Ever been BETRAYED?

[Wildaboutheels]

As in, probably after thinking long and hard about it, You finally told a relative, friend or SO and maybe within a week the whole town and all your coworkers were looking at you funny?

Or, you THOUGHT they were all looking at you funny?

I have met very few people in my life who could keep a secret.

Or maybe, you told someone and they immediately spilled the beans and it all worked out well for you?

[Tracii G]

Let me make some popcorn this should be good.

[Jessie29]

Told a friend they told everyone in my school the one day I decided to wear pink panties!

[Princess Grandpa]

I haven't told anyone other than my wife. My son did catch me shortly after this started, so I assume his wife and roommate know. Nothing has really changed but I see a funny smirk on my daughter in laws face every now and then.

The fact is if you share this with someone it's likely to become common knowledge. It's too good of a story not to tell. /shrug I mean if you can't resist telling your friend and its your secret, how hard will it be for your friend to not tell that one person he/she trusts.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not arguing against coming out. If we all came out together at the same time they would be forced to accept us. LOL. We are everywhere!

But that's obviously not happening. So if you feel led to share make sure and fully consider the ramifications.

Hug
Rita

[Sabrina133]

Wow, Yes, it happened to me. Long story short, my SO took pics, posted them on Utube and then told people at work to include where they could find them. SO's intent was to hurt me. It worked. Within 2 days I'd been offered the option of resign or be fired. I chose to resign.

Bree

[Kate Simmons]

It happens but the betrayer usually doesn't bask in glory very long before it backfires.:)

[Jessie29]

Whats an SO?


Jessica x


Wow, Yes, it happened to me. Long story short, my SO took pics, posted them on Utube and then told people at work to include where they could find them. SO's intent was to hurt me. It worked. Within 2 days I'd been offered the option of resign or be fired. I chose to resign.

Bree

[Alexis.j]

That's true! I have met VERY few people in my life that would keep a secret... Especially in an work environment, they are always gossiping about someone.

[imsandy]

Within 2 days I'd been offered the option of resign or be fired.

I would have looked into legal options. How can someone force you to resign because of something you do that's legal, outside of work hours?

[Nikki68]

@imsandy- morals clause... or at-will employment state....

@Jessie29 - Signifigant Other aka spouse, girlfriend....

My gosh, people can be soo cruel....

[Sabrina133]

I would have looked into legal options. How can someone force you to resign because of something you do that's legal, outside of work hours?

Sandy,

I am in the legal profession. Believe it or not, the legal profession is the true last legally sanctioned slave shop organization left in the US. It was deemed as embarrassing to the firm - grounds for termination.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Sabrina, that s&cks. The reason why so many of us cringe when we hear someone say 'what's the worst that could happen if you come out?'

Deedee

[Marcia Blue]

My ex published pictures of me dressed in the local paper. Not once mind you but twice. She was being vindictive and cruel.

[melissakozak]

Told someone whom I work with who silently, and stealthily shared with others, some know, some don't...but I don't care anymore....

[Sabrina133]

Sabrina, that s&cks. The reason why so many of us cringe when we hear someone say 'what's the worst that could happen if you come out?'

Deedee

Yes. it sucked. Truth be known, i wasn't embarrassed by being outed. I was just very angry that it cost me my job. It sucked in the short term but it forced me to make decisions that has, in the long term, turned out for the better.

[Emmalee]

I have been betrayed and how though I really don't want to dwell on it

[Amy Lynn3]

This issue gives grounds for staying in the closet.

[giuseppina]

Hello Sabrina

Your place of employment may have been a non-starter, however I would have gone after your then wife under tort law, initiated divorce proceedings, and sought a restraining order instructing her not to contact me or say anything about me by any means. Yes, this is aggressive, but it's a response to her bullying. She did it to herself.

I'm not a lawyer, but it seems to me the three premises required for a successful tort lawsuit are there:

1) your wife owed you a duty of care (not to disclose your crossdressing)

2) your wife breached her duty of care by her conduct (posting evidence of your crossdressing on the internet, doesn't matter where as long as it's publicly accessible)

3) you suffered injury as a result of you wife's conduct (you were effectively fired from your job resulting in loss of income and a good reference to find alternate employment)

This is a quote almost word for word from my Canadian engineering law text with additions in brackets describing your situation.

[AllieSF]

It happens but the betrayer usually doesn't bask in glory very long before it backfires.:)

I would love to see some evidence of this about the ".. usually doesn't bask ... before it backfires". I understand it sometimes does back fire, but "usually"? That is why everyone should think more than twice about revealing their secret to anyone (probably Wild's original premise for this thread), including SO, best friend and family. If one reveals that, then they have to be ready for the worse case scenario which may or may not ever happen. Who would ever have thought that a legal professional could lose their job like that? Sometimes we have a feeling about someone's trustworthiness and sometimes we think we do but actually don't! Please just be careful and totally aware of all possible outcomes of something like this.

[kimdl93]

My ex wife outed me to friends, co workers and family during the months leading up to our divorce. Interestingly, it seems to have cost her more relationship damage than I'd did for me.

[Briana90802]

I would tell my parents because they're very open minded. But they are crappy at keeping secrets. They told everyone in my family when I was in high school that I was sexually active. Gotta love them for that. I didn't need to brag about it so why did they? Fear of betrayal is what prevents me from telling people.

[Wildaboutheels]

Just in case anyone missed it...

No where in my OP did I mention CDing so this thread would be open to everyone for any type BREACH of TRUST. It's just a simple FACT of life that if we tell anyone any secret for any reason, you may risk a lot more than you bargained for.

[Emmalee]

Well I had an epiphany the other day it went something like this don't be ashamed of who you are and don't be afraid of who you wanna be, and friends come and go.
I came out to many relatives and friends because there was no point in trying to deny it. You cant really hide hairless skin or the smell of lotion you can't hide nail polish or feminine deodorant. Most of them were cool with it most of them didn't care.

The one that did and went around doing the whole yenta thing....well they were really just bullies to began with and the truth is I was kinda ashamed to be associated with them. In other words I guess it was pay back for some things I did in high school just to fit in with this person, but after the fact its still good because I'm still happy I'm still doing what I like and now I know that that person was nothing but a traitor.

[giuseppina]

Just in case anyone missed it...

No where in my OP did I mention CDing so this thread would be open to everyone for any type BREACH of TRUST. It's just a simple FACT of life that if we tell anyone any secret for any reason, you may risk a lot more than you bargained for.

Ok, I'll bite.

I have mental health issues. My mother has decided that non-drug therapy is a pack of lies and makes trouble when I try to use professional advice to the point where it has no practical value. This includes current methods of finding employment using the internet.

I'm inclined to think Mother is paranoid in the true sense of the word.

[Sabrina133]

Hello Sabrina

Your place of employment may have been a non-starter, however I would have gone after your then wife under tort law, initiated divorce proceedings, and sought a restraining order instructing her not to contact me or say anything about me by any means. Yes, this is aggressive, but it's a response to her bullying. She did it to herself.

I'm not a lawyer, but it seems to me the three premises required for a successful tort lawsuit are there:

1) your wife owed you a duty of care (not to disclose your crossdressing)

2) your wife breached her duty of care by her conduct (posting evidence of your crossdressing on the internet, doesn't matter where as long as it's publicly accessible)

3) you suffered injury as a result of you wife's conduct (you were effectively fired from your job resulting in loss of income and a good reference to find alternate employment)

This is a quote almost word for word from my Canadian engineering law text with additions in brackets describing your situation.

Canadian Law vs US Law.....huge difference. What works in Canada doesnt work in the US. Here law firms and the Bar operate on a completely subjective modality. While i'll not call it corrupt, i will call it subjective - and am being kind.

[BOBBI G.]

I am a transgendered girl, hoping someday to be a woman. I am 24/7, and let those who need to know who I really am. Have told no one in my exes family, as they are no longer a part of my life. There are still a couple family members in the community I live in who have seen me at the store shopping, so I am sure the word has spread faster than the e-mail I am getting ready to send right now. Oh, the joys of family.

Bobbi

[Jill]

Yes, I was betrayed once. It's a very long story but I told a friend who I also dated for a short time. She ranted and raved about how wonderful her two best friends were (married couple) and then when I met them they were VERY cold and standoffish. Turns out she not only told them but she had told her entire family and group of friends after I had her promise not too. I immediately terminated our relationship. She said she felt bad for telling people, I don't know if she was sincere about feeling bad or not but what I do know is that she was the type of person who just couldn't seem to help herself in more ways than one. She had absolutely no sense boundaries or limitations. I was very upset at the time but learned some very valuable lessons.

[Rogina B]

I doubt there are many that haven't been betrayed in some way. If it wasn't gender issues,perhaps it was sexuality issues,or love issues,or financial issues,etc. However,when all the "collateral damage" is done,we are still alive! So,for those on here that fear being outed,etc..I say that you will be stronger after you have been and find that you didn't "die from it"! And later,may realize that it was only one of life's "tests", and you passed! My experiences,anyway...

[Beverley Sims]

People always look at me funny.
Betrayal, I will find out one day.

[CarlaWestin]

I believe that all of us have weathered mini-betrayals throughout our lives but the CD outings are the most hurtful. My ex helped me with a full transformation and took pictures. I was basking in the loving warmth of marital trust until the pictures were used during divorce proceedings. Her current husband, you know, the one she was doing during our marriage, would give me looks. That was 20 years ago. Last I heard, all of her evil exploded inside her and then she had a stroke and is now a semi-vegetative angry burden for hubby. I'll be sure to pick a nice sundress for the funeral.

[rian]

A secret should stay a secret ....Betrayal is easy to people ...that can cause a big trouble in our lives ,,,,especially cross dressing ....Most of us will stay in secret for this can turn the light off for us ......make sure the person who you have told can take that burden by testing him several times ...

[Tina B.]

Never to any real extent, but then I've always lived by the old school rule," if I told you, I'd have to kill you!"
Most people are so desperate to be liked and understood, they eagerly speak of private matters. That's why I don't discuss my finances, love life, or gender variations, with any one that does not need to know. At this point, that is only my wife, and an ex wife that did use it in a child custody hearing, to no avail.
When it was over heard in the court room by my older brother, I had to tell him, but he was my big brother, and willing took it to his grave as far as I know, it never came back to me if he did ever tell anyone.
I believe people should mind there own business, and I do mine by not being that open. I don't gossip, and I don't plan to be food for the gossip mill.

[NicoleScott]

Yes. My wife and I have always agreed that my CDing would remain private. But when we picked up two of her family members from the airport (from another country, speaking a language I don't understand), she told them on the way back from the airport. Then she told me she told them! That was quick! She explained they don't care and it doesn't affect how they think of me (yeah, right). Nothing bad came of it, and I hold no grudges, but it was still a betrayal.
I never let them see me transformed, in person or pics.

[imsandy]

I am in the legal profession. Believe it or not, the legal profession is the true last legally sanctioned slave shop organization left in the US. It was deemed as embarrassing to the firm - grounds for termination.

Ugh, that sucks. Maybe other states in the US have more protection? Having to uproot is horrible, though.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

The worst betrayals can come from an ex-wife. I suppose that's a given. During my divorce in the 1980's my ex spilled it out to many including my family. It wasn't long before it got around the small town we lived in. Even my best friend started to avoid me. He died several years ago but his widow and I still get along great when we see each other. Of course it also spread through my workplace and I remember the snickers and whispers. I was also subject to some covert bullying without anyone directly saying something to my face. It got so that when I met my current wife, her family knew before we married. I'd still like to know how they found out. None ever said anything and they were always kind to me. I just found that out.

During my divorce, I had many friends, male and female that supported me. One gal even said, "How could -------- do that to you?!"

But before I met my second wife I was dating a gal who knew. She was very open minded but in other ways we weren't a match. She did say something to calm my fears about what people heard. "Believe what you see and half of what you hear." That's why I don't do ANY pictures.

Today I have a lot of great friends and I've confided in a few. I don't give a rat's a$$ if they say something because now I'm retired and have an awesome wife and good financials. Whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. All along since that nasty divorce I learned to hold my head high and carry on a normal life being successful and respectable in many ways.

As they say, "Living well is the best revenge." If anyone wants to put me down it only speaks volumes about their own character, insecurities, and vindictive capability. I can be a tough SOB.

The rest can go to hell. And I've seen some of my worst enemies do just that. My ex fought a long drug battle as an example.

Today if anyone has a problem with me, they can F off.

Cheryl Ann

[StephanieDragg]

My son's girlfriend posted pictures of me dressed on my son's facebook when they got in a fight and split up, the thanks I get for buying her tires, paying to repair her exhaust system, paying 1000.00 towards her school, and buying her prom dress and shoes and a few nice dinners, yes... she knew I dressed as I was in gurl mode when we (son, her, and I ) shopped for the dress and went to dinner a few times, I never heard anything about it from family or friends about it, my wife of coarse was super pissed as it showed on her feed when it was posted so she was all worried as to who saw it also before it was deleted (it was up for 4-5 hrs late at night). Had another one of my son's friends who is great with computers get control of the facebook back after she had changed the password a few days later, I was very upset, hurt and worried about the repercussions of coarse... the only good thing was that I was glad that it was one of my better pictures,lol... the caption read "this is my dad and I hove him, Isn't he beautiful ?"


I doubt there are many that haven't been betrayed in some way. If it wasn't gender issues,perhaps it was sexuality issues,or love issues,or financial issues,etc. However,when all the "collateral damage" is done,we are still alive! So,for those on here that fear being outed,etc..I say that you will be stronger after you have been and find that you didn't "die from it"! And later,may realize that it was only one of life's "tests", and you passed! My experiences,anyway...

Very true and very well said. It made me feel much better after reading that while I am reliving this event, Thank-you very much

[harmony]

can you say out loud to yourself and to others if possible without hesitation,guiltfeelings or any other kind of trepitation:I AM A CROSSDRESSER(or whatever box you fall into)?if yes you can face it all and come out better off and stronger in the long run.

[BillieJoEllen]

When my then fiancée found out about me she was so shocked that she went around telling many people. In my mind that wasn't exactly betrayal and I can understand why she did it despite me begging her not to.

Fast forward a few years after we were married. After we joined a church it was about two years later that she went to our pastor and told him about me. That was bad enough. The pastor had to go home and tell his gossipy wife! We eventually separated for a little more than a year.

About ten years after that she again went to our pastor (same church different pastor) and again told him about me. Once again another year long separation. The congregation was told and I was told to leave the church.

[linda allen]

............. About ten years after that she again went to our pastor (same church different pastor) and again told him about me. Once again another year long separation. The congregation was told and I was told to leave the church.
I've never been able to understand how a church and church people can do things like that. I remember a very long time ago when my parent's church allowed a couple black families to join. Several families dropped out and joined other churches.

I don't want to get into religion, but isn't church about loving all God's children? Wouldn't that include crossdressers? Gay people? People of other races?

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

When my then fiancée found out about me she was so shocked that she went around telling many people. In my mind that wasn't exactly betrayal and I can understand why she did it despite me begging her not to.

Fast forward a few years after we were married. After we joined a church it was about two years later that she went to our pastor and told him about me. That was bad enough. The pastor had to go home and tell his gossipy wife! We eventually separated for a little more than a year.

About ten years after that she again went to our pastor (same church different pastor) and again told him about me. Once again another year long separation. The congregation was told and I was told to leave the church.

That sucks! What hyppocrites! I had a similar experience and while I didn't disclose my inclinations about crossdressing to a pastor, the church secretary was in another room taking in everything I was talking about. Surer than S---, the word got out about my marital problems. No wonder I turned my back on organized religion and that church in particular. Too many self-riteous a$$h---- out there!

Cheryl