View Full Version : Ever find yourself unconsciously slipping into girl mode
Sabrina133
07-22-2013, 11:40 AM
Over the years, i've learned to hide/mask my natural feminine tendencies and mannerisms when working or in guy mode. Friday night, SO and I were at dinner with a client. As usual, when working, i was in guy mode. We were discussing the recent events in FL when I saw a woman walk by. Without thinking, I made a comment on her dress and shoes - she was wearing a gorgeous silk sheath dress and Christian Louboutin pumps. Jenn, my partner, none too gently kicked me underneath the table. I looked at her questioningly and saw a panicked look on her face. Thats when i realized I'd just made a typically Sabrina comment about the woman. I realized i'd totally let down my guard and had reverted to my natural self. Scary......
Has this ever happened to anyone else?
Beverley Sims
07-22-2013, 12:03 PM
Occasionally I will make offhand comments that could give me away.
Being a photographer I do get away with it and I love giving fashion advice to some of the girls I have worked with.
In movies it is makeup that usually gets priority.
paulaprimo
07-22-2013, 12:16 PM
when out in drab and using public restrooms, after pushing door halfway open sometimes i have to stop and check the "label" on the door
as my mind is usually in femme mode... :)
Sabrina133
07-22-2013, 12:41 PM
've done the same Paula - talk about embarrassing :o
reb.femme
07-22-2013, 12:47 PM
I've done it at work a couple of times when I commented on the matching nail polish and top worn by our GG office manager. The second one was identifying a Peter Pan collar on a top in a mixed group. The look on all faces said it was a faux pas. Men don't know these things do they?
I could join in a lot with the girls when they discuss clothing etc. but often find myself having to bite my tongue. :sad:
Rebecca
Sabrina133
07-22-2013, 12:57 PM
i know right? Thats what happened to me on Friday. If i would have said something like "oh wow, shes hot" i still would have been kicked under the table but it would have been for something different but commenting on the style of the dress, color and fabric and how "gorgeous" the shoes were was totally inappropriate for a "guy."
suchacutie
07-22-2013, 01:30 PM
Since Tina, we've been having a great time identifying what parts of me are Tina and which are the guy in me. This has lead to more separation and less overlap of my gendered selves. That also means I can slip from one mode to the other when it's good to do that.
meganmichelle
07-22-2013, 05:26 PM
Oh god yes. This has happened to me so many times and usually it is when I am in one of those situations where I really need to appear very masculine. For instance I was out at the bar with my friends for a birthday and I was starring at a group of girls. Besides finding them attractive I found myself admiring what they were wearing. Needless to say I found myself in a conversation with one of the girls when getting a drink and the first thing that pops out of my mouth is "that is a cute outfit, where did you get it." Fortunately she laughed it off and no one else heard that comment. I am pretty sure she thought I was gay but I guess better that then to be exposed in front of my friends.
Leona
07-22-2013, 07:07 PM
I do it all the time, but I also don't try to stop it, ever.
Like, I'll tell a raunchy joke at work to a coworker, and then flutter my eyelids all girly.
There's a certain point where I'm not hiding anymore, and if someone has a problem with that, they know what they can go do with themselves.
mariehart
07-23-2013, 03:56 AM
Oh yes. I do it unconsciously all the time although I used to think I was hiding my feminine side successfully for many years. When I eventually told friends. They knew already and wondered why it took me so long to tell them. I actually think my biggest difficulty is in pretending to be a man. In the company of women I chat comfortably. In all male company I struggle.
My wife knows this side of me well although she won't openly acknowledge it. She furiously stopped me once in the middle of a funny story. It started, 'I used to play with my sister's Barbie doll.' I couldn't continue because of her interruption and everyone at the table must have understood why.
But if she'd let me finish it was a typical boy story and involved me inducting Barbie into the paras and her ending up stuck on the neighbours roof in a parachute with all the subsequent fall out from that piece of mischief. Instead she effectively outed me. Ironic really.
I don't hide it anymore in the company of women although I'm more guarded with men around. With male friends I tend to relax a bit although I have few of those.
gender_blender
07-23-2013, 09:03 AM
Let it happen. It's part of who you are. It makes you unique in a world of concealing and conformity.
linda allen
07-23-2013, 09:12 AM
I can't say I've done that in a situation where it would be embarassing, but since I've been dressing more and shopping for female things, I have noticed that I've gone from noticing a woman's body (and rack) to noticing her outfit, jewelry, and shoes.
I posted many months ago about a situation where my wife and I were out to dinner with a female friend. I started to compliment her on her earrings, but didn't just for the reasons posted here.
Many of the responses here stated that I should have gone ahead and made the compliment. I still don't think so. The "normal" guy isn't likely to notice the details. He might say something like "You're looking good today.", but not "I really like your earrings, where did you get them?"
Tina B.
07-23-2013, 09:50 AM
I've had looks at work, for a comment like that. And worst is if I stand in one spot to long, I'll throw a hip out to the side, or cross my legs like a girl.
And don't get me started where my pinky might go when drinking a cup of tea, which can be bad, when sitting with a bunch of truckers, and that pinky has clear polish on it, then you get to come up with a reason a tough guy like you is wearing nail polish, it's not an easy sale.
Juliea661
07-23-2013, 09:54 AM
Yep, been there done that many times Sabrina.
:-)
Hugs, Jules
Michelle (Oz)
07-23-2013, 10:09 AM
Just last week went to a shopping centre that I go to regularly dressed femme. Walked into the ladies and something didn't feel right. Woops ... embarrassing ... quickly backed out and went to the gents as per my dress that day. Guess it had to happen.
Princess Grandpa
07-23-2013, 10:25 AM
I'm still learning to behave like a lady. "Keep you toes pointed forward" probably the most common thing I hear from my wife. Although I seem to see things differently. It's a coin toss these days when a pretty lady crosses my path whether I'm checking out her tush, or her dress first. If she's around long enough I will eventually notice both.
When I was at Disneyland the other day with my granddaughter I saw this woman. She's wearing this very colorful dress. Very hippy like which is right up my alley. Before I even thought about it I'm saying "Oh my god! I love your dress" then I notice her earrings and immediately say "oh and your earrings are perfect with it!" She thanks me and giggles.
As she walks away I realize what I said. I'm wearing a pair of orange ladies short pants, a bright tie die shirt holding my pink polka dot phone. Have I mentioned I'm really enjoying this discovery of myself.
Hug
Rita
robindee36
07-23-2013, 10:35 AM
Probably my stride is the most confusing. Been working so long on walking in a feminine manner, sometimes I find myself doing this when not dressed. My guess is no one notices, but I am self-conscious about it. Or, everyone notices and has a chuckle behind my back.
Suppose the flip side of this coin is slipping into a masculine stride whilst in heels and a mini. Oh the challenges of living a dual existence.
Hugs, Robin
GBJoker
07-23-2013, 04:44 PM
I let things slip by me all the time. But, every one already thinks I'm beyond weird, so they just go with the flow. :p
BLUE ORCHID
07-23-2013, 06:13 PM
Hi Sabrina, I've caught myself wanting to chime in on a conversation sometimes .
One time the ladies were having a discussion about bra cup sizes and I so
wanted to explain it to them.
Leona
07-23-2013, 06:37 PM
I've chimed in on the bra cup conversation in a small kansas town, and the girls were all "How would YOU know anything about bras?" So I told them how I'd fitted myself and went into great detail on the method. Before I knew it, they were taking notes. Heh. (They were teenagers, and this was only a couple of years ago)
AmyGaleRT
07-23-2013, 09:21 PM
Oh, if I'm in the car and the right song comes on, Amy can come to life spontaneously! Sabrina always knows when I do it, too, as she can see the way my shoulders and hands move. She sometimes reminds me, "Watch your driving, dear," or something like that, to make sure enough of my male self is still in control to keep the car steady!
- Amy
AshleyW
07-23-2013, 10:10 PM
Oh man, I actually have the opposite problem. I'm trying to be more out and open about my gender, but I've spent so many years of my life editing everything I say and biting my tongue everytime I notice a cute pair of shoes that those old habits have become hard to break.
The other day at work I noticed a co-worker had gotten her nails done (really cute sparkly purple): I instantly wanted to comment on it, and just as quickly stopped myself from old habit. In the end I had to force myself to just say it, but then it didn't feel as genuine.
MissTee
07-23-2013, 10:26 PM
My "tell" is the relaxed wrist strut. When dressed I'm usually wearing a fem charm bracelet along with a sweet pearl or lottie dottie bracelet. Not sure why I do this, but I notice myself walking with forearm slightly raise and wrist relaxed to accentuate my bracelets. Girl style. Anyway, my wife has pointed out she can tell when I've mentally gone fem because it's forearm up, wrist relaxed and swaying -- and I don't even notice I've done it. Found I can't really stop it without strong, conscious effort.
ReineD
07-23-2013, 10:51 PM
Over the years, i've learned to hide/mask my natural feminine tendencies
... I made a comment on her dress and shoes - she was wearing a gorgeous silk sheath dress and Christian Louboutin pumps.
... I realized i'd totally let down my guard and had reverted to my natural self. Scary......
It's odd that you would equate the passion for feminine clothing shared by all crossdressers, to having feminine tendencies. The two really don't have anything to do with one another. Not all women would be able to recognize (or have even heard of) Louboutin shoes nor would they necessarily know the name for a sheath dress or tell whether it was silk or polyester. Most all crossdressers do, however, because of their sheer love (or obsession?) for women's clothes. Nothing wrong with that, but we do tend to know intimately that which we love and I would say that nowhere is there a group more consistently knowledgeable about women's clothing, than a group of crossdressers. I once had a member write me at length about the differences in panty hose, and this member's level of knowledge about all the details was astounding! Prior to reading the PM, I always took it that all hose were the same except for color and brand name. lol. I for one, consider myself to be very feminine. But, I wouldn't notice another woman's nail polish and I wouldn't be able to remember what my best friend wore on our lunch date yesterday. I just don't pay attention to stuff like that because these details are not important to me.
Feminine and masculine tendencies are the ways in which we live in our genders. There are many aspects to this, the most discernible being the physical differences between us, but also social behaviors (women are usually the primary caregivers), psychological tendencies (women tend to be more diplomatic, men more direct), behavioral tendencies (the different ways that we walk caused by men and women having different centers of balance due to their hips), and a host of other abilities that allow us to differentiate between men and women.
... and a taste for feminine clothing does NOT come into play into any of these. :p
Following is a pretty basic analysis of gender roles and the ways in which men and women differentiate themselves, if you're interested:
http://www3.uakron.edu/witt/flsp/note3.htm
Tracii G
07-23-2013, 11:55 PM
I slip up all the time in drab mode and I'm sure I look pretty silly doing it.
Dana L
07-24-2013, 12:14 AM
Oh yeah I do that all the time. What worries me more is when I see a woman in an great outfit and I'm thinking I wish I could pull that look off or see a very attractive woman and think man I wish I looked like that. Starts to make me wonder why I'm thinking I'd rather be them more than to be with them!
Darla
07-24-2013, 07:18 AM
I let slip during a really really trans phobic conversation a few weeks ago. I have no idea why they were talking about TS people in our community, or why they went on at length about the length of another fathers nails (mine have been known to get long, but not totally off the charts) but I was totally uncomfortable. Helped that I was sitting next to a schoolteacher who is was more sympathetic than the meathead dads who were shaking their heads sadly at a friends son who came to transition.
But I let slip that maybe this dad they were talking about "Well it's not like he has French tips or anything!" Which caused all sorts of whiplash that any guy would know what French tips are.
Lets just say that none of the guys would look me in the eye when I shook their hands upon leaving.
Sometimes I find ignorant people annoying, but in some instances I can see how they can be ugly or outright dangerous.
Would I have said what I said again? Yes. I should have gone on at length about this seasons hemline length.
Darla
Cheryl T
07-24-2013, 07:31 AM
when out in drab and using public restrooms, after pushing door halfway open sometimes i have to stop and check the "label" on the door
as my mind is usually in femme mode... :)
Glad to see I'm not alone. I constantly have to double check the sign to make sure I'm not entering the wrong bathroom in male mode.
AshleyW
07-25-2013, 07:31 PM
the passion for feminine clothing shared by all crossdressers
Hello Reine! I'd just like to point out that while most CDers have a passion for feminine clothing, not all of us do. I wear girly clothes 'cause I feel like a girl, but I don't actually have much interest in women's fashion per se. Heck, I only recently learned that they actually have names for different necklines! lol
(I just wanted to clarify that one point, I don't mean to accuse you of over-generalizing or anything.) :)
NeedToBeBritney
07-25-2013, 07:35 PM
LOL Yes. Sometimes I'll stop and look at dresses in a store window or find myself swishing hips as I walk. Catch myself and go back into guy mode.
Leona
07-25-2013, 07:48 PM
I wanna argue Reine's point about different walks, but I'm already an oddball in a lot of ways, so learning a feminine walk early enough not to realize I was doing it is a reasonable explanation.
I'm more like Ashley there. I don't have a huge passion for feminine clothes, and I'm always asking my wife stuff, and the reason I'm asking is to know the purposes of the different things. I've seen Ed Wood half a dozen times and still have no interest in knowing exactly what Angora is, because I don't like sweaters. (Of course, I live in the outskirts of the hottest region of the world, so sweater day comes once every couple of years)
But the behaviors... I still don't know why women tend to hang their wrists limp, but I always have. I have to think consciously about not doing it, and I don't always succeed. I also don't try very hard. Eye moves. Even the ways men with long hair push their hair out of their face are different than women, and I usually come in on the side of the woman's behavior.
But like I already said, I also don't care if I "slip" into girl mode. As long as I'm not forcing girl or boy mode and my behavior is natural and normal to me, I really don't care. I only force girl mode when I know I'm dealing with behavior that's an affectation adopted to avoid being tagged as effeminate when I was 19. :/
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