2 Part Question

[crystalbath]

Hey everyone

I have 2 questions that you girls might be able to help me out with. I'm dying to dress up and really want to look passable - for no reason other than i like to look like a girl lol. But the problem's i have are that i don't have time to dress because of a busy lifestyle and that my SO didn't mind me dressing until i was wearing a wig & makeup. So now she doesn't really like me doing it because i originally said that i just liked to wear the clothes. So basically my questions are:

1. If you have a busy lifestyle, how do you make time for dressing?

2. If your SO is worried that you want to be more of a girl than just dressing, what can i say to remind her that i don't want to become a girl, it's just that when i dress i like looking like one?

p.s. Sorry if this makes barely any sense, tried my best to word it haha

Kristy

[kathyw]

hi crysal i get up about 3 am and dress everyday i setout side on the porch and drink coffey and i wear my wig so if some one sees me hopefully they think its my wife.shes isnt really suportive but as long as i dont wear make up its ok because its only clothes.

[Flowergirl]

Your questions made perfect sense.

To answer the first one, it is like any other hobby, if you enjoy it, you will find the time to do it. I try to take at least one or two nights a week to play. Without an accepting SO, it probably would be a lot harder, fortunately for me I have a tolerant spouse. But I will admit that there are times in the year when I get really busy with work that I find it hard to squeeze in one night a week.

For the second question, I would suggest trying to get your SO on here to see that there are a lot of people on here that just like to dress up and look their best. When I had the talk with my girlfriend, I think that I said something similar(I just like wearing the clothes). At the time, that was 100%(well maybe 98.9%) true. Mainly because that was all I had access to. I didn't have a wig or even a way to get one, and I was(and still am) too chicken to go to the store and buy my own makeup. But once I got married, and had access to more things girlie, I found that it wasn't just the clothes that I liked, it was the whole package. A few years ago, I was happy just wearing a skirt around the house, and while sometimes I still do that(mainly when I'm out of clean shorts to wear), for the most part, I feel weird wearing the clothes without the wig and the makeup. When I'm am completely dressed, and I look in the mirror, I just don't think I look as foolish as when I am standing there in a dress with my naked man face. I would guess that my wife would prefer to see me without the wig and makeup(I think she still gets weirded out by it), but she knows that I have no desire to transition, and for me, it is just about getting a couple nights a week of play time and I think that after several years of marriage, she has realized that I am a bit more pleasant when I get my play time.

Hope that helps!

[crystalbath]

Thanks for the replies :) Thats exactly what i feel like when i just wear clothes on their own - it just doesn't feel err...complete and i feel a bit odd. I'll try talking to her and see where it goes :) thank you

[kimdl93]

First thing to do is to work on the issues with your SO. It may take some time to overcome her reservations about presenting fully as a woman. All you can do is be honest about your needs, and sympathetic to her reservations. In the end, what my wife finally decided was that I was the same person regardless of how I was dressed.

If you help resolve your wife's reservations, the first problem will be solved.

[NicoleScott]

1. I heard long ago that "if you have something that really needs to be done, give it someone who doesn't have time to do it." It seems that these people know how to organize their time and can "make" time and git 'r done. Or you can give the task to someone who seems to have lots of spare time but never does anything with it.

Put some time for yourself on your schedule and schedule other things around it.

Analogy: savings. Try to save money left over at the end of the month and there will never be any. Save money for yourself FIRST when you get paid. That works.

2. Try to convince your SO that you are an occasional dresser, but when you do, you don't want to look like a guy in a dress, you want to look like a woman. It's more than the look and feel of a dress, but the overall look and feel which includes shoes, wig, makeup, and accessories. AND, when you're not en femme, be her man.

[Stevie]

No Kristy it makes sense. The first question is simple I maje time which is why I hardly sleep. The second one is more complicated. Sounds like you told her that you only wanted to dress. Putting make up and wig is beyond what you compromise with her. She looks at that differently.

[Jenniferathome]

1. If you have a busy lifestyle, how do you make time for dressing?

2. If your SO is worried that you want to be more of a girl than just dressing, what can i say to remind her that i don't want to become a girl, it's just that when i dress i like looking like one?

Kristy

These are both easy.
1) make time. Pick a day the following week and schedule it.
2) talk to her. Yes, it is that simple. You will need to reinforce that you are not gay, you do not want to transition,it all ends with presenting as ,not being, a woman. Several, deep conversations are needed.

[Nikki A.]

I try to make time for it. If all goes ok I dress. When you have a family, career and other responsibilities it is tough.
As far as the 2nd part, that is tougher. Personally, my wife didn't mind the clothing (skirts and tops and panties). What bothered her was if I wore a bra, and or make up or a wig. Her feeling was that this was an escalation and that I was trying to alter who I was. When I dressed for a work Halloween party a few years back ( I had my coworkers do my makeup so as to appear clueless, it was their idea) one of the girls had no problem with me dressed until she saw me made up.
When you start looking too much like a female their insecurities start to play in. IE you become the other woman, she feels that she is lacking and you're compensating by becoming your ideal girl. Not always logical, but you need to show her that she is the only woman and make her feel that she is doing nothing wrong.

[Bree Wagner]

I think you're going to hear the same things over and over again in response.




To answer the first one, it is like any other hobby, if you enjoy it, you will find the time to do it.

Yep, find the time. Plan for it if necessary or just be in position to seize opportunities as they arise.

Second, you need to be as open and honest as you possibly can and communicate your desires and interests to your SO. MY wife was/is very similar in that she didn't mind the clothes but makeup and especially the wig just threw her for a loop. We had many discussions culminating in one about 18 months ago that got us to a much better level of understanding. At the time, she said that while it may or may not be in the cards for her to do anything with me, she knew it was important enough to me to do it and that I should be given an opportunity to get out into the world and explore it. It's worked out very well even though we still have plenty of issues to work through. We're still talking...

-Bree

[Tina B.]

Back when I worked, and had a busy life, I would get up early, spend as much time as I could before getting ready for work, but it helps if the wife is OK with your dressing, having to find time while having to hide it, that 's hard.
Under dressing helps some, but it just isn't the same.
Not sure what your wife's issues are, but it would be best, to keep your pants on for now, and try to work on her feelings, and what she needs to do to feel OK with your doing what you need to do so that both of you can fulfill both of your needs.
If she doesn't really care about your needs, and only her own, well then I don't have to say it, someone else will I'm sure, but single life is not the end of the world.

[suchacutie]

Making time is no different from anything else you want in your life. Priorities might be harder to set for your femme self because it is so personal and might feel selfish. It can be helpful to remember that she is essential and needs time to develop. As with any other activity, perspective is also needed.

This is where an SO can be integral and intensively positive. Her confidence in your perspective on your femme self will take time. But if you are open and consistent it will get progressively better. Also, ask for her advice and take it! The more she is a part of this'll slice of your life the smoother it will be.

Have a great time with it.

[bobbimo]

I dont think I can add anything new, but I would encourage you to ask your SO to help with some makeup tips, and just explain you would like to enjoy the entire complete effect. clothes wig, and makeup. If she helps transform you, she might enjoy the fun also and realize its still you in there.
Bobbi

[Beverley Sims]

Time for dressing is always there for me and as for the wife's non acceptance, it is a long hard road of making inroads to any change you may try.
It is a very gradual process.