Does freely exploring your female side eventually lead to transitioning?

[Princess Grandpa]

I'm having a grat time letting Rita out to play. I would be lying if I said I wasn't apprehensive about the future. You hear a lot about "I started just crossdressing and then..." Is it likely the more I empower my femme side the stronger she becomes until eventually instead of writing how much fun im having, suddenly my posts run something like "I told her I need to transition"?

If there are longtime dressers out there who were free to dress and explore as they wished, who still have no desire to become a woman, I would be encouraged to hear from you.

Hug
Rita

[carhill2mn]

Just because you are "exploring your female side" does not mean that you will evolve into needing or wanting to transition. I have been "dressing" for at least 65 years and have no need or intention to transition. Since I now live alone I do present as a woman much of the time. I revert to my male self when in contact with family and old friends.

[Eryn]

No. I know people who have been "exploring their female side" for 50 years who are quite satisfied with CDing.

In fact, It may be that repressing a person's female side might lead them to long for transition in a "grass is greener on the other side" way. This sometimes leads to very poor decisions, broken marriages, and regret.

I've been given the opportunity to sample the grass over there and I know that it isn't paradise. Despite the challenges, I'll continue to live on both sides of the fence.

[Sabrina133]

Some say that the difference between a CD and a TS is 2 years. I don't buy that. Although i was on hormones for about a year and classified as TS by the VA, i have no intention of transitioning.

[Jillian Faith]

I've dressing off and on for 50+ years been out in public the last 3-4 years. I love to dress, shop and explore my feminine side, I'm not full time and have absolutely no intention to ever transition

[Princess Grandpa]

Than you ladies. That is most encouraging. As much as I'm enjoying letting Rita loose if you will, that is a path I do not wish to travel for a multitude of reasons.

Hug
Rita

[Wildaboutheels]

[Does 50+ years qualify as "longtime"?] My CDing has basically remained the same for 50+ years...

So I have this silly idea that I know what I am doing...

How foolish of me.

Clearly... I am lying, delusional or both when I say I have no fear of ever succumbing to the "dreaded" Pink fog, have NEVER felt guilty or ashamed in any way, shape or form and don't ever toss and turn at night, endlessly worrying, that someday I may want to transition. Nor have I EVER worn a dress OR makeup. [unless you want to count lipstick for Halloween]

IF one pays attention to the various #s that this site provides, it's pretty hard not to see that there are most likely plenty of others rowing similar boats. The fact that they choose to remain flies on the wall is easily accounted for IMO.

[Julie York]

Good thread.
My experience is like this..in a metaphorical way.
You spend your youth being told you can't have chocolate.
You steal chocolate and hope no-one finds out and feel guilty.
Then one day you decide to eat it anyway and enjoy it.
Then someone says, "Here's a chocolate shop." and you act so starved you make a fool of yourself and make yourself sick. (pink fog)
And then you realise you can have chocolate any time you like.
And you don't like it THAT much now it isn't forbidden.
But it is nice now and then.

So no I have no need to become a chocolatier.
Some people can enjoy chocolate now and then.
It's just one of many treats.


(Please eat chocolate in a responsible manner.)

[Phoebe Reece]

Thanks to an understanding wife, I also have had lots of freedom to crossdress when I wanted to over the past 40+ years. Transition has no appeal to me at all.

[Laura912]

Just because one might ponder what it is like to be full time and transition, just not mean that one will do just that. I have had times of daydreaming of being full time female but that is all it amounts to...just a wool gathering time alone with thoughts. Fortunately, after 60 years, the musing appears to be harmless.

[Kandy Barr]

Good question Rita, after years of being a crossdresser to varying degrees I now have the freedom to dress and live as Kandy as much as I dare. I live about 75% of the time en femme right now and the percentage of time seems to be increasing as my skills, wardrobe, and shape wear increase. I find myself wanting to start electrolysis,and with that I wonder if it is possible to begin hrt to develop my breast at my age. Can't believe I'm posting this as at this point I'm just at the " I wonder " stage. That being said I have no idea where all this will eventually lead, for now I'm happy being en femme most of the time. I've probably done more to confuse you rather than help, just keep in mind no two of us are exactly alike. Be blessed Rita and I do hope you find your answer, just enjoy today !!!

[Princess Grandpa]

Good thread.
My experience is like this..in a metaphorical way.
You spend your youth being told you can't have chocolate.
You steal chocolate and hope no-one finds out and feel guilty.
Then one day you decide to eat it anyway and enjoy it.
Then someone says, "Here's a chocolate shop." and you act so starved you make a fool of yourself and make yourself sick. (pink fog)
And then you realise you can have chocolate any time you like.
And you don't like it THAT much now it isn't forbidden.
But it is nice now and then.

So no I have no need to become a chocolatier.
Some people can enjoy chocolate now and then.
It's just one of many treats.


(Please eat chocolate in a responsible manner.)

This was great thank you! I do love chocolate! Maybe if I didn't like it so much I could get out of the big girls dept. /giggle

It appreciate all the responses. I'm quite pleased to hear how many are content at the level they are at. Certainly my mileage may vary but it's good to know its not always a one way street. I will continue to enjoy gorging myself on chocolates for awhile, and when the fog dissipates we will see what type of balance we achieve.

Hug
Rita

[Tina B.]

Rita, I've been dressing for 66 years now, hate having to admit it's been that long, I'm getting old. I told my wife who I was, really, 37 years ago
She gave me her blessing to figure it out, including testing the waters to see if I might be gay (every body always connects the two at first) She felt I needed to find out about HRS, surgery the whole thing, and then make up my mind, if she fit the picture or if I needed an exit strategy. She is a very understanding women, and very self sufficient. Well after all the reading, joining forums, even went to the MMC church where you could go dressed, and meet others.
now after 37 years, I know with out a doubt what I am.
I am a 69 year old, closet cross dresser, that was never comfortable in public, has way to many clothes for a home body, that can and does dress at home any time in any thing my heart desires, play with make up as long as I want. I retired a few years ago, and I dress a lot more than back in my working days, would love to go to a TG gathering such as Southern Comfort, or more likely Diva Las Vegas, and beyond that still have no desire to leave the closet, I just have so many pretty things in here.
So years ago, I stopped worrying, about my man card, my membership in the dads club, or my spot as grandpa, and just enjoy my time as Tina, which pretty much takes care of the rest of the stress in my life.
If you not a TS, you should be safe, and if you where, at your age you would think you would already know, the feeling should have told you a long time ago.
Sorry about the age thing, but it's implied in your handle, Princess.

[kimdl93]

Well, I think that answers the question. Just remember that CDing doesn't cause one to think or feel differently. For some people, the experience might help expose some deeply repressed desire, but as those responses above demonstrate, there is no slippery slope.

[Seana Summer]

, just keep in mind no two of us are exactly alike. Be blessed Rita and I do hope you find your answer, just enjoy today !!!

Rita, I think Kandy said it well. I have Crossdressed to some degree for much of my life. I have had various fantasies from time to time about being a girl or a women but when it comes right down to it have had no real desire to alter my body in a permanent way, but that's me. I am sure over time you will find the answer that is right for you. I am very happy with where I am thanks in part to everyone here. Its great to have someone to talk to who understands this stuff. Seana

[Rachelakld]

OK so I'm almost free to dress (wife and kids have seen me dressed many times - see photos on my blog)

My gay male friend tried to help me, and while he look good naked (we both had abs in those days), I decided I didn't want to play because he didn't have the parts that I'm interested in. For me that was a strong message that I had the correct body.
When I'm 65 or 70 I will be looking at hormones, but to muscle up and become an old super stud, heck I might even get a tattoo

[Tracii G]

I'm not of the school if you do one thing that it will lead to other things.
Cding will not make you eventually transition.

[Badtranny]

The jump from 'exploring your fem side' to telling the world you're really a woman and living accordingly, is so huge that you'll be ale to answer your own question if you think about it for a minute.

Based on what I've read of your posts, I suspect you would find a TS life exceedingly boring anyway. Except for the parts that are terrifying.

[Stephanie47]

I'm celebrating my 66th birthday very soon. I've been cross dressing since my teen years. Before that I tried on my mother's slips which she always hung in the bathroom to dry. I loved the feel of nylon. I have had absolutely ZERO inclination to become a woman. There's nothing wrong with being a woman. If I were born a woman that would be OK. Right now I've just bought dress #100. I love being en femme when I feel the urge. There's nothing really holding me back.

I've seen a lot of "bunk" on this site to suggest to young cross dressers that transitioning is the natural progression. It's not. If you're a recreational cross dresser there may be an increasing urge to fine tune the emulating of a female. Hence, better makeup, better clothing, perfection of mannerisms, etc.

I always encourage moderation with anything. And, taking into consideration loved ones around you.

[Princess Grandpa]

Actually Melissa, other than playing with the clothes, I find it all terrifying. Then again I suppose I would have been terrified of cross dressing too. Oh wait I was. I was so deep in denial I didn't realize I was a crossdresser even as my wife is looking for panties that would fit me. I believe based on what little I think I have learned, that where I am right at the moment is exactly where I want to be. I have to think that if I needed more than this I would some how know. Then again all I have to do is read the first couple of sentences in this paragraph to dissuade me of that.

*whisper* considering how highly I value self awareness, I don't really know myself as well as I once thought I did.

Hug
Rita

[4mymichelle]

Rita,

If that was the case I would have already transitioned long ago. Just because we enjoy our feminine side and crossdress does not imply that we want to become a woman full time. Of course there are some that do feel they need to follow that path. The beauty of this is that each of us is different and can decide for ourselves as to how far or how little we want to go. We all have fears as human beings about what the future will bring. I still haven't met anyone with the gift to predict it. So what we need to do is be happy and enjoy the moment without worrying about what may never occur.

Hugs,
Michelle

[Jenniferathome]

... You hear a lot about "I started just crossdressing and then..."

Rita, I would argue the "a lot" portion of your assumption. People don't transition because of cross dressing. Trans people, may cross dress and then transition but one does not lead to the other.

[Princess Grandpa]

Ty Michelle. It is good to know that the one doesn't necessarily lead to another. /blush when we meet, of course one has no idea where another might be on the spectrum. I just make no assumptions.

Jennifer I'm sure you're right. Perhaps a lot is not accurate. I'm very new to this and a bit anxious as well as excited. I have perused numerous threads like that. I see far fewer, until this thread saying "I have done this all this time and I still identify male. They may be out there but I haven't seen them.



Hug
Rita

[Rogina B]

I have said it before and will again...you are a long time GFer..And that's great..It comes under the "Q" in LGBTQ...Grandpa doesn't have clue about all these terms,so perhaps you can clue her in to what your fetish really is...
[Does 50+ years qualify as "longtime"?] My CDing has basically remained the same for 50+ years...

So I have this silly idea that I know what I am doing...

How foolish of me.

Clearly... I am lying, delusional or both when I say I have no fear of ever succumbing to the "dreaded" Pink fog, have NEVER felt guilty or ashamed in any way, shape or form and don't ever toss and turn at night, endlessly worrying, that someday I may want to transition. Nor have I EVER worn a dress OR makeup. [unless you want to count lipstick for Halloween]

IF one pays attention to the various #s that this site provides, it's pretty hard not to see that there are most likely plenty of others rowing similar boats. The fact that they choose to remain flies on the wall is easily accounted for IMO.

[NathalieX66]

There's a joke in the transgender community, it goes like this:
Question: What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years.

I always took that joke in two ways. One, the actual time it takes to transition form male to female (hormones, sugeries, blah blah blah, etc.)
Two, latent crossdressers that start out as open crossdressers, then about two years later, they make up their minds and say they want to transition.

I have already been through the mental battle of whether to transition/not transition about a million times, and the conclusion is always the same. I just simply have two sides of me, and I'm happy with that. Having one side of me, or the other side of me all the time would simply be the death of me.

I am what I've always wanted to be since I was a little kid.

[Princess Grandpa]

There's a joke in the transgender community, it goes like this:
Question: What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years.

I always took that joke in two ways. One, the actual time it takes to transition form male to female (hormones, sugeries, blah blah blah, etc.)
Two, latent crossdressers that start out as open crossdressers, then about two years later, they make up their minds and say they want to transition.

I have seen this on these forums before. Maybe it was you who posted not really sure. *ponders*. It was primarily what prompted this post. Well that and several other threads I have read (several not a lot) *grumbles*. Transitioning isn't what I'm scared of. Needing to transition scares me juiceless.

You're right Rogina I get lost on the terms and abbreviations. When I first joined here I tried to educate myself. I really like things neat and tidy. I have a need to know where I sit. /shrug. After reading the sticky thread, and then several posts arguing the finer points, I kind of gave up and decided to just have fun.

Worrying about the future may just be part of my nature. Time will tell I suppose. I certainly received enough to believe nothing is certain

Hug
Rita

[Angela Campbell]

Don't worry, Rita, someone who transitions usually does not have a fem "side" they are all female. At least for most I have known, including myself

[Rhonda Ann]

I am 59 years old and have been crossing off and on all my life. I will say, there are times I wish I were born a girl, even though I have never had the desire to transition. I still enjoy dressing up, putting the makeup, nail polish and wig on and having fun. My wish is someday I will find a woman that will except me for what I am and what I do.

[Kate Simmons]

No where is it "written in stone" that that has to happen Rita. I had originally intended to get a "sex change" (as they were called then) back in the early 1970's when I got out of the Army. I had a lot of feminine feelings that needed to be addressed and felt I had limited options to do that. Instead, I met the woman I would marry and decided to give the "guy thing" a chance. Over the years of our marriage I still had a lot of female feelings that I put on the back burner and tried to dismiss as I was presenting my male persona. Eventually, when the children grew and flew I still had unresolved feminine feelings that I needed to demonstrate. At the same time for various reasons my wife and I grew apart and I was then able to experience my female expressions 24/7 for awhile. Basically what this did was put me in the position to accept all of my feelings and make them my own and not be afraid or ashamed of them. I more or less made it a choice to dress so it was no longer a compulsion. In my own case I no longer feel I have to literally "become" a woman to be happy and am free to express myself any way I choose at any given time. Not everyone has that option, however, and many have the need to transition. This is one reason for the therapy and real life test before the operation. We have to truly know who we are to make any major life change but especially one like this. After all, we are the main person that has to live with us for the rest of our life.:)

[suchacutie]

For me, allowing Tina free reign has allowed us to learn who she is. My wife and I were incredibly curious to find out which parts of the guy she married were actually extensions of my femininity! As we let Tina grow and we began to understand how the various parts of my self were distributed, we began to enjoy my male self even more, as he made more sense as opposed to the mix of masculine and feminine that he used to be.

So there's no chance of transitioning as we very much want both of my gendered selves, and Tina has allowed us to know that!

[mariehart]

Essentially a crossdresser and a transsexual are quite different things. So the idea that crossdressing can lead to transition is wrong. I think perhaps that the two year joke is misunderstood. I would interpret it as meaning that sometimes someone comes out and says they're a crossdresser when in fact they're transsexual because they're either in denial or wish to soften the blow.

When I did come out to friends. It was as a transsexual. They never even saw me dressed as a woman. I dress as a woman less now than I ever did in my entire life but if anything I feel more female than ever. I won't be transitioning though unless things change radically in my life. So I have to suck it up.

Being female isn't just about dressing up or looking the part. It's quite internal.

[Beverley Sims]

I changed my mind about transitioning years ago.
I was in an environment where two of my friends were about to jump off the cliff and I had considered going with them.
I changed my mind and they transitioned.

[Princess Grandpa]

I truly appreciate the responses. Perhaps the question was foolish. I surely hope it wasn't in anyway offensive. One reads so many posts and unless you have gotten to know the individual posting you really don't know where that person is on the gender spectrum.

In no way do I mean to suggest there is something wrong with being transsexual. My concern was should I realize that in myself there was more going on than I initially knew about, well that's the point the life I had known unravels. My wife is fine with my being a dude who part time like to feel like a lady. Her line in the sand would be if I were to come to understand I really was a lady. I don't believe I'm strong enough to deal with the pain , both physically and emotionally that you ladies appear to endure with such grace.

I really know nothing about this world I find myself in. Heck we didn't even realize we shouldn't refer to it as going out in drag. The possibility that it could be a progressive thing truly concerned me. It is very reassuring to see how many people don't necessarily escalate their activities. While I fully understand we are all unique and on a different journey from our sisters, if everyone shared they started with dressing and then evolved more it would be indicative that I needed to proceed with caution. Get a good grip on my denial for when that dysphoria started.

For what it's worth, I foresee a very happy future living in some wonderful balance between my male side and my female part. Thank you everyone for your input. It helps me continue learning about myself without the feeling that I'm driving towards some sort of precipice.

Hug
Rita

[rian]

Dear Princess
I think this transition to a complete woman is not a general case...most of us love the two worlds ....thou lot of them ....if given the choice with the right conditions and peace of mind would do it ,,,yet it is the fear from the unknown ,,,,to the other world which is completely different ....I for example will be in danger because my environment wont accept it at all ....

[linda allen]

There's a joke in the transgender community, it goes like this:
Question: What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years.

I always took that joke in two ways. One, the actual time it takes to transition form male to female (hormones, sugeries, blah blah blah, etc.)
Two, latent crossdressers that start out as open crossdressers, then about two years later, they make up their minds and say they want to transition.

I have already been through the mental battle of whether to transition/not transition about a million times, and the conclusion is always the same. I just simply have two sides of me, and I'm happy with that. Having one side of me, or the other side of me all the time would simply be the death of me.

I am what I've always wanted to be since I was a little kid.

Yes, that's a pretty common joke, but it's simply not true. Simply wearing women's clothing doesn't guarantee that you will eventually become a woman (or even want or try to become a woman) any more than simply drinking alcohol guarantees that you will become an alcoholic.

Personally, unlike Nathalie, I've never given a serious thought to transitioning. We are all different and that's the way it should be.

I don't think you or your family needs to worry that you will want a sex change or even begin living full time as a woman without one.

Dress, and have fun. Don't worry about it.

[Tina B.]

Rita, questions like that are never foolish, there is a lot of misconceptions even on the inside, much less from outside the Trans world.
I believe that old joke about the two years from TV to TS was started originally by Transsexuals that where militantly coming out years ago, and believe me, I left a sight I used to be a member of because of those gals pushing there cause.
Just like gays don't understand us, neither did the Transsexual gals in the early days, they all figured if you didn't admit to being TS, you where just wearing a dress in denial of who you really where. Never could convince them I was happy as is, no you must want to cut off the male parts. Well I have never even thought of giving up anything like that, even if it ain't what it was in its younger days, it's still mine and I'm keeping it!
You really have to talk to live time Cd's and as you've seen there are plenty of us.
From years of reading, both those writing about being TS, and CDing, I really believe, it's possible to suppress the urge to dress for years, and denial is easy until it overwhelms you, but a true TS generally knows at a very young age something is not right, and they are being assigned the wrong sex.
So I think you'll be safe just taking as far as you are comfortable, and stopping there.

[renee elizabeth]

for me no, i do enjoy crossdressing and wish i could dress a lot more often, but there are benefits to being a male too

[Lynn Marie]

If there are longtime dressers out there who were free to dress and explore as they wished, who still have no desire to become a woman, I would be encouraged to hear from you.

Hug
Rita

I've only been dressing for 15 years or so and I have no desire at all to transition. I like me, both as male and female.

[Veronica27]

Perhaps the question was foolish.

You just have to read the nature of the responses to know that the question was not foolish. It is probably a concern to a great many spouses, and reading through the thread should be enough to put many minds to rest.


The possibility that it could be a progressive thing truly concerned me.

In crossdressing, progress can be two entirely different things. Some crossdressers, (a very small minority in all likelihood) progress along a path from occasionally wearing women's clothing to doing so more and more frequently until they ultimately make a decision to do so all the time and even carry on to transition. Others, the vast majority, progress along a path that takes them from trying on a few female items, such as panties, a bra, hosiery or skirts, to dressing more and more fully, eventually acquiring things like wigs, forms, shoes, outerwear, makeup and so on. This path can lead to increased frequency of dressing, getting out of the house at times and possibly socializing with others, but regardless of the destination inevitably leads back home to our male based life until the next session. How far we go along this path depends upon our own comfort levels.

How to know which of the two paths you are on is easy. If you crossdress as a response to an inner feeling that you are a woman, were meant to be a woman or possess a sort of dual persona as part man and part woman, then you could possibly be on path one. However, if you crossdress for any of a multitude of other reasons such as relaxation, adventure, curiosity, sensuality, or simply a feeling of femininity, then you are probably on the second path. Every person possesses qualities and characteristics that could be viewed as being more those of the opposite sex. Men are taught to suppress the feminine aspects of their nature, while women are allowed to express their masculine aspects more freely. Crossdressing can be a means of expressing one's femininity in a healthy manner which in no way has to imply any desire to actually be a woman.

While both paths are appropriate depending upon one's own being, I am concerned that some may confuse a releasing of inner femininity with the possessing of an inner woman, because of outside pressures from narrowly defined parameters of crossdressing and transgenderism.

Have fun dressing up, and the answers to the questions will usually become obvious. Don't allow others to unduly influence you, but just read their accounts of their experiences and accept them as that; i.e. their experiences. Then you will be able to tell us all about yours.

Veronica

[stephNE]

I'm sure that for some, testing out dressing is a step toward transitioning. But I've been dressing for 50 years, and I have never considered going any further.
I would have liked to have been born a woman, and if there were some point where you could have chosen to be male of female, I would have gone the other way. But I like both sides of me too much to give up either.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rita, Dressing for over 66yrs. and happy to just dress and change back to Mr. Drab.

[Princess Grandpa]

I'm truly grateful for the responses. The amount of folks responding certainly allows me to relax and enjoy knowing I'm not necessarily on some one way trip to womanhood. Don't misunderstand me, I love feeling like a woman. I just don't want to become one permanently. It's always possible that one day down the road I will have some epiphany much like I had with dressing, but I believe that possibility is pretty remote. After hearing some of what it's like having GD, its fairly safe to say if I have it its mild enough to be satisfied by what's going on already. Thank you again for the help.

Hug
Rita

[Wildaboutheels]

Well, it would be cool if the "ALL CDers are alike" crowd would read this entire thread.

You have given the impression SEVERAL times in this thread [maybe I misunderstood} that you were worried that basically you might "become helpless" and be unable to control YOUR OWN DESTINY?[ at some point]...

Undoubtedly based on your participation here at these very Forums?

It doesn't take a giant leap of the Imagination that a new GG coming in here to learn about/decode/decipher HER fella might get the same idea. In FACT, one of our "sharper" GGs [IMO] expressed this very sentiment in a thread just a few days ago.

[jillleanne]

Consider yourself encouraged. You're welcome.

[AmyGaleRT]

Rita, I'm not about to give up the anchor to my male self, and certainly Sabrina wouldn't have me abandon "her man." But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it very much when I can "turn the girl loose"! Nor does it mean I don't feel happy and right as my femmeself; I was feeling especially good as Amy last Saturday, in fact. It just means I am content to "cross between the poles" whenever I please.

- Amy