Out at Walmart, and a few other places. Did not foll many folks!

[Alice Torn]

I got my courage up, I thought, and went to a distant town to see a city band concert, I drove there under dressed with a shirt and pants over my dress. When i got there, there wera about 200 cars, and many old people, and families. Just like last year, I chickened out, and stayed underdressed. After the concert, i walked around, and decided, that next time, i will come when it is getting dark, so it will be easier to blend in. Then, i went to the local Walmart, and stripped off my guy clothes, and was ready to take the Wallyworld plunge. I saw a lot of young men around, and decided to go to the next Walmart in the next town. I drove as Alice, and stopped at a truck stop, and noticed the cashier was a lady, so, i decided to go in, give her cash, and pump gas. I got a few looks from short lady and her kids. Six foot nine in heels, gets a lot of notice! The cashier seemed fine, and i am sure she read me. Then, i went to the next Walmart. Walked about 150 feet to get there. Almost 11pm, not many customers. I checked out the vitamin section, then the bra section, then wandered a bit. One short lady and her daughter looked, but not in a demeaning way. I have little money, and decided not to buy anything, but one Walmart girl employee saw me for just a second, and quickly outed me. She said to some other cashiers, " Hey look at that. Giggles. I didn't budge, but walked right p buy and pretended i was looking at stuff, oblivious to them staring and giggling. Then, i walked out, and a group of young men were right outside the door. I heard something, like "he's crazy", as i stutted my stuff, the 150 feet to my car. I admit i was a little concerned they might follow me. But i walked like nothing bothered me. I really am a very nervous high strung person, and i was very paronoid , and terrified at times. I can't afford to drive around much, on a low fixed income, and my 1976 Dodge has a cooling system issue, so, when i do take a rare venture into the scary public, i try to go do a lot, and i sometimes feel karma or vibes, when it is not a good idea to go public. At my height, i did not seem to fool anyone at all, even though, i think i look fairly like a 59 yr six foot six old power forward woman. I am a bit discouraged about going out much more. I would like to just find a safe place to walk around. With all the stress from my family of origin problems, and nervous disorder, and low income, and car troubles, dressing and going out , is rare.

[mikiSJ]

I have been going out to 'safe' places but this weekend traveled to Sacramento from San Jose, en femme, and of course had to use the ladies somewhere on the 2.5 hour trip.

I stopped at a gas station I almost always stop at while en drab but I had to answer the ubiquitous car polish hawker's (a cute girl) request to polish my car and then after using the ladies stood in line behind a very obnoxious woman arguing over the price of a fountain drink and when she turned around gave me a 'what the eff' look. The cashier smiled (I guess my money was good) and then I had to navigate past another car polish hawjker (a cute guy) who had the decency to at least call me Miss.

I guess it takes a lot of practice trying to be who you want to be!

[Beverley Sims]

Alice, a lot depends on your selection of clothes.
Heels probably stand out a bit.
You may need someone to help you and give a second opinion on what is available in your wardrobe.
eing tall as you are is a bit of a drawback.
I think you have to work around it considering the interest you created.

[Tina B.]

Alice, I am sorry, I know you want to get out so bad, and what you family life is like, it's rough. But women at your height, I don't know what you could do that would blend in, unless you can find out where a women's basketball team is going to be.
But girl, no woman your height is going to wear heels to go shopping, they will hardly wear them when dressed to the nines. You need some pretty flats, Slacks would be good if you could find them long enough. That would fit in better at Wally World. Even the petite girls here have trouble passing, but the tall ones always do. To go out, you just got to toughen up, and let it roll off your back, and just go where if someone messes with you, the police can be called, because you will be outted. I wish it weren't so, but this world is not ready to let us just be us, and until they are we just have to find safe ways to express who we are.

[Alice Torn]

Thanks all for your replies. I had on the shortest heels i have- 2 1/2". I just have not found any affordable flats, yet. I thought about cutting off the heels of some pumps, but that won't work well! Bev, I had a mid calf black roomy dress on, with a dark green print long sleeve blouse over it. Pretty conservative.

[JenniferR771]

You look just fine, Alice. No need to be completely passable. Blending can be boring. Don't wear jeans. If you are big--no one will mess with you. And its nice--being able to see over the corn. So enjoy. Way to go. You took some big steps and got some great experience. Next time will be easier. You will know what to expect. Big smile. Be extra nice to the cashiers and so forth and they will be nice to you.

[Alice Torn]

Thanks Jennifer. I failed to say, that there were other peope who saw me, that did not act weird. A whole group of black people came out of Walmart, right as i got here, and they saw me, but did not react odd. A few men in Wally's saw me, too. It was amazing how fast the one female employee read me, though! I thought i looked like a very tall Mrs. Doubtfire! All in all, i was pleased with the whole thing, but exhausted after.

[Annaliese2010]

Like my GG girlfriend reminded me once when I had a moment of doubt, much as you express now: "Why care what other people think?" Her attitude is (and I paraphrase): "Oh just do what you want. Don't worry so much." And she's a 35 y/o hot pretty faced responsible mom, and a Christian too. And a Pisces as well.

So I would echo her common sense message. Do what you wanna do. Go to stores pick out your clothes your bra panties makeup and perfume. Don't be nervous. Don't be worrying. Don't give a whit of thought to nor attach any importance to what the clerk thinks. Be aloof. Confident. Sexy and poker faced. YOU are the customer in control. You're sexy. Amazing. Exclusive. Extremely special as are we all. Rare. Fine. Thoughtful. Intelligent. Discriminating. Fair minded. Flexible. Analytical. Naturally sympathetic, sensitive and multidimensional; aware and genuinely caring (from an interpersonal interactive pov).

We're breaking no laws. We're not indecent, immoral nor corrupt. We're just breaking new ground. On the other hand it's true. Those who are ignorant (and they are Legion) view us quizzically. As an enigma. So yes, it's advisable to avoid places where such extreme ppl convene. But that's no different to how GG women or girls instinctively avoid ppl and places that put them in jeopardy.

Well, we are feminine too. So we must follow suit. Take precautions. Not put ourselves in harms way. In fact, please carry pepper spray or a registered lil pink 'hello kitty pistol' in your purse when you go out. A girl needs protection, and I'm not just talking prophylactics. Though that's important to carry too. Goes without saying.

It all comes with the 'territory'. We're vulnerable by our very nature. Don't let that residual aspect of yourself that is male lead you astray. BE the woman you are and act accordingly. For your own protection if nothing else.

[linda allen]

At six foot, nine inches tall in heels you, could get a flashlight and rent yourself out as a lighthouse! :eek:

You'll do a lot better in flats. Very few GGs over six feet tall would wear heels.

[Eryn]

If you look around you will occasionally see tall, husky GGs. They are out there, which is the *other* reason for the existence of Lane Bryant. These ladies are often not very attractive. That's just the hand that nature deals now and then.

Now, consider this: Do these women go out the door thinking "I sure hope I pass today!"? Nope, they know that they are GGs and, even if they aren't happy with their physical appearance, they hold their heads up and get on with life. They buy clothes to flatter their figure as best they can and avoid clothes that look wrong on them.

After a lot of observation that's what I try to emulate. I own my height and appearance and go about with as much confidence as I can muster. What others choose to think about me is their business and I have no control over it.

Nobody can be sure of the gender of another person without an intimate inspection. Someone may suspect my birth gender but they cannot be sure of it. Unless I choose to give it away there is no way for the people I encounter to know what gender I truly am so they will go with the gender I'm presenting. If challenged, I am prepared to assert my chosen gender but this has never been necessary.

About heels: In everyday situations I wear flats or low wedges. If I'm going out for an evening event I might choose higher heels. Oddly enough, this is exactly what GGs, even tall ones, do.

[kimdl93]

Agree that you can go out without expecting to pass..few of us do, but you can overcome the self doubt and enjoy the moments a bit more. In the end it's true that some big women probably would elicit a reaction similar to what we sometime experience. And it's also true that most people just won't care. and a few people have bad manners.

In the end you only need to do what feels right for you.

[Michelle Charles]

You look really nice hon, I am glad you got the courage up and shopped how you wanted! It was your night!!

[Princess Chantal]

Alice, if you don't feel all that comfortable going to places like Wallymart and etc may I recommend going to a place more relaxed atmosphere like a museum, art gallery, a historic landmark, a library or a small coffee shop. These are some of the suggestions that I offer to those that had uncomfortable experiences or to those that want to go out in public for the first time

[RenneB]

I agree with the others, it's about the 'tude. Once you get the IDC (I Don't Care) attitude, you are golden. We, carbon based units, come in all shapes and sizes. Everyone is either too tan, too pale, too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too pretty, too not-pretty..... what ever. Most well mannered adults don't pass judgment.

However, from say 3 to 20-somethin's that group tends to verbalize their observation to a "standard" that they have in their heads. So like the rest of us that are out and about, you've got to have a thick skin and be ready with a quick comeback.

My first few months being out and about were a bit nerve racking, but eventually, I got over it and just did the best I could with outfit/makeup and headed on out....

Hope this helps...

Renne....

[Alice Torn]

Thanks all for the input. All good ones! Eryn, you are so right. Good insight about big tall women. I tend to confess my shortcomings and fears too much, when, actually, i did very well last nigh, and acjieve an IDC , stoic , but polite attitude last night! Next time, I will not underdress for the concert in the park, but go fully dressed, like i did 3 yrs ago there. I will go dressed, and enjoy it like i did 3 yrs ago. No sweat! I dress classy, and i think that really helps, even if it is not the way most women dress these days. One thing i would like to do, and maybe only once, is go where guys would ask me to dance. Still scared about clubs, as I don't like a lot of drinking around me. Had enough trouble with drunks in the past!

[CD_blue]

Nice write up and honestly was a good read for me. I have only been dressed outside once and that was at a mall 350 miles out of town not counting drives in the car. The top was pretty unisex but I was rocking the heels/womens jeans. I am like you and very tall (6'6 and broad) and one of the big issues I have going out is that where I am so tall I worry about standing out. I am getting courage up to do it again, and be bit more out there with it (More femi top perhaps, jewelry, etc etc).

So reading that you had the courage to do it inspires me to get out there and do it also. :)

[Beverley Sims]

Alice,
When I look at the pictures in post five I see a distinguished and well dressed older lady there.
It is classy presentation.
I think you have to work on the height problem.
Others have put good ideas forward.
I know...... Keep practicing. :)

[linda allen]

.............. I would like to just find a safe place to walk around. .............

If you're in or near a city, walk downtown in the daytime. Act like you're on a break or mission from an office job. If there's a tourist area, that's also a good and safe place to walk. If you're outdoors in the daytime, you can wear sunglasses if it eases your fears. An outdoor shopping mall is another safe place to be. If you keep moving, people don't have time to make comments or bother you.

Being out late at night is bound to attract attention and strange characters.

[jennyscott]

... I recommend going to a place more relaxed atmosphere like a museum, art gallery, a historic landmark, a library or a small coffee shop. ...

After going out and about these are still great recommendations for trying new looks, gaining confidence, and other wise joining the real world. I'm about to see how Great Smokies NP works out at peak in October :D. Thanks for the reminder Chantal.

[larry]

I spent a few years in Japan. There was always a group of "Girls" in Denny's early in the morning after they got off work.
There was never any problems from anyone.. Either there or walking down the street. Must be nice..

[Eryn]

I agree with the idea of going to public spaces. I have a lot of fun at public gardens, fairs, and museums. I enjoy these in either mode and being able to enjoy them in my chosen presentation just makes it more fun. Dining in coffee shops gives you a chance to practice interaction in an easily-handled situation. People in a museum or arboretum tend to behave very civilly.

I have the great advantage of going out with others (either TG or GG) most times. Having a friend with whom to interact adds dimension to the experience and reinforces my presentation.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Alice, It might be a good idea to go out during the day instead, more roaches run around in the dark as the saying goes. People still may not be kind sadly, but you are less likely to run into trouble. A mall is a great idea, where it is well lit and there is plenty of security. I don't know if going somewhere looking for men to dance with is a good idea, unless they know you are trans.

I have a dear friend of mine who is a TS who went through a stage after transitioning where she was struggling to pass (she can't pass well because of her height and other issues, I hate being so blunt because I love her very much but I don't know how else to put it) and was rejected socially by (many) GGs. She eventually thought that if she gave in and stopped wearing the skirts she preferred to wear and started wearing pants like all the GGs they would somehow be kinder to her and accept her (these GGs knew her background and the fact she was a TS was obvious.) In her experience, they ended up being as mean to her in pants as they were to her when she was in a skirt.

I guess I can sum up her feelings this way: If I am not going to pass no matter what I do, I might as well dress in a way that makes me feel happy and fulfilled, even if I am overdressed compared to everyone else. If I am going to be overdressed, I will put my best overdressed foot forward and take pride and have confidence in my presentation.

[Alice Torn]

Kate and Vickie, Good posts, like all the others! Kate, I have been shopping at thrift stores , for decades. Great savings! I have way more dresses and skirts and tops, than i need now, about 25 dresses. I have been selling some on Ebay, but don't charge much, and have made zero profit. Yes, i am on SSDI. Am looking for a job, like you, but age, and lack of jobs, and very high jobless rate makes it very tough. I thought we were in a recovery! NOT! Still in a deepening depression, I say. Vickie, I may try a mall some day. Walmart was ok, but that one female employee made me a laughing stock. I sort of expected something, with my height. I did not say anything, but was stoic, unaffected much. I could have said, I went to a party as Mrs. Doubtfire! Great height can be a problen, especially with huge hands, and feet.

[Princess Chantal]

Is a mall outting really all that much of a difference than going to a Walmart? I doubt that there is any less chance of being ridiculed about crossdressing.


I could have said, I went to a party as Mrs. Doubtfire! Great height can be a problen, especially with huge hands, and feet.

Why make excuses, especially something off the wall like that? In my opinion, it makes the situation even more odd and may add to the giggles, not to mention disrespecting your own crossdressing

[linda allen]

Is a mall outting really all that much of a difference than going to a Walmart? I doubt that there is any less chance of being ridiculed about crossdressing................
A mall is different than Walmart because you're not inside a store (unless you go inside a store) and you can keep moving. It's usually darker in the mall than it is inside Walmart or a store.

So yes, there is a difference.

[Eryn]

Is a mall outting really all that much of a difference than going to a Walmart? I doubt that there is any less chance of being ridiculed about crossdressing.

People who frequent Nordstrom tend to be more restrained than those that frequent Wallyworld. I've gone to both dressed and I'm more comfortable at a mall.

Of course, malls vary too!

[reb.femme]

Hi Alice,

I remember replying to your thread when you went out to the concert. Yeah it was one step backward but not before you had accomplished two or three forward! Yet again, you have expanded your own envelope and more than pushed the barriers. I shall say no more but merely curtsy to a girl going forward in her life.

Rebecca