The Addiction Of Self Admiration

[MysticLady]

As far as the title, sorry. I swear I proof read this and it still came out flugged up. I think the website need some work saving stuff as written:heehee:



And Men will become Lovers of Self..........Good shall be seen as evil and evil shall seen as Good.



Hello All

As many of you may be familiar w/ my Drama, a lot of you may not be. I am a man that is experiencing life and sometime jot down my "episodes" in the hopes that others may take something from them and utilize them in a way that hopefully improves or brings them a little a little "peace of mind". I believe I may have reached a pinnacle or maybe a crossroads that has made me pause and think about "my" life. In my struggles w/ the total rejection of this CDing from my wife, I'm starting to wonder and maybe realize that she in fact does "really" Love me by putting her foot down. She most adamantly tells me she does not and will never accept this of me. In my whining about it too you all(sorry:heehee:) I was not seeing the truth and really of it all.

What it boils down too is......My self admiration or My Family.

I've realized that self admiration is and can become very additive even too a point of sacrificing what is really important just any other addition. Some say, that I am gorgeous, beautiful, passable and so forth. Are these comments feeding my fire of self admiration? What about the ones that "feel" that they are not beautiful? Am I just another someone that they aspire too look like just like the tabloids at the supermarket check out isles? I feel awful for making someone feel that way about themselves. I suspect this this a problem with both GM's and GG's. Is when someone feels that they are just not beautiful enough for themselves or society that they reach the point of disparity to where the only way out is suicide in order not to feel the pain and hurt that comes from it? I am beautiful, not because of the clothing I donne but, because God and my wife have told me so. That's all I need to be comfortable and happy about myself.

I believe this Pinnacle that I'm at and the pause is like looking, at "my" choices and they all look downhill from here regarding this phenomenon. I look back and see the house on the cliff that I have left behind and I think it's time too turn back and start the uphill climb back home. I don't think I am talking about a Purge but a change of Heart. The so called "purge" will be the struggle of climbing back home and I'm very sure that I'll pause and look back and wonder if I should just take the easy road and start back downhill again. It will be difficult but, my reward awaits me back Home.

This is an experience that I'll just add to my "belt" of life. This will be a gradual climb w/ flat spots along the way which may be the looking in the mirror and just seeing the exterior but it doesn't show me my interior. My interior is only seen by a very few which is God and my family. Eventually, I will reach my destination and will use this as an experience that I will always remember. I also realize that once back, The gate to my once home will be locked, forever. I will see this as a consequence of my decision. But, the only Hope I have is My Trust in God. Unfortunately, I will eventually leave this Forum as part of this experience and the people I have met here and friends that I have made will sadden me since I will lose contact with eventually. I most truly appreciate all of you, even the ones that disagree w/ me:heehee: and give me a hard time. You all have been instrumental in me realizing this and have helped me see this in a new light. As I start my journey back, I can't tell you how long it'll take me and I will continue to visit and share life w/ you.

Another thing that I am realizing is that, this art of making oneself beautiful with aides of cosmetics and/or clothing, does belong to the GG's for some reason or another. I can't explain it. I realized that outdoing a GG in beauty is really very easy for me, not that I'm being conceited but, that I see the effort and troublesome time it takes too make themselves beautiful and that I don't want too waste my time doing that, everyday. Yet, a woman does it like clockwork and sees it as a necessity. So, that may be one of the reasons I feel that it belongs too them.

So..................These are thoughts as of now and I thought I would share them w/ you. I'm not one for long posts and rants and I apologize if you fell asleep part way:heehee:. I'm sure more thoughts will come thoughout the day and I will just add on too make this post even longer:doh:.

I truly appreciate of all you, as you have helped me "see" this as just "another experience" in life, while on this Rock.

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Victoria, What Timothy wrote about has really been the condition of humankind almost since the beginning. For myself, I no longer have anything to prove to myself or anyone else really. I am who I am and it is what it is really. I lost my wife over this but religion was involved too but I won't go there. By basically living en femme 24/7 for a time I ended up addressing all of my feelings, accepting them and making them my own. As a result I am not ashamed or afraid of any of my feelings and have taken ownership of them. As a result my dressing has become a total choice and is no longer a compulsion that leads me. Basically this has made me empathic and more in touch with the feelings of others and this in turn has made me a positive energy person and more spiritual. I don't regret anything that has happened as it has helped me to grow as a person and that lets me move positively forward. Just suffice it to say, you will always be a friend of mine regardless of what you decide to do. I know many of my friends here have left, especially some TS friends who more or less want to integrate into society as their new selves. That doesn't mean I think of them any less. Good friendships last a good long time.:)

[Kelly DeWinter]

Mystic ;

I admire the self examination you have been going through. While family, faith and self awareness are very important, I truly understand wanting to harmonize the three. Do not be surprised in your journey uphill again, that you find that you have plaed a stopper in a boiling kettle. Self expression has been seen as a relief valve for that pressure for many here. As far as the "art of making oneself beautiful with aides of cosmetics and/or clothing, does belong to the GG's for some reason or another",anything can me masted with practice .

Just remember you are amoung friends her and when you heck in from time to time , we will be here for you.

Kelly

[Beverley Sims]

There is nothing wrong about thinking of yourself as absolutely wonderful as long as you include others in the fold somewhere. :)

[MysticLady]

Hi All

I'm Back, That didn't take long:heehee:, Anyway, regarding my long whiny post, I think it's the Girl in me:heehee:(no offense GG's). It's just so hard sometimes w/ a family involved in my life. I love my family and I am still climbing back towards them but I'll do about faces, a lot, that's for sure. Maybe, this is the Limbo a lot of us find ourselves in, at times. Plus, I just couldn't stay away from you silly bunch. We are so "girls":D. I just like too think a lot, hence my new profile pic. Tell you what, if I decide too ever leave, I just won't say anything:heehee:. Well, let's get silly, what do you say? Oh, as far as my thinking posts, just pay them no mind if they bother you:heehee:

Oh, and thank you so much for one's that posted to this "thinking about purging feeling", I guess I'm very good at confusing the crap out of people, no wonder my wife is how she is :heehee:

[TeresaCD]

Victoria, always appreciate your deep thought, and relate to your struggles with spouse and this part of you.
Though mine accepts this development in my life (at the moment), I am acutely aware that things can change, and dread the thought that one day I may face a choice like yours.
Family is, I gather, central to you.
And that is how you measure things, from that centre.
Thoughts often with you, girl :)

[Jenniferathome]

.... I realized that outdoing a GG in beauty is really very easy for me, not that I'm being conceited but,...

You just defined conceit with that statement. By the way, do you really think you can outdo a natural woman? You can't because no man can.

[ReineD]

Some say, that I am gorgeous, beautiful, passable and so forth. Are these comments feeding my fire of self admiration? What about the ones that "feel" that they are not beautiful? Am I just another someone that they aspire to look like just like the tabloids at the supermarket check out isles? I feel awful for making someone feel that way about themselves.

Do you really mean this, or are you trying to get a rise out of some people? :stirthepot:

So I'll be nice and my comment to this is: :shutup: (I can't find a smilie where the mouth is zipped up, lol)

BTW, beauty shines through from the inside.


Edit - I just saw the other highlighted quote and I must say, Mystic, that all I can do is shake my head. Seriously?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Victoria , It's like I've said before Crossdressing is like the Mafia you just can't quit.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe your post is tongue in cheek, Mystic. However, it struck me hard!

When I began dressing all I saw was a hideous man in dress in my mirror. But, that got old real quick! Since then, I've been doing everything possible to copy the "Tableau hotties" looks. It's a LOT of work but just ONE glance in my mirror or at a pic of Sherry and it's worth every hour/day/week I spend preparing!

[MysticLady]

Wow, I thought this thread was dead. It's your faults for bringing it back :p



I am acutely aware that things can change, and dread the thought that one day I may face a choice like yours.
Family is, I gather, central to you.
:)

Sweetie, I pray that you'll never face what I am facing at this moment. Yes, Family is central too me. It will always be.


You just defined conceit with that statement. By the way, do you really think you can outdo a natural woman? You can't because no man can.

Explain too me the difference between Conceit and Confidence, if you don't mind. BTW. I can.



Edit - I just saw the other highlighted quote and I must say, Mystic, that all I can do is shake my head. Seriously?

Don't I just tick you off?:D Your type of woman is my favorite.:D I remember grabbing them by the neck and kissing them. You can reply to this w/ the yuk smilie.:heehee:

[ReineD]

Don't I just tick you off?

It's confirmed then ... you're saying stuff in this forum to annoy people. I don't get ticked off since I am not emotionally invested in the CDing ... I don't crossdress. But, if I were a CDer doing my best to look my feminine best, I would be annoyed at your suggestion that I don't look as good as you and that you are so sorry for making me feel that way. It's the height of arrogance. And the comment is even worse if you are doing it to troll.

[MysticLady]

It's confirmed then ... you're saying stuff in this forum to annoy people. I don't get ticked off since I am not emotionally invested in the CDing ... I don't crossdress. But, if I were a CDer doing my best to look my feminine best, I would be annoyed at your suggestion that I don't look as good as you and that you are so sorry for making me feel that way. It's the height of arrogance. And the comment is even worse if you are doing it to troll.

Reine, It may seem that way too you, but I don't do it to troll or whatever you may call it, I share w/ you all, my actual feelings. Why does that disturb you?

BTW. turn off the cloak device. I would appreciate knowing when your on.:)

[Jenniferathome]

Explain too me the difference between Conceit and Confidence, if you don't mind. BTW. I can.:

Well, it is obvious you do not know the difference so I am glad you asked:

1) conceit: an excessively favorable opinion of one's own ability, importance, wit, etc

2) confidence: belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing

1) = you

[MysticLady]

Well, it is obvious you do not know the difference so I am glad you asked:

1) conceit: an excessively favorable opinion of one's own ability, importance, wit, etc

2) confidence: belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person(MYSELF) or thing


Thanks Jennifer for answering my question:hugs: