Jasmyne
08-05-2013, 06:49 PM
I'm new to the forums here, but have been finding a nice broad spectrum of views and personalities which has shown me so much more than I ever imagined possible.
I came here looking for a means of learning more about what (or should I saw 'who') I am than I figured was possible blindly walking around on my own. I've not disappointed yet.
However, I do find myself even more confused than before, asking more questions than I even thought possible to ask. This has led me on a search for greater insight into who I am. Alas, this has put in a place of finding a group of labels I'm finding makes my head hurt as I try to figure out which one applies to me.
This is probably a bad idea. I'm not some label. Yet, I can't get it out of my head to find which one fits me. What exactly am I???
Here is what I know:
1. I absolutely love to dress in woman's clothing and wear makeup. I've known this from a very young age
2. Once dressed, I very much enjoy the transformation which takes place. I see myself and think to myself how good and happy it makes me feel. I'd even go so far to say how it feels correct for me.
3. I find a tremendous amount of sexual stimulation from dressing up, even the thought of some aspects is enough for that same level of stimulation.
4. I've gone through long periods of suppressing it because there is a part of me which says its wrong. I should just be a man, as that is the plumbing I was given.
Last week I came to a realization, after months of tremendous stress, that I wanted to dress again. That thought, and the joy I experienced, made me wanted to embrace it and never let go. Unlike any time before, I now want to incorporate it more into my life, although it must only be in the privacy of my own home and around my wife for now.
My wife has even been trying to get me to dress in the last few years, but I've not because... I'm not even sure I have an answer as to why not. Perhaps because I think she sees it as a Fetish, nothing more than a very sexually exciting experience. In fact, my wife has known about it and been very accepting of it for years. As I mentioned above, she has encouraged me to dress up. For a while I think I saw it that way too (as nothing more than a fetish), but I'm starting to see it as much more the as I read increasing numbers of resources.
So, brings me back to the idea of what label do I stick on myself. Fetishist? Casual CD? Transgender? <insert your favorite label here>
I certainly don't have the answer yet, so its back to simply enjoying it as much as I can. I personally don't much like labels, yet there is a part of me which seems to be grasping for one as if I need it so I know how to proceed. Labels seem easier for people (in general) to relate to others, as if it suddenly gives us a frame of reference in which to know how they think, might act, and how best to interact with them.
TLDR - Guess I'm saying.. I don't want to be labelled, but think I need one to help me start figuring out who the heck I really am.
I came here looking for a means of learning more about what (or should I saw 'who') I am than I figured was possible blindly walking around on my own. I've not disappointed yet.
However, I do find myself even more confused than before, asking more questions than I even thought possible to ask. This has led me on a search for greater insight into who I am. Alas, this has put in a place of finding a group of labels I'm finding makes my head hurt as I try to figure out which one applies to me.
This is probably a bad idea. I'm not some label. Yet, I can't get it out of my head to find which one fits me. What exactly am I???
Here is what I know:
1. I absolutely love to dress in woman's clothing and wear makeup. I've known this from a very young age
2. Once dressed, I very much enjoy the transformation which takes place. I see myself and think to myself how good and happy it makes me feel. I'd even go so far to say how it feels correct for me.
3. I find a tremendous amount of sexual stimulation from dressing up, even the thought of some aspects is enough for that same level of stimulation.
4. I've gone through long periods of suppressing it because there is a part of me which says its wrong. I should just be a man, as that is the plumbing I was given.
Last week I came to a realization, after months of tremendous stress, that I wanted to dress again. That thought, and the joy I experienced, made me wanted to embrace it and never let go. Unlike any time before, I now want to incorporate it more into my life, although it must only be in the privacy of my own home and around my wife for now.
My wife has even been trying to get me to dress in the last few years, but I've not because... I'm not even sure I have an answer as to why not. Perhaps because I think she sees it as a Fetish, nothing more than a very sexually exciting experience. In fact, my wife has known about it and been very accepting of it for years. As I mentioned above, she has encouraged me to dress up. For a while I think I saw it that way too (as nothing more than a fetish), but I'm starting to see it as much more the as I read increasing numbers of resources.
So, brings me back to the idea of what label do I stick on myself. Fetishist? Casual CD? Transgender? <insert your favorite label here>
I certainly don't have the answer yet, so its back to simply enjoying it as much as I can. I personally don't much like labels, yet there is a part of me which seems to be grasping for one as if I need it so I know how to proceed. Labels seem easier for people (in general) to relate to others, as if it suddenly gives us a frame of reference in which to know how they think, might act, and how best to interact with them.
TLDR - Guess I'm saying.. I don't want to be labelled, but think I need one to help me start figuring out who the heck I really am.