So, I'm thinking about work and....

[Jenny CD]

well coming out to the boss. I got an idea. Let me know if it's stupid.

I was at a Goodwill and noticed some cute pants. Well, I as Jenny don't wear pants. But, I decided to try them on and they fit perfectly. The thing is, they are obviously women's pants. So, would any of ya'll wear them to work knowing that the boss will most likely recognize them as womens.... Thus opening up the conversation to my real self?

Perplexed.

[Rachelakld]

"Not I" said the big bad wolf
I doubt that the company profits would increase any if their customers found out, in fact their profits will probably drop significantly

[Beverley Sims]

Change may be inevitable if you wish to come out to your boss.
Do you like your job?
I say forget it and come out elsewhere.

[BaliGirl]

Unless you know that your boss is the accepting type, coming out to him is a big risk, and the benefits of coming out to him are probably small.

[Rabecca]

No way, open up to people away from work.
Keep your mind on the job, you may think to much about girly things.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenny, Be careful what you wish for.

[Jenniferathome]

Yeah, it's stupid.

Why do you feel you have to come out as a cross dresser? That's mind boggling to me. Even so, if you do feel you have to come out, sit down and tell him. Hinting is a really, really bad way to do it.

[MysticLady]

Hi Jenny, why do you feel the need to tell your boss about this? If you feel you need too, just tell him, don't beat around the bush. Be careful though, You won't be able too take it back. Make damn sure he's not a homophobic or some weird alpha male Hulk wannabe.

[Kathi Lake]

Isn't it funny how we all assume the boss is a male? Sigh. You can take the gender bias out of the boy, but . . .

:)

Kathi

[Stephanie47]

If you're a recreational cross dresser keep your private life private. Other than opening up a discourse as to what your inner self is all about, what will outing yourself achieve. You indicated Jenny does not wear pants. Wearing a cute summer dress and heels would really open up a conversation of your inner self. Leave the fem attire at home!

[Princess Grandpa]

Yeah, it's stupid.

Why do you feel you have to come out as a cross dresser? Even so, if you do feel you have to come out, sit down and tell him. Hinting is a really, really bad way to do it.

I would be interested to hear that answer. Personally as a cross dresser the fewer that know my secret the happier I am. I can certainly appreciate the difference for a transsexual who really needs to live as a woman. Is he a friend outside of work? Do you want to attend venue's he might be at? Are you considering going full time?

I also have to agree on "Hinting is a really, really bad way to do it. There is no substitute for open and honest communication

Hug
Rita

P.S.
Kathi Lake said "Isn't it funny how we all assume the boss is a male? Sigh. You can take the gender bias out of the boy, but . . . "

/blush you are so right!

[Andinera]

Wearing womens jeans may spark a conversation but unless you carry the point all the way, the boss probably wont assume youre a full blown crossdresser. Many straight, non-CDing guys wear womens jeans because it fits better or what have you. Okay, maybe not many. But the point is, jeans alone wont bring them to that assumption. Of course, the type of profession and type of boss does play a role in their assumptions.

[Tracii G]

I was required to wear a uniform at work but a lot of the guys would wear jeans if they worked the night shift.
Did wear jeans every now and then and they were womens jeans just didn't have all the bling on them.I never caught flak over it.
I don't think a nondescript pair of pants will get you in trouble.
If they are capris or super tight then maybe they will.
My question is why do you have to come out to your boss?

[MysticLady]

Isn't it funny how we all assume the boss is a male?



P.S.
Kathi Lake said "Isn't it funny how we all assume the boss is a male? Sigh. You can take the gender bias out of the boy, but . . . "

/blush you are so right!

Well, I assume this since, jenny is asking us for opinions on how to handle this. Regarding a woman boss, I would have no issues letting her know if I felt the need too do so. But, I guess, there are the she-hulk types alpha females. Alpha's just amaze me sometimes and just too put them in their place would be the reason I would do it. But, that's just me, I'm weird that way. A humble and sensitive male or female would affect me the other way. I would have no issues becoming their servant probably because I feel that they will not abuse that power.

[Princess Grandpa]

I don't think I would feel any different talking to a woman boss than a man. I don't believe for a moment that its more likely a woman would accept this than a man.

Hug
Rita

[kimdl93]

also a no. Instead of trying to elicit a response, first, do some research, find out what your company's policies are on gender matters and then, when and if you know your rights, work through HR to come out in an orderly manner.

If its a small firm without such structures, I'd talk with your boss and let him know your feelings. It may or may not be a short conversation.

[Kathi Lake]

Well, maybe I was the one being stereotypical, because I assumed that a male boss wouldn't know men's pants from women's pants. When Jenny said her boss would recognize them as women's pants, the first thing I thought of was "Well, then her boss is obviously female, since a male doesn't notice squat." So put me down for a bit of gender bias as well.

:)

Kathi

[Dianne S]

I would not recommend coming out at work.

I'm in a slightly different situation; I work at a small business and I am the boss. I see nothing to gain by coming out to my employees and everything to lose. My cross-dressing is simply not relevant to them.

If one of my employees told me he/she was TV/Gay/TS or whatever, I wouldn't care one way or the other, but I would wonder why I was told. I don't really care what my employees do on their own time as long as their work performance is good, and I don't particularly even want to know what they do outside of work.

The only reason I can see for an employee telling me something private like this would be if he/she wanted counselling to resolve psychological issues; such counselling is covered by my company's health plan. I would treat the information as confidential medical information, no different from any other request for medical coverage.

[MarcellaMcNul]

I will defer to Smokey The Bear who advises; "Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires!"

[wilt575]

You don't say what type of work it is, or how much public contact you have. This might effect how it would effect the company.

[Sallee]

Why? Are you going to transition? I wouldn't unless it really matters. I don't see why it would

[Princess Grandpa]

Well, maybe I was the one being stereotypical, because I assumed that a male boss wouldn't know men's pants from women's pants. When Jenny said her boss would recognize them as women's pants, the first thing I thought of was "Well, then her boss is obviously female, since a male doesn't notice squat." So put me down for a bit of gender bias as well.

:)

Kathi

I hadn't really considered that aspect. I would hazard to say most men wouldn't notice the ladies pants on a lady but put them on a guy and suddenly they stand out.

And I, still ashamed I just assumed male.

I do hope you answer some of the questions and advise us on how you proceed Jenny

Hug
Rita

[arbon]

I think it would be great if there were more open CD's in the work place.

you should do it. :)

[Sara Jessica]

I think it would be great if there were more open CD's in the work place.

you should do it. :)

Great, throw gas on the fire and watch for the fallout!!! ;)

[Jenny CD]

I think I'll wait a while. I'm doing real good at work. It's in the hotel industry and I deal a lot with the public. And yes, transitioning is on the top and back of my mind, just not there, yet (in a complete decision). I'm still in therapy working things out in my head.

Thanks ladies. I appreciate your input!

[Princess Grandpa]

Ahh this makes sense then. I would check on the laws in your state. Then, assuming your protected by law, I would contact your H.R. dept. one doesn't want to go off half cocked as it were.

I wish you all the best on your journey. May it be all fair ends and following seas. When the storms do come I hope you have the supports in place to weather them.

Hug
Rita

[Jodie_Lynn]

"Luke, I've got a bad feeling about this"
:sad:

[Deedee Skyblue]

My uneducated guess is that if you meet your company's dress code, your boss won't say anything. Unless your attire causes issues at work, like, everybody standing at the water cooler talking about your clothes rather than working.

Deedee

[arbon]

Great, throw gas on the fire and watch for the fallout!!! ;)

She can always get another job after she looses this one.

[Kathi Lake]

Great, throw gas on the fire and watch for the fallout!!! ;)I think what Sara and all of us are saying is this:

We get it. We want people to know our "little secret" because we want acceptance. We want to share our fun with the world. The problem? Many in the world just aren't ready. Many in the world run the gamut from "couldn't care less" to "grab the pitchforks and torches!" Do you really want to take the risk that your boss is one of the Pitchfork Brigade?

What if he or she doesn't keep it between you? What if he or she is so disgusted that they find a reason to fire you? Think. And then think again.

Kathi

[Jenniferathome]

I think it would be great if there were more open CD's in the work place.

you should do it. :)

Outings are always good for the cause but rarely for the individual. As a practical matter, I would not want anyone representing my business that made my customers uncomfortable. Now, before I get ripped with a "What if black people or women or Irish made your customers uncomfortable," attack. It's clearly different with a cross dresser. Someone in transition is another case. Customers can "understand" that. They may not like it, but they can process it. The "normals" can't process cross dressing on a wide scale.

[MissTee]

What Jennifer said AND: I work for a very "accepting" company. We very recently had an employee announce he was transitioning. No problem. He will present full time female from now on. The company supports that. If, however, an employee said they want to kind of, sort of, maybe gender shift on occasion . . . . well, the rules are't so accommodating. It's far too disruptive to the other employees. Maybe one future day acceptance won't be so limited.

[Sabrina133]

I certainly agree with Jenniferathome - why the overwhelming desire to out yourself to your boss? I cant possibly see the benefit of it and the potential negatives are way too serious want to risk.

[Jilmac]

I think it depends on the cut and style of the pants, whether they're recognizable. I wear khaki pants and chambray shirt for my job (sort of an unofficial uniform). The shirts are provided by my boss, I buy the pants at a local thrift store. I wear a size 31/29 which can be difficult to find in a men's size (small waist and stubby legs). I have found khaki pants in the womens section of the store that are a perfect fit. The only difference I've seen is a shorter zipper on the front fly and as long as I wear my male belt, boss and co-workers haven't noticed.

My advice is to give it a try and see if there's any negative feedback. If the pants you're referring to are noticably feminine, there may be some double takes but you'll never know until you try.

[Rhonda Darling]

Jenny:

If you're with a rank and file hotel company, or especially if its a smaller or family owned chain or business - be very careful. However, if a larger, quality chain, they will likely have progressive personnel policies - policies that are supportive of, and mesh well with, their customer satisfaction policies.

The Marriott Corporation simply amazed me with their corporate diversity policy and the accessibility of their management to customers with concerns. My first time ever (I'm 62) traveling en femme was earlier this year. I was going to Florida for business, traveling from home, thru airport and TSA to Fla, then rental car to hotel and Hotel checkin - all dressed up. Marriott's web site has a huge section on diversity, ad all that they do for the LGBT community. I wrote them in advance asking if all that was real and could I count on being received as a woman if I presented as one. I didn't tell them in advance where I'd be staying. I got a great note back assuring me that they stress gender diversity in all areas of their enterprise and assured me that all would be well. They were right, and I told them so after the trip was over. I got a nice handwritten note back from BILL MARRIOTT, thanking me for staying with them and for taking the time to express my concerns and trepidation - again assuring me that they truly and seriously care about our community.

I write all that to assure you that there are enlightened employers out there in your chosen field, and to suggest that when you transition, you will likely be able to find good work in a workplace that respects you for who you are.

All he best,
Rhonda

[Leah Lynn]

Jenny, I didn't see anything in this thread about you being on HRT, which I've noticed elsewhere. As your breasts continue to grow and other body parts change, the talk with the boss will be inevitable. That's assuming you intend to continue on this path. Perhaps waiting until more development takes place, then you could consider transitioninng at work. Whatever you do, I'm on your side. Hugs,

Leah

[Starr]

I have been wearing womens jeans to work for a long time now.. no one has said any thing.. well not to me.. of course most see me as fem anyway I think due to the long hair and nails.. with clear polish.. and the thinned arched eyebrows.. but other the that no one would think anything... well the shaved legs and arms might make some people think..but besides that ....lol

[Leah Lynn]

Starr, other than the uniform I have to wear (Wouldn't want to ruin my own clothes, anyway!), you've described me! The guys are always joking around, but I take it good naturedly. Anything to keep them guessing!

Leah

[Raychel]

There are people that will need to know and people that do not need to know.
My boss is one of those people that does not need to know.

He has voiced his opinions in the past of Transgendered people and I will not go there with him.
I have given him my opinion without outing myself, and I will leave it at that.
I will not have any of these types of discussions with him.

This and politics are off limits at work.
for me anyways.

[Amy Hepker]

I did just that, well tried. I worked at Cintas Document Management and had a Customer Service award a few months before I told them I was going to transition and work. I started out by telling the HR person and she said No Problem, so I told my Boss and gave him a two week notice. I worked for the company 2 years and 2 months to the day they fired me. It was two days before I was going to start dressing at work (dressing meaning Underwear, wig and makeup, we had to wear uniforms) that I was fired. They said I had a customer complain that I was rude. I was not rude only stating company policy. I was in 7th heaven, I was not rude I was finally going to be able to be myself at work and home, I was very happy and treated everyone with a big smile and greetings. Being rude to a customer usually would have been just a talking to, but they went to extreme measures, even when I tried to explained that I was just stating company policy.

Then my Lady of over 1 1/2 years left me as she said she wanted a "Man" not a woman.

It is alright to be a female and dress like a male, it is alright to be Gay or Lesbian, but for a Male wearing female clothes, the world come to a complete stop, the world is ignorant as Hell!!! Oh, but if you look good enough to pass and no one can tell, then that is OK. I had a friend crossdresser, she now has nothing to do with me and is living a wonderful life as a female. She can dress as a female and no one will ever know she is male unless she tells them. Even her voice is female, yes, she is on here that is how I met her. I believe the main reason she wants nothing to do with me is I stick out like a sore thumb, everyone knows I am a male dressing as a female, and it's not because I don't dress good, as I dress better than many females.

[Cheryl T]

That's not a possibility for me as uniforms are the required dress code. That being said, my closet is 90% women's pants, slacks and jeans with an odd pair here and there for "male" occasions such as yardwork, part of a suit and such. I'm not looking for anyone to notice and begin a dialogue on my choice, it's simply what I prefer to wear.

[Jenny CD]

Well, now I had no choice. A co-worker outed me. I had the conversation with my boss and admitted everything. He said he hired a male, not a female. So, if I wanted to start coming to work as Jenny... I'd have to find another place of employment. The co-worker that outted me, I thought was my friend. He's bi and he says he's been thinking of dressing too. I even let him borrow some clothes. We've gone to gay bars together. I never told anybody about him. Why did he think it necessary to tell the boss? Oh, well... I know who NOT to trust.

[Tina B.]

And Jenny, now you know how your boss is going to react, I guess as you get closer to transition you are going to have to find another job. Start looking early, sounds like Marriott's might be a good spot for someone in you industry.
Good luck going forward.

[Kathi Lake]

Oh, well... I know who NOT to trust.Yes - everyone.

Sorry, but something this "juicy" is just too good to keep to yourself. So again, although it might seem like a good idea, as you can see, it may not be.

Kathi

[Jenny CD]

Yeah, I want to go full time at some point in the mid-future. Paul thinks I should now. Settle down, fella! Think I'll start looking for work that is possibly more accepting. Besides, I work so many hours... for little pay.

[Lorileah]

talk to your boss. Trying to be subtle isn't going to work. Is it important to you to reveal his? As state if you are a crossdresser with no plans to transition then don't even play with the notion. What you do on your time is your thing what you do at work is theirs. But if you think it is necessary to come out, tell your boss do not "surprise" them