mad all the time OR sad

[Cindy J Angel]

HI lades For some time I have been mad at aver body( not all the time ). So let me give u some history. well about 4 or 5 years back got let go from work only job I had sent I got out of mil. work there 12 years made Mgr. for there lines around 30 to 40 personnel. and I did love my job. was so pissed. and was out of work for 2.5 years went to work in VA. I live in Charlotte NC. so I was out of state we were looking to move could not find a house (CHEAP) down market. so so after 6 mo. got a nuther job way less pay but like the the work I was doing but two mo in I got hurt and bad broke my left shoulder . I dis located it and broke it so I have been out for 1 and half years now lost grip nerve damage so I now have disability of 32 % and limited to 45 lb over head not good.

Back ground all this time I was at home so I got dress a lot started doing aver think in Cindy mode I became the wife sotosay. Now the wife though I would get back to work (and me) but that has not happen yet and mite not...

Now I have come relies that I went to b her. more and more each day. and when the weekend comes I get depress because I can not be her. Like most of us wife dos not like it.

Now comes the mad part my wife is mad all the time because she has to work to pay all the bills (BUT I do have a ret and money from that) witch she dos not count and med. I got a small amount from workers comp and payed off all bill we had . so I felt that I have done what I could do for us (not Her though) and this has put a lot of sreat on both of us. Divorce is just a door that could open at any time. Now I know what woman felt back when most woman did not work. And how thay wanted out of there life // NO money to live on no job and no place to go trapped in hell. we fit all the time. She thinks I done do a nuft around the house I do it all house yard cars and what not all she has to do is go to work and come home. she dos what the man dos and I do what the woman do OR what they used to do. So this has put me on a path to look out for me. well out of work I started to walk to keep from going insane and lost a lot of Waite 230 to 170 and got a little more to go. and now she is mad about that too and is always telling me I am to skinny and running me down for it. this week I have been running at the state park 5 ml. well I hurt my back on sun fell off my bike and I keep running any way this week I run as Cindy all the time. I went to move forward in my train. as Cindy. I am not a cross-dress any more I know that I am a woman and I feel better when I am me. I am not 24/7 but I do live all most that way. if two gays were standing next to me u could c that I done look like them I try to be more fim. I live as a girl on the in side and try to look like one on the out side even when I am in gay mode. aver body on here is telling me hormones will help with the ups and downs in my head. and I went to start I have been thinking of this for a long time. ( don't get me wrong I like think down there it has been with me for a long (no pun-intend) time and I like sex all ways have but to me it is sex. and it dos not mater how I am with sex is sex. So if I aver did go all the way I would date man if u needed to know that. I know I need to get back to a therapy. as soon as I can. Just putting this down on here is helping me
I know I am mad because I my wife thinks I not hurt and could go back to work. and I do went to just to have money don't we all. well this is getting long and I am Stella pissed off so I will just get off and go out side will put more later.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Cindy,

I'm sorry you've been out of work since getting injured and can understand your wife being upset about having to become the bread-winner.

Have you discussed your need to transition with your wife? Do you have a regular Gender Therapist and does your insurance cover that?

Since you are married, I'm not sure why you talk about being gay.

[MysticLady]

Hi Cindy

I read you story and I think you have a lot of mixed emotions about everything because of what you're experiencing. I know the stresses a wife can put on someone. First of all, I would just relax and calm down. A wife tends to worry when her Husband appears too be losing his Marbles. Second, sit down w/ your wife and share your feelings w/ her. Sometimes they'll listen but don't count on it. She's getting ticked because she feels she's carrying the load and your just at home living a fantasy and she's wants the same but is not telling you that. I would hold off on telling her you want too be a woman for now. I would share your other feelings regarding you not being able too work because of your injuries. I would look into other things such as a consultant job or other where labor will not be an issue. Believe me, just you going out and trying and becoming enthusiastic will help her calm down. Once this is done, then start sharing w/ her about your feelings regarding your femininity. Tell her it's what you feel and would love for her to be involved. Invite her out on a date(as a man, first). GG's just go haywire on that. They just want too be a part of everything in your life. Make her feel that she is, even though it's sometimes tiring. I wish you both Peace of Mind on your venture.

[gonegirl]

Hi Cindy,
Have you discussed your need to transition with your wife? Do you have a regular Gender Therapist and does your insurance cover that?

Since you are married, I'm not sure why you talk about being gay.

Cindy - Communicating with your wife and letting her know your need to transition is very important, but you don't need to rush into that. I think you've mentioned that you have a therapist already. Before you tell your wife I think it would be good to talk about your transition feelings with your therapist first. A gender therapist who knows your situation will be able to help you through this journey.

Rianna - I think Cindy means "guy" with regard to the word gay. Is that right, Cindy?

[Cindy J Angel]

Well I am open in the sex thing all ways have been. have not done any thing sence I have been married. but that has not stop me from thing of about it. Out right gay I don't think so but I could b and just don't know it or just done went to say so. One thing at a time is all I can handle LOL if I transition it will b me only my wife will b gone done been told that ( but ) I read on here that us girls just have to keep going and push it and that is the way I feel. I have to b what I am what aver that is. I have come to realize that I am not just a cross dress any more. Like to day back hurting for 4 days now and I go to a new DR. chiropractic. my wife told me to go to her DR. . OK I was not going dress . but as I was going out the door I just could not. turn around and redue makeup close because that is how I went aver body to c me.
I went to b sean as a good looking woman witch I am. I have sean a Therapist at the VA. for anger and not having a job and gender. I have told my DR. and have a nuther app with him on mon. For my back my VA. doc is fantack and I am going to push to c a GENDER THERAPIST its like I cant make it happen faster. and he has all ready told me that the VA. will do hrt and that and he will be there for me well we will c. On wife yes I know that she has a lot on her and I take care of her as good as I can But beening in the navy like I was she has all ways made more then me a lot more. I only came close once. O and I cant spall so sorry I did mean guy love cindy

[CherryWatson]

A wife tends to worry when her Husband appears too be losing his Marbles. Second, sit down w/ your wife and share your feelings w/ her.

[Cindy J Angel]

have tried, ok for a day or some times less then a hr. then right back at it this has been going on for the last 5 years only stop when I went to work out of town then loving all the time on phone ( but I was handing her 5000 dollars cheeks aver 5 weeks MONEY