LeaP
08-02-2013, 02:47 PM
August 2nd.
A year ago I walked out of the pharmacy, got in my car, and unceremoniously took my first HRT dose. I thought briefly to somehow make it more significant, but at the time the decision had been made and starting was a non-event, consequential though it was.
Though I sometimes pause briefly and look at those little pills, taking them continues to be a non-event ... except when I miss. But the consequences - or effects - have settled in.
I went through the pre-decision turmoil, the emotional high after starting, and a few episodes where I wanted to toss it all (and myself). In general, though, the psychological changes have been the most profound. I have almost completely broken out of my dissociated shell. I still marvel at simply talking to people, fully engaged and actually enjoying it. Depression is under control.
As many issues have dropped away, my identity has firmed. I previously experienced female identity as emergence. It was startling at first, became familiar, but still felt novel. On hormones, I've lost any sense of that not BEING me. I simply am and, as so many have said before, I'm starting to have a hard time really recalling how I felt before. Hormones returned a sense of self that was lost about 45 years ago. I was happy then and I'm pretty happy now, if feeling a little like Lea Van Winkle.
I haven't seen any major emotional changes. I am easier in being open and expressing emotion, but it just feels like what was always there, but blockaded, coming out. The sense of connection with people does bring a greater sense of empathy and even love, but I think that's an effect, not a change in me per se.
Everyone is interested in physical changes. I have written about them previously and won't repeat myself. I will say they were wanted and welcome, but I was also self-conscious until I made the decision to transition, after which the self-consciousness just vanished. This was something of a minor gamble on my part. I chose to start hormones without making a decision on transition. Moreover, I went well beyond my original timeframe TO make a decision. There were a variety of reasons for that - almost all circumstantial and not related to confirmation, need, or desire, for that matter.
I regard my experience to-date as mostly typical. The exception is a "small" medical issue with potassium, and I had common startup issues with Spiro. I'm also fortunate to reach target blood serum levels at low dosages. But emotionally, physically, and psychologically, its pretty much par for the course.
Provided one is TS, of course ...
A year ago I walked out of the pharmacy, got in my car, and unceremoniously took my first HRT dose. I thought briefly to somehow make it more significant, but at the time the decision had been made and starting was a non-event, consequential though it was.
Though I sometimes pause briefly and look at those little pills, taking them continues to be a non-event ... except when I miss. But the consequences - or effects - have settled in.
I went through the pre-decision turmoil, the emotional high after starting, and a few episodes where I wanted to toss it all (and myself). In general, though, the psychological changes have been the most profound. I have almost completely broken out of my dissociated shell. I still marvel at simply talking to people, fully engaged and actually enjoying it. Depression is under control.
As many issues have dropped away, my identity has firmed. I previously experienced female identity as emergence. It was startling at first, became familiar, but still felt novel. On hormones, I've lost any sense of that not BEING me. I simply am and, as so many have said before, I'm starting to have a hard time really recalling how I felt before. Hormones returned a sense of self that was lost about 45 years ago. I was happy then and I'm pretty happy now, if feeling a little like Lea Van Winkle.
I haven't seen any major emotional changes. I am easier in being open and expressing emotion, but it just feels like what was always there, but blockaded, coming out. The sense of connection with people does bring a greater sense of empathy and even love, but I think that's an effect, not a change in me per se.
Everyone is interested in physical changes. I have written about them previously and won't repeat myself. I will say they were wanted and welcome, but I was also self-conscious until I made the decision to transition, after which the self-consciousness just vanished. This was something of a minor gamble on my part. I chose to start hormones without making a decision on transition. Moreover, I went well beyond my original timeframe TO make a decision. There were a variety of reasons for that - almost all circumstantial and not related to confirmation, need, or desire, for that matter.
I regard my experience to-date as mostly typical. The exception is a "small" medical issue with potassium, and I had common startup issues with Spiro. I'm also fortunate to reach target blood serum levels at low dosages. But emotionally, physically, and psychologically, its pretty much par for the course.
Provided one is TS, of course ...