Out At Work At Last!

[Ann Louise]

Hi Everyone - I hope this is not tl;dr for you. I don't like to talk about myself all that much, but I just can't help it and have to tell this to you, part of my world: I'm out at work and full-time 24/7 all day and all night! Yay!

The management at my work, an agency of city government, conducted a meeting the day before yesterday for my immediate work section, a couple of dozen people, and told the assembled about me and my transition. I was too chicken to be there! No, but really, I wanted everyone to have a chance to talk among themselves, sound off their opinions, and the like, and they did. They resolved that they and I were all members of "Team Ann," and that they supported me all the way. O M G

Yesterday, a very high-placed senior manager issued an email to like 4 divisions of our agency, and I think over a thousand people here now are fully aware of Ms. Ann Louise and her transition. I attached a letter to that announcement, which I'm going to post below so that others here may adapt it to their own outings. Please note that the framework was provided to me by another friend here, and I adapted it from her. I hope that some of you girls might find some useful structure in it to help you write your own letters when the time comes. I'm not really trying to redact much here since we work for a public agency, and anyone who really cared could find the original in short-order, I'm sure. If you want to put in that legwork, good for you. So here:

Ann’s Open Transition Letter To Co-Workers, 07Aug13

Dear Colleagues,
The time has come for me to share with you something which is deeply personal to me, yet unavoidably very public. I share, in common with many thousands of others around the world, in a clinical condition known as “gender dysphoria.” In its simplest terms this means that my inner gender identity as a female is inconsistent with my birth sex, as a male. I am fortunate, however, in that gender dysphoria is a bona fide clinical condition for which established and effective medical care exists.

To definitively treat this condition in accordance with contemporary standards of medical practice I have been undergoing a “gender transition.” Among the many aspects of this change, I will take several weeks of medical leave later this this fall, and will return early next year to carry on with my work. But, as many of you already know, my process of gender transition actually began months ago. This may explain some of the physical and other changes in me that you might have noticed if you work with me day-by-day, or see me in passing. I’m pleased to note that my name has been legally changed to “Ann Louise ___________,” and all pertinent legal documentation now reflects my correct gender designation as female, too.

I fully appreciate that this is quite unusual and unexpected, and that some of you may find it at odds with your personal beliefs. I respect this and will make no effort to convince you otherwise. But I want to assure you that I will continue to deliver the best work that I am able to in my role as Senior Civil Engineer for the ___________ , and I will always strive to be a valued member of our team. In return, I would request that you treat me with the same professionalism and respect that you always have, and extend to me the courtesy that you would to any valued co-worker. This includes addressing me by my actual name, “Ann,” and using the feminine pronouns “her,” “she,” etc., in reference to me. I understand that for many it may take some time to become accustomed to my changed identity and name, and your understanding and cooperation in these matters is greatly appreciated.

It may be that you have questions about me in particular, or transgender issues in general, and while in recognition of the bounds of my personal and medical privacy, I would be happy to address these to the best of my ability.

Thank you very much,

Ann Louise ___________, P.E.


Many of you ladies here have contributed to the knowledge and strength that fortifies me, and has enabled me to make the progress on my journey that I have.

Thank you all so very much,

Ann x0*-*0x

[Persephone]

Congratulations Ann!

Your letter is great!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Rianna Humble]

Well done, Ann! Good news and a great letter! I'm glad that your colleagues have decided to get behind you on this, I know how much of a difference that can make.

Doesn't it feel good knowing that you no longer have to pretend to be something you never were?

[Ann Louise]

OMG yes Rianna. This has been such an emotional week for me. My endo issued four official letters for gender marker change on Monday, too. I've gotten my social security account changed to an "F," and my birth certificate, passport, and drivers license are all in the process of gender marker change, too. I'm so happy that I can barely eat (which is a good thing since I'm shooting for a size 10 at the moment!) LOL I've cried a bucket of tears of joy so far.

x0*-*0x

[Princess Grandpa]

HUG
I am so happy for you!

Your letter is amazingly well written. I could spend a long time talking about the different aspects to it I found remarkable but I won't.

I am so happy for you!
Hug
Rita

[Shapeshiffter]

Congratulations Ann. I am very happy for you.

[Stephanie-L]

Ann, isn't it wonderful not to have to hide any more. When I came out at work I actually got applause. Every one has been great so far. Just let the people get used to the new you, and don't let them give you any problems. Good luck to you...........Stephanie

[paulaprimo]

way to go ann! i am very happy for you and wish you the very best :)

[Ann Louise]

Thank you ladies - trans brothers and sisters all around the world can make this possible for many thousands more of us if we stick together. You've got my back, and I've got yours. Much love, Ann

[MysticLady]

Hi Ann

I've been reading your thread and I'm so happy for you. Your courageous in moving forward to where you feel you need too be. I'm very pleased that your a part of our community. It's folks like you that are forging new paths for those us following behind. Kudos too you and I'm very happy to call you "my friend":hugs:.

[Angela Campbell]

I really like the letter you wrote. I have thought a lot about how I will handle this as well, but I cannot come up with anything as nice. So far all I have come up with is:

I'm a girl now, deal with it.

The division I work in is about 95% men and the only women are the dispatchers. They will I am sure have quite a bit of sport with this behind my back, but no one will say anything to my face. It will be interesting.

[Ariamythe]

"Team Ann." I like it. :)

Congrats on the successful coming out.

[Ann Louise]

Hi Ellen! IMHO we transfolk across our transgender spectrum, cross-dressers, trans men and women, genderqueer, two-spirit, all of us, honor ourselves and each other when we comport ourselves with dignity and self-respect, particularly in the face of those who would attempt to humiliate us, shove us back in the closet, or much, much worse.

I know that I have been so fortunate as to find myself in a place in the world, and a social and political culture that nurtures and protects me, and those facts make my public transition so much easier than for other women. And that the TS that went ahead before me had to muster so much more courage than I must find to live my public life.

Personally, the only way that I found the degree of strength that I have is through loving and compassionate association with others of our tribe, in real life, face to face. I hope there's a local trans community nearby for you. Hopefully there's other Florida transwomen that can be there for you to charge your emotional batteries from time to time. If I can help, albeit from the other end of the states, I'd be pleased to - p/m me anytime.

All the best, Ann

[Marleena]

That's a great letter Ann! It explains everything about you eloquently. I say congrats on moving forward toward your goals.:)

[I Am Paula]

Here's my coming out letter. It's a little less employment specific than your very well written letter. Perhaps we should start a thread of coming out letters.
I'm so glad for you.

Dearest ------,
Fifty five years ago I was born, by appearances, a healthy male child. By the time I was an adolescent, I realized that life was playing a very cruel joke on me. I was born with gender dysphoria, or, transexual. To use the cliche, which still fits to a degree, born in the wrong body. This is not a psychiatric, or medical condition. More of a birth defect, that can be corrected, but not cured. About 1 in 27,000 natal males are in this boat. Transexualism does not automatically imply gay. Transexuals can be of any sexuality, just like those content with thier gender.

You have always known me as a guy. I assure you, this was just an act, perfected by years of rehearsal. Underneith, lives a terrified, lonely, and confused woman. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to live a happy and fullfilled life is to align body and mind. After doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists all agreed, I have started hormone replacement therapy, were the testosterone based male chemistry is changed to an estrogen based lifeform. This will cause some physical feminization, but more importantly, help with mental conficts as my body and mind meld into one single feminine being. This is a long tedious process, with major changes taking a couple of years. I have openly lived as a woman for quite awhile now, only presenting as a guy when society dictates, so you may run into me in social, or business situations presenting as female. I'm still Paul, the one we know and love, but my body, and presentation are different, and -----'s mind is finally properly set.

I have no idea how far my transition will go. Letting the chips fall where they may, I could someday have surgery to fully replicate a natal woman, or I may stop when the level of anxiety lessens. I realized my entire life has been a well orchestrated lie, so I'm letting some things just flow, and I'll see where it goes.

---- and I are staying together. She has come a long way in accepting me. She has seen me looking like a woman since we got married, but it's a different kettle of fish when I announced that this is not just a hobby or weird fetish, but a manifestation of who I truly am. It is shallow solace to think she has lived 17 years under a veil of falsehood, while I have had to endure 55.

'Coming out', be it as gay, transgender, or admitting you like Michael Buble, is a very difficult process. It has to be done in a certain order, with some discretion, and tact. Here I am dropping a bomb on you, then asking you be discreet. Go ahead, talk to your friends and loved ones, but if you can, say it as 'I have a friend who...' This is not a deep dark secret, and soon will be common knowledge, but in the meantime, among our mutual friends (the musical community) please let me be the one who reveals it.

This is alot to ask. If you feel disgusted, repulsed, have moral or religious objections, or if you feel you could never accept me like this, I understand. Just delete this Email, and if we see each other in social situations, just ignore me. Some people will. If you feel that this is part of the progression of life, and stay my friend, thank you very much, I will always cherish our relationship.

[robindee36]

Congratulations Ann on this big step. I am so happy for you. As one Professional Engineer to another.....go girl.

Hugs, Robin

[Rianna Humble]

'Coming out', be it as gay, transgender, or admitting you like Michael Buble, is a very difficult process.

Especially the last one! You mean that there are actually people who are not ashamed of it? :eek:

[Angela Campbell]

Hi Ellen! IMHO we transfolk across our transgender spectrum, cross-dressers, trans men and women, genderqueer, two-spirit, all of us, honor ourselves and each other when we comport ourselves with dignity and self-respect, particularly in the face of those who would attempt to humiliate us, shove us back in the closet, or much, much worse.

I know that I have been so fortunate as to find myself in a place in the world, and a social and political culture that nurtures and protects me, and those facts make my public transition so much easier than for other women. And that the TS that went ahead before me had to muster so much more courage than I must find to live my public life.

Personally, the only way that I found the degree of strength that I have is through loving and compassionate association with others of our tribe, in real life, face to face. I hope there's a local trans community nearby for you. Hopefully there's other Florida transwomen that can be there for you to charge your emotional batteries from time to time. If I can help, albeit from the other end of the states, I'd be pleased to - p/m me anytime.

All the best, Ann

Yes there is a large and very nice trans community here. Florida is a great place to be this way. I am glad I am here. I know around a hundred TG ladies and at least 10 or more TS girls. Some are my best friends and others are role models, and some are well......pretty! (ok I am attracted to girls)

About my post earlier please understand it is largely tongue and cheek, but not completely. I am not good with words so I tend to be direct sometimes. I find that most I have attempted to explain this to really do not believe it is real and kind of take it as someone going off the deep end. It doesn't hurt my feelings so much as it frustrates me. But when I do come out at work it will be with the help of my HR director who has pledged to support me 100% and I will lean on her a lot to find the right way to go about it. I would be lost trying to come up with such an eloquent letter such as the one you have.

Then again my hormones kind of make me crazy some days.

[I Am Paula]

Especially the last one! You mean that there are actually people who are not ashamed of it? :eek:

I said I was changing sex. My Mom said she would love me unconditionally. I said I was gay. My Dad hugged me and said it was alright. I told my friends I like Michael Buble, and they all abandoned me, I got thrown out of the house, and six people un-friended me on facebook. Some things are best left unsaid.

[Angela Campbell]

Wow and I used to be afraid to admit I love the Monkees..............

[Stephanie-L]

Hey now, I love the Monkees, and I like Michael Buble. I even like Tiffany, so there.......................Stephanie

[Kimberly Kael]

Congratulations, Ann! I'm pleased but not terribly surprised to hear that your coworkers have voiced their support. Seattle is a wonderful place to transition and a great place to live. Enjoy your newfound freedom to be you!

[Barbara Ella]

OMG, I am almost afraid to speak, knowing I like the Monkees, and have a great appreciation for Micheal Buble.........

Ann, I know you have always handled yourself in a professional manner befitting the P.E. profession, and given this I have little doubt but you will continue to be treated in the same manner. Such a wonderful letter from a wonderful woman. So proud to have girls like you, and the others here, leading the way.

Barbara

[vikki2020]

So happy for you, Ann! Seems like you handled things in a very professional manner, and that it worked!! Thanks for lighting the path a little brighter,:)

[StephanieC]

Wow....HUGE step! Congratulations!

-stephani

[Ann Louise]

Thank you so much for your well wishes ladies. You're making me cry all over again! LOL

BTW, have any of you ever watched the show "Red Green?" Every show he reminds us:

Remember, We're All In This Together!

Eh?

Ann x0*-*0x

[traci_k]

Ann, Let me add one more Congratulations and may I say from your profile pic, you look sooooooo happy. I too and so happy and proud of you. Wishing you all the best!

Hugs,

[Raychel]

That is awesome Ann, I am so happy for you.
love your letter, Very well written