My main issue with crossdressing...

[JuliaC]

Is that I am scared on how it will affect my life....mainly finding a gf. But also if my friends found out or how it could affect my career.

[Lynn Marie]

Hi Julia, and your point is? Your fear, and ours, is the whole point of having a forum like this!

[tiffanynjcd24]

I have same thoughts but what I learned is self control and at sometimes I try not let it ruining my career

Some time I think of same thing

[Rachelakld]

I got the girl, showed her my collection before we got serious.
Married her, wife and kids help me with clothing and makeup (if the kids aren't stealing my stuff)
I don't think my industry would take the information kindly, maybe if I ever become an independant shop owner or LOTTO winner etc I might be more forward

[stephNE]

Hi Julia, I understand your concerns. I have been cding all my life, told my wife on our second date, and we've been married for 34 years now. But I've been careful and kept it a secret the whole time. I have three sons, oldest 25, they don't know, and no one at work knows either. You can do it!

[JuliaC]

But it just seems so hard to keep a big secret like this for so long and live a double life....

[Leona]

You don't have to choose that route either. You could choose to surround yourself with people who accept it, and possibly even love it about you. If you think you'll lose friends but don't want to live a double life, then you have to consider if the friends you might lose would be better lost.

As for career, there are many employers who are trans-friendly. Don't be afraid to ask, and you can ask without outing yourself.

While it's still not a mainstream thing, I do think we're past the days where keeping it a secret and leading a double life is the only choice. There are other choices now. You just have to determine which one is right for you.

[ErinSassyPants]

I agree with Leona on this one. So much of the pain of anything that mainstream society tries to punish is about who you surround yourself with. Yes the general public and your family of origin and maybe your job may be places you are kind of stuck. But there is nothing stopping you from creating a life and community filled with people you don't have to hide from. Including girlfriends.

The earlier you begin the better you can orchestrate your life to avoid some of the most painful parts. Choose only women who are accepting and you won't be trapped in the pain of trying to lie and hide. Find a company that is accepting to work for, if not right now than work toward it. Get involved in your local T support or maybe even the LGBT community. You'd be amazed at the cocoon you can create when you purposefully surround yourself with like minded people. Though be careful not to surround yourself with all "yes women" or you lose sight of reality.

[Rogina B]

And,being from Boston,and a T that is out to accepting people, I "third" what Leona and Erin said ! lol It is YOUR life,how you shape it is up to you.You are young and can write it all your way. You can be true to yourself by being upfront with anyone that you choose to become friends with. I suggest you attend a Sisters of Boston meetup as soon as you can..you will get a far better idea of the various ways that other T minded girls run their lives.

[Eryn]

But it just seems so hard to keep a big secret like this for so long and live a double life....

It can be hard or easy depending upon the situation. I keep it simple by having a "no-fly-zone" within my local community. Outside of that zone, Eryn can roam free.

I don't consider it a double life. Consider the straight-laced lawyer who is a biker dude on weekends. He probably isn't wearing his doo-rag and colors at work, just as a CDer probably doesn't wear her girlie things at work. It's just two facets of one fulfilled life!

Now, if you tend more toward the TS end of the spectrum it can be painful to see GGs expressing themselves as they wish while we are stuck in blue, black and brown. Still, there are ways that we can compensate outside of our work environment if we need to.

[linda allen]

You can let crossdressing negatively affect your life or not. It's up to you. Or you can just forget about it and take up another hobby like golf or model trains.

Watch this forum, read the posts and responses and see how the rest of us deal with it. You'll see that we have individual situations and most of us manage to crossdress without ruining our lives.

[Kate Simmons]

This is why many of us will wait until we are near retirement and the children are ready to leave the nest to really start getting into it Hon. Otherwise it can cause a lot of unnecessary strife all the way around.:)

[MysticLady]

I have same thoughts but what I learned is self control and at sometimes I try not let it ruining my career

Some time I think of same thing

Ding ding ding, Congratulations, You just won a new Car.....YAY.:Party2::balloons::Party::rave::hf::da nceman::ch::slaphippo: I am so happy that my time here is not in (being?)Vain. Good Job Kiddo.

[heatherdress]

Julia - Thanks for your honesty and gutsy questions. Unfortunately or fortunately, that is what life is all about - finding answers. Also growing, exploring, enjoying, becoming the best person we can be, learning to love ourselves, respecting others, living life to the fullest.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is a fair question, and to be honest if you can freely choose not to dress you are better off not doing it. Dressing will not make you more attractive to GGs at large and only make your potential pool of GG partners smaller (even worse if you have other issues and your potential dating pool is already tiny to begin with.) Although being discovered usually doesn't have the dire consequences it once had, it is always a good idea to keep your private life (all aspects) out of your workplace and don't discuss it there (unless your job is working with trans people of course.)

In other words, if you can just choose to do something else other than crossdress, it is a good idea to pick another interest given the high cost it can have.

[RADER]

Yes you are correct in saying it is a double life; But a double life is what we lead.
One life is a Male, the other Female.
That is why this Forum is so special to people like us. We here, are all in a similar boat.
We like to wear clothes of the opposite sex.
Society says that it is wrong, or maybe just not correct; in anyway you look at it, we must stay
in that closet unless we trans all the way.
Yes it can be a big secret, but a secret you will only share with those you trust to no end;
Like your SO. So take a deep breath, and stay in the "Closet" for as long as you dare.
Rader

[JenniferR771]

Sad, but true; it can be hard on the employment situation. Keep it out of sight and you should be fine.
Dressing at work is another matter. I recently talked with a girl who has had major unemployment problems. This even after her Human Resources Department promised cooperation.

[Rogina B]

This is why many of us will wait until we are near retirement and the children are ready to leave the nest to really start getting into it Hon. Otherwise it can cause a lot of unnecessary strife all the way around.:)
I disagree with your reply to the OP. This person is young and unencumbered,living in an accepting area.Why discourage someone from trying to create a lifestyle that brings happiness? None of us knows as to the extent of her "t mind",so it is unfair to automatically assume she is a casual CD like yourself and not someone with developing urges..Whomever she forms a friendship with should be accepting of all of her,or it isn't a real friend.She has time to make these kinds of friends and shape her life and enjoy living more true to herself than keeping it corked up like so many of the conservative forum members.

[Jenny CD]

Consider the straight-laced lawyer who is a biker dude on weekends. He probably isn't wearing his doo-rag and colors at work, just as a CDer probably doesn't wear her girlie things at work. It's just two facets of one fulfilled life!

Never thought of it that way... Brilliant, Eryn. I really like that explanation.

[Tracii G]

No reason to blurt I'm a CD to everyone you know.I don't know why people feel they have to do that.Just be careful who you tell.
Remember if you tell one person ten will know by tomorrow.
As far as a GF let her find you make her work for it.LOL.
How it will effect your life is up to you.

[Kimberly Kael]

Consider the straight-laced lawyer who is a biker dude on weekends. He probably isn't wearing his doo-rag and colors at work, just as a CDer probably doesn't wear her girlie things at work. It's just two facets of one fulfilled life!

The lawyer you're discussing can and probably does discuss his hobby with the people he works with, and doesn't have to think twice about who might see him on weekends. A crossdresser who goes out dressed has a more complicated existence, even today. Transgender acceptance in the workplace generally consists of trying not to get sued when people transition. I have seen very little evidence that there's as much movement when it comes to crossdressing ... at least not yet. Some industries are definitely more progressive than others.

I agree that romantically, if you're honest with people when dating, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

[Sonya]

But it just seems so hard to keep a big secret like this for so long and live a double life....
This is one of my main issue as well, one thing that might help is to find other cds and share this part of your life with them.

[Taylor Ray]

This is a big question for me too. I have felt like I have been living a double life the last few years, which is difficult to understand. As far as work is concerned, even my former employer in Boulder, Colorado (very liberal town) accidentally found out about my lifestyle and ended up making a sarcastic comment to me one day.

I blew it off but it really hurt my feelings. It seems that my CDing really does have consequences in relation to my career and my relationships. My artistic friends accept my lifestyle; outside of that circle it seems to be viewed as a form of perversion.

[Tami Joy]

The reason we dress up as cder's is because of how we feel .Being a long time cder things has change alot the more one comes out the better for us all just my opinion.

[Stevie]

I too share your concern and the one person I told is not fond of it. This forum has helped me to adjust to my fears and concerns.

[Kate Simmons]

I disagree with your reply to the OP. This person is young and unencumbered,living in an accepting area.Why discourage someone from trying to create a lifestyle that brings happiness? None of us knows as to the extent of her "t mind",so it is unfair to automatically assume she is a casual CD like yourself and not someone with developing urges..Whomever she forms a friendship with should be accepting of all of her,or it isn't a real friend.She has time to make these kinds of friends and shape her life and enjoy living more true to herself than keeping it corked up like so many of the conservative forum members. Then I would say she has to get to know herself and what her feelings are. You can't ask others to solve your problems for you, being young notwithstanding.I'm not trying to discourage anything just pointing out the facts. I'm not going to molly coddle someone into thinking that dynamics in a relationship do not exist and that it's all just about them. They either want to pursue the relationship with someone or they don't and if they do the other person's feelings on things need to be considered. There is never a "magical fix" when it comes to transgender issues and crossdressing, etc. Besides you are making an assumption I'm a "casual CD". I may not really know Julia but you really don't know me either. We do the best we can with the limited knowledge we have.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Okay this is more for dresser's unlike myself yet think it out.

Im a member of apart from others a world wide group many 1000's of men & women & children as well who dress up , maybe not quite in the way that's expressed here yet similar ,even to the point of takeing on the personer of a woman as was refered to myself funny that, it was taken i was dressing as or like a woman going back into our history to the 1400 to 1700 Renaissance times so some thought i was male dressing as a woman, I never ever thought i could , i never gave it a thought that i could be a dresser,

any way, they know i was not a male just a female thats different thats all now had i dressed as a woman they were quite prepared to accept that i would take on that personer & have the cougage to do it, wow now theres an opening the door is so wide you see what im saying in our group we have 230 to 250 members spend a week together each year plus other detail all dressed up even the men don skirts & dress's,

Now would those 100 or so men talk about that at work now i know all of them & we interact with each other a lot,

Okay i know this is about our group , its worth looking at & get some info on The Society for Creative Anachronism .

Im not saying its the answers to all ill's its an outlet worth looking at, & take it from there or not. of cause there are other groups as well.

...noeleena...

[kimdl93]

this is repeated here often enough that it sounds redundant: you can have a happy long term relationship, family and a successful profession and be a CDr. I have. Many others here have. You can disclose or choose to conceal to whatever degree you feel necessary from acquaintances and business associates, but full disclosure is the only reliable option with a significant other. As you get older, more experienced and more secure in your life, you may choose to come out to more people...or you may not. It's all a matter of making choices.

[flatlander_48]

J/C, remember that you are not the First, and you won't be the Last, to have these concerns. And know that there is some degree of unpredictability to all of this. How you think about crossdressing, and your relationship to it, may be very different next year, or in 3 years, etc. For the majority of people, this is not a static situation. As such, every time your attitudes change, it may be necessary to revisit how this may play out for your life in general.

The only suggestion that I would offer is that try to be very thoughtful about what you do and do not do and where where you do it. There is always risk whether we are talking about unnecessary attention from people at large or specific reactions from those we know. Caution and conscious thought are your friends. Further, is isn't about not doing what you want necessarily. It's about understanding the situation and deciding whether or not those are risks you are willing to take.

[Jenniferathome]

You must have read here, about the number of cross dressers who have found girlfriends, wives, SOs AND. Told the about their cross dressing. It can work. You find a girlfriend in all the same ways as a non- cross dresser. When it gets serious, you tell her.

As for friends or work discovering you, why would they? Are you going to work cross dressed? We put too much fear in our own heads.

[sometimes_miss]

But it just seems so hard to keep a big secret like this for so long and live a double life....

life will be simpler, but harder, if you decide to be 'out'. There may not be a lot of apparent things in your way, but lots of people will be perhaps subconsciously uncomfortable about you, and that may adversely affect your life in subtle ways. However, virtually the only chance you have at finding a woman who is really accepting of crossdressing is by being out; because there is no other way to find them; less than 1% of women would even consider a crossdresser as a mate, and even those who, when surveyed about it, want to feel open minded enough, often can't deal with it when they actually have to face their man embracing all the feminine looks and behaviors of a female, it just seems to unnerve them, and other than the very few fetishist women who get a kick out of a guy in a dress, feminine guys are generally a sexual turn off for women, destroying any potential romantic relationships from even getting started.

[Leona]

You can learn how to do anything you want on wikihow: http://www.wikihow.com/Find-a-Girl-Who-Likes-Crossdressers-%28for-Young-Men%29

[Maria 60]

Wow! Sounds like the same nightmare I have every night.

[Rogina B]

life will be simpler, but harder, if you decide to be 'out'. There may not be a lot of apparent things in your way, but lots of people will be perhaps subconsciously uncomfortable about you, and that may adversely affect your life in subtle ways. However, virtually the only chance you have at finding a woman who is really accepting of crossdressing is by being out; because there is no other way to find them; less than 1% of women would even consider a crossdresser as a mate, and even those who, when surveyed about it, want to feel open minded enough, often can't deal with it when they actually have to face their man embracing all the feminine looks and behaviors of a female, it just seems to unnerve them, and other than the very few fetishist women who get a kick out of a guy in a dress, feminine guys are generally a sexual turn off for women, destroying any potential romantic relationships from even getting started.
Where do you get your facts and figures from?

[Beverley Sims]

Just don't share the interest with anyone else unless you are sure of their reactions.
With girlfriends the time to tell is when it looks like getting serious.