coming out

[Leannelegs]

Hi all. New to the site. I have a question. How do I gently let my wife know I love to dress as a woman.

[Sister Rachel]

Well that all depends on who you are, and who your wife is .. you won't get a quick answer to that question, I'm afraid!

[Stephanie Miller]

Very quietly whisper from the far corner of the bedroom - while she's sleeping :heehee:

[Princess Grandpa]

I fear I don't have an answer to your question although I suspect you will get several. There are many threads on these forums of people doing just that. Sometimes successfully sometimes not so much. I'm not really good at searching forums hopefully you're better at it or maybe some will point you towards links. Some of them seemed quite good. When you do tell her I hope you will come back and let us know you told her and how she responded. Lots of well wishes coming to you

Hug
Rita

[robindee36]

Leanne, not sure there is a quick and easy answer on this one. You can see already that it is going to be very a situational dependent thing that only you can evaluate.

Not having any experience with this, I have no advice to offer. In cases like that, I love to offer a cute, flippant remark just to lighten what must be a heavy task. Just can't think of one right now. But if I do.....I'll be back (spoken in baritone voice of course ;)

Hugs, Robin

[Di]

Find a time you can talk alone
Explain it is a part of you
Be honest
Be prepared for all the questions
Be ready to explain why you kept it from her.....

Heres a post to help

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

[Kelley]

I don't think there is a gentle way to come out to a wife or SO. Just make sure you know what you want to say and what you need to say. Be prepared to answer all the questions that will come up and most of all make sure you have plenty of time to discuss it even if that is 2, 3 or 4 hours.

Kelley

[ChelseyD]

Very quietly whisper from the far corner of the bedroom - while she's sleeping :heehee:

and then duck quickly!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Leanne, Be careful what you wish for there are no guarantees on how it will turnout.

[heatherdress]

Leanne - You need to let her know. How you should do that is different for everyone. Depends on who she is, how you both communicate, if you have children, the extent to which you crossdress, etc. You should get many different suggestions. A

[ErinSassyPants]

I agree with Di and don't let any of the members scare you off from being honest with your wife.

Also, be prepared to go slow with her if she needs that and be prepared that she may well react one way at first and then have very different feelings before she finds her place.

Also, if she needs help understanding she can sign up here and talk with other wives.

[Jacqueline Winona]

You know her better than any of us, so use your best judgment and remember to listen while you talk about it. IF this is going to come as a complete shock, just be prepared for her to react accordingly.

[amy101]

Take her to see a ladyboy show see how she responds to guys in dresses if its a good response the ease her into it with some well selected documentaris if all is well then just tell her nice and easy then give her plenty of time to digest it

[Tina B.]

Sit her down on the sofa, and tell her your sorry that you didn't have the nerve to tell her earlier, and then drop the bomb on her. Well maybe that's not the best way, but there is no easy, safe, or quick way to deal with this as an issue. Not knowing you wife, or her background, of course I have no idea how she would take that kind of news, We have stories here where it was no big deal, and life goes on undisturbed (much) To the quick end to marriage and life as it was before being honest.
Around here you will hear you have to tell,or to be very cautious telling can be hazardous to your life as you know it.
I won't tell anyone to tell or not, but I will suggest you study the person you want to tell, figure out ahead of time how you might come out of it, and then be prepared for what ever may come if you do tell, it may not come out the way you want it to.

[Princess Grandpa]

Around here you will hear you have to tell,or to be very cautious telling can be hazardous to your life as you know it.
I won't tell anyone to tell or not, but I will suggest you study the person you want to tell, figure out ahead of time how you might come out of it, and then be prepared for what ever may come if you do tell, it may not come out the way you want it to.

Tina makes sense! Only you can decide what is best for your and yours. If you deal with this I applaud you. If you chose not to in no way could I condemn you. You must evaluate all possible outcomes and be prepared for any of them.



I agree with Di and don't let any of the members scare you off from being honest with,

Erin's right! Don't let any scare you away if you are of a mind to do this. But at the same time don't let any of us convince you to do it if you don't believe it's right for you.



Find a time you can talk alone
Explain it is a part of you
Be honest
Be prepared for all the questions
Be ready to explain why you kept it from her.....

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

If your determined to tell her, good for you! I hope things come out well. I have read many stories of people doing just that and their marriages continue to thrive. Di's advise seems good. This link had lots of good information in it and could be helpful to you.

I'm hoping all the best for you and yours.
Hug
Rita

P.S. sure hoping to hear how you proceed with this

[Druscilla Supernovae]

Talk to her about the subject in general. Bring it up in a discusion somehow and see what her views are before telling her about youself.

Sit down with her and watch misses doubtfire or tootsie and say to her "I wonder what it's like to dress as a girl"?

[MatildaJ.]

You could also try talking about gender issues in general -- does she ever complain about aspects of being a woman and having to dress a certain way? You could use that to talk about how weird it is that our society tells us what to wear. And mention that sometimes you'd like to be able to wear soft or silky clothes, but it's hard with society being so judgmental. My advice is taking baby steps, rather than announcing suddenly that you want to go out of the house dressed completely as a woman. For instance, once she knows you like to wear silky clothes, then bring up the idea of wearing panties or stockings. Once she's used to panties, then bring up the idea of wearing a skirt.

Of course, that depends on how bad your need is to dress all the way, and what your needs are from her. Do you need to discuss the money you'll spend on new clothes, or just have her understand your desire for undisturbed private time? You may need to explain more fully if your needs feel urgent and you need cooperation from her.

[Beverley Sims]

Leanne,
Very carefully. :)
There are a lot of ideas on this board about the big reveal.
I suggest you search them out, read them through and when you have finished ask a more considered question.
That way you will receive more pointed advice.
It is a serious situation and doing it the wrong way can be heart breaking.

My initial response to your question was, "Hi love I like wearing your bra and panties." :)

THIS IS NOT A LIGHT MATTER!

Go and read the threads throughout the forum.

[Micky]

Mine experience was bit easier since I broke the ice with her while we were still dating. I just mustered the courage to tell her she had beautiful legs, especially when wearing pantyhose, and that I have a special fondness for them. I professed my undying love to her also. Then I told her it was always a fantasy of mine to wear a pair, to enjoy the feel and to bring out the "female" part of me. After all, she is a "tom-boy" type and getting her to wear nylons now compared to then is like balancing the Federal budget. Anyway, she giggled a bit and said sure, why not. She said that if this is what makes you feel good and releases your stress, then by all means go ahead and do it - but ( and there were conditions ) no skirts, dresses, wigs, or bras. She didn't forbid heels so I tried that but it didn't go over very well; not that it was a total turn off, just a "you should lose the heels or keep them for your private moments" remark. Well, that was an elephant off my chest. I got to the point where I would be able to wear pantyhose and tights all I wanted; as long as I bought my own ;)

[jackie_p]

Leanne

I don't think there really is an easy way. It will probably be a shock unless she had some reason to suspect. Anyway, from my experience and what I have read of others, it isn't so much about how you tell her as it is about how you deal with it afterwards. In my case we had been married 27 years when I told her. I spent a lot of time gaining her trust back after lying to her for so long. I also went to a counselor with her to help her cope. Finally, I let her set the boundaries. We have moved from a strict DADT to he giving me time occasionally, and buying me a few things even though she still doesn't want to see.

The biggest problem seems to be that once out, there is a desire to go too far too fast. Just because she knows, and may even be tolerant or accepting, doesn't mean you get to move things along at your pace.

Take it slow, and good luck to you.

Hugs
Jackie

[Chickhe]

You look at someone in drag and say....that's cool! Someday I'm going to try it. Then one day you just go and do it and show her the results. The most fun time to do it is Halloween. Explain nothing, other than to say, its looked like fun, it gets rid of the shock factor and you learn a lot.