You should cry more

[Leona]

How many of you still feel like you shouldn't cry because it's not masculine, or that you can only cry when en femme because it's a feminine thing?

This question is prompted by me thinking about how many times my wife and I have cried together. She's the first person to really see me cry (my sister saw it once during my divorce, but I still managed to hold it in place and not let it get 'too far'). But now, there are points in a movie where I grab her and she grabs me and we know the crying scene is coming (most recently being Spock's death, because we watch way too much Star Trek). The kid even throws herself into the pile and cries with us for some things.

Greek tragedy and many other sources (Shakespeare anyone?) depict men crying and consider a man crying to be a sign of strength, a sign that whatever is at stake MATTERS to the man. That men have feelings that are worth suffering for, fighting for, and ultimately, winning or dying for.

When dealing with an SO, do you cry when you are faced with the possibility of losing her? Do you want to but suppress it?

To the GGs: Did your SO cry when talking about the CDing? If she did, did it make a difference to you? If she didn't, did THAT make a difference to you?

In other words: How important is it to show your emotional attachment to her and your fear of losing her over THIS? Why not cry? I don't really know what y'all have done, I feel like even here, the discussion of men crying (even if they are CDers) is suppressed because in our world, men don't cry.

[Princess Grandpa]

It's been a long time since I was afraid to cry. I have always been fairly emotional. Here lately though I have thought it might be more emphasized. I tend to tear up pretty easily with emotional songs or scenes of movies. /shrug

Hug
Rita

[Tracii G]

Crying is OK for a guy if its an emotional thing.
A stubbed toe isn't a good reason.

[whowhatwhen]

It's very hard to deprogram yourself and allow yourself to cry, only recently have I been able to and those were under bad, bad times.

[AmyGaleRT]

No less a man than Rosey Grier, one of the "Fearsome Foursome" of the Los Angeles Rams defense, assured us "It's All Right to Cry." (See Marlo Thomas' Free to Be...You and Me.) So it must be true! :)

Certain pieces of really good music make me tear up. I did so during a photoshoot once, when my Google Play music started playing "My Heart Will Go On" and I found myself empathizing with Celine Dion and with Rose in the movie Titanic. And one that will always get the waterworks going is "Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver (one of the official state songs of Colorado, since 2007), because it speaks so strongly to why I love this place.

- Amy

[reb.femme]

Emotional old me is a right blubber guts, just can't help it. Funerals, love etc. However, as TracII said, stubbed toe time, the hulk in me appears. You wouldn't like me when i'm angry. The man comes out every time :o

[Emmalee]

I cry for my friends who have died,I cry when I hear or watch the news sometimes and I cry when I see people suffering, like one time i was In Los Angeles by skid row I saw a homeless man his feet had gone septic, he was working with these botanicas"mexican voodoo oil" I just couldn't help it. Though my tears never stop me from being a man when I have to be. Of course when i'm in drab I tend to keep myself held in a little better

[Cynthia Anne]

Emotions in me run deep! Just like my desire to be female! This is one redneck girl who IS brave enough to cry!!

[Beverley Sims]

I cry when my emotions overflow.

[noeleena]

Hi,

So i should cry more ,

well sometimes when im on here writeing some very deeply felt issues or detail about my self or my pet subject of our grandaughter Dejarn, i do & what she means to me ,

Is it only us who cry no of cause not, many males do & it depends on the person & the detail.

Most of my life its been the same im very emotional, & in front of others . i did when takeing a meeting for some 60 people the subject was whats it like liveing as female whos different got onto my subject of Dejarn , & yes it just comes out its just to close to home, so i had to compose my self, then continue on , took a few min's, there are things that effect me very much.

Its part of our makeup of who we are, male or female , i know there are some who are so hard , well thats what they show as being strong & nothing effects them yet really are they , when they are by them selfs. Hmmm..... i wonder......

Im a strong woman & i do have /& had issues to go through my heart is still tender to show that softness so yes i cry though thats only the out pouring of whats inside,

...noeleena...

[Druscilla Supernovae]

Nothing wrong with crying. It's not good to keep things bottled up. 2011 was a messy year for me. My ex Fiance cheated on me. I never cried so much in my life.

[Leona]

Anthrax: In My World. That one gets me going every time. Also Megadeth's Hook in Mouth. Metallica's Dyer's Eve (don't tell anybody!). When my wife and I watch the first V miniseries, we have to cuddle up and hold each other for the last few scenes, when the Jewish guy is showing the kids how to properly paint a red V for Victory on the visitors' posters.

[flatlander_48]

I always did mist up at movies or when I was particularly touched by something. As long as it was a very personal and private thing, it didn't bother me. It would feel strange to me if there were not things and events that effected me on a deep level.

[GBJoker]

I can't respond to any of the questions really, because they all concern SO's, but I thought I had a weird take on the topic overall.

My male self cries all the time. Kimberly has never cried. The exact opposite of the stereotypes. Even I am at a loss to explain it.

[ErinSassyPants]

Maybe Kimberly hasn't had any pain yet, maybe she's still your happy place?

My SO does not cry, not ever. It worries me.

[GBJoker]

I don't think she's my happy place. I always saw YouTube as my "happy place." Especially the horror type stuff on there, since it's always funny to watch other people getting scared out of their pants. :p

Honestly, letting Kimberly out does not make me "happy." I'm just... me. I dunno how to explain it.

[ReineD]

My SO did not cry when telling me about the CDing. There really was nothing to cry about. We were beginning our relationship, and had I not been supportive neither he nor I had anything to lose. We each would have moved on.

I know some men who are secure enough in themselves to shed tears, and I admire such men tremendously.

On the crying in general, a lot of people agree with you that men should lose their shame over expressing the full spectrum of human emotion. Dr. William Pollack, a psychologist, said something a few years ago that struck me deeply, after one of the school shootings: "When we don't let boys cry tears, some will cry bullets."

Here's an article you might be interested in:
http://www.fact.on.ca/newpaper/am9907.htm

[Emogene]

I would love to cry! How?

Seriously, how does one give self, in a meaningful way, permission to cry and then does so?

Emo would love to cry and very desperately needs too, much excess baggage after sixty years of life in a seriously macho male career/persona.

Reine, thank you so much for the link. I asked my question, went back to the forum and there was your comment. I skimmed it but have printed it for a more thorough study.

Your timing was inspired.

[Tracii G]

Heck a well executed guitar solo from deep in the heart of a player will get me a bit misty.
Lita Fords guitar solo in the song "Lisa" will get me choked up.Lisa was her Mom.When Lita plays the lead you can tell the emotion she feels.
The whole video is awesome with old family pics of her parents and Lita as a little girl.Such a touching song from the heart.
She has a new song out called Mother and its a good one too.

[Sister Rachel]

Oh, there have been times when I've shed a few tears over my own situation, my wife's illness, my father's death, various things.

The last time that salt tears really rolled copiously down my cheeks, I was at the kitchen sink doing the washing-up when the news of the Dunblane massacre broke on BBC radio :(

[Ericaxd]

I cry at movies, I cry at TV shows, I cry at sad news stories (I wept constantly after the school shooting in Connecticut and the bombing in Boston.) I think I'm the only guy that cries at weddings. I cry at commercials knowing I'm being manipulated. I'll turn on the first 10 minutes of the movie "Up" just to have a good cry.

[Princess Grandpa]

Thank you for that article reine.

Hug
Rita

[Eryn]

Good article, well worth reading.

I've pretty much lost the ability to cry. Crying implies a loss of control and of all the things I was taught not to do was to lose control. Boys are taught to toughen up and attack the issue and when the issue cannot be attacked we are left with frustration and anger. It feels like a hole exists in my emotional repertoire.

[steftoday]

I cry at the drop of a hat. Movies, music, family events; you name it. I have always been very sensitive and emotional.

[Tina B.]

I never cry from physical pain, I'm a tough old guy that tales it in stride, but the older I get and especially since I had a by pass operation, and my emotional state changed, I cry, for sad movies, I cry for sentimental stories on line, I cry at the drop of a hat, wish I didn't, I have to watch what I'll even talk about in some crowds, because I don't want to look like an old fool. But at home alone, or with just me and the wife, between you and me, I love good cry, it lets the female emotions get out that never where allowed out in the old days.

[Leona]

It's worth pointing out that this "boys don't cry" attitude is so recent in history, it's a 20th century invention. Our Founding Fathers cried. So did Lincoln. Crying for any reason wasn't delegated to a "female" emotion until the last 100 years.

[ReineD]

I would love to cry! How?

I don't know. Maybe you could just begin by allowing yourself to feel the sadness when it comes. Don't tell yourself that you "shouldn't", that men "aren't supposed to" feel this way and that you "should toughen up". Just let your sadness fill you up and allow it to pass through. You may or may not cry ... even some women don't cry much. But, the importance is to feel all your feelings and if you do, maybe eventually the tears will come.

I think that a lot of men believe that to feel fear or sadness is a weakness. But we cannot escape being afraid or sad. We can choose to not show it to some people (I can't cry in public nor do I want to), but we all must be able to feel all our feelings, even if only in private.

[5150 Girl]

I have no problem with crying in either girl or ugly mode. I think the biggest thing that keeps me from doing it is that I have so much crap piled on right now, that I'm to numb to feel anything.

[Leona]

If men are to present as courageous, they must feel both fear and sadness, because courage cannot exist without those feelings. Courage is the strength to put your other feelings aside and face the situation rationally and calmly and do what needs to be done (that's at least one definition of courage). It is for this reason that I believe women are currently more courageous than men, as a demographic.

I'd suggest getting drunk and watching something that deals with things you feel strongly about. If you're a Trekkie, get drunk and watch the Wrath of Khan. When you feel the stirrings that you usually suppress during the Spock Death Scene, that's your opportunity to work on letting tears flow.

[Eryn]

It's worth pointing out that this "boys don't cry" attitude is so recent in history, it's a 20th century invention. Our Founding Fathers cried. So did Lincoln. Crying for any reason wasn't delegated to a "female" emotion until the last 100 years.

I won't quite call it a conspiracy, but it sure seems that a lot of folks decided at the same time to teach boys how to be aggressive but otherwise unemotional soldiers. It's a survival skill in combat, but hardly good for peacetime society.

[Audrey34]

After starting therapy almost 20 years ago I've learned it's okay to cry. When I cry it releases all the build up frustrations in me. And I feel so much more refreshed once I'm done.
-Audrey

[Tina B.]

I feel that way too Audrey, it's like a release valve, cry and pressures drift away.

[Allison Quinn]

Even before I told my SO about my gender identity issues, I still cried all the time in front of her and she never made fun of my feelings she hugged me.
I've cried at school over movies and books before, in front of people who knew me only as a male and nothing more as well and have never had anything said to me ever. I've even been praised by people for not being afraid to show emotions but honestly I don't understand why you would ever hold any back. Holding things back especially emotions just leads to an unhappy life in my eyes.

for your questions though

How important is it to show your emotional attachment to her and your fear of losing her over THIS
I was terrified :) I failed part of my nursing program since I was so preoccupied with telling her and the thought of losing her made me want to suppress everything but I know that I can't. I was crying when I told her about my feelings, because I was afraid she might reject all of me or not want to deal with it but I didn't want to hide anything from her anymore. But I was miserable, and she could tell that I was I had to tell her and I've felt a lot happier since telling her.
I feel like even here, the discussion of men crying (even if they are CDers) is suppressed because in our world, men don't cry.
I haven't been here long enough and it may be because I'm TG but I still don't see a reason why you can't cry :P
Why not cry?
There is no reason, you'll feel a lot better if you open up ^^ but to each their own. Just as I don't judge one who cries I won't judge one who doesn't either :)

[CynthiaD]

Pain doesn't make me cry, but sad or emotional movies do. So does beautiful music. I cried buckets watching "The Soloist," but I shattered the radius bone in my arm without shedding a single tear.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Where is it written that men shouldn't cry? Who gave women the exclusive?
I cry all the time. Sometimes at the drop of a hat. A song. A smell. A thought or memory. All of these things can bring me to tears. I feel better afterwards. I think that crying is a very healthy thing to do. Psychologically it is cleansing!

[Teri Ray]

I am in the cry at the drop of a hat group. Heck every time I hear the national anthem I cry.

[Frédérique]

Greek tragedy and many other sources (Shakespeare anyone?) depict men crying and consider a man crying to be a sign of strength, a sign that whatever is at stake MATTERS to the man. That men have feelings that are worth suffering for, fighting for, and ultimately, winning or dying for.

Like what, exactly? I cried when I saw your “laughing” avatar – I guess I can’t take you seriously, eh? Just kidding...


In other words: How important is it to show your emotional attachment to her and your fear of losing her over THIS? Why not cry? I don't really know what y'all have done, I feel like even here, the discussion of men crying (even if they are CDers) is suppressed because in our world, men don't cry.

Since I’ve been on this site, I have cried LESS, which means (I guess) that I have become more male over time. Is this a GOOD thing? :thinking:

[LilSissyStevie]

I do plenty of crying. In fact, it's kind of a 'tick' I have that's related to PTSD. The other day I was in the orchard thinking random thoughts and raking up windfall apples when a powerful wave of despair came over me. It wasn't despair about anything in particular, just the emotion. The next thing I know I'm on my knees sobbing uncontrollably. Then, as fast as it came, it left. I got up, looked around hoping no one saw me and went back to work.

The way it works, as far as I can understand it, is that emotional trauma of a sufficient magnitude can re-wire the brain so that a trigger will communicate directly with the subconscious mind and bypass the conscious mind completely. It's a permanent scar, so to speak, and I've just learned to live with it. I used to fight it thinking I should be in control of my emotions but that just seemed to make things worse. Now I just go with the flow (pun intended.)

One thing that seems to help is being sad on purpose rather than having the unexpected visitor overtake me when it's inconvenient. I'm kind of a collector of sad songs and find that if I have a good cry listening to music, I have less of those sort of flashbacks like I had in the orchard. Go ahead, click the link in my tagline, an aria from, appropriately enough, Henry Purcell's The Fairy-Queen.

[Tawne]

Crying is a natural human emotion for both MEN and WOMAN. If there are men that are never been caught crying, then they are crying at home under the bed sheets.