Chardonnay Merlot
08-06-2013, 07:46 AM
I went home for vacation last week. Going home means 100% boy mode (with a few minor exceptions).
Among my family, my parents are the only people who know that I'm a CD. My father is supportive and learning. It took a little doing, but overall he's can roll with it. My dad has asked question here and there and did read some of the reading list I gave him, etc. We've talked openly about a lot of issues. He worry a little bit, but that's just him. He also knows that his kid can handle himself...and herself ;)
My mom? Opposite case 100%.
My policy since "coming out" has always been that after explaining it, I don't mention it unless they do. I will answer any question they ask, explain anything they want, but I will not initiate that conversation. If they want to know what's going on, they have to do the work.
Its been more than a year since I told mom, and in that time outside of a few snide comments, she doesn't want to know...or so I thought.
She initiated the dialogue while I was home, and it wasn't bitter or mean-spirited. It was very open, honest and came from a good place.
She began by saying when I told her she was frightened by it because to her it was a fear of "losing her child" in one sense. I countered by saying "I'm the same person...But I can't deny this part of me anymore than I can't deny being your child."
And that led to her fear about me being "gay", and the matter of being a dangerous situation when I go out, etc. Now her issues about being "gay" that's an easy one because that's for her to figure out, and that is more based on her perception of gender and gender roles. Its the generation gap there and that's how I replied. She didn't agree with it. We agree to disagree and move on.
Personal safety? She had a good point, but that could happen anyway and I take the same set of precautions no matter what. Well-lit areas, check under the car, notice the surroundings, go in groups/safety in numbers etc. To her credit, she listened.
We talked about a lot of things all the questions I was hoping she would ask, even the hard ones ("where do you shop?" "please tell me you dress modestly and not like a ****!")
And she asked some difficult, fair questions: "But you are a MAN, son. Do you want to be a woman? Are you transitioning?"
"No, mom I'm not,but there are times when I want to express the girl inside, to let her out."
Her: "Is the the biggest reason? Are you getting help for this?"
Me (laughing): "What do I need help for? I'm not sick. This is a part of me. I do belong to a support group, however, mainly because while this is a part of me and has been, I've never really looked at it, studied it, come to an understanding of it. So, I've sought knowledge. I have a much better understanding of what is happening and who I am than ever."
"What about dating?"
"What about it?"
"No woman is going to stay with you because of this"
"The woman who is right for me will at least understand it.. And maybe even embrace it.."
We had a good, solid exchange. It was all I wanted, just to clear the air and really get things out on the table. She been receptive to the information I gave her and she 's seeking it out.
I'm happy. We've begun a dialogue. :)
Among my family, my parents are the only people who know that I'm a CD. My father is supportive and learning. It took a little doing, but overall he's can roll with it. My dad has asked question here and there and did read some of the reading list I gave him, etc. We've talked openly about a lot of issues. He worry a little bit, but that's just him. He also knows that his kid can handle himself...and herself ;)
My mom? Opposite case 100%.
My policy since "coming out" has always been that after explaining it, I don't mention it unless they do. I will answer any question they ask, explain anything they want, but I will not initiate that conversation. If they want to know what's going on, they have to do the work.
Its been more than a year since I told mom, and in that time outside of a few snide comments, she doesn't want to know...or so I thought.
She initiated the dialogue while I was home, and it wasn't bitter or mean-spirited. It was very open, honest and came from a good place.
She began by saying when I told her she was frightened by it because to her it was a fear of "losing her child" in one sense. I countered by saying "I'm the same person...But I can't deny this part of me anymore than I can't deny being your child."
And that led to her fear about me being "gay", and the matter of being a dangerous situation when I go out, etc. Now her issues about being "gay" that's an easy one because that's for her to figure out, and that is more based on her perception of gender and gender roles. Its the generation gap there and that's how I replied. She didn't agree with it. We agree to disagree and move on.
Personal safety? She had a good point, but that could happen anyway and I take the same set of precautions no matter what. Well-lit areas, check under the car, notice the surroundings, go in groups/safety in numbers etc. To her credit, she listened.
We talked about a lot of things all the questions I was hoping she would ask, even the hard ones ("where do you shop?" "please tell me you dress modestly and not like a ****!")
And she asked some difficult, fair questions: "But you are a MAN, son. Do you want to be a woman? Are you transitioning?"
"No, mom I'm not,but there are times when I want to express the girl inside, to let her out."
Her: "Is the the biggest reason? Are you getting help for this?"
Me (laughing): "What do I need help for? I'm not sick. This is a part of me. I do belong to a support group, however, mainly because while this is a part of me and has been, I've never really looked at it, studied it, come to an understanding of it. So, I've sought knowledge. I have a much better understanding of what is happening and who I am than ever."
"What about dating?"
"What about it?"
"No woman is going to stay with you because of this"
"The woman who is right for me will at least understand it.. And maybe even embrace it.."
We had a good, solid exchange. It was all I wanted, just to clear the air and really get things out on the table. She been receptive to the information I gave her and she 's seeking it out.
I'm happy. We've begun a dialogue. :)