Ok I am slowing down!

[Suzanne F]

Hi ladies,
I wanted to check in and share where my wife and I are now. It has been a whirlwind since I came out to her in February. I am 48 and had never told anyone. One night while talking in depth abou our sexual history it came out. I told her I sometimes wished I was a woman.

I have been seeing a therapist with and without my wife during this journey ever since. I now fully dress and have been out many times in public with my wife and have seen my therapist fully dressed. I have met other girls on this site in San Francisco with my wife. I think 5 of our friends have also been out with us when I was dressed. When I was home in April I told my mother and sister. As you can see I have been a busy girl.

It all sounds great, right! I have often shared how accepting my wife has been and how well it was going. Now I understand that is not the entire story. She has now been more open about her reservations about the issue. She is scared about how far it will go. It does bother her that her husband wants men to find Suzanne attractive. She is not happy when she thinks her husband is disappearing. I have gone too far, too fast. After all the years of hiding I just exploded and it has been hard for her. We went through a few difficult weeks. There were some angry words and tears.

However, we made progress last week. I was going to my first support group outing and my wife decided not to go. It was my first real trip into the world as Suzanne totally on my own. I found other girls like me. I was able to be a girl with other girls which I desperately need. It was hard for my wife to let me go but she was glad in the end. She does not need to feel the pressure of always taking care of Suzanne. We have had a great week with some good, honest talks. I do love her so much! I hope she can always love the authentic me.

So last night I came home and there was a pink gift bag on my side of the bed. There was a little card that said there is always hope. Inside were 2 pairs of cute panties. The kind my wife knows that I love. We are ok at this moment! That is enough for me. I just hope to keep finding the courage to be honest and the wisdom to be patient. Thanks so much to the wonderful ladies that I have met through this site. You are so inspiring!

Suzanne

[kimdl93]

You're pretty inspiring too! I'm sure you'll let your wife know that she is loved, respected and admired for her tolerance and her honesty in working through this with you.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Suzanne; What wonderful example of open communication, Continue to show love and openness as you and your spouse grow togeather.

[AllieSF]

Thanks for the up date Suzanne. I was sorry that I could not see you and Miki at the Luau party last weekend, you first solo flight. You story is encouraging and is still a very young work in progress. Just take it slow and keep that communication process working. Good luck to both of you.

[Princess Grandpa]

Thank you very much for sharing that. When I got to "I have often shared how accepting my wife has been" and my heart sank. I thought this was going to make me sad. I'm so happy things are on an even keel.

Hug
Rita

[rachaelsloane]

Good to hear you are slowing down and remember there always has to be a balance. In the long run it will be for the best.

[Maria 60]

I have always been a person who would never treat anybody the way I wouldn't like to be treated. I love my wife as a women, I wonder how I would take it if my wife would come to bed wearing a beard or not shaving her legs and trying to dress more like a man how I would take it. You have to give them credit they are understanding and to deal with all of this they must really love us. I tell my wife a lot of times I think she chose the wrong guy, she tells me that I am not a gambler, I don't hit her, I am a hard worker and always put my family first, she thinks she chose wisely, and I think your wife did to. I hope you work things out, sounds like she loves you deeply.

[Suzanne F]

Thanks Rachael! I look forward to seeing you again!
Suzanne

[docrobbysherry]

I'm hopeful that u and your SO are on the way to a happy, Suzanne future. However, u didn't post your age or how long you've been married.

If I remember correctly, the "honeymoon" stage lasts for 2 or 3 years after you're married. Hopefully you're well past that? Otherwise, u may need to wait until then for the other shoe to drop.

[Suzanne F]

I am 48 and we have been married 11 years.
Suzanne

[Tina B.]

Old story, man comes out, woman is accepting , man goes overboard scares wife, she backs off support, man has to start over. Been there done that, just keep in mind, while it's good to get it out, others need time to adjust to the change that came as a surprise to them. Your not in it, for a one night stand where you have to do it all right now, you are laying the ground work for all the tomorrows ahead. Slow and steady wins the race, as the old turtle once said.
You have a very understanding partner, and you want her to be comfortable with the new you she is just getting to know.
In time it gets to be just a regular normal thing, after years of wondering what it was going to lead to, my wife has reached the point, that if I'm dressed, and think I need to change into guy mode for something I have to do, her first question is "why".
Back when she first learned about this side of me, it would have Been why, do you need to dress, so much, or silly things like, is a bra always necessary.
I would never had to explain why I wanted to dress like a guy, now sometimes I do.
Slow down and enjoy the long ride, it may ot be as exciting as riding a whirlwind, but it last a lot longer.

[GBJoker]

I don't understand. Why are you "slowing down"?

[Suzanne F]

I don't understand. Why are you "slowing down"?
I am not going to tell anyone else for now. Also I am not going to increase the amount I dress for now. This is so my wife and I can relax and not bring anymore tough issues up for the immediate future. I am happy with the amount of freedom I have now.
Suzanne

[mikiSJ]

Maybe we should leave it to Suzanne to determine what makes her comfortable and not have her worry about meeting someone else's expectations.

[GBJoker]

Ah, okay. I don't know why I didn't see that in your earlier posts.

Wellp, anyways, good luck and all that.

[Beverley Sims]

Suzanne,
Going slow has it's own rewards and can be very successful.

[Abbygirl]

I can really relate to your story, Suzanne. My SO, while accepting and even supporting at times, has the same fears about the man she loves disappearing, and we also have recently shed some tears and exchanged some not-so-friendly words discussing the subject. It's so hard being true to both yourself and your loved one.