Updates....

[Lynnmorgan451]

It's August, and for those of you who were following my thread on "compromises to save a marriage" I have an update or two....

So lets get right to the point...everyone all at once go ahead and say "I TOLD YOU SO"

Every compromise I made was not enough and I am not too full of pride to admit that it didn't work out. We are getting separated, as far as I can tell. Not shaving my legs and armpits wasn't enough. Slicking my hair back to look like a greaser didnt do it either and the inevitable has happened. You told me so, I held on to hope. I love my wife and wanted things to be peachy and perfect. They're NOT.

We still live in the same house because of finances but we take turns on the couch. Sometimes she still wants to cuddle with me but not sex...ever....she says I'm her best friend...and stuff like I'm the most awesome person she's ever met...and stuff like " I'm confused about my feelings" and " I can't help but look at other men and think sexual thoughts about them" blah.....blah.....blah.....anyway

YOU TOLD ME SO
(You know who you are)
;)

:thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn: :thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn:

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Lynn, I'm sorry that it didn't work out the way you were hoping, but at least it is not all negative. From what you say, I believe that your wife still loves you, but it seems she cannot consider having sex with another woman.

[KellyJameson]

Try to be clear in your mind between sex and identifying as a woman.

Some people transition because of sex where they want to make love and be sexually loved as a woman and it is this desire that drives their identity as a woman so you could say that their sexuality created their gender identity.

There may be more than one path to becoming a transsexual which does not make one transsexual better or less than another transsexual but just different.

I think the challenges are different for "sexual transsexuals" versus those whose gender identity was created in the first years of life where as children they forcefully believe they are female and the continuing experiences of life forcefully confirms this belief so there gender identity is constantly being confirmed even when it is being denied.

In both instances I think they were both born to be this way but came by their identity from two different directions.

If sex is teaching you that you are a woman this will be different than how you experience yourself separate from sex as a relationship to others.

It is very difficult to understand our own minds so anyone who is honest with themselves will hopefully not be so cruel as to say "I told you so"

One of the most difficult things I found in understanding transsexuality was separating the effects of sex from gender identity because they are separate but they can enforce, create or support each other or not.

[AllieSF]

I know from your point of view up close and personal it looks like all may be lost. However, from my third party view from way across the room, I still see a lot of good going on that may work out for both of you. You both still love each other, can more or less communicate with each other, but there is that big elephant in the room butting in all the time. Maybe you could both try to figure out how to make some lemonade from all the lemons lying around. You are still together, it sounds like you are not yelling and fighting, both care for each other, so maybe you can both transition from being a couple to actually being and continue to be very good friends. Economics means you still live together, maybe by a good inflatable mattress or a comfy twin bed to eliminate the couch with all its discomforts and hidden meaning ("I had to sleep on the couch again last night."), and talk about how you can help each other with your transitions from married to friends, from MtF, to whatever. You may just luck out and set the stage for creating a wonderful one on one support system for both of you as you move on into the future.

Anyway, I do wish you the best of luck and remember that sometimes we all need to take a look at ourselves from the outside to see what we may be missing.

[Angela Campbell]

Sounds like she is trying to get a grip on how this is changing her life as well as yours. She may say things she does not mean to try to get a reaction from you, and she may not know what she feels sometimes either. It is a terrible thing and it is as hard on her as it is for you, I hope one day you both can figure it all out and can do so without intentionally harming the other. I think you both are trying but no one knows how to react to something like this.

[MysticLady]

Every compromise I made was not enough and I am not too full of pride to admit that it didn't work out. We are getting separated, as far as I can tell. Not shaving my legs and armpits wasn't enough.


I'm sorry too hear that Lynn. That's sucks when a woman is just so insecure and undecided. Well, the only thing I can tell is that,from experience, once your alone(like me:heehee:) you have no more emotional BS to deal with. And that is almost worth it. Are there any kiddo's involved?

[Barbara Ella]

Very sorry Lynn. I was holding out hope for you, and i am still holding it out for me. The marriage may be lost, but it really sounds like a friendship may remain. That is nothing near what you had hoped for, but perhaps far better than it could have been. Treasure what you are allowed to have, and work for something better.

Barbara

[Rachel Smith]

Hold on to what you can. I was married for 29 years. My wife filed for divorce in Jan. and we have hardly spoken since, not at all since Feb.

[Rogina B]

Those airbeds are cheap and probably more comfortable than the couch..and in case your wife wants to cuddle and snuggle,you can put it next to "the big bed". That way she only has to plop down a foot or so to get to you on your new bed! Walmart..39 bucks!

[TeresaCD]

I didn't tell you so, babe.
And I hope you're doing ok through all this.
Thinking of you..

[Kaitlyn Michele]

The simplest way to think about your life is that you can't negotiate with "who you are"..

and when others try to negotiate with "who you are", they are unlikely to get the benefit of their bargain

All you can do is be your own best self..even if that self is imperfect and evolves imperfectly over time, you just keep plugging away at being yourself and let the chips fall (and usually they will)