How to work up the courage.....

[ossian]

For months now I've been frozen on going to a beauty supply store to get a color match for some bb or cc cream.

This is the last step in order to start practicing makeup techniques in order for me to get ready for a local September CD TG gathering. Last time I went to the gathering, which was the first time I've attended anything of that nature, I went as a dude. Needless to say, I had to do a fair amount of explaining. Side note, everybody in the group was pretty cool.

When trying to get up the courage to go to a department store counter or beauty supply place, I have this huge fear that I will run into somebody I know or have come across through the years. I even went out of town last month to visit my brother in Texas and had ample opportunity to take a side trip to get matched. I just chickened out. I envision sitting at some counter, telling the sales person what I want and then sitting back to have heaps of scorn and pervy comments dumped on me. I know this is not true in most cases, but it is what I envision. Not only that, I could see word getting out, and then I have to walk a long path of shame while one by one the people I know find out this aspect of myself.

My back story is that I've been a closeted CDr since I was 12-13 years old and never have felt comfortable being public with that part of my life. Primarily out of ignorance and shame. A lot of years have passed, like as in decades. Last spring I came out to her. BTW she is a member on here. We have both been in therapy because of my CD issues. She has been supportive, but doesn't at this point want to see me dressed or participate in most aspects of this CD thing, for fear of how it might change her image of me. I totally get her view point. I love her and we are working through those issues.

But back to the main point, I need/want/have to do this makeup thing on my own and the simple act of going, sitting down and asking another person to do a foundation match or makeover scares the hell out of me. It is like letting somebody else in on this super closeted secret that I have had to carry around with me for most of my life. I'm pretty much on my own on this one and have to figure it out.

What did you do to get past this or similar hurdles in the past?

How do you handle going in for your first makeover or foundation match?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

[Princess Grandpa]

I haven't had a makeover yet but I do plan to. I needed beard concealer. Somebody told my wife Mac Pro is the concealer to get. So off to our local mall we went. It should be easy I think. I have my wife to hide behind. We walk in and my wife fairly quietly asks about beard concealer. The girl isn't listening closely and the music is kind of loud. All she really hears is concealer. She starts asking about where she's going to be using it. "Beard concealer" Julie repeats. The girl starts looking at her to see evidence of whiskers.

I'm not the most patient of people sometimes. So when she again asked where she would be using it I just pulled up my big girl panties,as they say, and announced "its for me! To cover my beard!" She paused a moment and said "oh right over here" she took me to the back of the store where it was and asked if she could put a little on to show me. Well now I just think I'm amazing because I was able to admit this. So I just stood there as she demonstrated. Ok now I'm so brave I was even able to ask a few more questions.

If your sitting there getting a make over and teenagers walk bye they will laugh. If some fundamentalist Christian walks by they will disapprove but probably be too cowardly to say something. Go away to do it if your worried about people in yor life seeing. A valid worry I agree. Just don't let yourself chicken out. Don't plan to do it while visiting the brother, make this the purpose of the trip. Maybe that makes it hard to balk.

Congratulations on coming to embrace this part of your life. I know how much better I feel now that I have.

Hugs to you and your wife
Rita

[mikiSJ]

It took me a LONG while to go into a store to buy makeup. I always had my wife do it for me. I started buying clothes and makeup this year while in drab, but I also started to tell the SAs that I was buying for Miki.

I had a bad reaction from a SA at the local mall MAC store, walked across the mall to Sephora and bought about $200 worth of cosmetics. Really didn't like what I bought so two weeks later went to a bareMinerals store in the same mall. I was in drab yet the really pretty SA didn't bat an eye and I spent about an hour going over their products and managed to spend another $200. I felt so comfortable with this SA that I went back the next week dressed as Miki and bought a different color lip gloss. Her comments were welcomed and appreciated (even if, maybe, they were forced).

The first time is the hardest. It will get easier each time; maybe never easy, but easier. Be prepared for the odd comment, but always persevere. It is fun being the person you want to be.

[michelleddg]

Hey Ossian, not to worry, overcoming gargantuan nerves is a CD rite of passage. Been there, done that. You've done well to post here - hopefully you'll get a variety of responses and can use them to help decide what will work best for you.

For me, it wasn't about confronting and overcoming my fears. Quite the contrary, I put them as far back in my mind as I could, achieving kind of a hypnotic state of denial, kind of out-of-body. Now, couple that with a scenario in which you front up to, say, a MAC counter. You know ahead of time that the artistes are warm, friendly and accommodating, have all dealt with CD's before, realize you're scared out of your wits and want only to put you at ease and offer you a pleasant experience.

Another approach is to use the phone, ask if they cater to the transgender population, and make a firm appointment.

Best of luck, looking forward to reading here about your successful outings! Hugs, Michelle

PS - Sharing my MAC Makeover Primer:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?183437-MAC-Makeover-Primer&highlight=

[Lorileah]

I remember when I first started to get out. Of course I went as a guy all the time to places where I would look but not buy wigs, makeup, clothing. My first trip to StudioLites was scary. I whispered to the owner what I was looking for. I just knew the lights would flash and bells would ring. Funny thing is he remembers ME the same way. So I must have really have been scared. I think I bought a dress that day. I went back over and over. I took my GF there to meet the "guys". Then I made an appointment for a makeover/photoshoot. My GF went along. It was fun! After the photoshoot we went to dinner. Amazingly the world didn't stop and it has been on full tilt since then.

Remember, you are not alone. If possible go to a TG friendly store to start. Even now being in the middle of a mall getting a makeover kind of worries me and I shop those stores all the time. If possible I would recommend a stand alone store (MAC, Sephora, Ulta.) then you would be less likely to be seen. Many day spas will do this for you too. The spas will charge for the time but it is worth the lesson

[Princess Grandpa]

I look forward to an update when you go!

Hug
Rita

[Marleena]

Yeah it can be a bit unnerving. I went with my wife to an Ulta store and she got one of the girls for me and quickly disappeared.lol So I just asked the consultant to match me for Dermablend foundation. I was in male mode and while nervous she sat me down and tried a couple of colors. I picked the closest match and she agreed. Meanwhile a couple of teenage girls noticed and ducked out of view in a nearby aisle and commenced to giggling while an older lady just smiled at me.:) The world didn't end but I was lucky to get a color match because I turned so red.:o

So man up you need to do it.

[Sarah Beth]

I know just what you are going through. Although I have some makeup, as I have said I'm not good at applying it, the thoiught of going to someone and letting them do it scares the hell out of me. The suggestions about the places in Denver I got in my post from the other day have given me hope. I can't take a trip to Denver for awhile but as soon as I can I am going to screw up my courage and go.

Its funy but in guy mode I don't worry about much and couldn't care less what people think of me. When I get fem I get shy and worry about how I look and what people will think.

[Eryn]

I still haven't gotten a professional foundation match.

What I found was, with the full-coverage foundation I use an exact match isn't needed. The foundation color becomes your skin color and nothing shows through! I bought a couple of shades of PanStik (hard to find these days in America, try e-bay) that seemed to bracket my skin tone and ended up using both of them.

I buy drugstore makeup in either mode and occasionally visit the Lancôme counter (love their gift-with-purchase deals) for lip color. My electrolysis is finally getting my face fairly clear so I'm looking forward to getting a foundation color match so I can wear a sheerer foundation. I've been waiting for the stage where I can go to the store dressed wearing just lipstick and I'm almost there!

[Madeline80]

Did you make any friends last year who might be willing to go with you? It helps to have a friend of any kind along for moral support.

Recently I went to a dept. store counter for a foundation match. Fiance was with me and we had a half-azzed story about wanting to cover this red patch of skin on my cheek for a family photo. SA was very cool but I doubt she believed it!

[Tracii G]

I think we all had those fears in the beginning so no big deal you can do it.
I got to thinking one day and said oh hell what am I scared of?Got in the car and headed to Macy's walked up to the MAC counter and the girl was nice as she could be.I was up front and told her I was a CD first thing and she said OMG we love you ladies here you boys make really pretty girls.
She helped me pick out concealer and a foundation as well as some make up samples to try out.
I asked a bunch of questions and she was more than happy to answer.

[AshleyW]

Honestly, I was absolutely terrified when I went to get my foundation matched. But it's one of those things where you just have to take a deep breath and walk in with all the confidence you can muster.
(I ended up being very lucky. One of the SAs at the makeup counter was a very obvious gay guy wearing loads of eye makeup, so I asked him to do it. I wouldn't count on anything so serendipitous, though.)

[Leah Lynn]

Ossian, it's fear of the unknown. Yes, all of us go through it. Just remember that as the customer, you should be treated with respect. If an SA isn't treating you right, tell her/him they just lost a sale, and leave. Most stores want your money and will do whatever is necessary to get it. Many times you will meet an SA that is actually interested in helping you. Sampling BB cream is no different than having an SA at Home Depot show you different plumbing fixtures. You own the moment. And, yes, it's much easier with another girl along that's experienced at shopping enfemme.

Now, get out there, and get that makeup!

Leah

[Rachelakld]

I went to a beautition, i reclined on her shop chair and had a makeover.
It was a lot of fun, but i' m an extrovert. Besides, most she could really do is laugh at me

[RenneB]

Not much more can be said..... I did get my first 'make over' with a friend from this site at an Ulta. She made the appointment and the girls were waiting for us at the front door. We had a little chat and then it was back to the chair. Had a blast and so did they.

Remember most of the barriers that we have are in our minds. Once you get past that, you're 90% of the way there. The rest is makeup, clothes, heels, hair, nails, eyes, mannerisms..... on and on.

Remember, you're not hurting anyone and it's not a crime. So just do it!!

Renne.....

[Sometimes Steffi]

First time I bought makeup, I went to Ulta, found an SA, and told her that I was going to the Renaissance Faire in a wench costume, nd I needed some makeup. So, she picked out a foundation and powder for me. It kind of gave me an out. I wasn't really a crossdresser, but I was crossdressing at least once.

Oh, and I was really going to the Ren Faire as a wench, and I did go and rent a wench costume.

[GBJoker]

The way I've dealt with getting clothes so far is that I tell the person working in the clothing departments that I lost a bet. I don't know what I'm going to do though when I go to buy make up for my first time.

[ossian]

These are all good suggestions. Thanks.

[Lynn Marie]

I've yet to have a makeover, I guess that's pretty obvious. I just started by buying what I thought would work and experimenting until I got passable results. Okay, maybe not passable but good enough to make me happy.

[MysticLady]

Okay, maybe not passable but good enough to make me happy.

Don't be so hard on yourself Lynn, you look great too me. Good job.

[CherylFlint]

Makeup counters in a department store at a mall rent the space. The sales person is usually paid so much an hour and a certain percentage on whatever they may sell during their shift.
They really like to give makeovers because they require that you spend at least $40-$60 on the products they show you.
Always ask how much product you’re expected to buy before you sit down or schedule a makeover.
Just buy the minimum amount on whatever works best, and then get another makeover and do the same.
Try different manufactures, remember Cover Girl isn’t necessarily Cover Boy.
Good cosmetics are expensive but worth it compared to the cheap drug store variety.
Always wash your makeup off every night.
As far as getting up the courage to have a makeover, it’s no big deal.
If you want to pass you’re just going to learn the way most of us did, go out there and get it done.
Makeup applied correctly is indeed a work of art. Think of your face as a blank canvas and you’re the artist.
Create a masterpiece.
Ask questions, good luck, but above all, have fun.

[ossian]

Part of the problem is that I'm the son/daughter of an artist. I have this image, my face, the canvas, that I'm going to work up and I want it to be right. I want to get it right, the first time. I have critics in the wings, my wife and the general public who don't really understand what I have dealt with my entire life. There is this window, of about 10 seconds where, my wife and the public pass judgment. And there is where I'm stuck. I know I'm deep down a gender nonconformist and I want to fit in, I love my wife and be a part of the rest of the world. I just don't want to disappoint everyone.

Maybe I should just shut it, go buy the makeup and let the chips fall........ Yuck! Chips......

[Michelle (Oz)]

I still haven't gotten a professional foundation match.

What I found was, with the full-coverage foundation I use an exact match isn't needed. The foundation color becomes your skin color and nothing shows through!

MAC in Australia is a wonderful chain. Great SAs who are supportive and professional (whatever your mode of dress). Their products are great too. I regularly drop in to my local store just to say hello and feast on the SA's generous comments and get some tips.

But I well understand your nervousness - entirely the fear of the unknown. Get up the courage and you won't look back. While it does help to have a thick skin, so what if some youngsters are amused? You won't see them again. Often younger girls 'get it' that you would want to be female. Their smile is one of picking you and not one of mirth. We often read situations wrongly. Folk do laugh and have fun when out even without seeing a man in a dress.

So, it will be empowering for you to get a colour match. I wouldn't stop there though. Ask for advise on best colours for eye shadow, etc.

I picked up on Eryn's post to add that your colour match will change through seasons as you gain a suntan through summer. That is if you want to have a perfect match. I don't worry about that - too expensive.

Michelle

[Beverley Sims]

I wasgoing out fully dressed before I had a makeover or anything similar.
You need some confidence.

[Katie Russell]

Hi Ossian

I'm also desperately trying to pluck up the courage to go to a MAC store. I very rarely wear makeup and never go out so not sure why I really want to do it. Guess it's for a little more understanding and looking nice for me. Anyway I know that some of the MAC stores in the UK have private rooms and I went on-line to chat to a MAC consultant who reassured me that they are very CD friendly. I think I will book an appointment so at least we all know what to expect. That way there is no chickening out on my behalf as I will have made a commitment. I've read a couple of post where it is suggested you have the closest shave of your life before you go. Problem is the time it takes getting to London - maybe a quick once over in store!

Best of luck

Katie

[suchacutie]

The first time I was on a business trip. Suddenly I just decided to to it and early in the morning I walked into SAKS and right to the MAC counter. I said I wanted foundation, concealer, and powder but would need a color match. They went right to work and were continually saying how terrific it was that I could ask them to get me what I needed. Real professionals! Felt great and they generated a loyal customer.

[GeorgiaCD]

In a local mall, I went into the Sephora store in total drab, and was greeted by a young female SA. I told her that I needed help with a foundation, because, "the videos are great, but not for a color match." She didn't blink an eye---just took me to the foundations, tried a couple of colors, and offered to do my entire face (I declined, as I didn't have time). Totally wonderful experience, and my first time at it.