Feelings vs being

[GabbiSophia]

Trying to not look forward or backwards. Trying to live each day and not worry about what is to come. That's my life at the moment. I find it really hard to do,live each day without worrying, but I am doing my best. I find myself feeling like a woman and wanting to be a woman. Though I do not feel I am a woman. It's like a fantasy except I feel things and those things confuse the hell out of my mind. I really have come to love my life even with the things going on but that doesn't make the feelings go away, the feeling that I want to be a woman but I want to be more manly at the same time. It's like I am walking a tight rope at times, I want both to be male and female. Talk about confusing and talk about the over load of the mind with what to do. Then I stop and realize I am worrying about the future. So I stop to look at today and try not miss it. What a crazy place I am at at the moment. I want to be two things and two things can not occupy the same place .. at least that's what they taught me... I am trying to prove it wrong

[stefan37]

You have to start taking action to help alleviate your suffering. You can live and coexist in the middle. You can find relief. The price for that will be changes in your life. That is the price we pay to mitigate and relieve our suffering. Nobody can tell you what to do. But if you continue as you are will suffer for the rest of your life. Ask yourself this question. What can I do and what steps can I take to live a more gender congruent life. Living in the middle is valid but will take an effort on your part and will more than likely require some sacrifices and possibly losses. But until you start to take those steps you will be back every couple months complaining about how your gender incongruence is screwing you around.

[GabbiSophia]

Stefan its not really a complaint as much as it is just a chance to put into words my life. I was told to find what makes me happy, as it turns out its a blurred line in between worlds. I have no clue down the road where my life will lead but I am doing my best to try and stop worrying about it. That maybe the point of my op. Just felt like I needed to write it down.

[noeleena]

Hi,

The two things can not occupy the same place, in what way do you mean that one cannot be both male / female or male & female.

I was never taught about male or female i was never pushed into a role if you like i was let to do or be who i was / am,

Okay im different born different so i dont see ether male or female as most normal people do. we have well over 100,000 people who are different in many ways on our forums wether they be dresser's or trans or other with in the context of who we are , we all so have some 10,000 who are different again im a part of those people intersexed.

im known as an intersexed woman born female just a bit different, yea i know weird , thing is i dont have to prove what i am i let others do that & you know what they'v got it right, they see in myself what i really am. so its all sorted, i dont have to worry or have issues nothing just get on with liveing being who i am & happy as well , dont make the mistake i had to go through a lot to get where i am now it was not easy it was hell yet we got through it & im still here to talk about it,

Can i say here its not a feeling if or not being a woman is a process of ...growing... you dont just become a woman you grow as one, the other part is only you can say ,,, are you one who accepts themselfs for who they are or in this case you, can you say with out any doughts at all im a female born a little out of sorts & needs to grow into my self, & be who i really am.

Wonting something is very different than ...being...my difference is i never wonted to be a female because i was one to start with, i never thought as a male did not know how to . so what you need to do is look deep inside of your self & find yourself, when you do youll not need to have that wont ... itll be you know your self,
What you do after that will depend on what you ...need ... to do. how you need to live,

Heres a ? what do you see in a woman that makes you desire to be like one, this ? > has a few barbs in it, when you understand the ? youll see what the ? is about.

...noeleena...

[kimdl93]

It's a legitimate feeling. I'm glad you've chosen to enjoy the dichotomy rather than be tormented by it.

[stefan37]

Putting your thoughts to words is immensely effective. and it is a start. This is and can be a complicated journey with many fears and concerns. You will need ot examine your own thoughts clearly to figure out the best course for you. There are many members on this forum that have successfully integrated both male and female and have found balance. There is no right or wrong. What works for me may or will not work for you. Your quest for balance is for you to discover. All I was saying to find that balance you need to explore different ways to live. Maybe electrolysis, maybe freer gender expression, whether in mannerisms or dress. many times it our expectations and those close to us that impose their views on what a male should be that prevents us from finding out truly who we are. It is hard to give up some male socializations we have acquired over the years to find that balance. It can be very difficult for our loved ones to accept those changes we incorporate. That can not be helped and in many cases it hurts not only us. You have to find your balance and what makes you happy. Otherwise you will always have this angst and it has a negative effect on those we are close and those we interact with.

Fear is a powerful motivator and prevents us from making the difficult decisions to improve our life and can be powerful enough to cause paralysis. Neither result of fear can be good for our personal growth. You have the right idea to think only about today and not think too far in the future. It is nice to have a plan but life events can severely alter those plans and contingencies will have to suffice. Work on a plan today to find something, 1 thing you think will help you today get through your inner demons. Then follow through, see if it makes a difference. If not try something else until you find what helps you achieve balance.

[Jana]

You need to get past the turmoil inside in order to find peace, so you are moving in the right direction. I agree with you, live in the now, take one step at a time without worrying too much about the future. Seek professional counseling if you must. Sometimes it helps in collecting your thoughts and feelings and making some sense out of them. It did help me figure things out when gender dysphoria hit really hard some time ago.

[Kelly DeWinter]

................. I want to be two things and two things can not occupy the same place .. at least that's what they taught me... I am trying to prove it wrong

Sounds like you want to be a physicist since quantum physics says two things can occupy the same place. :eek:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Words, resolve, thoughts and definitions(what am I questions?) can not stop consequences.

You are not two things...you are just you.. you can't rationalize or logic your way out of it...
For all of us it is the same...we are what we are...and for each and every one of us our actions/inactions (Not our posts, not our definitions, not our wailing) will result in a consequence

I feel your message as you are really are missing out on today because this problem is filling up your mind...you are living totally inside your own head...
That is the consequence of how you are approaching things

...its unsustainable, and which way it goes is still unknown...if you don't do something to live for today, then you will go on like this until you can't do it anymore..

i'm sure the feeling of "I can't do this anymore" resonates with a lot of people here.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Who is "They"? Obviously they are feeding you inaccurate information which is leading you to be confused about the transgendered. I hate it when that happens!
You can, indeed, be the best of both worlds!!
Be "YOURSELF"!

[Barbara Ella]

The message that resonates here is that you have to find and then be yourself. Two things can occupy the same space, Kelly pointed out the physics. I like to compare it to blending two or more primary colors to make a beautiful third color in the same space. You just need to figure out the two colors (level of female vs. male) and accept the resulting beautiful color that is you. Right now you do not appear to be comfortable with the thought. even though you love your life. It will just take time, and more time. Don't let it worry you, go with the flow and you will find your space.

Barbara

[KellyJameson]

You may simply be trying to break free from a life of social conditioning that expects you to live in ways unnatural to you.

A brain/body dichotomy makes life hostile to the mind which seeks an inner peace that cannot be found until the dichotomy is resolved.

On some level this is an extreme experience of a problem everyone must address or suffer the consequences.

You are born into the world unformed and everything that touches your life shapes you into what you live as this expression but only until you begin to live life with intent is there any hope that you will express that which is uniquely you.

This requires being comfortable with risk because it requires experimenting with your life by stepping out of your comfort zone when the impulse is to play it safe and live as you have been taught to live by others.

There is a specific form of unhappiness that feels like discontent with ones life and also with being uncomfortable living with the self because the self is a stranger and each creates the other.

It is a movement between ones inner world and outer world and when done well you feel like you are moving toward personal freedom

Maslow called this self actualization and there are many stumbling blocks to it's realization.

Transsexual's live in a existential crisis whose severity exceeds those of their sisters and brothers but the experience is not entirely absent from the masses who are also compelled to become individuals unto themselves and not just an echo that repeats what has come before.

It could be said that most of the people that post here are in a crisis and it than becomes a question of what that crisis is and how to address it.

Each person must answer the what and how for themselves but at it's root the problem is the same for everyone.

[Joanne f]

Hell StephBrown,
How are you, You say that you want to be two things at the same time but think that it is not possible , well it is apart from the complete body part when it come to your female feelings at the moment ,the hard part at the moment is figuring out why you get these mixed messages , are you wanting to be more masculine just to override your feminine feelings , are you feeling that the feminine feelings are overriding things simply because you can only desire what you do not have ( a female body ) , it may take time to sort that out so I agree with you in that it is not worth worrying about at the moment and just enjoy being a mix of both and remember that a female can do male orientated things and a male can do female orientated things there does not have to be a dividing line .
have a nice day.
JF