The first person you out yourself to....

[Leona]

....is YOU!

How did you out yourself to yourself? How did you accept it?

This question is based on the reasoning that before you can tell someone else, you have to have some minimum level of self-acceptance. For me, I outed myself to my wife at exactly the same time I outed myself to myself. So the growth I've been enjoying since then, and she has been enjoying, and what we've done as a couple, it's all been new to both of us. I didn't get to show her pictures, or dig out my stash and show it to her, or anything like that. It was all new to both of us (other than the part where I'd known all this time, just didn't accept it about myself).

[lingerieLiz]

My sister when we were very young. After I got caught the rest of the family. Aunt and the list goes on. My girlfriend now my wife. And the rest of the world as they notice my figure (bra and projection usually gives it away).

[heatherdress]

I never knew that I was a crossdresser. When challenged, I purchased a pair of high heels. As soon as I put them on, I loved the feeling. I knew I had discovered - me. I was excited and happy. I felt different. I felt great. I accepted this awareness immediately.

[MysticLady]

....is YOU!

How did you out yourself to yourself? How did you accept it?


Because I was tired of being a meanie:straightface:

[Leona]

Victoria! You? Really? :eek:

[Beverley Sims]

I accepted myself when I was nine or ten years old.
Others never thought of it as being an outing.

[Laura912]

Truthful answer...not too sure. This all started so early, long before self awareness of gender, that I do not think I really knew at the time what it meant. A corollary question is "When did you know that your journey would be no further than where it is now?" For me, as a young teenager...teenagers know everything!

[Cristy2]

Not really sure either. The first of my friends to find out was the late Christina.

[Jana]

This question is based on the reasoning that before you can tell someone else, you have to have some minimum level of self-acceptance.

I agree. I'd known about my gender dysphoria since childhood, but only decided to accept it in my 30s. Later, after marrying my now wife, I shared it with her. Not that it was easy, but the fact I accepted myself made it possible for me to share.

[daarleane]

I had probably "know" about for years, but I did not accept it until I was married and out of the military. Up until then I was still busy trying to prove to myself that I was a "man" not one of "those".

[samanthasolo]

It is a wonderful feeling to not only gain self acceptance for yourself but it is a rare and wonderful thing to be able to share that with your wife and be accepted for who you are. I told my wife very early on, based on prior experience with my first marriage I knew I owed it to both of us to not have a deep dark secret, but also she deserved to have the choice of staying or going. I knew I was at risk to loose her but I did hope she would look past everything and see ME. THE PERSON! She did. Even though understanding eludes both of us about the WHY in this all, we have grown together as a married couple but also like we are best girlfriends.

[mikiSJ]

Because I was tired of being a meanie

That hit me right between the eyes, Victoria

I worked most of my life in real estate development and as an executive had to be this macho guy and super aggressive and cutthroat. Everyone I worked with was an "A" personality and while I always tried to hide that side of me I had to un-hide every morning to go to work and do battle.

I knew for a long time, since around 6, that I was a crossdresser, but it wasn't until I was forced out my job last year did I allow the Miki to come out and grow - without the competition from Michael and the other "A"s in my life. I really like who I am now.

[Ina Girdle]

It was this site and some others that allowed me to accept what or who I was. When I first came across this site (about 6 months ago), I was elated to find MANY other people like me, (shockingly similar life experiences and similar in age to me), that had arrived at this stage in life that I finally was able to accept me as I was. I like Miki was a very type A personality (at work) and after 3 decades of increasing responsibility with a company, suddenly found myself shuffled out the door in a corporate re-organization, which is happening to allot of people more and more.

My elation at reading stories of SO's acceptance of their husband's Cross-dressing was tempered by the stories of those who took the huge step to trust someone with their secret, only to have it blow up in their face and watch their relationship implode before their eyes. Once I could accept that I was truly a CD, after allot of years of self loathing and denial, I had to deal with the guilt of not telling my wife before we were married, because I was a coward. In two months, I read MANY threads on telling a spouse & loved ones and used that info to put together my explanation. I am very lucky as my wife is a very accepting person. Although she had and still does have some reservations and concerns, with compromise on both sides we are moving forward and I am in a great place.

I think the members should always remember that there are newbies coming along every day and that if we can help them out by sharing our experiences and advice to help them discover who they really are, IT IS A GOOD THING!!

Leona, Thanks for asking the question, made me think!! That's a good thing too.
Ina

[mariehart]

It was gradual for me. I didn't understand what it all meant when I was 11 years old and started putting on girls clothes. Thought it might be something to do with getting close to girls by dressing as one. The acceptance and understanding developed over the years in my mind. When I finally outed myself to two of my sisters by getting drunk and walking in on them hoping they might accept me. It backfired and they reacted badly. I did come out to my brother later and he mainly ignored the issue. But by then I was nearly sure of what I was. But I had absolutely no support from anyone. It is a very lonely thing.

But it was many years later that I finally came out to friends although by then I'd met others like me. It was the friends acceptance of me that finally settled it for me. Although ironically the final realisation led to a crisis in my life that nearly ended badly.

Now I'm back alone with the issue, except through this forum. My wife may or may not realise it and if she does has chosen not to confront the issue. Which probably means that even if I told her outright. She wouldn't want to deal with it. I know this from other aspects of our life where she simply dismisses issues and won't discuss or sometimes even acknowledge there is a problem.

So for all my self realisation, I'm alone with it again. Having to keep it all a secret is really uncomfortable.

[cyndigurl45]

I'm not sure about outing to, but my 1st wife and I shared the closet, heels etc :)

[Jasmyne]

....is YOU!

How did you out yourself to yourself? How did you accept it?

Leona

Great question and one I couldn't have answered until a couple of days ago, because I think I only just now accepted that its a part of who I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

One thing I've loved about following this site over the last few weeks is seeing how many others out there share the same experiences. I'm reading post after post and thinking to myself "wow, I'm not the only one! This is fantastic!" Before I thought it was just Bi or Gay men or just in the movies. Reading all the post impressed me so much because I've always felt a strong shame and guilt since I first experienced crossdressing at age 8. Off and on over the years I'd pick up something, dress up and a few days later throw it all away because I was ashamed and afraid someone would find out. I'd suppress it for years at a time until it was like a tsunami crashing against me, at which point I'd reveal in the pleasure of it being happy for a few days until the shame and guilt took control again.

A few years ago, I told my wife how I liked dressing up because of a comment she made during a random conversation we were having about men who dressed up as women in movies. She was already accepting of men who did it, thus I think that is the only reason I told her. I did dress up a couple of times, with her assistance with makeup and clothing choice, however, that was nearly 13 years ago. The habit of suppressing it crept in. It has only been in the last few days that I've really accepted this is a part of me I need to embrace, not be ashamed, and just be happy! It's been an amazing feeling, one of feeling whole and complete which I've never experienced before. I'm a bit nervous that shame and guilt might take hold again, but just taking it one day and one step at a time.

Thank you all, its posts like these which make that nervousness just melt away!

[Princess Grandpa]

I have a gift for denial. I had been wearing panties for some time and didn't realize the implication. I had my own drawer (in her dresser) with panties. They were only worn occasionally when we were being intimate. She even bought me this lovely lace nightie. It still never occurred to me I could be a crossdresser. After all I wasn't gay.

One night a few weeks ago she had set out my nightie of me to put on. Of course I was pleased. "Sweet gonna get our freak on tonight". While showering I thought "I should have her paint my nails". I got out of the shower put on my nightie and asked her to paint my nails. "Really?" She exclaims! I panicked. I thought I had crossed some line. I can't show weakness! "Yea! I don't know why, but yea paint my nails please. She giggled and said ok.

I don't even remember what color she used. Probably red since my nightie is red. I remember looking down at my nails and something snapped inside of me. "We'll what do you think"? She asks. What do I think? My eyes tear up a little bit. Suddenly I realize this is who I am. "This is the most amazing feeling" I say as I hug her. I" don't know how it's possible because I'm REALLY not gay but I'm a crossdresser babe!

It took a moment to realize that if my son or any of my friends came and told me this about themselves I would be accepting and happy for them that they were living their life true to themselves. How can I not allow myself the same?

Hug
Rita

[MysticLady]

That hit me right between the eyes, Victoria
I knew for a long time, since around 6, that I was a crossdresser, but it wasn't until I was forced out my job last year did I allow the Miki to come out and grow - without the competition from Michael and the other "A"s in my life. I really like who I am now.

I didn't mean to do that Miki, I would never a friend between the eyes:heehee:.
Sometimes, Blessings come in different disguises. Imagine how someone would have reacted if the "Prideful Macho" in them, would have taken the forceful eviction of a high position in a company. That's probably explains the awful news stories of men taking themselves out along w/ the family. That is just so sad.

[Tina B.]

I started dressing at around 6 years old, by my late teens I knew just what I was. Back then I didn't know it had a name, or that anyone else did it, but I knew I did and I knew it was important to me.

[Dianne S]

I fantasized about dressing in girl's clothes from about age 6 and started doing something about it around 12 or 13.

This was in the pre-Internet days and I really felt alone. At university, I found and read some books about crossdressing, which helped. I think kids today have it quite a bit easier because they can easily find a TG community on the Internet rather than feeling like they're the only weirdos in the world who do this sort of thing.

[Sabrina133]

I realized i was a cross dresser when i tried on my first skirt and blouse - I was about 12. I accepted and therefore outed myself when i was 24.

[Stephy]

I realised when it went from just liking the underwear and ladies gym tights to wanting to dress fully. For some time I had been in denial labelling myself borderline CD, thinking that CD was something "freaky" that people like me didn't do. It was through meeting others in a support group that I realised that CDs are just normal people like me. Now I feel bad for having been judgemental, especially since I would not want to be unfairly judged by others. Looking back, there had been a lot of hints along the way. When I was 9, I went to a fancy dress with my female cousin and we decided to go as a couple, but dressed as the opposite genders. I really loved wearing a dress and several people remarked that they thought I was a girl because my mannerisms fitted so well with my appearance. Through my teenage years, I would often try on my sisters bathing suits when she left them hanging behind the bathroom door. When I left school, I started to wear ladies tights to the gym. I tried to convince myself it was just about comfort, but I found myself choosing more and more feminine styles. It was a great relief when I finally accepted this part of me.

[Tami Joy]

I guess i'm one of the lucky one my mom started dressing me when i was 2 years of age [Really] she wanted a girl so i was it.As i got older 5 year old i was into my sister outfit's by then .But was not happy until i got my first bra at 15 year. 50 year's later and still going strong.Thanks Mom.

[Robin777]

I outed to myself when I was 12-13. That is when I started dressing.That is when I accepted myself for what I am. Before that I really didn't know what I was. Looking back I was always fascinated with women's clothing and lingerie. Growing up before the internet, I had the Sears and Penny's catalogs to look through. I remember getting a nightshirt to wear in the winter. They sold them for boys in the Sears catalog. Basically it was like a long sleeved nightgown, but for boys.

Another thing, I remember my mother saying they were hoping i was a girl, Because they wanted a girl after 2 boys. I don't know what influence that had on what I am. The only other person I have outed to is my lovely wife of 33 years. I have always accepted this part of me and I enjoy being me.

[Hannah W.]

Hmmmm I'd say that for me, I've still not really fully accepted who I am. About a month ago was when I realised that I WAS a crossdresser (despite dressing in girls clothes on & off since I was about 12), it was an exiting yet also scary realisation I think brought in by realising that as well as dressing in ladies clothes, I also wanted to look more like a women when I was dressed (wig, make up etc).

The reason why I say I'm still not wholly accepting, is at the moment I don't know where this will end! When I started I thought I just wanted this to be a home thing only, but since getting my wife's acceptance I'm feeling the urge to one day leave the house dressed...not yet...but at some point in the future.

I don't think I want to live en femme full time (I like being a guy too!) & I've genuinely no interest at all in transitioning. Once I'm more comfortable when I know where I'm going...then I'll truly be accepting of me! :)

[aprilgirl]

Interesting premise Leona, as for two plus decades the first person I have considered being the one I "outed" myself to was a girlfriend in my late 20's. At that time and ever since, I felt that her acceptance towards me went a long way towards me accepting myself. Though I see your point, in that a degree of self acceptance is necessary, or at the very least helpful, in sharing this part of who we are to someone other than ourselves.

To answer your the question on how I personally accepted it myself from the beginning. Apparently, not very well, as it took me nearly 20 years to get to that point of telling someone.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

My sister, at the time my life, morale, and self-esteem was in the toilet. Needless to say the heavy crushing burden of maintaining the status quo of remaining in the closet at all cost, and still trying to cure myself was not helping at all. So I figured, it was time to change something, which in this case was something that was an issue I carried my entire life. In telling her she could have rejected me, and outed me to the rest of my family causing a seen resembling those silly over the top cross dressing episodes of Jerry Springer. I still concluded even that would be better than what I was currently going through. Luckily for me she accepted and was almost like "that's it, I thought you were going to tell me you had a terminal illness or were dying!" Then she suggested we go clothes shopping now! :)

[Stevie]

I outed myself to my wife too, but not with the same results. She found my shoes and called to tell me that she was going to throw them away. I caved and told her. I expected that she was not going to be too happy with it but I just couldn't deal with hiding it any longer. I know if things were different she would not be with me today.

[MysticLady]

Hmmmm I'd say that for me, I've still not really fully accepted who I am. About a month ago was when I realised that I WAS a crossdresser (despite dressing in girls clothes on & off since I was about 12), it was an exiting yet also scary realisation I think brought in by realising that as well as dressing in ladies clothes, I also wanted to look more like a women when I was dressed (wig, make up etc).


Hi Hannah, I believe that the issue that a lot of men have is that, they feel that this will take from their manhood and catapult them into becoming a woman. They don't believe or realize that they are the one's that have total control over this and that they are the one's that are afraid of accepting this because of the fear that it'll turn into something they don't want. I'm happy because I accept this and "I" will decide where it'll take me or not. I have made this a servant, and it rests at my feet until I call for it.:D

[Princess Grandpa]

They don't believe or realize that they are the one's that have total control over

I'm not sure this I agree. Yes we have the power to suppress but at what cost. Perhaps many of us can limit what we do. But that I suspect is more likely for those of us with a part time need. We don't get it both ways. Either it's part of who we are and it's a choice of accepting or living in denial; or we have control over it and could quit if we wanted, as so many try to do.

Hug
Rita

[MysticLady]

I'm not sure this I agree. Yes we have the power to suppress but at what cost.

Hi Rita, I'm not saying suppress, we all know what happens?( Dr Jekell come to mind?) I'm saying guide it as you would anything else. It's very difficult to do, since it can quickly become an addition such as alcohol or drugs. I think you have too be highly mature to be able too do it. I am not that mature since there are other things that I'm addicted too and hard to control. (smoking for one). Anyway, this is just my feelings on the matter.

[Princess Grandpa]

The whole Dr. Jekyll thing or more likely a deep depression setting in is what I imagined when I read total control over.

Hug
Rita

[Leona]

Perhaps it would be better to say it can be managed? For example, I could really want to dress up, but my wife wants her husband for the evening. So I be her husband for the evening, and then dress up for bed. Not the same thing as a compromise, but I am choosing a small, short-term level of suppression for the sake of satisfying my wife, and I can do that because I know that tomorrow I can dress up. Or I could just say "How about tomorrow night, babe? I don't think I can pass as a man right now" (which I have said to her a few times :) ).

[josrphine]

My store is long, as now I am 72.When dressed as a women I look in my 50. The women I am with we met back in 06 , we had met at singles meet up in a church hall. It was on a wed. night . My friend who is also a C D was the Pres. of this single group. He played both ends against the middle. I was going back to Florida on Sat so he said come on over what due you have to lose , plus you don't have to pay. This was in Connecticut. She had had a fight with the guy she was dating, and came to the meeting. I had finished my meal an was on the porch in drab, drinking my beer I saw this car come in an up the walk way she came. I looked right at her, an she said, [ You are in a advantage position an I am a naturalist. ] Thought that over for a while. She came in and talked too some of the other women, saw me sitting at one of the tables an came over. We talked for 3 hours. I asked her out for Friday cause I told her I was going back to Florida on Sat. Driving. She said yes , well on friday there was monsoon rain I gave her 3 things we could do, go to a show and dinner, go to the local casino, or I had made some Vension chile and I could come down with it an some wine. She said yes to the chile and wine. She had a very nice home on an island off Norwalk Ct. Well we ate the chile and drank the wine an she brought out more wine. But she was gone for a while each time she went for wine. I found out latter that she was locking me in the house. We got into a conversion about sex and both of us liked oral. Well being the person I am I told her right off the bat about my Cross dressing, she said so what she was a Grennage village girl. Well after being there for 4 days I told her i needed to go back to Florida. She unlocked the doors and told me to go to her place in Nokomis Fl. an she would be down in a week. The home is great and we have been together for 7 yrs. Side note we are both the same size in cloths an shoes. She was a widow an when i moved in she wore all of my cloths as she had a lot of black. I dress when ever I want, we go out as sisters . I feel that I am one of the most lucky C D's in the U S.

[prettyinpink57]

I am bisexual and the first person i came out to was my boyfriend when i was 14 years old. I dressed for him all the time. We broke up when I was 17 and i put cindy back in the closet for almost 30 years. Last oct i finally told my wife of 25 years i was a crossdresser and have been dressing ever sense. She is fine with it she helps me with it in many ways.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Leona, It probably all started when my mom dressed me in that little white receiving gown
when they brought me home from the hospital when I was three days old.

[Diane Edwards]

I knew since the age of 10. However I didn't come out to someone else until I was 15 and that was to my friend, Jo, after she told me that she was a lesbian. I think that because we came out to each other it deepened our friendship. She also helped me become more comfortable with who I was as well as helped with all the girl things I didn't really know how to do well. All these years later we still get together for a girls night out with her SO. She also helped me when I told my cousin Gail. In fact Jo had suggested that I show Gail rather than just tell her. (Jo was the first one to notice that Gail and I looked so much alike when I was Diane. To say that Gail was surprised at my admission and totally amazed at my appearance would be an understatement. Her response to meeting me as Diane is etched into my memory: "My God! You look just like me!!" It was the start of something good.)

[Leona]

Diane: I believe your entire comment can be summarized with a Beach Boys song. I'm somewhat ashamed to say that. "Something tells me I'm in to something..." :)

I'm really enjoying reading these answers. I'm especially enjoying the dramatic differences in answers. I think every decade of human life has been covered in terms of accepting yourself as a crossdresser. Well, at least up to the 70s. Anybody older than 79 that didn't come out to themselves until 80 or older?

I'm also enjoying in particular those of you who have had to really think about it. I didn't think this thread would be thought-provoking, so I'm happy that it has done exactly that for some of you.

[Quksilver420]

I knew that I was a cross dresser at a young age. Today is the first day I dressed in front of my wife andit went well. She didn't totally flip out andshe realized I am still the same person.