I told my GF !

[natalialimapoa]

Hey girls, a lot of new things in the last days, some good things and others not much.

Well, I called my girlfriends on the couch and began to explain that since Im 6 I wore girl clothes and makeup and that I felt like a woman often. I went straight to the point. She went into shock. She was doubting at first, but when I said I was serious, she was unresponsive. She asked many questions, wanted to know if I was gay, if I use panties, if anyone knew, if I had used her clothes, and other things. Much discussion took place that day, but at first she did not want to know any "dark" details. She said she would not break with me for this, but she did not have an opinion about it yet.

Over night she started crying a lot and closed a bit to talk. The next day, she started to cry even more, barely even talk, I pulled it and she gave no sign. She was very thoughtful and weird, had never seen her like that. Now she is a little better, but still weird when we talk on the subject. By the way, already introduced myself as Natalia.

She said I could use her makeup when I'm home alone. So we talked about makeup and she showed me how to use hers. But then, soon after, she cried. She is very afraid that I'm gay, even believing in me that I am not. She finds it very difficult not to associate gender identity with sexual preference. She is not ready to read material on the subject as well. She said she did research for five minutes about it at work, saw "some pictures" and began to cry.

I've never experienced it, I do not know what will happen and I'm worried about her. I feel more free with myself, but I feel kind of sad for her. She says that just imagening myself dressed as a woman she feels very sad. She has a very manly vision of me, because that's what I always passed to her.

I'm giving her time, dont want to rush things, but I can not say it was an easy progress. It has been complicated for us. I do not know how this story will continue, but hopefully in the end she runs better understanding of all this and we stay well.

I honestly do not know what to expect. I'm very open to tips, advice and all kinds of help at this point because I'm still a little lost :\

;*

[heatherdress]

Natalia - Good for you. Very appropriate and very gutsy to confide with your GF. I think she is responding as most SO's would. Give her time. Give her assurances. Give her the truth. Also, continue to be the partner she cares about and enjoys being with. Keep doing the things you both enjoy doing. She should not be losing the person she loves and cares for. Remember to focus on her needs. Good luck.

[AmyGaleRT]

Good for you, Natalia! The door has been opened a little bit, we'll see how things progress.

With regard to makeup...that was very generous of her to share hers, but you really shouldn't share makeup, especially eye makeup; you can spread some nasty infections that way. "Separate but equal" is the right way to go here. (Sabrina and I accomplish this by using different brands and storing our stuff separately; she's a longtime Cover Girl user, while I prefer L'Oreal and Maybelline.)

I'll be sending good thoughts your way...

- Amy

[Chickhe]

I believe the problem is one of what one says never matches what one hears. That is why my personal strategy was to just do it...no explanation, no tears, no fear (that I showed)... you want your partner to feel secure, to enjoy your feminine side. So, it is best to do it at an enjoyable time so her first impression is positive. She will wonder and worry, but give her time and show her you are still you and you are committed to her and hopefully she will come around.

[Courtneigh]

No pun intended but; why is it that the first question and hand in hand fearis always...."are you gay ?"

But not to worry ! I think it is a "Standard issued" question or response...I had the same when I came out to my previous GF and the a second time
years later to my Wife.
Now she is very supportive, encourages me to dress and do make-up and help me with it if needed. We shop together and we shop for eachother too.

Hang in there - "Tough people last; Tough times don't !!!"

[Beverley Sims]

I would take backward steps at every opportunity until the discomfort eases.
Find out her wants and then maybe advance slowly again.

[stephNE]

I think she wants some reassurance. Tell her you love her and only her and have no intention of ever leaving. Then take it slow and she will love you back. Good luck!

[Allison Quinn]

I told my girlfriend I identify as female and wear girls clothing a while ago, and of course it was a bit odd at first. We took it somewhat slow and I slowly confided in her over time :) Remember she has always seen you as manly since that's what you always passed to her. It's a shock to learn that you are not exactly as manly as she thought :)

Give her time, and of course as others have said assure her that you love only her, nobody else. She may be confused at all of it so when she is ready just tell her your feelings. don't lie. I looked at it as, I thought my girlfriend would love me enough to still accept me, but as with anything there are no guarantees.
If you can, you can even try compromising with her on things, that's helpful too :)

I wish you all the luck in the world ^^

[Princess Grandpa]

Hug
A brave thing you did. There could be som stormy seas coming. Be ready to ride out the storm. I hope things smooth out and you two live happily ever after!

Hug
Rita

[Hannah W.]

I'm sure that despite the trauma of talking to your gf, you feel better inside & happier now than you did before. I hated 'coming out' but it was eating me up inside, I felt 100 times better once I'd come clean to my wife. She was accepting & pleased I had no secrets, but still went quiet for a week or so whilst she processed this new information. Give her time, tred carefully & don't force your change of lifestyle on her.

Hannah

[JamieG]

Hi Natalia,

Your GFs reaction sounds similar to my wife's when I first told her. The good news is that was ten years ago, we're still together and she's quite accepting. The bad news is it took a long time to get to this place. It sounds like you've got the right idea. Give her plenty of time and space on the issue. Be sure to do plenty of things that you used to do as couple, and don't bring up the issue any more on your own for a while. If she asks questions, answer them. If she suggests that you do girly things together, be hesitant. Tell her that you can tell that this is painful for her, and you don't want her to do it just for you. Make sure that she knows its okay to not be automatically accepting of all this. Hopefully, this will give her time to digest things on her own time and realize that you haven't changed, you've just opened up more of your soul to her. Good luck!

Jamie

[natalie_cheryl]

all i can say is that you need to not force the issue, take your time more importantly take her time what i mean is move at her pace. talk about it a lil bit but let her do more of the talking. just go slow she will need to take time with this

[Jenniferathome]

Natlia, first, I think you did the right thing telling her. She can now make an informed decision about her future with you. I have a question about what you told her. In a previous post, you wrote that you imagined yourself as a woman whenever you had sex with her. Did you share this information as well?

While you state you are not gay, because of the comment above, is it possible that you are more than a simple cross dresser? Do you think about transitioning to a woman? These are things that must also be discussed, if true.

Best of luck

[suchacutie]

My wife told me early in Tina's existence that emotionally there were simply times that she really needed the man she married. I could see that this was very important emotionally. After all, we had already been married for over three decades and it seemed right that each of us should expect emotional support from the other just as we always had.

So, I promised that when she needed her man that's exactly what she'd have. It's only been a couple of times that she's requested my male self but I could feel how important it was to her at the time including my keeping my promise.

Hope this helps.

[natalialimapoa]

Hey girls, thanks for the kind words!

Reading your responses, I can clearly see that I was too fast hehe seeing the scenario from another angle is super good. I am naturally very impulsive, I just do and say what I feel, sometimes I go beyond the limits.

At this moment I'm focusing on a few issues that you brought, like not to mention about my CDing and wait for her to talk about it, do not press and show that did I didnt change and I'm still with her (I really highlight this). Today I served breakfast in bed to her and she sent me several emails from work saying that she is super happy!

Your advice is really helping me, thanks a lot girls!

;*

[natalialimapoa]

Natlia, first, I think you did the right thing telling her. She can now make an informed decision about her future with you. I have a question about what you told her. In a previous post, you wrote that you imagined yourself as a woman whenever you had sex with her. Did you share this information as well?

While you state you are not gay, because of the comment above, is it possible that you are more than a simple cross dresser? Do you think about transitioning to a woman? These are things that must also be discussed, if true.

Best of luck

Hey Jennifer, thanks for the support honey!
Yes, I shared this information with her in our first talk. I told her that in bed I feel like Natalia.

I dont know exacly why, but since the moment I told this information to her, our sexual life became much more intense and active. In my entire life I didnt feel this way, but now I feel like myself in bed, and she seems to like it a lot.

Im definitely not gay, but yes, maybe i could be more than a "simple crossdresser". Sometimes I think about transitioning, but its not completely clear to me, so before talking about this with her, I prefer to solve it with myself.

;*

[natalialimapoa]

Hi Natalia,

Your GFs reaction sounds similar to my wife's when I first told her. The good news is that was ten years ago, we're still together and she's quite accepting. The bad news is it took a long time to get to this place. It sounds like you've got the right idea. Give her plenty of time and space on the issue. Be sure to do plenty of things that you used to do as couple, and don't bring up the issue any more on your own for a while. If she asks questions, answer them. If she suggests that you do girly things together, be hesitant. Tell her that you can tell that this is painful for her, and you don't want her to do it just for you. Make sure that she knows its okay to not be automatically accepting of all this. Hopefully, this will give her time to digest things on her own time and realize that you haven't changed, you've just opened up more of your soul to her. Good luck!

Jamie

Thanks for sharing your story and lessons honey!

;*

[Leona]

My wife told me early in Tina's existence that emotionally there were simply times that she really needed the man she married. I could see that this was very important emotionally. After all, we had already been married for over three decades and it seemed right that each of us should expect emotional support from the other just as we always had.

So, I promised that when she needed her man that's exactly what she'd have. It's only been a couple of times that she's requested my male self but I could feel how important it was to her at the time including my keeping my promise.

Hope this helps.

Indeed, my wife was talking the other day about sometimes wanting to go to the store with her man. So today, I took her to the store being her man, and in quite a goofy mood I was making fun of pretty much everything. :) We bought peckerwoods instead of crackers, etc.

Anyway, Natalia, you will need to reassure her that the man is there, which means, of course, that you'll need to be sure the man is there and needs to be there. That's a pretty important thing to sort out, because if at any level you feel like the masculine persona you portray isn't real, this could be a problem. Your girlfriend could very well grow to love the feminine side of you, but it sounds like she will only do that with reassurance that the masculine is still there and always there. Obviously this is something you should talk to her about, and if it were me (and I have been there, but my wife wasn't worried I might be gay), I'd go ahead and approach that one fairly soon. Spend some time simply *defining* what "masculine" and "feminine" means to you both.

I guess in a lot of ways I got lucky. My wife was a tomboy growing up. She played with Transformers and not Barbies. In a few of her serious relationships, she took a lot of crap for not being girly enough and had to do things to prove she was "girly enough". So one of the issues we had to deal with was that she was conditioned to believe she had to be the feminine one in our relationship, and it took some doing before she could really see that I didn't care about that stuff, I love her like she is. And being hispanic (a potential issue for you, I believe), she can be quite a bit hairier than most men are comfortable with. Then, with this conditioning, she's faced with a man that is probably more feminine than she is.

Dunno if that last bit will help, but it's definitely something to find out. I found out by asking my wife if she expected to be the feminine one in the relationship, and she not only said yes, but she went off on a bit of a rant that had her in tears. I often make it sound like my wife was quite accepting, and she is at a level of acceptance that a lot of y'all wish you could get out of your mate, and that is true, but it was still a journey to get here.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Natalia, Well the ball is in her court now don't over whelm her right now.