Veronica27
08-03-2013, 08:07 PM
A few weeks ago, I posted a thread entitled "What about the crossdressers" after searching for some crossdressing events that might be of interest to my wife and me. I mentioned that the itinerary of the Southern Comfort Conference was almost entirely dedicated to the transgender and even transsexual end of the spectrum and that this trend seemed to be the case at nearly all such events. Melissa Kozak stated that over the last twenty years these affairs had turned into "transition conventions". Many of the responders, including Melissa, agreed that while this was happening, CDer's could still enjoy themselves at all the peripheral happenings at these affairs.
I agree that these events can still be enjoyable for a crossdresser, despite the theme. However, a lot depends on the degree of confidence that the individual has been able to build up by attending such events, or otherwise getting out. In my case, I am now in my mid seventies. That means that I have been battling the demons of this activity for over sixty years. Most of that time was spent attempting to suppress the desires, which I managed to do in the physical sense, but not so much in the mental sense. I often found myself daydreaming or fantasizing about getting fully dressed up and venturing out. I had no desire to be a woman, but simply found it fascinating to be a man defying some of the cultural constraints placed on men and enjoying some of the unique cultural sensations available to women, even if it was only in my imagination. That all changed about twenty-five years ago, when I discussed this with my wife and she encouraged me to give vent to these urges, at least in private around the house. After so many years of suppression this was not easy to do, and accepting myself was a long slow process.
Eventually, I reached the stage where we both felt that it would be good for me to attend one of these CD events. I was nervous, and very unsure of myself, but the overall atmosphere of being among a bunch of crossdressers, where the talk was all about everything under the sun except transitioning, wanting to be full time or gender conflicts did wonders to relax me, build my confidence and create a very enjoyable experience. We have since attended one of these events almost yearly, but the last three or four have been increasingly oriented toward TG and TS matters. While I have been able to enjoy the freedom of simply being out of the house dressed, I am not sure the same could be said for anyone in the same position as I was six or seven years prior. It might be particularly unnerving for the spouse who is already trying to come to terms with her husband wearing women's clothing.
I am not saying that there is no need for such discussion or that these are not serious or pressing matters. I just think that the community has lost sight of its initial objective of helping people deal with a need that defied cultural norms, by helping them to accept themselves, realize how far they wish to go, and to ensure their safety and anonymity.
With this in mind, I was delighted to find an event that sounds like it might address this fundamental need instead of devoting its time to "trans" issues. It is called "Beauty and the Beach" and it has been mentioned a few times in passing on this forum, but I had not seen these references until I searched for them. It was created by Jo Ann Roberts, a name that is well known in the crossdressing community. Unfortunately, during my search, I also learned of Jo Ann's passing away a month or so ago. I am sure she would want this event to carry on for many more years.
The event does not have any seminars or guest speakers, but is simply a private party for all those who attend. The emphasis is more on providing a place for everyone to feel comfortable at their own pace, while not having to worry about their passability or how many clothes they have. The website for the event is:
http://cdspub.com/batb/
If we are talking about numbers, there are probably far more closeted crossdressers who are unable to find a way to safely satisfy their desires while being mindful of their responsibilities to family and friends, than there are openly full time transgenders and transsexuals. The community might be better served by a greater emphasis on providing encouragement, opportunities and means for those people to safely realize their dreams, rather than putting all its eggs in the basket of political activism and rights for what is in all likelihood a minority. The more people who are quietly open about their activities, the more that will be encouraged to be out. It is a trend that can, and actually did a few decades ago, feed on itself. Unfortunately, that trend was derailed by an activism that served the needs of a few, but drove many more back into seclusion because that new activist image wasn't who they were and created more problems and misunderstandings than help.
If anyone has attended the BATB event, I am sure we would all like to read about your experiences. Also, if you are aware of any similar events, please let us know. This one has received too little publicity.
Veronica
I agree that these events can still be enjoyable for a crossdresser, despite the theme. However, a lot depends on the degree of confidence that the individual has been able to build up by attending such events, or otherwise getting out. In my case, I am now in my mid seventies. That means that I have been battling the demons of this activity for over sixty years. Most of that time was spent attempting to suppress the desires, which I managed to do in the physical sense, but not so much in the mental sense. I often found myself daydreaming or fantasizing about getting fully dressed up and venturing out. I had no desire to be a woman, but simply found it fascinating to be a man defying some of the cultural constraints placed on men and enjoying some of the unique cultural sensations available to women, even if it was only in my imagination. That all changed about twenty-five years ago, when I discussed this with my wife and she encouraged me to give vent to these urges, at least in private around the house. After so many years of suppression this was not easy to do, and accepting myself was a long slow process.
Eventually, I reached the stage where we both felt that it would be good for me to attend one of these CD events. I was nervous, and very unsure of myself, but the overall atmosphere of being among a bunch of crossdressers, where the talk was all about everything under the sun except transitioning, wanting to be full time or gender conflicts did wonders to relax me, build my confidence and create a very enjoyable experience. We have since attended one of these events almost yearly, but the last three or four have been increasingly oriented toward TG and TS matters. While I have been able to enjoy the freedom of simply being out of the house dressed, I am not sure the same could be said for anyone in the same position as I was six or seven years prior. It might be particularly unnerving for the spouse who is already trying to come to terms with her husband wearing women's clothing.
I am not saying that there is no need for such discussion or that these are not serious or pressing matters. I just think that the community has lost sight of its initial objective of helping people deal with a need that defied cultural norms, by helping them to accept themselves, realize how far they wish to go, and to ensure their safety and anonymity.
With this in mind, I was delighted to find an event that sounds like it might address this fundamental need instead of devoting its time to "trans" issues. It is called "Beauty and the Beach" and it has been mentioned a few times in passing on this forum, but I had not seen these references until I searched for them. It was created by Jo Ann Roberts, a name that is well known in the crossdressing community. Unfortunately, during my search, I also learned of Jo Ann's passing away a month or so ago. I am sure she would want this event to carry on for many more years.
The event does not have any seminars or guest speakers, but is simply a private party for all those who attend. The emphasis is more on providing a place for everyone to feel comfortable at their own pace, while not having to worry about their passability or how many clothes they have. The website for the event is:
http://cdspub.com/batb/
If we are talking about numbers, there are probably far more closeted crossdressers who are unable to find a way to safely satisfy their desires while being mindful of their responsibilities to family and friends, than there are openly full time transgenders and transsexuals. The community might be better served by a greater emphasis on providing encouragement, opportunities and means for those people to safely realize their dreams, rather than putting all its eggs in the basket of political activism and rights for what is in all likelihood a minority. The more people who are quietly open about their activities, the more that will be encouraged to be out. It is a trend that can, and actually did a few decades ago, feed on itself. Unfortunately, that trend was derailed by an activism that served the needs of a few, but drove many more back into seclusion because that new activist image wasn't who they were and created more problems and misunderstandings than help.
If anyone has attended the BATB event, I am sure we would all like to read about your experiences. Also, if you are aware of any similar events, please let us know. This one has received too little publicity.
Veronica