Help - Step Backwards in my dressing

[SatinSarah]

Hi, I just wondered if any of you wonderful girls has had the experience of a wife or GG who has been supportive and then stopped. I am currently in limbo after my wife suddenly told me she couldn't support me anymore. She has been pretty understanding for 10 years of our 12 years marriage. She helps, buys me girly presents, and lets me dress when we make love. For my 40th birthday she helped fulfill my fantasy of shpooing and dressing at a nioce hotel. She even took the photos. BUt she now says she can't cope with it all as she married me - not sarah and now she sees sarah rather than me every time she looks at me. I am now very mixed up as I don't know what to do. My pic was taken by her last weekend) How far should I push this. I can't stop dressing as this has been part of me since I was 5/6.

[kristi cd]

I hope you don't confuse me with someone who knows what they're talking about on this one, but I'll give it a shot. :rolleyes: It sounds like to me that she just needs a break. You seem to have had it pretty good compared to most everyone else (and you should be very thankful for that :o), but maybe don't dress so much where she has to know/see it and see how that goes. I know the desire won't go away, it never does, but you can supress it for a while at least just to see how she truly feels about it and if it's just too much exposure to your femme side. I don't know if I really helped here or just stated the obvious, but remember you always have us here for support when you need it. :)

[crispy]

yes. she started off being tolerant of panties, even swapping hers for mine, and buying me a pair. :cool:

I guess it was the start of a voyage of exploration for her, but she soon turned back, and turned her back on my desires, first the desire to wear undies, and finally desire altogether. :(

it doesn't come easily for most GGs.

[Wenda]

Hi, you said 10 of 12 years of marriage. Does this mean that you didn't dress for two years ( presumably the first 2?) or that she just found out about it after two years. She probably thought you would get over it, if she was tolerant, but we all know that is unlikely. Sounds to me like she may be feeling that she has been doing all the 'understanding' and the giving. While she has been going the extra mile for you, what have you been doing in return? just a question that I think you should ask yourself. There are some good fora on families and cross dressers, but, sorry, don't have the addys available. best wishes. wenda.

[SatinSarah]

Hi, you said 10 of 12 years of marriage. Does this mean that you didn't dress for two years ( presumably the first 2?) or that she just found out about it after two years. She probably thought you would get over it, if she was tolerant, but we all know that is unlikely. Sounds to me like she may be feeling that she has been doing all the 'understanding' and the giving. While she has been going the extra mile for you, what have you been doing in return? just a question that I think you should ask yourself. There are some good fora on families and cross dressers, but, sorry, don't have the addys available. best wishes. wenda.


I slowly introduced her to my CDing after a year or two of marriage and it worked quite well. But you are right I need to be even omre understanding. As she has given more I have taken it all for granted and tried to push the boundaries. We need to talk through the boundaries again and even take a step backwards for a bit if that is required. I think a lot of insecurity comes from our children growing up and the fear they will find out. I used to sleep en femme, but that has stopped. Thanks for helping me realise the obvious.

[SatinSarah]

I hope you don't confuse me with someone who knows what they're talking about on this one, but I'll give it a shot. :rolleyes: It sounds like to me that she just needs a break. You seem to have had it pretty good compared to most everyone else (and you should be very thankful for that :o), but maybe don't dress so much where she has to know/see it and see how that goes. I know the desire won't go away, it never does, but you can supress it for a while at least just to see how she truly feels about it and if it's just too much exposure to your femme side. I don't know if I really helped here or just stated the obvious, but remember you always have us here for support when you need it. :)


You are wonderful. Even just being able to hear the obvious from people who understand is like music to my ears. One of the phrases she used was why do I have to be involved. Perhaps if I don't involve her so much. I have been selfish with this. I know she is uncomfortable but she is so loving she tries to please me and I have forgotten how painful it must be for a GG to see her husband want to be like her! We do talk about this quite well but this has just taken me my surprise and it me who has to do the adjusting.. so thanks.

[SatinSarah]

Yeah only it the change was triggered by my son finding out. Suddenly my wife ran to him to protect him and in the process abandoned me. It was pretty stormy here for a while but things eventually calmed down, to a point.

I made some changes in how I will live. I shaved last June and haven't yet let it grow back, legs, arms, chest, everything. That's a big adjustment for her. She hasn't said anything for a while. Add to that I frequently go out dressed and one can understand why she freaked. Now it's settled somewhat but it may still lead to splitting up. Time will tell. It seems that future is in my hands as my actions will dictate it. If I move further towards my TG side we will most likely split. If I go back to supressing it and being the guy she wants, we will probably stay together. I seek happiness but there's no path to happiness that isn't peppered with sadness.

This is very traumatic for women. They feel threatened because one of the things they being into a relationship, femininity, is being taken by you. There's a very real insecurity most of us don't see because most of us will never be able to replace being with a woman with dressing up. There's just no comparison, but they don't know that. Talk to her, let her know who she is to you in your life. Communication can solve a lot of problems as long as both parties are willing to listen.

Julie, you are right too. There is a common theme... it is abuot how much we can compensate for the genuine concerns of our GGs. Even if they give a little we should be grateful. I hope you work things out and get a fair balance. I already don't dress when I don't think she is the right mood. It canbe hard as I get frsutrated inside, but when I do get to dress it worth the wait. She is going out tonight so I will get a quick fix tonight.

[Abraxas]

I think that you should, basically, try to work out your marriage/ relationships. But, in the end, this is who you are and you shouldn't try to change it.
I know I go on and on about Eddie Izzard, but he's basically the only "out" transvestite in the public's eye.

When he first came out he thought that women couldn't deal with it. He was 23 and decided to be completely celibate for 3 years. He hadn't had a girlfriend until he was 19, hadn't had sex till he was 21. Around the time he was being celibate, he even tried (unsuccessfully) to fancy men. But then he found that if he was just open and honest about it, women came flocking to him.

I realise it's to late for a lot of people, but this is to those who're not married, or are just beginnning a relationship:
You've got to be honest from the beginning. If they know about it from the beginning and can deal with it, you'll be immensely relieved in the long run. Tell your partner from the beginning. If they can deal with it then, chances are they'll be able to deal with it in the future. It's part of who you are, and you can't, nor should you try to, change it.
Best of luck, even though it's a difficult road.