Ongoing struggles and lifestyle changes

[Amy A]

Hi all,
I've written here before about how me and my long term GF broke up due to my need to transition, and we had put the house that we owned on the market. This weekend we finally moved out into separate flats about 5 minutes walk from each other in one of the nicest areas of Manchester.
The move was really hard work, we couldn't afford a removals service so we did it ourselves on what turned out to be the hottest day if the year. I'm now writing this in bed recovering from dehydration; I feel really badly hung over!
Emotionally not everything has sunk in yet. For the first time in 10 years I'm living apart from my soulmate, the person I love most in the world. But at the same time living alone now gives me the freedom to start working on my transition more. I'll have the privacy to work on my voice without someone overhearing and feeling uncomfortable, and I'll be able to control my diet better.
And, there was a point last night that felt like a real step forward. The simple act of putting my female clothes into the wardrobe and the drawers, of creating a space that is a woman's bedroom, brought me a brief feeling of peace.
I'm still struggling with the loss of my relationship and the length of the waiting list on the NHS that means I won't be able to get hormones until next year, and I can't live in the male role for much longer without losing my mind. But at least something has changed.
Amy :)

[Janice Ashton]

Hi Amy,

I went through this process just over 10 years ago under similar circumstances, believe me if you wish to follow your heart and be true to Amy this is the right road to take as much as it hurts. Like you I am in transition here in the UK and live alone so it makes life for so much easier after years of hiding I can now find the real me and although at times being alone has it's quiet moments you are under no pressure from anyone and you can be who you want to be under your own roof. In my case, from my old male self, to the real me, Janice now runs the house and it has enhanced my life dramatically.

The first few months you will find it hard to come terms with the loss of your soul mate or as in my case loved ones but, it will get better and quite often as in my case for instance my ex has now become one of my biggest supporters in my transition. So you and your soul mate could still end up the best of friends as she will be able to view your life changes from a different point of view which is removed from the intensity of a relationship. Good luck with the journey it is a hard road to travel but a very delightful and rewarding one!!

Janice

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Amy, I had to wait for 48 weeks between starting my transition and getting that so-elusive first appointment at the GIC. However, I didn't hang around in the male role during that time - it would have ended up killing me literally to have to do that.

By the time I saw the first doctor at the clinic, I was able to show evidence of best part of a year spent living and working as a woman. Although I didn't get a prescription for another several months, I don't feel my time was wasted.

Just my experience, YMMV

[emma5410]

Hi Amy,

I am glad things are moving along but sad that is has cost you such an important relationship. I am also awaiting my first appointment at a GIC. I got my forms last week so hopefully I will be on the waiting list soon. I went full time six months ago and if you can do the same then I think it will help with the GD and give you an headstart whilst you wait for an appointment. I know that is far easier said then done. I have been self medicating so that has probably helped with passing. Obviously I am not suggesting you do that.
Have you considered therapy, hair removal or voice coaching? They all cost money but again they are ways of making progress. I would imagine the GIC will also view any steps you take yourself in those areas positively. I can give you the names of an excellent electrolysist and voice therapist in Manchester if you need them.
I read on another forum that the NHS will offer to pay for 8 hair removal sessions and maybe more if you can prove exceptional need. You can get a lot done with black hairs using laser but I am not sure how permanent it is.
I assume you are aware of Concord and Transforum. I felt out of place at Concord which seemed predominantly crossdressers but I may be wrong.

[Amy A]

Thanks for the replies, they are really helpful. I want to go full time as soon as my hair is long enough, which it should be within about 3/4 months. I've already had two sessions of laser hair removal on what little beard I can grow, but haven't seen any particularly impressive results as yet.
My hope is that by the time I get my appointment I'll have been living as any for at least 5 months. My employers and all of my colleagues know that I'm planning this.
I just wish everything could happen sooner, it feels like a sentence at the moment. I'm also starting to realise how much is ahead of me both emotionally and financially. I had a free consultation last week at sparkle with a Dr Luis Capitan, who was really nice, and yesterday got a quote through for rhinoplasty and forehead contouring including brow lift and hairline lowering that came to £10000. I'd only ever be able to pay for that with a loan. I guess it's best to see what effect hormones have on my face first though, and at least I don't need any work doing below my nose.

My ex is still my best friend, I'd love it to still be more than that but I'd rather have her in my life in any way than not at all. She commented about my weight this afternoon, she's worried I'm getting too thin but I still want to try and lose some of the upper body muscle I have from swimming.

Emma: if you could send me the details of those people I'd be really grateful, I'm not sure if I can afford voice coaching or not but I'd like to at least look into it. Also yes I am aware of those groups, transforum seem ok but the website was no longer up last time I checked. Concord does look a lot like it caters mainly for cross dressers and without wishing to disrespect those people I don't think they can be of much help to me. There is another called TREC that looks quite interesting, they have talks with guest speakers and host workshops and show films, so I might go to the next meeting.

[Janice Ashton]

Hi Amy,

I have been in correspondence with Jenny B she is on another site I visit, However she is very much involved in facial surgery etc. The site is found here http://www.thehiddenwoman.com have a look but remember whatever you choose to do on your own it will cost lots, wait until you get your GIC appointment before making any decisions that's where I am at present and have been under the NHS for quite sometime, slow yes, but much better than a lot of these so called medical clinics that operate without a licence as such and self medication sites that operate without regulation!!

Regards
Janice

[Rianna Humble]

Amy, you can get voice coaching on the NHS too through your clinician at the GIC. As with anything on the NHS though, it takes time to get set up.

[Nigella]

Hi Amy

There is plenty you can do for yourself whilst waiting to see the GIC. I was presenting as female for 3 1/2 years before being referred to Leeds GIC. I was employed in a new job as female, got my name changed legally and use that name in everything I do, getting the evidence required to prove "RLE".

http://www.leedspft.nhs.uk/our_services/gender_identity

Have a read of this, it is for Leeds, but I doubt that it will not harm you to at least see what they require. One thing to remember about the NHS, there is finite funding for Gender Identity. The NHS will fund what is known as "core" treatment, that is therapy, HRT, SRS, voice coaching, BA, but will not fund "cosmetic" treatment i.e. FFS, Hair removal, unless necessary for SRS. There are exceptions of course, but the necessary funding will only be given if it is recommended by the GIC as necessary to the well being of the individual.

I guess the crux of this post is, do as much as you can for yourself, it will help in the long term.

[emma5410]

Hi Amy,
I have sent you the details by email. Transforum are revamping their website at the moment. I had not heard of TREC. I will have a look into it.

[Amy A]

Janice: it was Jenny Bowman who was organising the consultations at sparkle, she was really nice. I also met Miriam who is featured on the website, she is stunning. My parents have offered some financial support should I decide to go for FFS, but we have talked about it and decided to see what effect hormones have first.

Rianna: yes I am aware of that but I do want to go full time before I get my long awaited appointment so I'd love to have a convincing voice.

Nigella: I really do want to do as much as I can beforehand, like you and the other members say it won't be a waste of my time. I've read and re read everything on the Leeds website as well as the photocopy of a leaflet they sent me, and I spoke to a really nice woman at Leeds GIC who told me much the same as the advice here; anything I do now will only help me.

Emma: sorry I haven't received any emails..

The thing I'm struggling with is that I have to wait so long for treatment, and that the best way forward is to live as a woman without support from counsellors or medication. Everything feels like such a long way away, and I know the answer will always be to stick with it, but I'm on the edge and my confidence is rock bottom. I'm determined to go full time ASAP because I can't cope like this for much longer, but it still scares me. It's just that becoming a woman is much less frightening than the alternative.

Like I said, it feels like I have such a long way to go before I reach the place I need to be in. One day I know I could be happy, and able to express my true self, I just need to get there.

Thanks again everyone :)

Amy x