All the other stuff we haven't told our SO

[Nyla F]

We frequently discuss how we need to be honest with our SO about our crossdressing as soon as possible. But really, aren't there a lot of other things we don't tell?

Here is my partial list
- when talking to a woman my gaze frequently goes to her boobs
- when deciding if a woman is attractive, I think about what it would be like to be with her.
- any time I watch a movie with some. nudity, if you are not around I will pause to get a really good look
- after we've had a fight I will imagine how mich better it would be to be married to someone else
- when having sex I often think about us doing things we don't do in Real life.
- when "we" are on a diet I sometimes secretly go to McDonalds.
- when you ask me how you look and I say great, I really can't tell (this one will get me in a lot of trouble on this forum)

Honestly, do those of you that vehemently insist that honesty is the best policy really tell your SO EVERYTHING? What do you dare to keep to yourself?

[noeleena]

Hi,

Oh dear. if i tell you or say i told Jos every thing 39 years ago i did not hide anything would you or could you belive me .

I never put a front up what you saw then is what you see now, is that allso hard to belive, well if you could meet me youll find you would accept what im saying.

Even with Jos I told her 39 years ago that if she wonted to live with me it would not be easy it would be hard,

There was only one thing / detail , that i could not talk about i had no words or could explain it even had i those words, & allso there were details in my background that closed myself down memory lose or mental shut down . took 10 years from birth to wake up. there was abuse in our family form a male towards Mom & i,

I did tell Jos 20 years ago what it was, being born different of cause Jos know's so does every one else as well. its very open.

& yes there have been many changes , i spos really im a pretty simple person so no need to hide anything certinly nothing else i know of, put it this way im an open book for all to read.

just a female thats different.

...noeleena...

[Rachelakld]

My wife knows all that stuff, makes for a lot of fun between us, but I'm the one who diets and she sneaks out to McD

[Rogina B]

I would have added financial details in that "disclosure list" lol Sometimes when in the nail salon,I look around at the women there and wonder if some "had carved that primping money" out of the food budget by padding it a bit and getting "cash back" when they paid for the food with their Debit card ..The cash then ended up at the nail salon! lol All the husband [if he is a bean counter] sees is the debit for the groceries! Money is renewable if you are lucky and life is too short to make a big deal about it.

[erickka]

This just goes to prove.....Some things are better left "unsaid".

[Erica Marie]

I guess that is why I decided it is easier to stay single. I fear rejection, been there done that not sure if I can again.

[Shari]

Thanks for that breath of fresh air Nyla.
You can certainly be honest to a fault and if everyone were totally honest with their partners, there would be zero relationships.
For many things, just don't go there.

[stephNE]

I'm sorry Nyla, but I can't agree with you. Some of those things I never think about or do. For others I have been totally open and honest with my wife. It's what made out marriage last, now in our 34th year together.

[Ressie]

Oh yeah, total honesty is possible in a relationship. But it isn't common. "Yes you look fat in that dress, but I that's what I like".

[Beverley Sims]

I was honest once,
My wife asked me what was on the TV.
I said dust......
That did not work. :)

[Tina B.]

Sure you look good in that dress, is not a lie, it's not hurting someone unnecessarily, like when she says, hair isn't that big a deal, you look cute without all that hair, now I don't believe it, but why would I want to hear that I'm a fat old bald guy, and hate what I see in the mirror, it's not called lying it's called loving!
And some of those other things I would never do, think or say. As for checking out other women, if we out together, and my wife sees a women she thinks is pretty, she will point it out so I don't miss her. She knows I'm looking at the outfit as well the girl, and wouldn't want me to miss it.

[Karren H]

I don't tell her everything and she doesn't tell me everything.... lucky for us both neither feels the obligated to want to know everything..... or tell everything.... like I'm going to tell her how when I'm sure I'm completely alone.... I listen to polka music.... or that I regularly tear tags off a pillows!

[ArleneRaquel]

Karren,
Tearing tags from pillow is a very grave offense darlin-SHAME !

[Sara Jessica]

Typical male, or perhaps it's better said as typical stereotypical male.


- when talking to a woman my gaze frequently goes to her boobs

Trust me, your wife knows. She sees where your eyes go as clearly as the target of your affections.


- when deciding if a woman is attractive, I think about what it would be like to be with her.

I guess you are the epitome of "you can look at the menu but don't eat" mentality (assuming of course that you do not partake from the menu). Many in these pages would say that when they see an attractive woman, they think of what it is like to be her, or to present as she does. Regardless, if you are in love with your wife, you wouldn't be having such thoughts.


- any time I watch a movie with some. nudity, if you are not around I will pause to get a really good look

Really?


- after we've had a fight I will imagine how mich better it would be to be married to someone else

Perhaps not an uncommon reaction to feel at times but if you're experiencing this after every tiff, then your marriage has some serious issues.


- when having sex I often think about us doing things we don't do in Real life.

Communication seems to be an issue IRL, also translates into an issue in bed.


- when "we" are on a diet I sometimes secretly go to McDonalds.

It's your body, why should she care if you cheat on your diet?


- when you ask me how you look and I say great, I really can't tell (this one will get me in a lot of trouble on this forum)

If you can't tell, you can't tell. No one said that every self-described CD'er out there has fashion sense. Admitting this is unlikely to get you in trouble in these pages.


You seem to have some significant issues when it comes to your marriage. I hope your wife isn't blissfully unaware of what's going on, lest she will be blindsided at some point in the future. Your being a CD'er hasn't led to any cultivation of empathy for women and from what I can tell, you have very little respect for your wife and perhaps for women in general. Maybe you already realize this and don't care. Maybe this is news to you. What you choose to do about it will go far when it comes to the happiness and longevity of your marriage.

[arbon]

I don't think any of that stuff falls into the same category as being a guy that has a need to dress as a woman and does so secretly.

[Greenie]

I don't think any of that stuff falls into the same category as being a guy that has a need to dress as a woman and does so secretly.

Lol. Mostly because I looked at that list and thought.. Well even I do some of that. There is a difference between looking at people and finding them attractive, and thinking "dang that would be a nice person to have sex with" and "when you are gone I steal your panties". lol jk

[Jenniferathome]

...

Honestly, do those of you that vehemently insist that honesty is the best policy really tell your SO EVERYTHING? What do you dare to keep to yourself?

You have taken this to an extreme. None of the things you list can be considered a "secret" with relationship impact potential. By the way, every woman knows we look at other women. Men are terrible at being subtle in this way.

[imsandy]

You need to see the movie "The Invention of Lying" with Ricky Gervais. It shows what can happen if everyone is always honest all the time. :) A very funny and clever film.

[Lorileah]

:facepalm:
But really, aren't there a lot of other things we don't tell?

Comparing apples to oranges. Your list are things that virtually every man will do. They are not things that will change a marriage for the most part(except in very shaky unions to start with). Women look too...they check out butts and crotches. They just aren't as blatant about it and trust me your SO knows you look. She isn't blind. Women imagine being with other guys too...You are not all that. They are human. Men look at naked women (and men) Women look too again, they just aren't as blatant. The wondering what about life without her (him) is scary but honestly when you are mad everyone does that too. Trust me there were times you fought she imagined you gone too. To make this simple, the things you list go both ways. Now are you willing to drop your relationship now that you know? No, what you list are common things. None change your life (or maybe they do now that you know?). If you built your relationship on her not looking at other men, fantasizing about sexual things, sneaking a french fry, then I really have to wonder about your relationship.

Now, let's throw in something that MAY upset your apple cart. Let's say she was married before. To an abusive man. Say during this time she did something, I dunno, not common to most people. She kept that secret and somehow whatever she did (maybe she has a STD?) and she doesn't tell you. How will you feel when all this comes out say...20 years later? Technically that is really apples and pears too. But say she wants to dress as a man (and has been behind your back, going to clubs where she pretends to be a man and dates women, or dreams of dating women. How does that make you feel? Or she keeps information from you that will potentially destroy everything you worked towards. It is contrary to what she has presented to you. When you find out you realize that forever after isn't forever after for her?


Honestly, do those of you that vehemently insist that honesty is the best policy really tell your SO EVERYTHING? What do you dare to keep to yourself?

What people here do not see is that things that can and will affect your relationship, and I am not talking about stealing a french fry or looking at a naked women in am movie (unless you are in some sort of group where this would be a mortal sin?) need to be exposed early. Hard to explain to people here that there is equity ( and I use that a lot and still men who are supposed to be involved with money and security don't get this) that gets built and it gets bigger with time. They have built a life on what they know. And keeping an important part of the puzzle away destroys that equity. It destroys the foundation of the relationship. It isn't the piddly sh*t sneaking a cookie, or looking at breasts, or even fantasizing about sex with Catherine Zeta Jones (remember she is fantasizing about George Clooney). It is trust it is knowing that the person you see is going to be there for you, when that person is revealed to be someone else it destroys the trust.

There is another thread here talking about revelations about the opposite sex, how we learned things by dressing. This lesson seems to be the hardest to teach. It isn't the fact you dress. It is the fact that you don't trust your SO enough to allow them to make up their own minds about if they can handle the dressing. It is the fact that you allow them to believe that their life is something it isn't, to built up equity...a house, a home, children, lifestyle based on not having the whole enchilada. It is not seeing them as having their own minds and allowing them to use them.

And yes, in my life my SOs and I both told the truth when an outfit or whatever didn't work.

[MysticLady]

I was honest once,
My wife asked me what was on the TV.
I said dust......
That did not work. :)

Bev, this is a great one:heehee:. I need too use it on mine. In other words, clean up lazy, and grab me a beer while youre at it:heehee:. I know this comment is just going to flare some "emotions". I'm just kidding............sheesh



Your being a CD'er hasn't led to any cultivation of empathy for women and from what I can tell, you have very little respect for your wife and perhaps for women in general. Maybe you already realize this and don't care. Maybe this is news to you. What you choose to do about it will go far when it comes to the happiness and longevity of your marriage.

Hi Sara, what if Nyla has reached the point I have. It took me over 20 years. What if Nyla is smarter than me and realized it in half the time. It's not that she has no respect for the wife, maybe just tired of the emotional BS. We seems to condemn folks who are different than us which is a contradiction to this "website".

Let us use this as an ex: If a child is beyond control w/ their hissy fits, do we bend over backwards and give that child everything so that we just don't want to hear them whine so, later, they will become a nuisance to society. Hell, look at our Kids today, NO RESPECT. I'm sorry, but if I'm pushed to a limit, that child will whine but, it's not going to be because he didn't get his way, it'll because he'll have stripes on his ass. Since I will not strike a woman, How else do you suggest I deal with it? Baby Her? NOT. The time has come to grow up and move forward as a team and not me lugging the damn Romper Room. If that's what you like and can live with it, then more power too you. I don't like that and I will not live with it.

[Wildaboutheels]

In my opinion, "sharp people" whether they are in Love or not, [with or without that piece of paper] understand that when you disclose even the tiniest bit of information to someone for any reason you plant a seed. Which might simply wither and die.

But, I think we all should learn as we grow up, that SEEDS of DOUBT can grow into a monster in a matter of minutes and sometimes no amount of conversation, can stop them from growing. These very Forums prove that day in and day out.

[Nyla F]

Great replies everyone!

Can't wait to use the dust on the TV line. Or maybe I should stick with Penguin.

I think everyone got the gist of my OP. I concede that I'm comparing apples and oranges, we have an obligation to share the big stuff. Kudos to those that can really share everything, it must take a special type of person to receive the whole truth and be able to let the small stuff go. But for the rest of us I think there is always a grey area between what we need to share and what we implicitly understand is better left unsaid. In my case, my wife knows I crossdress, doesn't like it, and doesn't want to talk about. So it is implicly DADT with only a few exceptions and boundaries. I'm respecting my wife's desire to not talk about it, even if that means I've expanded my wardrobe beyond what we previously discussed. I expect this will eventually be revealed at the next, once every 5yrs discussion. So please, when advising people to be totally open, consider that some of us are in this type of situation.

Thanks everyone, you're wonderful and I'm glad we can kick this stuff around.

[UNDERDRESSER]

We frequently discuss how we need to be honest with our SO about our crossdressing as soon as possible. But really, aren't there a lot of other things we don't tell?

Here is my partial list
- when talking to a woman my gaze frequently goes to her boobs
- when deciding if a woman is attractive, I think about what it would be like to be with her.
- any time I watch a movie with some. nudity, if you are not around I will pause to get a really good look
- after we've had a fight I will imagine how mich better it would be to be married to someone else
- when having sex I often think about us doing things we don't do in Real life.
- when "we" are on a diet I sometimes secretly go to McDonalds.
- when you ask me how you look and I say great, I really can't tell (this one will get me in a lot of trouble on this forum)

Honestly, do those of you that vehemently insist that honesty is the best policy really tell your SO EVERYTHING? What do you dare to keep to yourself?I'm betting she already knows most of those, whether you've told her or not.

[Lorileah]

In my case, my wife knows I crossdress, doesn't like it, and doesn't want to talk about. So it is implicly DADT with only a few exceptions and boundaries. I'm respecting my wife's desire to not talk about it,

And that is what we call a mutual decision and compromise. She had a part in it. You did not decide for her.
So please, when advising people to be totally open, consider that some of us are in this type of situation. But...you shared it with her. It isn't that you have not told her. What you two do after that is between you two. That is how a partnership works. Not sure that building your wardrobe clandestinely is a great idea but you will have to deal with that when you get caught again. Kind of still works on the trust issue IMHO. Maybe she is buying gold bullion without you knowing too. You can trust she is doing that for your retirement

[~Joanne~]

No two people are completely honest with each other as your list demonstrates. I don't think it's humanly possible and anyone that says otherwise is only kidding themselves. While it's stressed that we be completely honest about our cross dressing with our SO's, has anyone ever asked their SO about the skeletons in her closet or is this meant to only be a one way street?

[marlenesexton]

My wife and I "tell each other everything" but of course that's not really true. We tell each other all the important stuff. We are open and honest about the other stuff, however. She knows things about me and I know things about her that we don't discuss for one reason or another. Maybe she's ooked out by a particular fantasy or she knows I'm not interested in hearing about parts of her job, whatever. We don't announce every thought or action. However, we know each other pretty well and if it's important or worth talking about, we tell each other.

[Eryn]

[regarding looking at women] Trust me, your wife knows. She sees where your eyes go as clearly as the target of your affections.

Yes, but now my wife knows that I'm looking at the clothes, not the women!


Can't wait to use the dust on the TV line. Or maybe I should stick with Penguin.

Funny that penguin being there, innit? What’s it doing there?

On a more serious note, when I met my wife the "tendencies" that I now realize were repressed CDing were of lesser importance than some of the ideas being poo-poohed here. A couple of weeks- or months-old private experiments with lipstick and clothes were just not worth mentioning.

[Deedee Skyblue]

I guess you are the epitome of "you can look at the menu but don't eat" mentality (assuming of course that you do not partake from the menu). Many in these pages would say that when they see an attractive woman, they think of what it is like to be her, or to present as she does.

<strong>Regardless, if you are in love with your wife, you wouldn't be having such thoughts.</strong>



Being in love doesn't mean your curiosity is turned off. Being in love means you don't follow up on those kind of thoughts. Everyone is different; I don't think it is right for someone to judge the quality of another's love.

Deedee

[Sometimes Steffi]

So, here's the real test.

When she asks. "Does this make me look fat?"

What is your response? Truth *and* consequences.

[candydawn75]

Honestly, do those of you that vehemently insist that honesty is the best policy really tell your SO EVERYTHING? What do you dare to keep to yourself?

I thought this was a GREAT post!! I have to agree with your list! Although the gaze thing she has caught me WAY to many times and always jokingly busts me out with like "Hey I am over here!" lol Peolple may hammer you for the post but you are right on point!

[GBJoker]

Hmm... Well, since I highly doubt my invisible girlfriend Megan will come on the site...

1: I some times prefer looking at porn/random models than her
2: When I'm not at home, I stare at virtually every female that comes within vision
3: I really don't like her hair style most of the time
4: I wish she'd talk more often
5: I frequently go shopping and still hide stuff from her
6: There are probably some other things, but I can't think of any off the top of my head

[Wildaboutheels]

I have to wonder how many GGs tell their SOs how much money they spend on batteries every month...

Or how many guys even have a clue about it...

[Greenie]

I have to wonder how many GGs tell their SOs how much money they spend on batteries every month...

Or how many guys even have a clue about it...

;)

Wouldn't you like to know.

[GBJoker]

I have to wonder how many GGs tell their SOs how much money they spend on batteries every month...

Or how many guys even have a clue about it...

I'm going to go ahead and jump into the pool of, as Dr. Evil put it, "friggin' sharks with LASER BEAMS!" I like to walk on the dangerous lines a lot anyway, so...

If I had a real GG SO, the number of batteries better be zero, or I'm dumping her.

[Wildaboutheels]

I would certainly hope by now that the Dang things are rechargeable...

[Greenie]

If I had a real GG SO, the number of batteries better be zero, or I'm dumping her.

Be adventurous. The more she knows about herself the better sex with you can become. Also who says the batteries are only used for her huh?

[GBJoker]

Be adventurous. The more she knows about herself the better sex with you can become. Also who says the batteries are only used for her huh?

While what you say has actually been scientifically proven (and dozens of times), I'd still dump her.

[DebbieL]

I have to wonder how many GGs tell their SOs how much money they spend on batteries every month...

Batteries? We love our Hitachi Magic Wand. It plugs into the wall and can go about 2 hours before it overheats (sometimes we go through 2 in a night).


Or how many guys even have a clue about it...

I've been using toys since the 1980s. Before that I used my mouth and my hands. In fact, I was a virgin "from the waist down" from age 15 to age 21. I'm a lesbian. I've tried "normal" sex, but I'm not very big so I keep slipping out, and if I'm not dressed, or doing some intense mental fantasies, I have a hard time having orgasms during "normal" sex. The wand gives my partner much more control and often I can have multiple orgasms. The one down side is that I have been known to cause injuries (hernias) because I like to please my partner a bit too much.


We do also have toys with batteries, and there are some for her and some for me. She also has a strap-on (she popped my cherry), and we have "her boyfriend". It's much bigger than I could possibly be, about 3-4 times larger. About 8 inches.

[Wildaboutheels]

I think there should be a few here, that might just find this at least interesting.

If not downright illuminating. I've actually seen old B&W film clips attesting to this.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201303/hysteria-and-the-strange-history-vibrators

[PaulaQ]

If I had a real GG SO, the number of batteries better be zero, or I'm dumping her.

The irony of this statement appearing on this site just can't be overstated. Are you never "Master of your Domain", GBJoker? ;) <cue: Seinfeld music> :p

[GBJoker]

The irony of this statement appearing on this site just can't be overstated. Are you never "Master of your Domain", GBJoker? ;) <cue: Seinfeld music> :p

Buh duh buh buh buh, buh duh buh buh buh duh, buh buh buh duh, bu-bu-bu-bu-buh. Duh-buh buh buh buh, bampity-bamp.

Yes. I am a "Master of my Domain." Started two weeks ago, the same day I admitted to my school therapist, and... really, to myself as well, that I'm definitely a TG/TS, and still going strong. HA! That blew back in your face. :p

And I don't understand the irony, actually... Why is it ironic?

[Sara Jessica]

Being in love doesn't mean your curiosity is turned off. Being in love means you don't follow up on those kind of thoughts. Everyone is different; I don't think it is right for someone to judge the quality of another's love.


Or lack thereof?

My comment was based on taking OP's statement at face value...



- when deciding if a woman is attractive, I think about what it would be like to be with her.

Given the number of individuals that someone might encounter IRL who they find to be attractive in some way, I'd be troubled if I were a wife whose husband were having such thoughts about every such woman.

Then again, I am seeing this whole thing through my own POV where I can say with 100% honesty that I've never been comfortable thinking in that way. Growing up, I had friends who would base a female's attractiveness on whether they'd sleep with her in a heartbeat. Me? Never went there, never comfortable with that. It was always about love before anything else, that attraction could lead to dating which could lead to falling in love. That's probably why I've never had a one-night stand. I guess that's why my comment was kind of judgmental as you put it. Guilty as charged, I guess.

[Kandy Barr]

Think I'll play it smart and leave this one alone!!! I am reminded once again of why I am single.

[MysticLady]

Yes. I am a "Master of my Domain." Started two weeks ago, the same day I admitted to my school therapist, and... really, to myself as well, that I'm definitely a TG/TS, and still going strong. HA! That blew back in your face. :p


Hello GB

I read this statement and this is what I think, with all due respect.

You are not a Master of your Domain. You seek companionship, you need to share your feelings w/ another, such as a therapist. What I see, is a prideful young man. Normal feelings for a young man. When I was young, I too was very prideful. It was my way or the Hiway or War. I think, if you want too survive w/ any kind of Dignity, you must release that Pride and send it back to Hell, from where it comes. It's going to be difficult. If not, Life will teach you otherwise, kiddo.

[GBJoker]

Hello GB

I read this statement and this is what I think, with all due respect.

You are not a Master of your Domain. You seek companionship, you need to share your feelings w/ another, such as a therapist. What I see, is a prideful young man. Normal feelings for a young man. When I was young, I too was very prideful. It was my way or the Hiway or War. I think, if you want too survive w/ any kind of Dignity, you must release that Pride and send it back to Hell, from where it comes. It's going to be difficult. If not, Life will teach you otherwise, kiddo.

I honestly do not understand where this is coming from at all... I guess I'm missing something in this thread.

[Leona]

I have to wonder how many GGs tell their SOs how much money they spend on batteries every month...

Or how many guys even have a clue about it...

I know because she sends me pics. :) And asks me to pick up more batteries. And more recently is complaining the thing doesn't work so well anymore and she might need a replacement.

I loved "The Invention of Lying". On the flip side, what about Erik the Viking? You know, where they visit the island that'll sink if any blood is shed on it?

I agree wholeheartedly with Lorileah. If you don't trust someone with the relationship-defining truths about you, then you shouldn't be in that relationship, or it's too early to get married. On the other hand, here's a list of things you don't need to know about someone:

* Whether they've ever had an STD (unless it was incurable, you need to know about that, obviously)
* How many sex partners they had before you
* How often they masturbate
* What sorts of other people they're sexually attracted to
* How often they "check someone else out" (this is really harmless behavior, and I firmly believe that those who have problems with it have self-esteem issues they need to work out)
* Whether or not they fantasize about having sex with other people when they're having sex with you

That's just a really short list of things you don't need to know, but the knowledge of them has damaged many a relationship. In my marriage, I know those things about my wife, but she doesn't know them about me. I have a fascination with her adventurous single life, and she was pretty much single until she was with me (at age 32), with boyfriends few and far between. She, on the other hand, feels that knowing that information about me would hurt our relationship, and it's completely unnecessary.

On the other hand, here's a list of non-CDing stuff that you MUST know about someone:

* Whether they've ever been diagnosed with a mental illness of any kind
* Whether they've suffered abuse of any kind, particularly childhood abuse
* Potentially dangerous allergies
* Longest long term relationship and why it ended
* History of cheating?
* Best/worst breakup
* Pet peeves that will end a relationship (either because they're crossed, or because the other person just has so many pet peeves YOU don't want to be with them)
* Sexual orientation (it should be obvious, but sometimes it ain't)
* Status of current family relationships
* History of statuses of family relationships
* Any disabilities that aren't immediately obvious

And that list goes on quite a ways too. But each one of those things has the potential to define a relationship, and if held back, could result in that relationship ending when finally revealed. For some of that stuff, the new relationship can offer treatment that wasn't previously available, or fill in the blanks where previous and/or ongoing treatment doesn't reach, like learning how to trust another SO after being abused relentlessly by a previous SO.

There's such a thing as full disclosure, and then there's being too gabby. I agree with Heinlein on this one: never confess.

[Nyla F]

And that is what we call a mutual decision and compromise. She had a part in it. You did not decide for her. But...you shared it with her. It isn't that you have not told her. What you two do after that is between you two. That is how a partnership works. Not sure that building your wardrobe clandestinely is a great idea but you will have to deal with that when you get caught again. Kind of still works on the trust issue IMHO.

I think you are describing the grey area. I told her where I was with my crossdressing 5 years ago, but haven't updated her since then. She said she hates to talk about it, and I assume that means to not bring it up, but I don't know what would be a change that she would want to know anyway. We set a few boundaries (don't wear her clothes, don't go out in public dressed, don't let family know) which I still obey, but I don't know if wearing a dress (at home) crosses a boundary. Maybe she just assumes that since I used to only wear lingerie that is all I will ever wear. It makes me anxious and I assume that is the price I have to pay for this compromise.

[ErinSassyPants]

(remember she is fantasizing about George Clooney).

Actually it's Eddie Izzard...but otherwise your post was totally right on.

and as for the rest of the thread...who still uses batteries?!?

[sometimes_miss]

My wife and I "tell each other everything" but of course that's not really true. We tell each other all the important stuff. We are open and honest about the other stuff, however.
See, that's the problem. We tell what we consider important. But what the other person considers important might be very different. When I got married, I had not crossdressed for two years, and thought that I had 'beaten it'. I truly believed that I would never crossdress again, and so, believed that it was not important to potentially upset my relationship by telling about something that no longer mattered.
However...we are all liars. Every single one of us lies about something. We, and we alone, decide on a case by case basis as to how important or unimportant that lie is, and exactly how important it is to tell someone the truth and the absolutely complete information about any subject. We leave out anything that we feel is unimportant, or anything we feel that the other person doesn't absolutely need to know. Example: When I was a kid, I stole a soda and a candy bar. That was half a century ago. Do I have to tell everyone I meet that I did that? Does it make me a thief and must be branded as such for life? Or is it something that has absolutely no significance since I never stole anything again?
We all lie, and deceive. And sometimes it's impossible to know what will be important for another person to know; because we are a package of everything we have ever done, thought, and considered doing, and it's also impossible to tell another person all of that in less than a lifetime.

[DebbieL]

My current SO probably knows more about me than I do. But there were some things I kept from previous SOs and even the Current one.
This includes:
- That I was not just a cross-dresser but was actually transsexual
- That had been suicidal during most of puberty, because I was becoming a hairy bass.
- That I was a virgin - from the waist down
- That when I look at a beautiful woman in a beautiful outfit - I want to WEAR the outfit and BE as beautiful as she is.
- That I love it when she takes charge, but wish she would take charge more often in the bedroom.
- That I wish someone would FORCE me to transition.
- That I am sexually frustrated - because I AM still attracted to her.
- That I always feel like I'm not good enough for her.
- That I am a lesbian - and so is she. (They figure it out pretty quickly).
- I didn't tell my wife I had started hormones for over a month.
- When I'm checking out her breasts, I'm wishing mine were almost that big.
- That I knew she had other lovers - and was hoping that she was enjoying herself because I loved her enough to want her to be happy.
- That I was sterile
- That I knew she had been sleeping with other men days before my children were conceived.
- That I was grateful to be a parent, no matter what the circumstances of conception.
- That I was still in love with her even after the divorce - and hoped she would be happy with her new husband.
- That I REALLY WANTED to be my ex-wife's Maid of Honor.
- That I'm scared to make love to my wife because I don't want to open any more hernias by giving her "belly whomper" orgasms (She has 5).
- How much I like to cuddle.
- That being a "clown" is my way of hiding how vulnerable I am as Debbie (Rex is a nerd and clown, Debbie is real).
- How many times I tried to kill myself before we met.
- How many times I thought about killing myself when we were married and was told transition was not an option.
- When I had my stroke and second heart attack, I was hoping I would be "moving on".

- I'm also very secretive about my finances. My current SO didn't know my financial information until I had a stroke.

[sometimes_miss]

Honestly, do those of you that vehemently insist that honesty is the best policy really tell your SO EVERYTHING? What do you dare to keep to yourself?

The problem becomes what the other person considers important; and in this, crossdressing and anything that can upset the male/female sexual attraction is very, very important to women. Think about it, the main reason we 'couple up' and fall in love is all based on sexual attraction to each other; otherwise, we'd just be friends. If you remove the thing that makes a woman sexually attracted to you, of course that will drastically alter your relationship with her. Virtually anything else can be overlooked; time and time again, you will hear a woman complain about stuff her mate does, yet she stands by him 'because I love him'. People like to believe in 'chemistry', yet, there's no such thing; there's just a collection of physical appearances, behaviors and the image that a person creates about the one that they 'fall in love' with, based on everything that they know about that person. Should she discover something that drastically alters her view of who and what he is, the sexual desire for him can be destroyed rather quickly, and once it's gone, it's gone for good. So choose what you decide to tell, and not to tell, based not on whether YOU think it's important that she knows, but more on what you believe SHE will think is important. And in this case, it appears that crossdressing is a big, big deal to virtually all women.