Panties Don't Count

[ErinSassyPants]

So I have several times recently been about to say that my husband doesn't dress very often. Then suddenly it occurs to me that he wears panties every day. Every. Day.

So why don't panties come to mind when I think of dressing?

I have been thinking about it and I thought my realization might be helpful for some who are trying to help their SOs be more comfortable. The reason that the panties don't even register with me is because it is totally normalized. They just happen every day with no fanfare or todo. In the beginning I noticed and they were something to "be ok about" but when day after day they continues to be totally normal they just stopped being anything but just normal.

So the first part of my post is to share that and suggest that for some it may be helpful to just take small things and just let them be normal. Boring even. See if that helps.

The second part of my post are the questions.

For SOs, I wondered which things in relation to your SOs dressing or transition have become so normal that you don't even think about them any more?

For CDs and TSs who have SOs, are there things that your SO was originally uncomfortable with that they now don't worry about at all?

[Taylor Ray]

So why don't panties come to mind when I think of dressing?

Not to oversimplify your question, but I have been wearing panties since I was 16, and all of my girlfriends were aware that I did. Underwear can be very personal and intimate in a relationship. The act of wearing "over-wear" of the opposite sex takes the situation to a different level. Wearing the outward clothing of the opposite sex seems to take a private matter and make it somehow public -- which, incidentally, now challenges not just the norms of the private bedroom but the public norms of gender identity and clothing.

I have begun to dress fully the past 4 years and feel that my chances of finding a like-minded gg are slowly diminishing

[Davena Doll]

The thing with panties for me, I hang loose so I did not feel to fem. So its a mini skirt or garter belt for me and the one thing that she was originally uncomfortable with that now she is ok with is that I have a boy friend.

[Polka Dot]

...I hang loose so I did not feel to fem.

I have had to try many different styles of panties to find ones that fit properly. Otherwise, as you pointed out, I hang loose (My wife calls it "Scooching out" and is disturbed by how it looks). My favorites are Victoria's Secret Second Skin Satin briefs. The stretchiness helps keep things in place.

[Kelley]

Hi Erin, it's the same with the panties for my wife. I love to wear long night gowns in the evening while watching TV. In the beginning it was something that she saw as a bit odd but was OK with it. Now it's just the norm.

Kelley

[kimdl93]

As a CDr, yes there were things that at first were out of bounds that later were accepted. Not so much the undies or stockings...those were accepted as normal almost immediately. But it took some time, several years really, before I was fully comfortable attempting to dress fully in my wife's presence and before she grew accustomed to the same. It seems the real noticeable changes...clothes, wig and make up were the most difficult adjustments. There's no gradual way to start wearing a wig, I guess. But we made it and now it feels normal.

[NicoleScott]

I think whether or not it counts as crossdressing depends on the intent.
I bought a waist cincher for a little shape control whenever I transformed, but now I prefer a corset for even more dramatic results.
I discovered that I like the waist cincher for how it makes my back feel. I bought 2 more, and now I wear one every day under my guy clothes. I am not an underdresser, and wear the waist cincher only for back support. I don't consider that crossdressing/underdressing.
If a guy likes to wear panties because he likes the feel/fit/fabric but not because it makes him feel girly, I wouldn't consider that crossdressing.

[jennyscott]

Panties 24/7 and nightgowns after the kiddos are asleep. I also have a few pair of shorts for around the house and out for errands.


... If a guy likes to wear panties because he likes the feel/fit/fabric but not because it makes him feel girly, I wouldn't consider that crossdressing.

I like the feel/fit/fabric of most all sundresses. However I don't think the above quote would apply. Just playing devil's advocate Nicole.

[Di]

Great post!


For SOs, I wondered which things in relation to your SOs dressing or transition have become so normal that you don't even think about them any more?


I know our situation is a little different but I still can answer....:D
In the beginning alot was new and exciting to both of us and some new things were scary.
Now yrs later it all is normal....still we have fun.

[Marleena]

Hi Erin. I think every SO's worst nightmare is to catch their hubby in full female garb, or have them appear suddenly fully dressed enfemme including wig and makeup.:D I imagine it would come as quite a shock.lol. If hubby eases in to it slowly there will be better results as long as the wife is open minded about it to begin with. My progression has been very slow and now my wife will go out with me dressed as a female. I guess I'm lucky in that respect.

[Wildaboutheels]

"Panties" alone and/or pantyhose alone are NOT CDing. At least according to Ann Landers or Dear Abby. I still have a newspaper clipping of just one incident and that was maybe 20 years ago or whenever and she was trying to assure the writer of one letter...

She said it was a VERY common thing and by itself meant nothing. Basically, don't go declaring "YOU LIED", or THE TRUST IS BROKEN. Or any of the other NONSENSE often expressed here.

Dear Abby would NEVER lie.

Would she?

[ShannonIL]

Panties, or really most "underclothes", aren't something the world is going to see your SO wearing. You can wear them without projecting a single bit of femme image. I never really considered wearing panties to be part of my crossdressing wardrobe either for that same reason, though I know there are some who do. To each their own

[Tina B.]

Panties are easy, no one else will see, and you don't have to think about him wearing them once he puts his pants on. Trying to wear a dress, long wig, skirt, or even Capri's, enough to get them thought of as normal, would be pretty hard for most of us.
But I do think your theory holds a lot of truths.
My wife has always been pretty accepting of what where ever the dressing has taken me, with few limitations. But to much time spend dressed would get to her at times, and to please her and keep peace at home, I would put it away for long periods. Since retiring a few years ago I've slowly increased how much time I spend dressing cross gendered, and she has gotten quite used to it. Now it's gotten to the point, if I have to go out, and just mention I'm going to go change into jeans, if she doesn't know I'm going to town, her first question is Why. some days she just thinks it's strange that I would want to dress like a guy. I agree with her, so unless business dictates otherwise, I pretty much live is a pair of Capri's or a skirt, and I'm happy she is unfazed by it, it's just normal.

[Claire Cook]

ASo I have several times recently been about to say that my husband doesn't dress very often. Then suddenly it occurs to me that he wears panties every day. Every. Day.

So the first part of my post is to share that and suggest that for some it may be helpful to just take small things and just let them be normal. Boring even. See if that helps.


I've not worn male underwear for years. Are my panties "normal"? Of course! Are they boring? Never!



For CDs and TSs who have SOs, are there things that your SO was originally uncomfortable with that they now don't worry about at all?

My wife was very worried about my / our going out en femme in public. Her main worry was that I would be embarrassed. When she realized how natural it was for me and how comfortable I was (and that I wasn't embarrassed or hassled), that ceased being a worry. Now the girls just enjoy their time out together.

[linda allen]

I wear panties every day (not "24/7", I take them off for sleeping, showering, etc.). I still have BVDs for doctor's visits. The bra, skirts and blouses, and flats around the house are pretty "normal" as are the boobs. Not so the wig but I'm working on it. Makeup is a issue because my wife seldom wears it and can't understand why I would want to go to all the trouble.

It seems a partner may be accepting at first and with gradual additions, but at some point, she draws a line in her mind. That's where I seem to be at this point.

[Kate Simmons]

The clothes, including underwear, are just that--clothes. They are really nothing else unless our mindset or attitude makes them so.:)

[Angie G]

I alway wear Pantie except at work. They feel better then mans underwear but I don't consider them as dressing But then to me dressing full tilt is like normal.I don't really know what my wife thinks is normal.:hugs:
Angie

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I've been wearing panties for almost 30 years now and it's just a natural thing for me giving it no second thought. When I started my then girlfriend (now my wife) thought nothing of buying me several pairs. Lots of pastels, lace, and florals! Ever since then I've given no second thought to wearing nightgowns and robes. I have several women's pajama sets too. It's just natural for me and my wife now. Even during the day I might wear a floral house dress. It has become our "normal."

I only have ONE pair of men's BVD's to wear for doctor appointments. Yuck! They may as well be made of burlap! LOL!

Cheryl Ann

[Taylor186]

For CDs and TSs who have SOs, are there things that your SO was originally uncomfortable with that they now don't worry about at all?

I have shaved my legs for eight years and my wife was uncomfortable with my shaving in the beginning but now it is non-event normal. Of course, shaving alone is not crossdressing but it does facilitate crossdressing.

I wear footless semi-sheer black tights (with black lycra shorts) to yoga every week and that is also a non-event with her. I actually don't think of this as crossdressing even though the tights and shorts come from the women's side of the aisle.

Panties are a total non-event these days.



The clothes, including underwear, are just that--clothes. They are really nothing else unless our mindset or attitude makes them so.:)

I agree with this mostly, though my wife wouldn't. I would not get away with wearing a dress or skirt out to dinner in guy mode. Nor would I want to.

[NicoleScott]

"Panties" alone and/or pantyhose alone are NOT CDing. At least according to Ann Landers or Dear Abby.
........Dear Abby would NEVER lie.

What in the world qualifies Dear Abby to say what is/isn't CDing?
Wife walks in, catching hubby wearing pantyhose. "You're a crossdresser?!?!?"
"Not according to Dear Abby."
I have the feeling that such an explanation won't work.

[jennyscott]

My wife was very worried about my / our going out en femme in public. Her main worry was that I would be embarrassed. When she realized how natural it was for me and how comfortable I was (and that I wasn't embarrassed or hassled), that ceased being a worry. Now the girls just enjoy their time out together.

That's reassuring. I have seen elements of that already. Thanks!

[Princess Grandpa]

I never associated my desire to wear panties as crossdressing. Not really sure how I was able to lie to myself so long so well.

Hug
Rita

[Georgette]

Why change just for the Drs. they really don't notice any way. I go to the dr. with my girly panties on lace and all she doesn't make any comment or reply, so why worry.

[sandra-leigh]

I wore my panties to my GP (general practitioner) for years before my GP had a clue, and then it was only due to my saying something.

My current assigned GP (though on paternity leave at the moment) is only directly aware of my underwear due to once having done a prostate test on me (in response to something specific, not just on "general principles".) Though the entire clinic there would likely assume I was wearing panties anyhow, as they know I am there as a transgender patient, and I present female at the clinic, and my records ask "Please call her Sandra-Leigh".

The closest analogy I have in my life is that when I go in for massage or physiotherapy, then due to the location of my major muscle problems, the providers (and any assistants that help out) are much more likely than not to see at least part of my panties.

Ummm, lemme see... I'm pretty sure that my dentist hasn't seen my panties, just my skirts or dresses.

[Allison Chaynes]

Erin,

My wife only wanted me wearing white cotton panties in the beginning. She grew comfortable with me wearing pretty much any kind now. She is used to seeing me in women's shorts, capris, even skirts when the kids are not around and those things are becoming normal for us.

[Leona]

The clothes, including underwear, are just that--clothes. They are really nothing else unless our mindset or attitude makes them so.:)
Agreed. My wife became more accepting when she saw my mindset/attitude could happen in guy clothes, too. After that, the clothes didn't matter any more to her and she dealt with the mindset and reached complete acceptance.

As for what's been normalized, all of it, pretty much. Even the kid (she's 13) asks me dress up so we can do each other's makeup. :)

[candydawn75]

Erin this is a GREAT question! I too wear them and share them with my wife everyday. It does seem to be "normal" that I wear them everyday. I may ask her and reply on here.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Erin: When I came out to my wife 8 months ago, I told her specifically I needed to shave my legs to achieve the full female leg illusion with hose. Initially it was a shock to her...but over the next 4-5 months I tried to "normalize" things by shaving my legs routinely (daily) in her presence, making a non-issue of it. I could tell she enjoyed the slick feeling under the sheets, and it enhanced our love life. A nice kink for us would be for me to underdress with the same brand/shade of hose as she would wear openly on lunch or dinner dates...usually culminating in play time. I think she began to have a generally positive association with the shaving and hose, but as we approached Summer she was concerned what the kids and others would say to shaved legs with shorts, so starting mid-Apr I let the leg hair grow and have not dressed in her presence since. I had pushed the envelope until then, and she was mostly accommodating, so in my mind this was a way to reassure her--giving her back her "manly" man for a long while. The other day she was packing hose and heels for a trip and asked me if I was bringing any. I replied that I wasn't, because without shaving it didn't look or feel right. She agreed. I told her that come Autumn, I'd indulge again, and she seemed fully OK with that.

I'm not into panties--probably because I normally go "Commando" in guy mode, and my CD fetish is around pantyhose. But I think the shaving and hose are part of that normalcy I'm trying to achieve with my wife.

My goal is to gradually make her comfortable to more elaborate dressing sessions over the coming years. If I can lose enough weight to look decent in a dress, my ultimate fantasy is for us to be dressed identically in matching cocktail dresses, with the same hose, heels, etc. I'd have a wig that approximates her hairstyle and she would help me with my makeup. I'm not sure why that interests me so, but that's kind of my thing. I have explained this to her but told her I didn't want to look ridiculous, so the weight loss must come first.

That scared her a bit, because she thinks that if I look halfway decent I will want to go out in public and embarrass her & the kids, or become a woman which she has said would clearly end our marriage. I tried to assure her neither would happen, but I think she's worried deep down that's the end game. She's read thru some posts here with members who have progressed to that point.

So, I must balance progression with normalcy + love and respect for her. Hope I can get there.

[Sister Rachel]

I'm so into Sloggis now .. very comfortable, soft and stretchy, that they are just part of my "normal" underwear. I got Anne into them too, so now have to check the size labels to be sure the right ones go into the right drawer .. they just seem the best choice, rather than a crossdressing thing! For CD purposes, it's now French knickers or other lacy concoctions .. nowhere near as comfortable, though!

[Maria 60]

My wife has stated that it is very normal for her when she is buying pantyhose or panties or cloths on special she will buy something for me also.

[Milli Montanari]

I'm in a DADT situation but only have one pair of men's undies. The rest are a mix of plain and lacy but my wife never seems to notice when I'm wearing the lace ones.

[stefan37]

I gave up wearing panties quite a while ago. They do not really fit well. There are tons of male bikini briefs that serve my purposes. Anyway, I starting wearing nail polish and eye makeup daily about 4 years ago. At first it caused some friction withthe wife and kids. After a short time it became commonplace and a non issue. The fears we have are mostly in our heads. If you wear it and own it people become complacent and while they may not view it as normal, it does become a non issue. To get to that comfort level for you and your spouse requires honest communications skills.

I told my wife I had a need to cross dress on our 4th date. We have been together 33+ years. If you have not disclosed to your spouse your need to cross dress. My technique for freer expression may not be the right thing to do.

[lingerieLiz]

I've worn panties for 40 years or more all the time except for doctors and a few other instances. We should get rid of the CD moniker. I wear women's clothes because I like the looks and feel. We don't call women CDs if they wear a guys tee shirt or most any piece of male attire. The one piece of clothes that might be different is a bra. I do wear them, but don't wear forms (not needed).

[Lainie]

now she is ok ... that I have a boy friend.

Is it because she also has a boyfriend? Spouses accepting infidelity seems less common than CDing.

[Beverley Sims]

If things are taken gradually and in moderation the normal cycle can advance albeit slowly.
I can go out dressed or drab these days without comment.
Sometimes I am asked why am I not dressed.

[Richelle423]

It just dawned on me that it has been 3 years (4 summers) that I have been wearing panties. I've been doing it so long it seems like i'm not underdressing anymore. It's just a normal part of me and what I wear.

[Dana L]

I wouldn't say they don't count, but it's more of the significance to to the wearer. For me it's normal to wear panties and my wife accepts it as normal too. Many other thing have become ordinary to us and we don't consider it part of CDing, it's just who I am.

[ReineD]

For SOs, I wondered which things in relation to your SOs dressing or transition have become so normal that you don't even think about them any more?

Everything. I'm used to the makeup, the clothes, all the forms, the shaving, the soft skin, the pale arms and legs, and going out dressed.

What I'm NOT used to and thank the stars that my SO doesn't do, is adopting exaggerated feminine mannerisms. Also, if my SO were to master a feminine voice, I'd support her of course, but it's something that I can see myself feeling sad about. I love my SO's voice.

[Leona]

Reine: What if she were to have a feminine voice that she could turn off and on at will?

[ReineD]

Reine: What if she were to have a feminine voice that she could turn off and on at will?

This is hard to do. Transsexuals say that the only way to successfully have a feminine voice is to speak in it all the time, effectively losing the male voice. Maybe there are a few talented people who have a lot of flexibility with their voice box (I'm thinking people like Rich Little), but I don't believe that most people are able to switch back and forth at will.

My SO can soften her male voice of course. This is pretty easy to do, but her voice still gives her away. So instead she is satisfied knowing that she is respected for who she is, which is a genetic male who is presenting as a female who wishes to be recognized and accepted.

[5150 Girl]

So why don't panties come to mind when I think of dressing?
"out of sight, out of mind"
You probably seldom see underthings, therefor you don't have reason to think about them

[Leona]

This is hard to do. Transsexuals say that the only way to successfully have a feminine voice is to speak in it all the time, effectively losing the male voice. Maybe there are a few talented people who have a lot of flexibility with their voice box (I'm thinking people like Rich Little), but I don't believe that most people are able to switch back and forth at will.


Ok, all stipulated. :) You still didn't answer my question. How do you suppose YOU would feel if your SO could do that?

Personally, I think I have a fair chance of being able to recover my old voice and see where it was going to go before the "intervention", and I suspect that when that happens, I'll be able to switch back and forth, but it may depend on circumstances just like my ability to switch back and forth between various dialects. Put me in a shop and I talk like a country boy. Put me in a school and you get the nerd boy. But I can't always just choose which dialect I'll be using when I start a sentence. :)

[Brooklyn]

I'm always reading about panties in the forum, and they do nothing but make me feel uncomfortable. Cool if that works, but I don't even own any. Most days I wear all kinds of women's accessories: belts, sunglasses, handbags, socks, etc. They have to fit, be fabulous, and I have to feel confident. My nails are a walking advertisement which have to look good where I work/study. No SO here, though.

[ErinSassyPants]

"out of sight, out of mind"
You probably seldom see underthings, therefor you don't have reason to think about them

I see them quite a bit actually LOL. My husband is a bit of a nudist except that half the time he's wearing panties. This of course is only when the children aren't around but that still leaves plenty of time for me to see the panties.

[siantv2003]

I've been wearing panties for almost 30 years now and it's just a natural thing for me giving it no second thought. When I started my then girlfriend (now my wife) thought nothing of buying me several pairs. Lots of pastels, lace, and florals! Ever since then I've given no second thought to wearing nightgowns and robes. I have several women's pajama sets too. It's just natural for me and my wife now. Even during the day I might wear a floral house dress. It has become our "normal."

I only have ONE pair of men's BVD's to wear for doctor appointments. Yuck! They may as well be made of burlap! LOL!

Cheryl Ann

It started for me after a Xmas party where I'd gone as Frank'n-furter and luggage was misplaced. Next morning, I could hardly leave in costume so had to wear same clothes I'd arrived in. Wife wouldn't hear of me turning the jocks in-side-out and threw me a pair of her knickers. To cut a long story short, I found them really comfortable and told her so. Nothing was said - non issue
A few weeks later I had to have a small op to remove moles from my lower back - right where the elastic from underpants sat - and so found wearing men's underpants uncomfortable as the broad elastic irritated the wound. She came home one day with a set midi's and said try these. Colours were pink and red with little bows on - I protested (not too much) and she said "your choice love, you can either be uncomfortable or swallow your pride and be comfortable" she went on to say "man up, they're only clothes, its not like they will make you gay or anything."

So from there I have never looked back - basically my wardrobe was mixed men and woman's underwear. When I next asked her to grab me a pack of underwear, she brought panties home, colours this time were a little more manly - if that's possible- in blues, and shades of red wine but they still had lace trim and bows. When I asked her, she said that the selection with trim was bland. It has slowly progressed to satin and more recently, she brought home some beautiful embroidered ones in purples and pinks and some with lace. She explained that the style I normally wear wasn't available. :o

The strange thing is she knows about a little about Sian - thinks its about the heels - and does not really want anything to do with her. :sad:

[siantv2003]

[BANANA] We should get rid of the CD moniker. I wear women's clothes because I like the looks and feel. We don't call women CDs if they wear a guys tee shirt or most any piece of male attire.

Amen. So true. I think we can learn a lot from GG's and simply own it when we wear clothes from the other side of the aisle. Who cares what society thinks

[Zylia]

I'm always reading about panties in the forum, and they do nothing but make me feel uncomfortable. Cool if that works, but I don't even own any.
I'm glad I'm not the only one, I already started to feel like a weirdo :D I do own two pair I got with a bra, but I can't be bothered with putting them on for those occasions I dress up. I might if you could actually see them, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case for me. Also, good looking underwear and proper support for my not-so-ladyparts seem to be mutually exclusive, but your mileage may vary on that one.

The whole appeal of 'secretly' wearing panties or bras below your 'normal' clothes completely eludes me.

[Jazzmine]

When I openly bought my first female panties and wore them my wife thought it was an interesting choice to say the least. However, she soon accepted that I felt more comfortable in them and helped me purchase more for various activities (sports, recreation and work). Now, I've got a draw of mixed underwear, hosiery, tops and jeans. I mix and match mostly in an androgynous way which suits me at this time.

For a long time now I have felt uncomfortable going out dressed fully male but I never go out fully female either. I feel patently uncomfortable dressing without at least one piece of my clothing being feminine.
My wife accepts my clothes in fact has bought me female tops and panties at sales or for birthdays. So me mixing and matching is normal in our relationship, it's not something we even need to talk about. I shave my legs and keep body hair to a minimum - female clothes just do not look right over copious amounts of male body hair!

When I decided to shave my legs I just did it with little warning to the family. My daughters told everyone we met for weeks that I was now shaving my legs! My lovely wife always piped up and said how nice my legs felt and looked being smooth and tanned. That was 5 years ago and it's also become normal to the point where I get chastised if I don't shave for a few days because they get "prickly".

I am confident in how I dress myself and I think this contributes to how my wife responds to my clothes. I feel happy and relaxed around her and we share everything in life. Clothes have never come between us as we both share a love for them and shop together. I don't push my feminine requirements/needs on to my wife even if I am feeling gushy about it. My feeling is that if you're transgender, you just accept it and get on with your life without making a big issue of it. I know this doesn't work for everyone, and yes I too get strong urges to dress fully (and do it), and yes I often wish I had been born a female, but then I wouldn't be married to the most precious thing in the world to me and have my beautiful children I have now. Keeping these things in perspective has helped keep our relationship alive and fun. Between us we define what is "normal" for us as a couple so there are usually no surprises, just life evolving naturally.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Living in the tropics, I never saw a reason for any underwear. When you are a boater, living free is common, even among the manly males. Nobody ever suggested it to me. Part of the attraction to CD is some women's clothing just feels good.

About a year ago, I was told by a doctor that the bulging veins in (only) my left leg could be stripped and it would be more healthy for me. So healthy that it would be covered by Medicare...under one condition. That I wear support hose for 6 months and test results show that it did not help. I smiled. Eventually he smiled when I told him my "other" name was Robbin and the rest of the CD story. I did it, told my wife about it, free of remorse. Guess what, the ugly veins went away!

Whenever I go out expecting to be on my feet for a while, I wear black panty hose. It does make me feel better and yes, more feminine. I've tried tons of ordinary women's XXL party hose. Some are better than others. But the best are the prescription variety, size VI the largest woman's available. I'm 6', 175#.

[krissy]

I have been married for 38 years .She still cant stand this part of me I see she never will .It hurts so much im a good person i help others i just want to be loved for me all of me . as i age i feel im giving up on ever being able to just be happy .its so sad. i wish we older pepole got as much support that there is now .i hide this all my life i just want some one to hold me and say its ok your still loved even if i dress up .is that to much to want .

[Princess Grandpa]

It seems perfectly reasonable to me Krissy. I'm sorry!

Hug
Rita