A question for everyone here that is "Attached"

[Wildaboutheels]

Attached as in living together in the same house with Your SO partner. And it will be great if all you GGs jump in also.

As many here consider Rules to be a dirty word, let's go with Arrangements. Or Compromises or Concessions. Or how about Agreements?

Is it a safe bets that most of the GGs have at least a few things that they don't want to see their partner in/wearing/using?

How about agreements about going out in public? For instance where, when and wearing what?

For those of you in a DADT, how many of you have carte blanche when home alone or out in public?

Is living with these "Concessions" better than the alternative?

[Tracii G]

I had a live in SO for a few years and we had no rules.
We never held each other back.

[Breana]

I have reign when alone. I just spent all of Saturday and Sunday dressed while she was out of town. wWfe hinted that she knew, and was seemingly ok with it...In public, she may have an issue with. Touchy subject for her.

[Christine.Lolita]

I dress as mature as I can when I am in my wife’s company. Having only Lolita fashion that is not really an option, so I bought a new outfit that is not so frilly and fully of bows. So basically I tone down a bit.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

I have no rules or concessions per se but I do keep my wife in mind because she needs her hubby time too.

[Jolene Robertson]

My wife is cool with what ever, in fact she is less concerned about what I wear than I am. But when we go out (I am usually 50/50) if someone gives me a funny look or stares she will give them the eye. So I have to be a little more careful because she will not tell me not to wear anything at home or out. I do not want to embarrass her or cause stress in her life.

[Teddie]

Well, back in the days when the kids were still living at home, the only rule was to not dress when there was a chance of them seeing me. Now, there are no rules.

[meganmichelle]

As of right now we have no set rules in place when I want to dress at home. We have talked about me going out in public dressed and as of right now she is not as comfortable with the idea as I am mostly because she is very protective of me. She feels more comfortable about me dressing in a controlled environment where I won't be accidentally discovered or have my safety compromised. So for now I am content to dress freely at home. I know that this is just one of those things that we will need to work on.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi WAH, Lets just say that I know my boundaries and I stay within them.

Don't rock the boat or you may be made to walk the plank.

[reb.femme]

Wife hasn't said there is anything off limits except dress to my age. Physically 53, mentally 25, so thats hard. I have full access to her dresses and tops too.

Major rule is do not embarrass her, which is perfectly reasonable and not outing me to her work place. Male dominated place.

She accepts me but isn't wildly enthusiastic, which again is OK by me.

Reb

[Tina B.]

I'm house bound my mutual agreement, she worries about reputation and embarrassment for both of us, I don't have the self confidence in my looks to want to go out, I've found even trying to get out of town and drive through the county side leaves me a wreak. So she has her rule on don't embarrass me, which is easy to give up going out, since I to chicken to anyway, and in exchange I buy what I want wear it around home when ever I want, and she showers me with gifts of Jewelry clothes, and perfumes that I would never spend that much for no matter how bad I wanted it.
Is it worth the limits she has, heck, it seems to work to my advantage, and I'm one happy girl with a 4 bedroom house and a big secluded yard so I can get out in the sunshine.
Life is good!

[NicoleScott]

My wife knows I like to make up and dress over-the-top and has no problem with it. No rules there. Both of us want to keep my CDing from family and friends, so we do. No compromise there - it's what we both want. I like to go out some, and she doesn't want me to, so this is where we compromise. I go out only when away from home, where I won't be recognized. That's not much of a problem, as I don't go out much anymore, preferring to dress over-the-top and stay in than tone it down to go out,

[linda allen]

My wife is concerned about neighbors or friends seeing me dressed as a woman and actually, I share those concerns. I would like to go out in public with her in a way that would avoid the chance of being recognized but so far that hasn't happened. I have been out a handful of times when she was out of town, but in a way that got me out of the house (and back in) without being seen.

As for dressing around her, I wear skirts, blouses, panties, flats, bra, forms, and jewelry, but not usually a wig or makeup. Why, you ask? Well, she commented about my last wig looking "fake" and asked if it was uncomfortable. In other words, she is uncomfortable with me wearing it around her. Makeup - She seldom wears makeup so it would seem out of place for me to wear it around the house. Obviously, if we (or I) go out in public, I will be wearing a wig and makeup.

[JBPerry]

Currently, my rules that we have mutually agreed on are: no dressing up (unless it's not obviously fem so no dresses, skirts or lacy things besides underdressing) if we are going somewhere on base, no dresses and skirts out in town (living in a area where military is predominant everywhere we go, we don't want to take the chance of me getting caught). Whenever I do get out, we are moving back to her hometown (Lewisville, TX; northern DFW) I won't have as many "restrictions" but the one that we have mutually agreed on is that since we and her sister's family plus my MIL will be living together, I cannot be dressed (as in dresses, skirts, fem tops) or have makeup on around my nephews who are 4,2 & a infant. This way it doesn't confuse them and it can be better explained to them when they are older.

[Sabrina133]

in my previous relationship, SO hated the fact that I dressed. Although there were no specific rules against it, when we went out, i usually couldn't dress. Current partner and i have no rules against anything. I dress when (whenever am not working) and how (depending on the occassion and circumstances) I want - then again, so does she.

[Beverley Sims]

There are always concessions, and that leaves arrangements open for agreement.
Life is a two way street.
Like dancing in circles sometimes. :)

[Jon7]

My wife is ok with me wearing panties all the time but we would rather that when the kids are home that I am very cautious with my dressing. Nothing that can be easily identified as female. It works for us.

[stephNE]

We don't have many rules.
Many years ago, we agreed it would be best for our children to not know, so we have kept this side of me hidden from them. We have three sons and the oldest is now 25. It's been a lot of work and there have been a couple close calls, but they still don't know. It does limit when I can cross dress, but my wife is very supportive, and has even accompanied me out a number of times.

[MysticLady]

It appears to me that, we are all very responsible men. We understand that our spouses do not and will not appreciate embarrassment. I feel the same way. If my wife tolerated this, I would feel exactly the same. My concern would be her comfort, always. I would not do something that would embarrass her or her family. I wish she could just understand this part of this of me. (Yes, we have discussed this, so don't give me a hard time :p)

[Di]

Arrangements. Or Compromises or Concessions. Or how about Agreements? none

How about agreements about going out in public? For instance where, when and wearing what?
No arrangements concessions...we are on the same page
My only wish is for Sherlyn to feel at peace .
She has decided to remain male at work - but most our free time it is Sherlyn and Di just living life.

We discussed going out further away because now that we are married and I live here now alot more people know me and even though I would not care ....I worry Sher would feel uncomfortable as I am very much a chatty Cathy and she hates talking to strangers ( she worrys about her voice)
But we have so many cool things here in our area.....we kinda have just said to heck with it for the most part and try to just enjoy our life.

[MysticLady]

We discussed going out further away because now that we are married and I live here now alot more people know me and even though I would not care ....I worry Sher would feel uncomfortable as I am very much a chatty Cathy and she hates talking to strangers ( she worrys about her voice)

Sher appears to be responsible and worried about you. That's a norm for a man that loves his wife. You two are blessed to be w/ each other. I envy you guys. Kudos to both of you. :hugs:

[Princess Grandpa]

When this began, just a couple of months ago, we immediately discussed boundaries and limits. We were both far too conservative in our estimation of what we wanted. Almost all of he limits we thought seemed reasonable have been blown away. Mostly at her suggestion but not all.

Then:

I will dress up once a month or so.
The grown children don't need to know.
No hair removal
No xdressing activities near home. Shopping, mani/pedi, etc.
Make sure there is plenty of male time.

Now:

I am never fully male. My toes remain painted at all times. Until a couple of days ago I kept them hidden when anyone was home. I'm a barefoot kind of girl. I just couldn't stand wearing shoes around the house.
Our son walked in on me within the first two weeks. We are fearful of our daughters reaction so aren't just talking to her. It's only a matter of time before she catches me too.
There is only one little patch of hair left on my body.
The Kmart around the corner from me is the first place I took an item into the dressing room. Just found a nail salon for our next mani/pedi also in our same town. When going out to Mary's we stop at our neighboring park where she does the first layer on my nails and I change into my female clothes.

In all reality she has pushed me beyond my boundaries and stretched my comfort level significantly. I doubt I ever would have played with make up, wigs or breasts.

[Sandra]

No rules, concessions call it what you like now, but many years ago when Nigella was going to quick for my comfy levels we did set some and for us they worked.

[Madeline80]

No limitations, rules or restrictions. If anything, my fiance is more enthusiastic and I am the more conservative one. She says that she is wanting to take me out shopping, dining/clubs, meet people etc. and will introduce me as her girlfriend! I am one of the lucky ones.

[Laura28]

We both agree with the following.
No dressing around the kids
When traveling go for it have fun (i tyravel almost weekly, I dont go out even when out of town becuase i dont think i would pass, she is fine if did and has encourge me to take baby steps and try it
At home under dress is fine 24/7 and toe nails polished is fine
Shave completly we both love smooth
She loves to see pictures of me all dressed up, but not in person, no wig or my big boobs she says they just dont look good.
She loves having sex with me in undergarments bra, panties, nylons, make up, but not fully dressed
I guess these are rules or arrangments but it works for both of us and after 30 years together who am i to complain lol, she is the best

[Sabrina133]

I can relate Madeline, same situation exists here.

[Wildaboutheels]

Thanks for the replies ladies. I think it's great, especially for the Newbies to see, that there are all types of arrangements that can be made to work. As long as one has a partner that accepts.

[Eryn]

I think that the most important thing is communication. Nobody really likes surprises when TG activities are involved. If you want to make a change or do something talk with your partner and then listen to what your partner has to say.

[kimdl93]

I don't have rules. We regard each other as adults. That being said, I understand that my wife is uncomfortable with the idea of going out with me. So, I exercise that prerogative on my own.

[Leona]

I have no rules or concessions per se but I do keep my wife in mind because she needs her hubby time too.

This is what I do, too. But my wife asks me to dress often enough that I don't have to worry about it a lot anymore.

Also, while there are no rules when we're together, going out in public is significantly informed by her feelings. As a result, going out 100% en femme isn't on the table yet, but that's fine because it's not on the table for me, either. Otherwise, without makeup or forms, she doesn't really care what I wear out in public either.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

No rules really, only the guidelines of mutual respect, nurture each other, and always be truthful. This has worked for us for almost 12 years now ;)

[jillleanne]

Attached as in living together in the same house with Your SO partner. And it will be great if all you GGs jump in also.

As many here consider Rules to be a dirty word, let's go with Arrangements. Or Compromises or Concessions. Or how about Agreements?

Is it a safe bets that most of the GGs have at least a few things that they don't want to see their partner in/wearing/using? -

How about agreements about going out in public? For instance where, when and wearing what? -

For those of you in a DADT, how many of you have carte blanche when home alone or out in public?

Is living with these "Concessions" better than the alternative? -



Yes, a hairy body.
Yes, extremely short mini skirts.
N/A
What alternative? I agree with her totally. The only concessions we have are who owns what? I alway seem to lose the , 'that's my top' conversation so I make concessions and tell her, it's hers. Not to worry though 'cause I get to wear whatever she buys anyway, and vice versa.

[Missy]

when my wife fond out before our marriage she told me do not wear her clothing of any kind. later she told me not to shave any of my chest hair

[gender_blender]

Don't assume all GGs are the same. I've been in relationships with conservative women who don't what to see it outside the bedroom and super liberal bi women who love to see it all the time and use feminine pronouns always. I've met most of my girlfriends as presenting myself as female and currently dating a wonderful liberal woman my age who always refers to me as "she".

Rules/compromises that stifle your self-expression are terrible things that will only end badly; honesty and openness in all situations are the only good policies.

[Briana90802]

My wife and I don't have rules, but we do have mutual respect for each other. To impose rules is like saying you're beneath me like a child, don't you think? We are adults and we have guidelines that are followed but they're more or less standards that I hold myself to. My SO has her own set of standards that she set for herself, and like anyone those things can me amended if needed or warranted.

[MysticLady]

In all reality she has pushed me beyond my boundaries and stretched my comfort level significantly. I doubt I ever would have played with make up, wigs or breasts.

Hi Rita, she sees how happy you are and she wants that happiness to make her happy. You know the saying......."if daddy is happy, mommy will be even happier"


Thanks for the replies ladies. I think it's great, especially for the Newbies to see, that there are all types of arrangements that can be made to work. As long as one has a partner that accepts.

Or is not Dense.


-
What alternative? I agree with her totally. The only concessions we have are who owns what? I alway seem to lose the , 'that's my top' conversation so I make concessions and tell her, it's hers. Not to worry though 'cause I get to wear whatever she buys anyway, and vice versa.

That is so cool. Relationships like yours, I truly wish I had. I'm so happy for you.

[Aylineira]

At first with my wife, it was all very slow steps. It was all just underdressing pantyhose and panties and then later dresses and heels. The process took a while but now she tells me about the sale on dresses at stores :)

[Allison2006]

Is it a safe bets that most of the GGs have at least a few things that they don't want to see their partner in/wearing/using?

How about agreements about going out in public? For instance where, when and wearing what?

For those of you in a DADT, how many of you have carte blanche when home alone or out in public?

Is living with these "Concessions" better than the alternative?[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Wildaboutheels;3244553]Attached as in living together in the same house with Your SO

Is it a safe bets that most of the GGs have at least a few things that they don't want to see their partner in/wearing/using?
My wife has said she'd rather I didn't wear perfume, not that I couldn't. Other than that, no restrictions on what I wear.

How about agreements about going out in public? For instance where, when and wearing what?
She has said she wouldn't mind my going to support group meetings in public places, fully dressed. The reason I haven't is mine, not hers.

[Stephanie47]

For those of you in a DADT, how many of you have carte blanche when home alone or out in public?

[/QUOTE]

I'm in a DADT marriage of forty plus years. When I first dappled with lingerie with my wife early on in our marriage, it was a mutual activity. It was limited to "bedroom" play with stockings and nightgowns. When our first child was born she asked that I not sleep in a nightie. OK, I was fine with that. Years later my interest in women's attire began to flourish. When my wife found a red bra (actually our second child pulled it out of my box of lingerie) she could not understand why a guy would wear a bra when it is obvious he has no boobs. We struggled with my cross dressing for a while because she felt it had something to do with her, as in not being woman enough, etc. Don't ask, I cannot figure it out.

So, what happens in a DADT? Basically, if you know your wife, then the boundaries become unstated or implied. I know she would not want anyone to find out about it. I am assuming she would not want me to go out en femme, although I have when she has been out of town. It was for evening strolls. I have had the opportunity of going 24/7 for 7-10 days when she went to visit our daughter in the mid-west. Daughter is local now, so that's not going to happen again, soon.

So, my en femme time is when she is at work. As a retiree I get seven hours Monday through Friday when school is in session. I'm bound to the house and backyard, which is OK with me. I have no desire to go out into the world. Mainly because I will never pass as a woman. That translates for me at least in not putting myself as well as her in an awkward situation with family, friends and neighbors.

[suchacutie]

We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. As with all things in our marriage, Tina is a "project" of both of us. It was probably a bit easier for us in some ways since we started this "project" by accident 8 years ago, so there was never a time that Tina was on her own before our spousal relationship started.

Thus, there aren't any "rules", just as there aren't any rules for any other part of our relationship. What is there? It's mutual trust and understanding that we want to make the best life for each other. The mutual considerations of each other's feelings lead to our actions. Ok, that means we spent (and still spend) a lot of time talking about our friend Tina, but we talk about everything else as well, so it just fits into the rest of life.

So, I guess our only agreement is that we agree to uphold mutual respect and try to make the best life we can for each other, and that includes the issue of Tina along with every other issue. :)

[Princess Grandpa]

We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary.

Mazel Tov! That's an amazing thing today. Good for you two.

Hug
Rita

[Cheryl T]

In our house the main rule is No hormones and No implants.
Other than that we go out together all the time and other than a comment on what each other is wearing we never restrict each other.

[Bea A]

Our agreement has adapted over time (5 years). Currently, panties are 24/7; Everything else is OK in the house. Girls jeans and "not so obvious" shoes/boots/tops outside home. Nothing in the bed besides nightgown and NEVER while intimate. Fully shaved. We are progressing to "full time" at home inside. Oldest son knows, other 3 sons (including FTM son) - not told. No dressing in front of non-family.

[MysticLady]

Oldest son knows, other 3 sons (including FTM son) - not told.

This is very interesting too me. Why have you not shared this w/ the son that is FtM.
Do you think that this part of you and how you have embraced it may, help him w/ his struggles. I'm sure he has many. Knowing that my Dad is a CD, would do wonders for my self esteem. This my thought on the matter.

[JenniferR771]

Plenty of rules. I just follow orders. Wife does not want friends, relatives and neighbors to know. I told adult daughters against her wishes. I can dress around the house once a week when she is gone or when she is out of town.

[CD_blue]

There is no rules with my SO in terms of my dressing. Basically I have free reign to dress anyway I want which also includes out in public. When relationship started we agreed if something came up she wasn't comfortable with she would let me know. Nothing did :)

Also she has been out in public with me. She went to a cd/tg meeting with me once actually in meeting matching outfits so I think I lucked out heh.

[ChristineKnox]

Hello all :) I am a GG with a SO who is a CD. Unfortunately we live with another roommate (my younger brother) so I feel guilty that my SO cannot fully be himself while in the privacy of our home. I love my brother dearly but I do look forward to a time when we can live alone as a couple. When that time comes I don't see why he cannot dress however he wants to while at home. I want to see him happy and comfortable. You won't find me vacuuming in heels but he will be more than welcome too hahahaha

[Bea A]

This is very interesting too me. Why have you not shared this w/ the son that is FtM.
Do you think that this part of you and how you have embraced it may, help him w/ his struggles. I'm sure he has many. Knowing that my Dad is a CD, would do wonders for my self esteem. This my thought on the matter.

Got it wrong though - its the 2nd son, oldest is FTM son. "Fear of the unknown" I guess is keeping me from talking. He has fully transitioned FTM. (name change, legal documents, top surgery). My wife told the other son. No reaction from him other than "Its your life - I won't judge you"

[MysticLady]

"Fear of the unknown" I guess is keeping me from talking.

I know the feeling all too well. Thank You for responding.

[AmyGaleRT]

Sabrina is relatively free with letting me be Amy at home and going out. She would probably clamp down on me if I was wearing anything too provocative, but that's not my style. She won't let me wear my nightgowns to bed, though she has no objection to me wearing them around the house to relax in, much as she would. If I go out and stay out too long I'm liable to start getting texts and/or calls asking "Where are you?" She also has vetoed me posting a few pictures online because they looked "too provocative," in her view.

She always wants to see Amy after my transformation is complete. Generally, she approves.

She has noticed that, immediately after I came out to her, I was being Amy quite often, but now it's tapered back a fair bit. Perhaps this is just because I'm feeling more secure that I can be Amy whenever I wish.

- Amy

[ErinSassyPants]

Is it a safe bets that most of the GGs have at least a few things that they don't want to see their partner in/wearing/using?

How about agreements about going out in public? For instance where, when and wearing what?


I didn't count up the responses but it doesn't look like there is an overwhelming number of couples with rules/agreements/concessions vs couples without those.

No rules or concessions restricting his dressing here. I have nothing against GGs who need/want boundaries and limitations, I can absolutely see that it could help make things work for some couples, most especially for an adjustment time to get used to things.

I do make house rules in other areas, I would, for instance, make a rule that we not spend money we don't have for things we don't need (be it a 365th pair of panties or a new TV) but that isn't about CD stuff even if it happens to intersect with it momentarily.

When it comes to his gender identity and needs I don't feel like it's my place to put limits on him. He also doesn't get to put requirements on my body or gender identity(not that he ever would think to, that's totally not his style) so for instance if he needs to dress, then I have no say, I could express concerns if I had them but I would never feel it was ok for my partner to tell me what I can or can't wear so I would never do that to him. On the other hand if I am not sexually interested in him dressed then it's not happening. It comes down to whose body is this about? I expect us to have full authority over our own bodies and gender expressions.

He needs to figure out what he needs and that's it. That's what he needs. I have to figure out what I need and it just is what it is, his needs don't change if I'm uncomfortable with them and my needs won't change no matter how much I tend to pretend I don't have any.

In any area of life if we can find a way that we both get our needs met then we are good for each other and our relationship works and if we can't then it's time to not be married. It would break my heart but so would being married in a way that was harming either of us.

[rian]

As for me ..I live with my wife and kids .....I have already passed the point of telling my wife that Iam a crossdresser ....She has excepted the idea ...why? ...she cannot understand ...We agreed that I should keep it to my self ...she does not want me to dress in front of her ....she even bought me some thongs and bras .....but up to this moment I enjoy my dressing very privately ...Yet sometimes she touches my breasts to see if im wearing bras ...with a questioning doubt and a giggle ....I tried to pass to the point where I can dress in front of her ...with no success ....she just refuses to see me as a woman .....May be the environment is not ready yet for crossdressers . Yet she put a red alert not to let anybody sees me outside .....