hey

[tiffanynjcd24]

After debating on when ever if i should transition or not, receiving various advices, and did some soul searching as to if my transition would affect my job, family and friends(i dont really have that many friends) and/or future relationships, I realize that i would still be a crossdresser(i am not giving that up) and continue seeing a therapist as to trying to help me understand my gender identity issues(i am still dealing with the confusion). I am decided that i want to be a woman

[arbon]

what do you mean you would still be a crossdresser? That does not make sense.

[tiffanynjcd24]

well i meant that i wouldnt giving up crossdresser but like i said i made the choice to be a woman

[Kathryn Martin]

wow, that is great........ how are you going to become one?

[gonegirl]

Umm, that still doesn't make sense. A person can't be both a cross dresser and a woman.

Have you talked to your gender therapist about how you want to be both?

Simone.

[kellycan27]

Hey let's be nice to the nube... She just came out to you so how about cutting her some slack with the terminology.

[tiffanynjcd24]

actually let me clear that up i made my choice to be a woman

to answer your question right now i am still in therapy with gender therapist

[Marleena]

to answer your question right now i am still in therapy with gender therapist

Keep working with you therapist to get your answers. If you're TS you'll know you are a woman and not wanting to be one. It's not a choice. That's the big difference.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Hey let's be nice to the nube... She just came out to you so how about cutting her some slack with the terminology.

Thank you for having my back hun

[kellycan27]

No problem... We all were new at one time or another... Seems kinda odd that people who yearn for tolerance can be intolerant too. LOL

[tiffanynjcd24]

No problem... We all were new at one time or another... Seems kinda odd that people who yearn for tolerance can be intolerant too. LOL

I understand hun your right just like ppl convince me i shouldnt do this

[arbon]

Being nice

it just did not make sense, the op, about not giving up crossdressing and becoming a woman. I still don't understand what she meant.

The feelings you have as a man who enjoys crossdressing in womens cloths are nothing like the feeling of wearing womens cloths because you are a woman and you need to wear cloths. And you don't transition to still be considered a crossdresser. If your a woman then be one, and if you are a woman and you wear womens cloths then you are not crossdressing.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Being nice

it just did not make sense, the op, about not giving up crossdressing and becoming a woman. I still don't understand what she meant.

The feelings you have as a man who enjoys crossdressing in womens cloths are nothing like the feeling of wearing womens cloths because you are a woman and you need to wear cloths. And you don't transition to still be considered a crossdresser. If your a woman then be one, and if you are a woman and you wear womens cloths then you are not crossdressing.

Well i am sorry if i am confusing hun i was debating about when ever i want to transition or not

[josee]

Unless you decided to wear guy clothes one day. Then you would be crossdressing.

[tiffanynjcd24]

yes but come on i am not trying to be mean its like i do dress up time for time(i havent dress up recently due to my finanical situations) and the fact is that when i dress up most guys find my feminime persona attractive and ususally i dont pay attention to it

[gonegirl]

Dear CD23,

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, really. I can see by what you are saying in your posts that you probably know little about what being a transsexual actually is. I encourage you to talk to your gender therapist about your feelings and how you feel they relate to being a transsexual woman.

Sincerely,
Simone.

[tiffanynjcd24]

i understand hun and i would reminded you is that i am still seeing a therapst about it and i just dont want to fight about it or hide it anymore. I know and understand the risk of being a transsexual. I hate the fact i went through confusion and i was dealing with years ago when i came to realization that i was different

[Barbara Ella]

Hey CD23. Noticed you are a ripe old age of 24....lol. You are a young person, and you enjoy dressing, and I would think your statement was meant to communicate that you cannot see yourself not dressing. That is understandable, and I can see your wanting to be a woman. You need to keep working with your therapist and eventually you will realize "Oh I am a woman," and some of the comments here will make more sense than they might right now. At that point you will begin your planning and a journey. At that point in time, you will not have a crossdressers closet. I have two closets of my clothes. I can't wear some around my wife right now, but they are just my clothes.

You are doing nothing wrong posting your feelings here, and believe me noone here takes any offense, just questioning to make sure you understand the intensity of a decision such as this.

Barbara

[Serana]

No problem... We all were new at one time or another... Seems kinda odd that people who yearn for tolerance can be intolerant too. LOL

Couldn't have put it any better myself there.

Best of luck to you with working things out sweetheart, there will always be the forum for support (I hope :))

[Sephina]

No problem... We all were new at one time or another... Seems kinda odd that people who yearn for tolerance can be intolerant too. LOL.
Hey Kelly, yea that's right. that is the thing that irritates me most about alot of other transsexual people, as i made a post about earlier (a few weeks ago). There is still quite a few people that dont really realize what this means for them and they are still fighting it, or even maybe just trying to understand it more which is why were here isnt it? Even tho i finally realized i was TS a little over a year ago, i was until recently still in a sort of denial, i mean even tho we know who and what we are, i think its still such a culture shock that alot of us want to still try and believe that its not the case. I think that many others in our community should be more cognisant of this and not be so harsh and/or dictating about who and what TS people are. I believe that there are some that may not be fully aware of what they are experiencing or knowledgeable about what they are going through so i honestly think that this is something all of us should work together with instead of correcting people. realizing that you are TS doesn't necessarily happen over night yes some people KNOW right away others don's i think that we as a community should be respectful of that, and for the most part this forum does a great job but there are some people that arent very tolerant of people who arent experienced with this which is sad :(

[tiffanynjcd24]

Thing is I been thinking about it for a long time and I tried to not think about it like for instance I tried to focusing in my career but the feelings are getting stronger

[Kathryn Martin]

...I think that many others in our community should be more cognisant of this and not be so harsh and/or dictating about who and what TS people are. ..... i think that we as a community should be respectful of that, and for the most part this forum does a great job but there are some people that arent very tolerant of people who arent experienced with this which is sad :(

Sephina, most people here on this board are very cognizant of the confusion and equivocation that surrounds self discovery, which is really not so much a trait of this community but rather a human trait. Most people here are aware of the problems of finding the right language to describe what we are feeling and bringing clarity to ourselves and those with whom we communicate about ourselves. We have all been there. The real issue though is what it is that someone is confused about, unsure about and what is it that makes it so hard to express properly. Some of us have been here for a good while, some of us have completed their journey and are here to help those that still struggle and travel the road of transition.

And so "being experienced with this" is such an easy expression because unless "this" is identified you cannot know what this is. This boards name suggests that "this" is transsexualism, and the words people type to create posts both in their content and form say something about those that write them. So we listen and we learn what we can about those that write here and then sometimes we say something that might not be seen as helpful, because it puts the finger on things that could very well be the crux of the persons problems. I think lack of tolerance is really not what you will find here at all.

CD23, so "I am decided that i want to be a woman" is what you wrote. It is so very difficult from those sparse words here to know what you are searching for. We know you are in therapy which is really great and we have learned that you like to dress as a girl and don't want to give that up ( that is what your cross dressing comment was about I think). Maybe if you told a little more about you it would help us to better understand who you are and where you want to go.

I would appreciate it

Kathryn

[tiffanynjcd24]

Well I did some soul searching, watched youtube videos and couple of shows, went to therapist to talk about the issues and talked to people online on fb and on other social sites. I get responses and different advices like you should transition, you shouldnt do it at all, you are confused and dont know what you want, etc. And its almost the same but in different sense when it comes to crossdressing like it is an addiction, i am doing it for the sexual thrills, etc. But thing is that before i met my therapist i was suppose to go to a tg support group that deals with the issues and i couldnt go due to work schedule. And on top of that i was dealing this issues since i was 13 years old(i didnt know anything about the lifestyle) but i am getting to the point when i am getting older and i am not getting younger and i got to live my life

[kittypw GG]

Being nice

it just did not make sense, the op, about not giving up crossdressing and becoming a woman. I still don't understand what she meant.

The feelings you have as a man who enjoys crossdressing in womens cloths are nothing like the feeling of wearing womens cloths because you are a woman and you need to wear cloths. And you don't transition to still be considered a crossdresser. If your a woman then be one, and if you are a woman and you wear womens cloths then you are not crossdressing.

Maybe she is a women who will be wearing men's clothes? That would be cross dressing, if you are a women and wear men's clothes to present as a man. I suppose there are some out there like that?

[tiffanynjcd24]

Also i just started working at my new job, i been there like two months and i love it but i dont want to mess that up. Plus i have trouble with getting into relationships with women mostly because they feel i am not their type. However, guys starting to find me attractive due to the fact i look beautiful but i dont pay them any mind. its just a lot of times i just feel tired of living life as a man

So basically i wrested with the decision for years before i start seeing my therapist. So i said to myself if i didnt do something it would probably cause depression and most likely kill myself. But the thing is i don't want to wait untill i get older and start to transition.

[Kathryn Martin]

Well I did some soul searching, watched youtube videos and couple of shows, went to therapist to talk about the issues and talked to people online on fb and on other social sites. I get responses and different advices like you should transition, you shouldnt do it at all, you are confused and dont know what you want, etc. And its almost the same but in different sense when it comes to crossdressing like it is an addiction, i am doing it for the sexual thrills, etc. But thing is that before i met my therapist i was suppose to go to a tg support group that deals with the issues and i couldnt go due to work schedule. And on top of that i was dealing this issues since i was 13 years old(i didnt know anything about the lifestyle) but i am getting to the point when i am getting older and i am not getting younger and i got to live my life

CD23, do you have a name that you would like to be called? You think you are getting old but let me say from the perspective of an almost sixty year old woman, you have your whole life ahead of you. Crossdressing can very well be an addiction. That is true especially if it is combined with feelings of arousal and sexual excitement. Have you asked yourself what excites you about being dressed as a woman? I am asking this because when you live the life of a woman then that is what is normal. And after a time the excitement, especially the sexual excitement will fade. You wake up in the morning shower, do your hair, dress and put your make-up on and go to work - every day. In your answer to my previous question though I detect something that tells me that maybe your wish to "become a woman" and the trill of crossdressing are two different things for you. What do you say, have I interpreted this correctly? If yes, talk to us about that some more. Also maybe you could tell me about your feelings when you were 13 years old?

Thanks

Kathryn

[tiffanynjcd24]

the feelings i have when i was 13 is that i wish i was a woman and not be a man. I feel as that i want to live like this 24/7 not to worry about people judging me all the time

And i also realize at the time that i knew i was different from anybody else(i am quiet and shy person) but more important i start to have feelings that i want to be a girl. But i hate the idea of being a man like where i was getting rejected by girls, get marrying to a woman and have kids, etc. in some ways i tell myself that i am a guy not a transwoman and that i am a guy in a dress who likes the sexual attention when getting dress up

And also people thought i was gay just because i wasn't into a woman or i never been with a woman and it hurts

[stefan37]

It sounds as if you are confused. There are many different emotions running and you will need time to sort them out. A good therapist will be able to help you sort out how you feel and what you need to become more comfortable. You feel as if your time is running out. You are young. You realize at an early age and that is a good thing. The one trait that is absolutely necessary for this entire process is patience. Sorting out how you feel and what would make you more comfortable could be a lengthy process. Take your time and explore your different options. Transition is a long process and you need to be sure you are making the right decision if you want it to be successful. You do not have to transition to wear woman's clothes and for us that are transitioning it is not about the clothes or sexual thrills while wearing them.

It is about your identity and continue to work with your therapist. Transition will do 2 things for you and only 2. It will alleviate your dysphoria if you suffer from it and it will allopw you to live an authentic life. All your other problems and issues remain. They have to be worked out separately.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Maybe I am rushing into things it is just I am tired of going back and forth with this

[Sephina]

So we listen and we learn what we can about those that write here and then sometimes we say something that might not be seen as helpful, because it puts the finger on things that could very well be the crux of the persons problems. I think lack of tolerance is really not what you will find here at all.

Sure i concede that point which is why i said this forum is great for the most part, im not denying that. However there are a few instances where i notice that sometimes people could be a little more careful on how they address a post. That's all and by "this" i stated Transsexualism once and i didn't feel the need to have to repeat it 12 times cause as you mention Transsexualism is what this thread is about so i found it a little redundant to keep spelling it out. Also just to point out Kathryn i am not arguing with ya i just wanted to address your quote and reply to me :)

cd23, as its been clarified on these forums many times if you are not going through something that your not qualified to answer then dont, so im going to try and say this properly
the back and forth is good for you thats how you gain knowledge and understand i myself am in a very similar boat to you, i am currently just finding out and becoming accepting of myself as a woman after living as of yet 29 years as a man. I have not officially started transitioning yet, but i am currently going the rounds with a therapist and in his expert opinion he feels that i am truley suffering from GD and that HRT is the most likly next step for me so im hoping it will happen soon. I am still a long ways off ive got a ways to go. I guess what im simply trying to say is dont get discouraged :) just continue to heed the advise of those who have transitioned before us, and who are currently transitioning. Take your time to come to a decision as only you can ultimately decide whats best for you, but make it wisely cause whatever you decide should not be taken lightly.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Yes I understand where you coming from it just I heard rumors and did research that if you wait to transition hrt is not going to affect u much. Also being that I am currently working I just dont know how it will affect me

[Rianna Humble]

What you have read is only partly right. If you wait 20 or 30 years, HRT will have a bit less effect on your body than it will at your current age, but I can assure you that despite me being more than twice your age, the hormone therapy is having an effect.

I definitely think that you will benefit from talking your feelings through with a qualified Gender Therapist. They will enable you to ask yourself the right questions and to make the separation in your own mind between dressing for sexual thrills and knowing that you are a woman.

[tiffanynjcd24]

How long would I have to be in gender therapy

[Nicole Erin]

Another problem since you are still early 20's is this -
The whole world is still trying to tell you how to live. You kind of have to decide for yourself how you want to.
Some gender therapist cannot decide for you.

The only thing I would say is if you are serious about wanting to transition or live as a woman, don;t get into anything that would have bad effects on it like say, don't join the military, don't get married (too often even accepting wives later change their minds), don't go having kids...
You don't want to be looking at 40 and your life is barely getting to the point where you want it.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Or the fact that I would be miserable and old saying I wish I could live my life as a woman. You are right about people always telling me how to live life everyone

[Rianna Humble]

How long you spend with a Gender Therapist will depend on your needs. Some people can work out the right questions to ask themselves with only a few visits, some need more. Right now, though, I sense a certain amount of confusion in your posts that you should be able to sort out by talking things through with a Gender Therapist. Then if transition is indeed what you need, the therapist could give you a referral to someone who can prescribe you hormones.

[Michelle.M]

No problem... We all were new at one time or another... Seems kinda odd that people who yearn for tolerance can be intolerant too. LOL

BOO-yah! Bringin' it to the haters!

But seriously, that's a good reminder that we here seem to get too caught up in arcane details and we fail to address real issues. This is not a vocabulary quiz. People are supposed to be able to come here and address issues in a safe space.

Now, if people wanna come in here and intentionally muck things up for everybody then I can offer no hope for them. But that's not what the OP is doing.

cd23, asking questions is the right thing to do.


How long would I have to be in gender therapy

It takes as long as it takes. It's an ongoing process, not a short-term task. Your mileage may vary, but take all the time you need to learn about yourself and your journey.

[Rianna Humble]

Michelle, when anyone says that they "want to become a woman" but that they will not give up being a cross-dresser, challenging the contradiction in those statements is not being a hater neither is it getting "caught up in arcane vocabulary".

We let slide on the "want to become..." assuming it meant "want to transition" but how does someone equate transitioning with continuing to cross-dress as (in this case) a woman? It makes no sense and needed to be clarified.

Thanks to being challenged, cd23 has now clarified where she is coming from and what she gets out of fetish cross-dressing.

The general consensus seems to be that cd23 will benefit from talking to a gender therapist to sort out in her own mind whether she is a woman or a fetish cross-dresser.

No-one is saying that there is anything wrong with cd23 asking questions, but if she is not clear, then she needs to expect people to ask her to clarify what she is asking.

[Jorja]

Hi CD23,
It is only natural that you are confused with what is going on in life for you. We all have been there at one point or another. Lucky for us, we get many years to try and figure it out. There are a few questions that maybe you can answer for yourself and us seeing as how you are wanting to transition to a woman and you want our opinions and suggestions.

Do not feel that you have to answer these questions on an open forum. You can PM me if you like. I am sure there are other question the others here would like to ask of you. These questions should give us a place to start though.

Are there any other issues in your life besides cross dressing or wanting to be a woman? For example: Drug and/or alcohol abuse or dependence, a history of abuse physical or sexual, divorce……. Get the idea?

When did you start cross dressing and was there a particular reason for it?

In your own words, why do you want to transition to a woman?

Do you have a burning need/want/ desire to transition? Is this something you must do or is it just something you think would be cool to do?

[tiffanynjcd24]

Well right now I am about to make a big mistake with what I just say. I realize that I am just want to stay as a crossdresser thats it

Crossdressing to me is not an issue it is a desire to express myself. I look at it more than sexual fetish like I want to be able to go to cd organizations and/or clubs

[MysticLady]

Hello CD23

It appears to me that you got this fog clouding your vision. My recommendation would be to wait it out and just enjoy your dressing as you can. Later, you may change your mind regarding this. As you travel this journey, you'll see many exits and road forks. Take the time to study your map so that you can take the path that best suits you.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I am just going to enjoying dressing up and I dont want to think about it anymore

[stefan37]

Good for you. Be yourself and feel free to express yourself as you feel. There are some tg friendly venues in NJ.
There are also some in Philadelphia, New Hope Pa. Is a neat place where you would feel comfortable.
Doing what makes you comfortable is what matters. If at some in the future you find you need more address those issues at that time. Good luck in your journeys. If you are interested in the group I meet with. Send an email and I can give you directions.

[tiffanynjcd24]

My goal is to get laser hair removial on my face but other than that I am happy with being a crossdresser. It is just the confusion and the pressure by other ppl into hormones and I dont really see myself doing that

[tiffanynjcd24]

Hi how is everyone today

I just came to a understanding that I am making a mistake with my decison. Basically I wasnt really giving alot of time to really think about my decision. I realize that I am about throw away my career and a chance to really date a transgirl or a woman. What I am trying to say is that I am not going to go with taking hormomes and i am not going to be a woman. I feel as I was pressured into hormones but I know its not for me. I rather dress up part time but more importantly I would rather date a transgirl or woman. Sorry for the confusion on here. And if people has questions feel free to ask.

Leave a comment below:

[Amanda22]

That's a big decision and it's where I am as well. I have the most wonderful relationship with my spouse and it would alter that. May I ask how transitioning would be throwing away your career? Thanks.

[tiffanynjcd24]

well i would be throwing away a chance to learn new skills in my new job and i just started there 2 months ago

[tiffanynjcd24]

hey i want to apologize to everyone on crossdressers.com for my post on transsexual forum yesterday. i didn't mean to cause any problems on here, i was just looking for advice on here and yes i was going through confusion and debating about do i really need to transition or not. I realized that transition is not for me and i wasnt serious about going through with it. Not only that i realized that i am not financially secure.

[Marleena]

For what it's worth I didn't see a problem. Just don't let people talk you into things. It sounds like you found your place for now.

[tiffanynjcd24]

i think that is what is my biggest problem i let people talking me into things and thats how the confusion starts

[stefan37]

Express yourself, go out, meet some neat people, own it , have fun. You will find your balance.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I will hun its just a couple of things , I still live with my grandma, my family doesnt know about me dressing up in women clothes, no women or mtf transgender wouldnt date a crossdresser and mostly guys like me dressing up

[MysticLady]

my family doesnt know about me dressing up in women clothes, no women or mtf transgender wouldnt date a crossdresser and mostly guys like me dressing up

Hello Cd23

Don't worry about your family, they do not need to know anything about this. The only one that needs to know is the woman that you decide on marrying. As far as women go, don't worry about that right now. Concentrate on your new job at being the best at it. Once your secure and start living on our own successfully, then you can worry about the girl. Take it low and slow.

[AmandaM]

Cd23, I still have confusion on whether I am TS or CD or something inbetween. And sometimes my feelings fluctuate from one end to the other. So, take your time. I am married with three kids, I can't give them up. There are women out there who will accept you. Things will come. Have faith. I am glad you are taking this slow and not letting others, or even yourself, delude you into a wrong decision. You're doing this rationally, not emotionally. That's good. You have time. Good luck!

[stefan37]

I was getting serious with 2 girls when I was young. I told the first one when I was in highschool when it looked as it was getting serious that I cross dressed. I was 19 at the time. We broke up when we went to different colleges. The 2nd one I told was my now wife. I was just out of college when we met . I told her on our 4th date. We have been together 33+ years and married 30. There are woman out there that will not care if you cross dress or not. Your family will acclimatize to his you express yourself. You are young and the internet has a raised awareness. Express yourself as you feel comfortable. Find your balance. That is important. Your life will be much richer and you will suffer much less if you express yourself as you want.

You will find someone that loves you for you. It like panning for gold. You have to sift through a whole of of stuff to find 1 or 2 gold nuggets. Take your time and enjoy life.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I want to think everyone for the wonderful advice and to be honest my job really likes me and right now im concentrating on getting my own place and buying my own wardrobe

[stefan37]

That is terrific. Good luck and have fun with life.

[tiffanynjcd24]

And I might dress up as long as i can as a way to live my life until I get bored from it anyway I dont care what people think of me