I am getting closer......

[Emi]

To getting the dialogue started with my wife. I am in such a funk for too long and I think it stems from my decision to deal with who I am and not suppress my fem side any more. I think the next step is talking with her about my desires regarding at least panties. The other night she commented on the drab underwear I was wearing and how unhappy I must be with them. She knows I like thin silky underwear and I should have seized the opportunity to ask if I could just trade with her.
This morning I got up, showered, and walked into the closet to get dressed. I then grabbed a pair of her panties and almost worked up the courage to just leave them on. Instead I threw on a top she left on the shelf and the skirt that was with it. I stood there for a minute just wishing I could walk out the door like this.........

Sorry for the rambling but it helps to just talk about it sometimes. I just wish I could get out of this funk........

Emi

[Beverley Sims]

Emi,
Funk it all and talk to her. :)

[Emi]

Now that truly made me laugh, I needed that......

[MysticLady]

Sorry for the rambling but it helps to just talk about it sometimes. I just wish I could get out of this funk........

Emi

I know it's hard sometimes. Just remember, she's your wife and not your executioner.:)

[Emi]

I know it's hard sometimes. Just remember, she's your wife and not your executioner.:)

Depending on her reaction, who knows:....

[DebbieL]

To getting the dialogue started with my wife. I am in such a funk for too long and I think it stems from my decision to deal with who I am and not suppress my fem side any more. I think the next step is talking with her about my desires regarding at least panties. The other night she commented on the drab underwear I was wearing and how unhappy I must be with them. She knows I like thin silky underwear and I should have seized the opportunity to ask if I could just trade with her.

Good news! It sounds to me like SHE KNOWS! Not only that SHE'S SUPPORTIVE! She may have noticed the little stain you left, or that some have been stretched, or other things that say "my hubby has been in my panty drawer". She might even be relieved when you tell her.

There may be some strings attached, she may have a few secret fantasies of her own, and you being dressed might be a part of that. Share what you can. You can start out with "Honey, I'm a cross-dresser". Pick a time when you can talk, uninterrupted, for at least 30 minutes. Let her ask questions. Try to answer as many as you can as honestly as you can. It's OK to tell her how much fear you have around telling her. Don't forget to tell her how much you love her as well.


This morning I got up, showered, and walked into the closet to get dressed. I then grabbed a pair of her panties and almost worked up the courage to just leave them on. Instead I threw on a top she left on the shelf and the skirt that was with it. I stood there for a minute just wishing I could walk out the door like this.........

Do you really think it was an ACCIDENT that she left the top on the shelf? Or the skirt that was with it? Did she just happen to leave some underwear out where you could find it too? She wants to KNOW! She wants to know that it's you wearing it, and not some trollop you've been bringing in, that you are wearing the clothes.

The great frustrations for both partners in a cross-dressing situation is that both partners are afraid of driving each other away. She is afraid that if she comes out and asks, that you will feel so threatened, that it will drive you away. You are afraid that if she knew, she would reject you and pull away, or that you might pull away.

This COULD go on for months, even years! And it could silently drive a wedge between you. Or it could end tonight, with both of you being honest and open, exploring a new level of honesty with each other, and perhaps even loving each other even more.


Sorry for the rambling but it helps to just talk about it sometimes. I just wish I could get out of this funk........

Emi

Of course you're in a funk. You want desperately to be be honest with your wife, and she has created the opportunities for you and you are paralyzed with fear, dying to tell her a secret you've kept for years, from everyone in your life. She has opened the door and you refused to step through. She's probably as frustrated as you are. She my accept your dressing, she may even want to be part of it. Or she may be uncomfortable with it, and would rather you get your own wardrobe and keep it to yourself. But she also loves you! And not just the facade you present, but also the soft feminine woman inside. It might have even been part of what made you so attractive to her.

At the very next possible opportunity, try and have the discussion with her. Don't forget to thank her for opening the door for you!

[Emi]

Wow Debbie, this is why I need to talk these things through. It never occurred to me that she is fishing by leaving things out. I still lament not taking advantage of the two times a few years ago that she left a pair of her panties in my underwear bin, I hope for that to happen again every time she does laundry. Funny thing was that the pair she left were black microfiber but otherwise nearly unremarkable as panties if they were to be spotted on me. Both times I chickened out and put them where they belong.

Emi

[Lorileah]

Do you really think it was an ACCIDENT that she left the top on the shelf? Or the skirt that was with it? Did she just happen to leave some underwear out where you could find it too? Um :thinking: it is a closet...where clothes are kept...why do you think she left them out for Emi? Did I miss the part about she lives in a different part of the house and her clothes are never in the closet? I bet that when Emi went to the kitchen there was a fork and plate there. :facepalm:

She wants to KNOW! Not sure she WANTS to know...maybe she would feel better if she did though


Both times I chickened out and put them where they belong.

Emi

which would be NOT on you. They are her panties and unless she gives you specific permission, you are really pushing it wearing her clothes.

[jenni_xx]

Um :thinking: it is a closet...where clothes are kept...why do you think she left them out for Emi? Did I miss the part about she lives in a different part of the house and her clothes are never in the closet? I bet that when Emi went to the kitchen there was a fork and plate there. :facepalm:

Have to say, I wondered about this as well. So an item or two of clothing is left out. I leave mine out all the time. At the end of the bed, slung over a chair, even on the floor. Doesn't mean that I want my partner to wear them.

Saying that, I don't know what to make of Emi's comment in regards to his wife's comment about his drab underwear. Emi, you say your wife knows that you like silky underwear - could you expand on this? From what you've wrote, it could be that your wife just thinks that you like such underwear on her.

I don't know, maybe your wife does know, or rather suspects. Do you think she suspects Emi?

[Emi]

She knows in some cases I prefer feminine fit and fabrics. I have worn her things a total of three times with her knowing. One thong out to a gathering 12 or so years ago, we swapped shorts one night when I commented that I would prefer hers (we were home) and most recently a pair of her Capri leggings under my pants. I have a pair of yoga pants that are women's that she bought for me to wear around the house that we refer to as my "girl pants".

Emi

[jenni_xx]

Thanks Emi for expanding on this.

Obviously I can't say for certain that she knows or suspects (only your wife can really answer that question), but from what you've said, I do get the impression that she wouldn't have a problem with it. There may be limits to how far she wants to go with this - for example, going out fully dressed up, or she may just think that there are just certain items of female clothing that you like. It's hard to gauge really on an online forum. So my advice would be to have a chat with her but ONLY when YOU feel ready. And if/when you do, try not to feel embarrassed, or to make it seem like it's a big deal. The less emphasis you put on it, the less bothered by it you seem, the more confident you come across about it - all can have a positive affect in regards to how the person you are telling (your wife) reacts to you.

[Emi]

I really do think she might be o.k. with it but when I try and put myself in her shoes I am just not sure. The fact that it just may bring me out of the anxiety and depression I have been experiencing may be what would relieve her. I just dont know. On a lighter note when we were first married and lived in our old house i would call her pressed powder "leveling compound" and she would laugh and rub some on my nose and cheeks.........man i LOVE the smell of pressed powder. I miss that

Emi

[MatildaJ.]

Hi Emi,

I think you should ask her to sit down and talk over a glass of wine some evening, and mention these sweet things:


She knows in some cases I prefer feminine fit and fabrics. I have worn her things a total of three times with her knowing. One thong ..., we swapped shorts one night ...a pair of her Capri leggings under my pants. I [also] have a pair of yoga pants that are women's that she bought for me to wear around the house that we refer to as my "girl pants".


she would laugh and rub some on my nose and cheeks.........man i LOVE the smell of pressed powder. I miss that

I think those memories would help the conversation go in a happy, how-can-we-share-this-fun-quirk kind of way. Seems reasonable to mention that you'd like to have a few more items of girl clothes. It would also help if you can honestly reassure her that you also like to be her man, and crossdressing would not take over all your shared time.

[Princess Grandpa]

Jess makes sense. Discussing some of the things that have already happened could be a reasonable intro into what you want to happen. I hope you find your Happily Ever After!

Hug
Rita
p.s. I do hope you let us know what you decide to do. If you tell her I am anxious to hear how she reacts and how you told her.
Longer Hug

[kimdl93]

Honestly, she's opens the door for you, so start talking. Don't just,get dressed and walk out. Instead, sit down at the next quiet time over coffee perhaps, and acknowledge that you have been in a funk...for the reasons she mentioned. Then talk about your feelings, desires, fears and hopes. And with that on the table, invite her to share her feelings. Work on understanding each other on an emotional level and let that process take precedent.

[MysticLady]

Hi Emi,

I think you should ask her to sit down and talk over a glass of wine some evening, and mention these sweet things:


Let her have a few before popping the question:D. Just a thought.

[TheMissus]

Let her have a few before popping the question:D. Just a thought.

lol, you're naughty Mystic :)

And to Emi, those moments you mentioned are very innocent and sweet but be aware they might actually becoming upsetting to your wife once she knows of the CD. It's one thing to play silly with make up when you're messing about with your apparently 'normal' male partner - quite another when that man is a crossdresser. She may feel utterly betrayed that you hid this from her while indulging on the sly. I still can't have moments like that with my H as they make me feel a little icky. Aside from the betrayal, even though he's in drab it feels almost like I'm having them with a girlfriend and despite the hopes of many a man in history, most grown women usually don't apply each others make up while giggling in sexy yoga pants (no pillow fighting either, sorry:)

Anyway, definitely tell her as you're too unhappy not to, but realise she may be very shocked and she may not want to reminisce about pressed powder any time soon. Good luck.

[Leona]

She probably at least has the common fantasy of seeing her man in women's clothes. This is a COMMON fantasy.

But whatever. She's doing things that are driving you crazy, and you have every right to see these things resolved. It may require you tell her you're a CD. I take that back, it WILL require you tell her you're a CD. But you obviously can't keep playing this guessing game, and you have every right to want it to stop.

[Emi]

Wow ladies, thank you for the support. I agree, something needs to be said, I just need to catch the right time. Things are no better this morning for me, the fog has me bad but there is nothing I can do about it.........UUUGGGHHH

Emi

[Jazzmine]

Why don't you just go and buy yourself some plain women's underwear and start wearing them. She will have questions but you can honestly say " I just prefer wearing them". You can progress on all fronts in this way, wearing plain women's clothing tops, jeans, socks, jackets. Sometimes I go out dressed entirely in female clothing but you would not know unless you looked close. They just look more refined than men's attire. I love the feeling that I am in control of my clothing but not necessarily making a huge statement about my feminine side in public. My wife thinks I look fine, my daughters never bat an eyelid, and my male friends are too male-blind to notice. A GG would notice but any comments I get are only ever positive.

[Emi]

Thats probably how things will go Jazzmine, but I will do it with her support. I have always been able to shake myself back to male mode when any dressing is out. That or I used to be able to grab the one pair of panties I do have that I bought for myself and wear those to work but for some reason all of a sudden it seems like it is going to have to be with her knowing or none at all. The best I could do was using the coconut lime body wash this a.m. (that smells AMAZING) and shaving my ankles where there is virtually no hair from wearing work boots for too long. I have been wearing tennis shoes and sandles more and the hair is coming back slightly and I can't let that happen......just the act of shaving that little bit helped, it felt very feminine.

[Kandy Barr]

Best wishes on discussing this with your wife Emi, I do think the sooner you do the the better for you both.

[Jazzmine]

Emi - I did a post elswhere yesterday about legs being shaved. Do you cycle, as in road bike? I do and occasionally enter public road races or events. If you put on smooth lycra shorts and have hairy legs bursting out everywhere it just doesn't look right. So you shave it all off and look like the rest of the boys. Oh dear, how sad. Plus you get fit and get a sensational tanned set of legs to look at. Your wife will definitely like that. Worth a try and it's fun!