CD life. What a wacky world! What I do like about this forum is the number of people and in particular the number of people like yourself who support their loved ones. I find that so wonderful to know, I had no idea before I joined this forum I just felt so alone before! I think maybe the most active contributers are maybe at the high level of CDing and contribute to provide support as they have been their. I hope Luca continues to particiapte I have learned alot, have had some laughs and when it seems to get a little bitchy I think it is the strong passion of those who want to try to help. I take from it what helps me, and try to give back when I can. I am guessing for all those that actively contribute there are thousands reading and figuring things out. It took me a while before writing my first post or comment.
Brenda

[ReineD]

Greenie, I think that your boyfriend needs to not take the handful of posts that seem like criticism, as representing the entire spectrum of CDers here.

It's true there might be more to talk about if a CDer wants feedback on makeup, hair, mannerisms, experiences with going out, etc because they do want to go out and blend, and so it may seem as if the bulk of CDers here present this way and go out. But overall, I think there are more CDers like your SO who just like to wear the clothes at home. We just don't hear from them as much since there is less to talk about? Or, maybe they are the members who talk about what color is on their nails, or what they are wearing today. There are also many pictures in the Gallery that are cropped at the neck.

I think that your SO should give this place a chance for maybe 6 months, so that he can get to know others who are like him. He might want to participate in threads to give his own viewpoint. I'm sure there'll be others who will post after him and agree. And if he wants to post in private, there is the GM section.

Last, I was like your SO in the beginning, it looked to me as if everyone here wanted to transition and sleep with men. But now I know that half those posts are pure fantasy, while the other half are just our more vocal members ... but most important, I wasn't paying attention to the tons of other posts that had nothing to do with wanting female body parts or wanting to sleep with men. :p

[AmyGaleRT]

I think it's mostly a matter of what each of us have as our particular "comfort level" with dressing and with our femmeselves. My particular comfort level is up at the point of getting out of the house and going and doing things as Amy. Luca's is at a somewhat lower level, preferring to stay inside. All of these comfort levels are OK!

Also, our comfort levels can change over time. I used to be at about the same level as Luca myself...but then, thanks to the influence of my fiancee and my girlfriends here and elsewhere, I took those steps outside that led to Amy becoming "a woman of the world." But I had to find the will and desire within myself to do that. They couldn't force me. Similarly, I can't force Luca or anyone else, and it wouldn't be right to do so.

And yes, maybe those of us who get out tend to be more chatterboxes about it. The closeted ones may very well be the "silent majority." But I'll never put anyone down for that. I'll simply talk about my own experiences and my own feelings, and offer encouragement and cheers as I can.

Mostly though, all my closeted sisters, you shouldn't feel bad about what you do. You may be a little out of the ordinary, but not to a particular extreme; you can see how many of us there are! You're not bad, or cursed, or anything like that; my opinion is that you and I have been given a gift. We can see the feminine part of ourselves, nurture it, learn to see the world through "her" eyes, and learn to appreciate and take pleasure in the feminine. It's an experience no cisgender man could fully comprehend, or enjoy to the same extent. The power is yours...as is the choice in how you use it.

- Amy

[Michelle789]

I've never gone out yet. I do want to go out eventually, and my desire to do so started long before I joined this forum so it isn't pressure from anyone here or some competition. My two cents is follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you, be it stay in or go out. No one can talk you into going out dressed as a woman, and no one can talk you into staying in. It's dangerous either way to pressure someone into going out or not going out. If someone wants to CD in private, let it be. If someone wants to go out while dressed, that person needs some support to do so, and to overcome the psychological obstacles necessary.

[AmyGaleRT]

I've never gone out yet. I do want to go out eventually, and my desire to do so started long before I joined this forum so it isn't pressure from anyone here or some competition. My two cents is follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you, be it stay in or go out. No one can talk you into going out dressed as a woman, and no one can talk you into staying in. It's dangerous either way to pressure someone into going out or not going out. If someone wants to CD in private, let it be. If someone wants to go out while dressed, that person needs some support to do so, and to overcome the psychological obstacles necessary.

Exactly right, Michelle. When you do finally make it out (and, with your attitude, I think you will!), I will congratulate you and enjoy your success right along with you. If you ask for advice before going out, I will give it if I can. But I am in the position of Morpheus: I can only show you the door, you have to be the one that walks through it. :) And I'll never gainsay your decision, one way or another.

- Amy

[ryenmatt]

I read the following paragraphs below and these are my thoughts on them. I feel the exact same way about this forum and have come across this same thing with real life crossdressers. I actually get snubbed by crossdressers in real life cause I don't try to be passable. HE IS NOT ALONE. I FEEL THE SAME WAY HE DOES. I don't fit in with the straight crowd cause I dress like a woman. I don't fit in with the gay crowd cause I am straight. I don't fit in with the crossdressers here cause I don't go full fem. So I know EXACTLY where he is coming from. He is absolutely judged on here for not going full fem as am I. Even in today's world you have to be either a boy or a girl. You either have to look like a boy or a girl you can't be both no matter what crowd including this crowd you interact with. He is exactly right. I have experienced this myself. Does it stop me from being me. HELL NO!!!!!!! But you do have to be either guy or girl or go it ALONE. Which is a bitch to go alone but I don't like living a lie and being 36 years old DAMN IT I AM LIVING MY LIFE BY MY RULES even if that means I have to do it ALONE.

I guess what I want to know... Is there a place for him here? I feel like there are more of you that are like him than he thinks. And if you are more like him, do you feel like there is not a place for you either. Such an emphasis is placed on "pass- ability" and like it or not some "girls" judge others on here for not being like them. Or not being feminine enough.

He got the feeling that most of the men here actually want to BE women, while he just likes the clothes and the feelings. But I KNOW he is not alone.

[annecwesley]

This forum has improved some in its acceptance of those of us who just want to be a "Guy in a Skirt". But I got stung pretty badly when I asked advice on going out in a skirt in male mode. I think some guys on this forum have a group think mentality where crossdressers are a "community" with certain values and political/social ideas. Anyone else, even if the crossdress, is a traitor or else is risking the social and political progress of "the movement".

I wish I could discuss being just a Bloke in a Skirt here or the simple comforts of lounging around at home or in the shop in satin and silks - as a guy, not a "gurl", but ther is not (yet?) a "Blokes in Skirts" formum here and my experience has not been good. I had a great time recently traveling in a plaid skirt (and sattiny underpinnings) and would love to discuss it - but I still feel intimidated because I've been told essentially that I'm ruining it for those on the forum who want to pass and not see the community ridiculed because of people like me.

My 2 cents worth.

[TheMissus]

Greenie hon, tell your guy to dress however he likes. He doesn't have to join some non-existent movement to push the agenda of a vocal few. Sorry, but that's lame. If anyone feels that strongly about public CD, they can fight that battle themselves. Most people walking this earth are thinking about their gender about as much as they think about their toenails and many here would do well to remember this - gender is a non issue for the average person. If it's something you personally spend all day thinking about, doesn't mean everyone who CD is doing the same. Plenty here might be like the rest of us and not think about gender at all. Maybe it's just a bit of fun!

Just be yourself and forget about the rest. Life's too short.

[Marcelle]

Hi Greenie,

I am saddened that your SO has been put-off by the forum. I truly believe that a majority of us who CD are truly a broad spectrum and we are very accepting of us all whether you are just a guy who likes to wear a dress or someone who tries to blend complete en femme.

Heck, I would hate to think that any CDer would not look down their noses at another CDer because he/she has not achieved the level of success (in their own opinion) that they have. We are all different but the one constant should be that we all support one another . . . we have it hard enough as it without ostracizing each other.

I for one will run the gambit of dressing. Some days I may complete en femme others I may just put on clothes, wig and nail polish and spend my day doing things around the house - au natural gal as my wife refers to it.

I hope your SO might give us another chance as there is lots of support. Even though my wife is very supporting and we talk about everything, it is nice to share things with my sisters from time to time.

Hugs

Isha

[Connief]

Luca is not alone. I enjoy dressing, but don't have a wig (cause I don't go out anymore), rarely wear makeup (too much work when just sitting around the house), don't do out anymore. Mostly do to where I live. It does seem to me that if you don't "try" to pass, don't go out or a few other things, you don't belong. That's why I don't post much and didn't do a introduction post. I'm even cutting back on the time I do spend here.

[Ina Girdle]

Hi Greenie, I will throw in my comments here. I have not read through each post here, I skimmed through. I enjoy reading through the list of subjects posted every day and pick and choose subjects that interest me. I agree with some others who have said that at first, I thought the majority of members were located closer to the totally FEMALE side of the gender Identity scale than the Male side, but what we have in common is that we are all on that scale or have an SO who is. I personally have no desire to present in full FEM either in private or public. It took me 50+ years to figure out who I am and I am so very lucky to have a wife who is willing to deal with my gender identity issues and BOTH of us are learning as we go. Having read some of your posts, Luca is a very lucky person to have you in his life! I am able to discuss with my wife, but I also like many CD's value a GG's opinion very much and read your (a GG) posts and comments closely. I think for many here who do not have a GG to talk with in person, you women provide a very important viewpoint to us CD's. I am getting off topic here, but wanted to assure Luca that there are many of us who are not on the Super Fem end, but like anything else in life, take things with a grain of salt and pick and choose what he decides to read and comment on. And in regards to commenting or starting a thread, put on your kevlar panties, cause in a large forum you are going to ruffle somebody's feathers (one way or another)! And in the end we all should respect an individual's right to express themselves anyway they want. We ALL here should be some of the MOST TOLERANT people around, but sometimes we are not.

Thanks for your participation and I hope your hubby has a chance to come back and throw in his 2 cents!

Cheers; Ina

[Ressie]

Since this thread has made a come back let me add something. When I first joined in 2008 I didn't feel that I quite fit in. I didn't even check in to lurk for months at a time. But eventually I found that there's always some activity here and this site has been growing on me. That said, I know it's not for all CDs out there, for example some have been banned for breaking the rules. I sometimes just wear a couple of fem garments around the house too. We can all do whatever we want, within boundaries of course.

[Seana Summer]

Long live the "Plain ole boring crossdressers"!!!

It dose seem a bit frustrating at times when I see someone seemingly getting attacked from within. I am very happy to have met many wonderful "plain ole boring crossdressers" here and will respectfully ignore those who feel I'm just not trying hard enough. I am me.

p.s. Greene I hope you don't mind I stole the title of this thread weeks ago to be part of my signature line

[Rachael Leigh]

Greenie I am very much that way. I too love pretty skirts or tops that seem more suited for gals but just don't see myself female, since I am not. I love the cute workout gear too like the shorts and sports bras and when I workout that's what I'm wearing. Underwear for me is just that not panties but to me it's all underwear I don't care if it silky or lacy I wear it because it's comfortable. I don't see the need to hide myself in makeup or wigs. I did do that long ago but it was way to much hassle so it's not me. I keep myself shaved as well because I like how it makes me feel and look. But I'm still just a guy with a different style of dress.

[GeorgeA]

Hello Anne,
I'm also "a guy in a skirt" and have no desire to look like a woman. Perhaps a designation "Guy in a Skirt" can be used to distinguish ourselves from the "main stream crossdressers. Perhaps "gis" = guy in skirt? For a long time I've been struggling to find a monicker and the one that you mentioned was at the forefront of the ones I considered. If you or someone else can find a better one I will be glad to use.
For now,
Gis

[Connief]

I would give just about anything to find a cure for my desire to wear a dress or lingerie. Purging does not work, getting married failed, joining the military didn't work. Failing several times trying the dating thing after divorce hasn't worked. Any suggestions?

[Leona]

I don't wear a wig, I grew my hair long. :) In boy mode, I'm a metalhead with long hair, and in girl mode I'm a metalhead with long hair.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest he may not belong here, and that's exactly why he should hang out here! I don't feel like I belong here either, but I don't feel like I belong anywhere, most of the time. And just like Jimmy, who cracked corn, I don't care.

(There is a more serious explanation: If you go places where you don't belong, you learn more about people you'd have never met in the first place, which in turn feeds back into learning more about yourself and generally being a Good Person. To learn something you don't know, you must do something you'd never do.)

[PaulaQ]

I'm also "a guy in a skirt" and have no desire to look like a woman.


A common designation for you would likely be "Gender Queer" - meaning that you don't really conform to the presentation of either gender exactly. Some of us TG folks are just as serious about the gender binary as any cisgendered person. (Not me - whatever someone needs to do to be themselves is always fine by me!)

[SabrinaDubh]

Maybe a difference in perception but I tend to come here because it's mostly CDers and not TS's. Also, regardless of the labels I find that the discussions here are not as "serious" as they are at a couple of other forums I frequent.

[krissy]

Hey I love the way you think .i dress to be myself its great don't have wife's support but i have Friends here glad to talk and share I LOVE YOU ALL THANKS FOR BEING THERE

[Stephanie47]

Each to their own comfort zone. One of the complaints I've made numerous times has been some members chastising others for not "getting out there" and asserting themselves or promoting the cause. Some are transsexuals who have a totally different situation than the "plain ordinary" vanilla cross dresser. I am a "plain ordinary" cross dresser who likes wearing feminine attire on occasion. I have no desire to become a female. I enjoy being a man in all capacities, past and present. I do not want to cause myself, my wife or my family unnecessary angst. I limit my dressing to my home and the secluded backyard. I am happy with my self imposed limitations.

Yes, I enjoy the entire "enchilada," full dressing with a wig. Why a bra when I have nothing to pack into it? Well, it seems natural, if I'm wearing a dress, slip, hosiery and panty. Why a wig? Well, when male pattern baldness sets it, the image looks a little strange. I guess I could shave my head, but, that may seem worse than the male pattern baldness.

Again, whatever is your comfort zone. And, please stop chastising those of us who are in our comfort zones for not entering your comfort zone.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I love how you take into consideration how your wife and family feel about it. I give you kudos for your concern for them and not putting yourself first and not caring who gets hurt or embarrassed.

[lisalove]

Of course there is a place for him here. There is a mytrad of cds here. Where on the great spectrum of transgenderism he is iof no consiquence (sp). If he has something to say, or ask. then he better well ask or say what ever is on his mind. There is no dumb question. except the one that is not asked.
Oh by the way. calling us guys is just wrong unless you are refering to our ftm members. I as a mtf crossdressewr and I am sure there are others who prefer to be referred to as a she or some derivitive of the female pronoun. And yes there are others who may or may not prefer it. I hope they will speak up for them selves. That's today's lesson lol :)

Tell your boyfriend to get on here and pst away. and tell him he's one luck gurl to have a girlfriend like you who accepts him for who is, not what society says he should be.

[cdmorganashley]

Hi Greenie, I think there is definitely a place for your SO here, but I can definitely see where he is coming from as many of the threads here do talk about passing and looking and being as feminine as possible and similar topics, however, I think this is a very open-minded and accepting place to talk about and get feedback on anything related to CDing... that being said I kind of think you will find what you are looking for here in that if you are looking for this forum to be what you are looking for you will find it to be, but if you are expecting it to fail you it will do that too--self fulfilling prophecy type thing I think... I am sure there are CDs like your SO, who are not interested in presenting as a woman, and I would encourage your SO to create some threads expressing himself and asking for the support he might find helpful and I think he will find some other CDs he can relate to--above all though I would advise you not to push him to do something he is uncomfortable with and if he seems to find this forum a poor fit for him right now don't push him too hard to use it as it may be useful to you, but not to him... anyway, he is lucky to have you trying to find ways to give him support in addition to yours, which is amazing!!

[Tina_gm]

count me in as a plain boring CDer. I do not go out in public. I do not make a full transformation. I am never going to say never, but this is where I am at right now. I dress for the way it makes me feel 1st and foremost. Dressing for me is not the end all. It is part of what helps me to connect to my inner femininity. I also shave most of my body hair because I like the way that it feels. I do also like the way that it looks, but I also do not like the look of body hair period.

My nails are just slightly long for a guy, but not really noticeable unless someone was looking right at them and even then, it would not be something that would grab someones attention all that much. But I like the feminine feeling. I suppose if my wife was more comfortable with it all, and society in general I may go somewhat further with all this, but I value my marriage and my family. They are my 1st priority. Being a father comes 1st to me, and I do not want that to change.

I cannot change the extra femininity I have, lord knows I have tried to get rid of it, but it does not go away. So, I am learning how to live with it. How to express it for my comfort while keeping my 1st priorities in life. It can be a frustrating balance at times. For me, I do not come on here to learn how to better portray a woman. I come here because it feels good to be in the company of others who are at least somewhat like me. I come here to learn how to better accept myself, and to continue to learn how to balance my feminine side with my masculine side and my priorities in life.

[donnalee]

That, Luca, is exactly how I feel about it. I started doing this when I was 60. As I don't wish to look like a superannuated hooker, I don't use much makeup and seldom use any. I don't feel comfortable poking pointy things at my eyes, so no eyeliners or mascara. My hair is down to my shoulder blades, and, due to some medication I was and still am taking, my breasts have grown out to fill a dress well, although bras don't fit very well so I seldom wear one. Unless I go out, I dress 24/7 because I am comfortable that way. I really don't care about others opinions; the only ones coming to my door are trying to sell me something and leave when I introduce them to my dogs (75-150 lbs each). Don't really need them but it saves talking. In other words, I'm the old curmudgeon I aspired to be in my youth; I just do it in a dress.

[Mink]

I guess what I want to know... Is there a place for him here? I feel like there are more of you that are like him than he thinks. And if you are more like him, do you feel like there is not a place for you either. Such an emphasis is placed on "pass- ability" and like it or not some "girls" judge others on here for not being like them. Or not being feminine enough.

He got the feeling that most of the men here actually want to BE women, while he just likes the clothes and the feelings. But I KNOW he is not alone.


So I guess this is both a place to respond, but also a place for you to hear another members plea. Lets stop creating a place where there is a "right and wrong" way to CD. Lets stop scaring away all of those forum lurkers who don't feel like they belong.

i have been a member here for 2 years but never posted... and lurked even longer... often not sure what i wanted to add to the convo but yeah over time i saw that too many were acting like there were wrong ways to crossdress... that you HAD to shave your legs etc and be great at makeup and wear a wig and have a female name and feel like you ARE a female or adopt that persona... i don't know! ... it just didn't gel with me and where i'm at! though i've tried going out and the full get up...

but i also have gone out with a beard and in a dress and things were fine... only later did i hear some crossdresser at the same gay club drag night complain that once she saw a man in a dress with a BEARD like it was the most shameful thing... and i THINK she was talking about me from before! ha!

i could probably "pass" as good as some here but i just don't want to put in that effort for something that does little for me and doesn't feel like "me" ... not my bag, baby!

it's very confusing and frustrating at times and hopefully i can feel like i fit in enough here to finally post some!