So should I send a nasty letter?

[Kali]

Went to grab some quick food for my wife and I around 10 PM last night. Drove through a local fast food franchise.

Had to explain my very simple order 4 times to the girl taking orders. When I drove up to get the order the girl started talking, saw me, and got very quiet. she handed me my drinks, then walked over to the manager.

He looked to the drive up window, then brought the entire night staff (4 people), led by the manager, over to hand me the food, all laughing and giggling.

I don't care about being "made"; I live this way so it happens. I don't claim to be all that passable in any traditional sense, but it's who I am. But I was very offended by their behavior.

when I told my wife about it, her first words were "are you going to write a letter?" Given that I've never done that before, I guess she was annoyed by proxy.

So what do you girls think? Should I send a letter to the company that owns the local franchises?

[Tamara Croft]

Yes you should and I would go back to that place and ask them to give you the head office details :Angry3:

[arbon]

I would be back in there everyday taking every crossdresser or trans woman I could find with me. I would be very slow when ordering and change my mind a lot, pay with only change, talk loud about how cool the lgbt is and being a transsexual, take a very long time to leave, use the girls room - get under their skin. :)


I was not that bad when I came out here where I live we have one grocery store in town and I got laughed at pretty blatantly by the employees I just kept going back and I would keep going to the checkout people that laughed at me until they got used to me. But if I had it to do over again, if someone treats me like that again, I will be such a annoying vengeful bit** in their place of business.

[mikiSJ]

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes you should write management/owners of the place. Not simply because they giggled at you for being dressed but simply because they didn't respect you as a customer

[SherriePall]

I would send the company headquarters the letter, explaining what happened, stressing the rudeness. And then I would copy a letter to the manager of the local franchise, making sure that it shows that you sent the original onto corporate.

[jennyscott]

I agree with Miki. Creating a disturbance I think would be counter productive to us as a group. With all due respect, following Arbon's advice is not the way to to win friends and gain understanding or acceptance.

Don't let the franchise off the hook but try to take the high road, as difficult as it may be.

[Meg East]

The night manager has a supervisor who may be the owner; get the information about the corporate office, write your polite letter and cc the store franchise owner. Most of these organizations have a non-discrimination policy which this franchisee violated.

[linda allen]

If you want to send a letter, send it to the corporate office, not the local manager. Wait for their reply before you do anything else.

If you've never written a letter like this before, get some help with it. You want to be direct and to the point, and not whiney. Polite, but firm. Include date and time. You can probably find some examples on the Internet that you can modify to fit your situation.

BTW: Reading your thread title, don't make it a "nasty" letter. That will get you nowhere. Don't threaten anything either.

What you are hoping for is an apology, a promise to send someone to the store to give "diversity training", and possibly a gift certificate for your trouble. Don't ask for any of this, they should offer it.

[suzy1]

There are some good web sites to help you with your letter Kali.
I would never let this go. I am getting heated up just thinking about it!

Good luck.

And yes, go to the top, to the company. They are far more likely to want to know and act on it.

[stephNE]

There are probably two routes for you to pursue. The franchise is most likely owned by a local business. But the franchise is a bigger operation, and I'm sure they have customer/ consumer relations folks. Be sure to tell them in your letter you have been a regular customer for many years, they would hate to see you switch to a different fast food chain. Hopefully they realize we are part of a big community and we as a group could swing lots of sales away from them.
Good luck.

[Allison Quinn]

Yes, I work at a fast food restaurant right now since i'm in college.
We have a few crossdressers who come in quite often and we don't say anything to them. Of course some people snicker but they are silenced as truly it's not a big deal.
It's unprofessional behavior and there is no reason for it to happen especially in a business where you are spending your own earned money. I know the owner of my store would not tolerate it :P

[arbon]

Creating a disturbance I think would be counter productive to us as a group. With all due respect, following Arbon's advice is not the way to to win friends and gain understanding or acceptance.
.

Why would I want them as friends? How much understanding and acceptance have you had to go out there and gain? What group?

I used to take the high ground, go along with all the pressure on me to gently get peoples acceptance, to be understanding of other peoples lack of understanding, discomfort and lack of acceptance of me. To be the one getting *** on, and taking it. I am still sometimes in situation where I have to take it like at work.

When I get the chance to lash back, I will.

Write your letter, you'll at least get a free sandwich.

[Sandra]

I would call them and ask for the head office details and try and get the name of the manager, and write a letter but not a nasty one, keep to civil and to the point.

[Lorileah]

Write a letter to corporate (sometimes they actually read them and respond but usually they don't), copy to the store and to the local television outlet who are always looking for something to crusade for. I have learned that saying you won't go there does not bother them (after all they already showed you what they think of your money) but there is an old saying in business. Do a good job and people will tell a friend...f up and they will tell 7. Tell your friends...

[suchacutie]

Contact should always be civil and polite, but their behavior was crude and I'm sure that upper management would not be happy with this kind of public relations.

[jennyscott]

Why would I want them as friends? How much understanding and acceptance have you had to go out there and gain? What group?

I used to take the high ground, go along with all the pressure on me to gently get peoples acceptance, to be understanding of other peoples lack of understanding, discomfort and lack of acceptance of me. To be the one getting *** on, and taking it. I am still sometimes in situation where I have to take it like at work.
...

I wasn't inferring that you attempt to gain friends with the insensitive jerks at the restaurant. My thought was to gain the sympathy of others witnessing your intolerable treatment as you call the franchise out onto the carpet. I am certain as can be that I would feel the same way as you. After some time I ALWAYS find a better way of handling or expressing my self.

[Rhonda Darling]

Kali.

I agree with most replies that urge you to take this matter to the highest level of corporate with control of the local franchise. You may wish to refresh your recollection of the horrible events that occurred at a McDonalds in Baltimore a few years back.

See: http://jezebel.com/5840016/woman-sentenced-to-prison-for-beating-transgender-woman-in-mcdonalds

The store you visited is one small step away from the mentality evident there, where a store employee, instead of coming to Chrissy's aid, instead filmed the attack to post on the web. McDonalds corporate HQ came down on that franchise like a ton of bricks, correctly realizing that the bad publicity was very bad for business and a huge legal liability.

Your letter should politely state the facts, including date, time, description of various employees, etc. Then state how the store's employee's actions made you feel, state that you can't imagine that their actions reflected corporate policy, state that you are bringing the matter to their attention so that they can take corrective measures BEFORE the store's callous attitude led to an incident comparable to the Baltimore McDonalds incident, and to make a record of the incident that happened to you, and a record of your report of that incident, so that the corporate HQ is on notice of the actions of its local store.

Send your letter to the CEO, with a copy to the corporate legal office. Send both via US Mail, certified delivery, return receipt requested. Keep copies of letters, proof of mailing, return receipts, and any replies you receive. If you get back anything but a positive response, post it here to the group and let us help advise as to next steps. Most companies these days do not want to piss off the LGBTQ community.

Best,
Rhonda

[Shelly Preston]

Corporate should definately hear about this. I would write and tell them you were disgusted by the behaviour of the staff. Also I would point out that this kind of attitude may be happening to others who are different. Could they be making a fool of disabled people too.

If this is how they behave there is clearly a training issue

I would make the letter polite but clear how unnacceptable this was.

I am sure if you give them the exact date they will find out who was on duty.

Let them know you expect a response to your letter.
Now if you can find out who the person at the top is write to them as well as corporate customer services
Bosses hate hearing bad news about customer service as it always affects profits.

[Debra Russell]

........You know - it's too bad this kind of thing happens but I have come to realize - it comes with the territory - it was late at night - face it they were bored ! and you came along soo...............................Debra

[daviolin]

What you need is some quick comeback lines, to squelch the ridicule. And a digital camera to snap a quick picture of the idiots. Then tell them you will enter it in your big book of Bozos. People can be so annoying. Daviolin

[Erica Marie]

If I was you my pen would be smoking. For sure you need to contact the headquarters and make them aware of how you were treaded. But be polite and professional. Not so much because you are a cd/tg but because you were treated rudely. Sounds like a job for the tv show " What would you do ". No one needs to be treated in that fashion and if they are not aware it may never change.

[mikiSJ]

(sometimes they actually read them and respond but usually they don't)

Trust me, they read them. You should ALWAYS make the effort to find out who the CEO or Chairman of the Board is and address your complaint directly to those individuals. Your letter may not be read directly by the CEO, but it will be read by someone in his/her office. You may not get a response, but the letter will be read. Be assured that even the Papa Johns of our world do not like to lose business over their expressed attitudes.

Also, in a similar vein: Never take no for an answer from a company's customer service organization. I have taken the stance that customer service gets one chance to correct a problem and if they can't I write a polite, concise letter to the company's CEO. Notable and recent addressees include Wells Fargo and Experian - and I got the results I was due. I also write to the head of companys when I get great service and the last letter I wrote was to notify bareMinerals of the fabulous service I got as a transgendered individual by one of their SAs at the Westfield mall at Valley Fair.

Speak up; when you are wronged and also when you are treated right.

[CD_blue]

Agreed with everyone here. You need to write for certain. If I was the owner of the business I would very very much so like to know.

[jenni_xx]

By all means write your letter. My advice would be to make it as polite as possible, and remember that it's being addressed to someone who hasn't themselves caused you any harm. Try to avoid turning your letter into a rant, but rather one that simply draws attention to the facts as they actually happened.

If it happened to me, I personally wouldn't take it any further. Things like being laughed at, or not being accepted or treated with courtesy, don't really bother me. It's something that I just shrug off truth be told. Part of that comes from me not liking (or wanting) confrontation. But part of it comes from my outlook that feeling offended, or indeed being offended, is really no big a deal. But that's just my own opinion. I do agree with Jennyscott though, creating a disturbance can be counter productive. It's easy to play a scenario through our heads and say "I'd do this" or "I'd do that", but when it comes to actually "acting" out such a scenario, it will rather, if ever, go "to plan".

[JustAlex]

I'm really sorry, but I have to say that I completely disagree with the idea and I'm telling you why.

I hate people looking for positions of power to get back at others, no matter how bad they are. I make an exception when we're talking about crime, real crime, objective damage done to others and/or their properties.

There's no much to gain from that but the pleasure of revenge. Most likely, they're going to have a giggle and disregard your complaint. And if you get what you want, not because they really respect you, they're going to do it just for corporate image, someone is going to suffer. Lost of franchise, lost of job. What do you expect them to feel about CDs? Respect? Acceptance? Burning hate?

It's not the way. You don't like the place? don't patronize it. Ask others not to patronize it explaining your reasons. If they want to support you, they won't go. If you want to complain, do it to those who offended you. Let them know how you feel. They may giggle and throw it away, they may have a laugh and post it on the wall of the rest room. Or they may think about it and change their ways. Compared with the other solution, the chances to get a real change are far better.

Just my personal opinion. Either way, it's your decision and you don't have to justify yourself to me. Seriously, I understand how you feel. It's just that we get so frustrated some times that we don't see the big picture. And I'm not talking just about CDing. We (urbanites) do things like this everyday getting back at each other for the most stupid things. It doesn't help...

[Dani Lee]

Go to their website and leave a comment if it will make you feel better. I suggest copying the first 3 paragraphs of your original post and leaving out the part about being 'made' because it doesn't matter why they behaved this way. It is bad business and you might get a free meal or two.

[Eryn]

I can think of one fast food chain where corporate management might send a letter of congratulations to the manager for "upholding values!" :)

Oh, you were there on Sunday. Scratch that!

The people who work in most corporate fast food places are chosen for one criteria: They work for minimum wage. Not much incentive for professionalism there. Their immediate supervisors are not too far above that.

If you were to write to corporate I would expect that you would receive a nice boilerplate letter of apology and another boilerplate memo might be dispatched to the owner of the franchise. Beyond that, I wouldn't expect much else to happen.

We prefer non-chain places for our fast-food needs. The food is generally better and the owner actually visits the business now and then.

[5150 Girl]

When I drove up to get the order the girl started talking, saw me, and got very quiet. she handed me my drinks, then walked over to the manager.

He looked to the drive up window, then brought the entire night staff (4 people), led by the manager, over to hand me the food, all laughing and giggling.

Hizzelll to the yea write them!!!
#1 That is highly unprofessional. It is never appropriate to make a customer feel like a sideshow.
#2 It is a violation of your civil liberties. The customer is always right, and serving that custom,er should be priority #1, no matter how they're dressed!

[NZ_Dawn]

I agree with SherriePall and the others that suggest writing a latter. Send to head Office with copy to the local manager. A polite but factual explaination of what occurred and that you took offence to this degrading behaviour. Look for the Company view on their Franshise policy from Head office so that they may clarify where they stand on
'Service' and the contrast to that which you received.
Yes it is sometimes easier to suck it in and move on, bad that does not remove any of the bitter resentment.
I would love to see the response to any letter you get.

[kimdl93]

Definitely write a letter. That was grossly disrespectful of you as a human being.

[Diversity]

Hi Kali,
You certainly did not deserve the treatment you got. However, I would not write the letter. It will be a waste of your time, and it most likely won't accomplish anything. I'd chalk it up to a bad experience and I would never go back to patronize the place again. While it definitely was wrong for them to do, let's face the reality of it all.
Based on your comment that you don't claim to be all that passable in any traditional sense, you really are putting yourself out into the mainstream public and setting yourself up for criticism. In fact all of us who CD and go out in public, are setting ourselves up for criticism and laughs from others. It's part of the way we are viewed in current society. We need to just let such occurrences pass and not let them get to us. Maintain your inner self and just continue to be happy in who you are. People like the ones you came across, are really the losers in life.
Best wishes to you.
Di

[Robin777]

I would not write the letter to the owner of the local franchise, I would write it to the corporate office. My wife worked at a chain steakhouse for years. they had to take training on how to treat customers.The place you went to probably has the same policy. You should get a response and an apology from corporate. The night manager will probably get his butt chewed.

[Leona]

If you've got any friends that are lawyers, ask THEM to write the letter.

Make the first one extremely polite. If/when you don't get the response you want, make the second one somewhat polite but with an edge. If your issue still isn't addressed, the third letter should definitely come from a lawyer.

[Lorileah]

I might add, do it soon because I am sure there are tapes that the corporate office may like to see. They may be erased in a few days

Eryn, I had not thought of that restaurant you were talking about...have not been there for over a year

[Kate Simmons]

Only you truly know how you feel about this Hon. You need to decide what to do.:)

[flatlander_48]

YES!!!

Hand written and sign it.

[Darla]

How about just writing the letter for the benefit of all the other trans folk who might be snickered at? Or really if it gets under your skin and you need to get a measure of revenge, take your phone, cut a small hole in your least favorite purse, go in dressed to the nines and record the h- e- double hockey sticks out of your interaction. Post on YouTube, rinse and repeat.

[Leona]

They'll definitely have at least 72 hours of the drive-thru on video. Nowadays with digital security cams, they keep weeks worth of video. Some companies even keep a whole year's worth of video archived.

So, yeah, definitely do it quickly to ensure there's video to be seen.

[~Joanne~]

The people who work in most corporate fast food places are chosen for one criteria: They work for minimum wage. Not much incentive for professionalism there. Their immediate supervisors are not too far above that.

If you were to write to corporate I would expect that you would receive a nice boilerplate letter of apology and another boilerplate memo might be dispatched to the owner of the franchise. Beyond that, I wouldn't expect much else to happen.



I agree with what Erin wrote here 100%. When visiting a fast food corporate owned restaurant, Not only are you not getting the best customer service but you have to question the food itself. I would certainly write a letter or call them and voice your concerns and explain to them what the term "customer service" means.

[Loni]

yes write a polite letter to the corp office,
but first go to the shop and ask for the manager and ask him/her for the information for the corp office.

but always be polite and no bad words deeds etc.

when you send the letter (certified mail) to corp send a copy to the store (also certified). this way both parties know what has been said and you have proof they know.

ALL food chains have policy's that can if broken bad enough the franchise can loose the shop. aka his/her investment. (cash, time, prestige).
as the head office does not want bad - ugly press using there name.

so please write the letter.

.

[heatherdress]

I'm really sorry, but I have to say that I completely disagree with the idea and I'm telling you why.

I hate people looking for positions of power to get back at others, no matter how bad they are. I make an exception when we're talking about crime, real crime, objective damage done to others and/or their properties.

There's no much to gain from that but the pleasure of revenge. Most likely, they're going to have a giggle and disregard your complaint. And if you get what you want, not because they really respect you, they're going to do it just for corporate image, someone is going to suffer. Lost of franchise, lost of job. What do you expect them to feel about CDs? Respect? Acceptance? Burning hate?

It's not the way. You don't like the place? don't patronize it. Ask others not to patronize it explaining your reasons. If they want to support you, they won't go. If you want to complain, do it to those who offended you. Let them know how you feel. They may giggle and throw it away, they may have a laugh and post it on the wall of the rest room. Or they may think about it and change their ways. Compared with the other solution, the chances to get a real change are far better.

Just my personal opinion. Either way, it's your decision and you don't have to justify yourself to me. Seriously, I understand how you feel. It's just that we get so frustrated some times that we don't see the big picture. And I'm not talking just about CDing. We (urbanites) do things like this everyday getting back at each other for the most stupid things. It doesn't help...

Writing a letter is not revenge. It is an attempt to correct unkind, unprofessional, mean behavior. Any complaint about poor service is not about someone looking for power. It is about abuse of power. All customers should be treated with dignity and respect, no matter what they look like, what their age is, what ethnicity they may be, or how they are dressed - period. These employees are poorly trained and badly managed. A letter to the management is very appropriate.

[Chickhe]

sure... but, it depends what you want to get out of the letter. ...decide what you want done and ask for it. Give facts about what happened and be polite.

[Alice Marie]

Hey Kali,

I think a letter or some other form of communication is in order. People often complain about really petty things, like slow service and other situations employees have no control over. This is different; the actions you described were deliberate and inappropriate, not only for us ladies but for any customer. I wouldn't ask for much, just that the situation be investigated and the employees reprimanded if necessary. If you still have the receipt, it may be helpful to include a copy for verification.

The fact you kept your composure speaks volumes about you, I don't know if I could have done the same. Just reading about this has made me heated. People being mistreated gets to me for some reason.

Best wishes,

Alice

[donnalee]

"Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and irritates the pig." - Robert Heinlein
Frankly, I avoid fast food like the plague. It's greasy and filled with possible toxins, plus, in this kind of situation, you're lucky if all they do is spit on it. If this is all the job they can get, their life is already hell. Someone here had this as part of their signature - "If you sit by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by." Don't waste your time.

[ShelbyDawn]

A little late to the party but absolutely write a letter. Most of the reasons have already been stated but the higher-ups can't fix a problem they don't know about and even that restaurant that is closed on Sunday cares about how their customers are treated.

[Beverley Sims]

Are you going to gain any advantage by writing a letter of complaint?
It may all fall on deaf ears so to speak.

[mariehart]

Actually it happened to me a couple of times in fast food restaurants in the USA. In one McDonalds I and a friend ordered food but the girl all but screamed and ran off. Her supervisor apologised. Another time a group of us went into a KFC. Virtually the entire back room staff came out to look at us, giggling. The reason? It wasn't the way we were dressed. It was our accents. Mostly Irish and some English. Quite simply it was the novelty of it for them. They'd never heard anything like it before. We weren't bothered of course as the situation is a little different.

I think there was something similar in your case. Most people have never seen a crossdresser or are in anyway familiar with it. Which isn't to excuse their reaction. I would certainly write a letter to head office and no doubt they will inform the local staff that their behaviour on the night was unacceptable.

But generally I do think big companies don't really care, they say they do of course but in reality it's just PR. So will the letter change anything? Probably not. I have a very cynical view of big corporations having worked for several at this point. But it's worth a try.

Personally I might have gone back the following night to the test their reactions again. Nothing like giving them rope to hang themselves.

[Paulacder]

Let it go, nothing to be gained. Might add a word of caution, all modern drive thru's are equiped with cameras that not only get your pic when you order but also your liscense number. you were probably read when you placed the order. I can almost hear the conversation on the head sets now, "Here comes a guy dressed in drag to the pick up window, everyone check him out"...........

[bobbimo]

Yes indeed!
You should write to the store manger, franchise owner, and the head burger flipper on Wall street too.
You cant do that sort of thing when your in public service and expect to get away with it.
Bobbi

[Trisha65]

I would send a polite letter to the head office and express my disappointment. I would try to do it without drawing any needless attention on myself and others in similar circumstances, but it does need to be pointed out that it was rude behaviour.

[Leona]

Actually it happened to me a couple of times in fast food restaurants in the USA. In one McDonalds I and a friend ordered food but the girl all but screamed and ran off. Her supervisor apologised. Another time a group of us went into a KFC. Virtually the entire back room staff came out to look at us, giggling. The reason? It wasn't the way we were dressed. It was our accents. Mostly Irish and some English. Quite simply it was the novelty of it for them. They'd never heard anything like it before. We weren't bothered of course as the situation is a little different.


I asked a customer the other day to stutter. He looks just like Max Headroom. :) We got a good laugh out of it. Our customers rock. ;)

[nvlady]

The manager brought the other employees over to laugh at you? The managers job is to prevent actions like that by his workers, not encourage it. YES, YES, YES a really nasty letter to headquarters.

[joanna4]

It was extremely rude and unprofessional of them to do so. Send every letter and phone call you want to their regional headquarters and office as you like. They may be treating others out there like this and they need a check up.

[Jana]

Sometimes such stories have a way to make it to the media and/or social media. Consider this especially if you are not entirely out and not willing to be entirely out. Otherwise, I say go for it, because the store employees' behavior was totally unacceptable.

[Tina B.]

Write the corporate office, wish you had got in on your smart phone, U-tube could go viral with such a film.
If they don't respond, name names, and get a bunch of us to write and treating a boycott, corporations hate that!
In some city's that is illegal, it falls in the category of hate speech.

[giuseppina]

Corporate should know about this. It isn't necessary to be nasty to get your point across. Doing it that way often makes the complainant look like a crank.

[Allison Chaynes]

Might I add one more idea? After you write the letter to the corporate office, inform your local Better Business Bureau and file a complaint. It gets action!!!!

[sometimes_miss]

I would be back in there everyday taking every crossdresser or trans woman I could find with me. I would be very slow when ordering and change my mind a lot, pay with only change, talk loud about how cool the lgbt is and being a transsexual, take a very long time to leave, use the girls room - get under their skin. :)
I was not that bad when I came out here where I live we have one grocery store in town and I got laughed at pretty blatantly by the employees I just kept going back and I would keep going to the checkout people that laughed at me until they got used to me. But if I had it to do over again, if someone treats me like that again, I will be such a annoying vengeful bit** in their place of business.

Right, Arbon, annoying people always works to gain their respect. Exactly how do you figure that???

Yes, write to the company that owns the restaurant, and most important, include the day and the time that it happened. Employers usually want their staff to act professionally at all times; anything that offends a paying customer is a definite problem.